Chapter 8. The Beast.
For the first time in quite a while, his dreams happened to be peaceful, more peaceful actually than his reality. He dreamt about his beloved ship, him on the rudder as the salty wind blew against his face. He could hear the loud sounds and curses of his crew working behind him; and right in front of him, was the bluest of seas. He took a deep breath, taking all of his surroundings in- oh, how had he missed the sea. He felt a hand softly placed on his left arm.
"This place feels surreal." He turned to stare into green eyes, which stared back at him with joy. "May I...?"
He takes a step back, letting her take his place, and her hands were placed on the rudder firmly. "So... Where should I take us now, captain?" Emma asks, and he laughs in response.
He leans in, so close he was able to easily wrap his good arm around her waist, lips only inches from her right ear. "Turn slightly left, love." He spoke into her ear, and saw her do as she was told, "Good job, Swan. You'll be a fine sailor."
He felt her figure shake slightly as she laughed, and he wished he could stay there forever.
However, that was not the case.
Killian woke up with a start, a slightly painful sensation on his left side. As he opened his eyes, he felt completely disoriented, and he had to blink a couple of times for them to focus. Emma was there, right in front of him- hair messy and clothes more soiled than they ever were before, the lines on her forehead deeply marked, showing she was upset about something. Light filtered through the trees, and he felt his back pressed against a trunk. How had he gotten there?
"Swan, what the bloody hell is going on?" He inquired with confusion, making a grimace of pain as he tried to get up. The movement had provoked a sharp pain at his left side, and it wasn't too hard for Emma to sit him back down. Her hand pressed gently against his chest, softly pushing him, and as he felt the warmth of her palm against his skin, he noticed that nothing was covering his torso. He saw his jacket and shirt next to him, lying on the grass.
"I'm trying to clean up your wounds," Emma replied, offering him a smile as if trying to show him that everything was alright. However, he could read her well, and he saw sadness filling her smile. Killian noticed she was holding a damp piece of fabric on her hand, white except for a small bloodstain. He lowered his gaze to his torso, where he found little marks- not too deep cuts on his chest, eight to be exact, and he guessed those were the marks the beast had left him as its claws dug into his skin. And then, at his left side, where the pain that had awoken him came from, were four long cuts, deeper and bigger than the others. The skin there was swollen, and stained with dried up blood.
"What happened?" He continued to question her. He didn't remember much; he could recall having the beast right on top of him and then... darkness. He felt his memories of the previous night were more like distant dreams, just about to fall into oblivion. Did the beast run off? Had Emma been there? Had she been the one who saved him from it? He had so many questions, so many things that didn't make sense at all to him. "The beast, where did it go? Did it hurt you? Swan, where the hell were-"
As he spoke, Killian began to try and get himself up, just to have Emma once more push him, and he plopped down back against the tree.
"Stay calmed, Killian." She spoke to him softly. "If you keep on trying to move, I'll have to knock you unconscious, and I really don't want to. You've had enough blows for one day."
She laughed softly, and he didn't fail to notice there was something different about her laugh. He looked up and in fact, there they were, sad and slightly bloodshot eyes. Had she been crying?
He tried to analyze her face, feeling as if he was missing something, something important. What had really happened the previous night? Why had she been crying? He had to admit, though, even as they were red and puffy, Emma's green eyes seemed beautiful to him.
Green eyes.
He felt his mouth dropping, as he remembered the beast's eyes staring into him and everything seemed to dawn on him- every mystery surrounding the woman seemed to make more sense now. How had he been so blind all this time?
The fact that she always seemed to be tired, as if she hadn't slept at all during the nights; her continuous disappearances during the early mornings, her guilt at the people who had died facing the beast, the devoured deer... Even the horse, had it ran off because it had sensed Emma as a dangerous creature? The clues had been there all along, right in front of his nose.
"It... It was you!" Killian exclaimed, eyes wide open. Emma seemed taken aback.
"What?" She asked, baffled expression and slight fear in her voice.
"You've been lying to me all this time! You're the beast, aren't you?" He accused her, and she didn't need to confirm that he was right. He could read her so well, her terrified and ashamed look told him everything. "Why didn't you tell me?"
Emma's brow furrowed, seeming disgusted for a moment. "I tried to, of course! But what was I supposed to tell you?!" She exclaimed, "'Thanks for saving me, Hook; oh, by the way, don't freak out but I might one night end up killing you by turning into a seven feet tall beast at midnight.' Honestly, that's not an easy thing to admit."
"Well, I would've preferred actually knowing something like this could happen, instead of having a beast attacking me out of nowhere," Killian told him, and Emma remained quiet at his words, looking down with shame.
The look on her face, like she was beating herself up for it, made him wonder if he had been too harsh on her.
"Anyway, you've been quite good at lying to my face." He murmured, feeling his trust slightly hurt, however asking himself if perhaps it had been his mistake. Maybe what he had been feeling had blocked his judgement, made him overlook the fact that something had never been right with the princess. "You did such a good job in hiding this from me all this time. What failed last night?"
Emma was still looking down, as if too afraid or embarrassed to watch his face. She took a deep breath.
"I fell asleep. I hadn't slept in too long, I was so tired and... When I woke up, it was too late. I tried to get as far away from you as I could, but it wasn't enough... I failed." She spoke slowly, and he could hear the pain in her voice. "I am so sorry. I never meant to hurt you."
Killian watched her carefully, not quite knowing how to feel. Angry? Perhaps she had lied to him, but he couldn't get mad at her- not like this, with her looking as if she could break down at any moment because of what had happened the previous night. Should he feel sad for her? Feel pity at her fate? He wasn't sure, he was too confused to know how to feel. There was too much new information to process, and there were still too many things left to understand.
He remembered something. She had managed to just hurt him, she hadn't killed him. Never, not once, had someone survived facing the beast. What had been different about him?
"How come you didn't kill me, anyway?" He inquired, seeing her wince slightly at the word 'kill'.
As she looked up to him, he saw in her eyes that she didn't know the answer to the question. She was as clueless as he was.
"I don't know," Emma whispered, voice slightly breaking, and he could see her lower lip quivering. However, she took a deep breath, gaining control of herself. "Look, I need to take care of your wounds. We'll talk about this later."
Later? He had so much to ask, so many questions that needed to be explained soon. But then, he could see that she had tried too hard to hide this from him, and that now that her secret was out, it was extremely difficult for her to speak of it openly. So he decided to nod in response. He would give her time, let her speak of it when she felt ready.
For the next few moments, she gently rubbed the blood off his skin, cleaning up his wounds- every now and then it would hurt slightly, but it was bearable. He had suffered way worse things, however he could guess the bigger cuts would leave him a mark. As she worked up on cleaning him, he decided to do nothing more than to scrutinize her face, appreciating the way her brow furrowed and she bit down on her lower lip as she quietly focused on her task. What was happening to him? The woman had just lied to him, attacked him; and there he was, staring at her beauty.
"You hurt yourself too." He noticed, seeing a couple of small cuts on her arms.
Emma followed his gaze, and then shrugged, "Oh, this. It's really nothing. I did that while I tried to run, it was too dark to see and I hit some branches." She didn't give it much importance, "Now, hush, I need to focus."
After a little while, she finally put down the cloth, which now was quite stained, with a sigh.
"Take the bottle of rum out of my jacket, love." He told her, and she stared at him with curiosity.
"Are you going to drink that right now?" She raised an eyebrow at him, and Killian chuckled.
"I could very much use a drink, after all that's happened," Killian said, as Emma grabbed his jacket, searching for the bottle inside. "But no, love, I'm not going to drink. It's for the wounds. It'll disinfect them."
Emma gave him a perplexed look, pulling the bottle out. "Should I just pour it on the cuts?"
"Aye, love." Killian nodded, and clenched his teeth at the burning sensation the rum caused as she poured it down on his wounds.
"I think that's the best I can do." She said as she finished, and it endeared him seeing worry on her face, like she feared it wouldn't be enough.
"Thanks, love." Killian said and, trying to get rid of the tense feeling around the blonde, he gave her his usual smirk. "Will I survive?"
It didn't work as well as he thought. Emma just stared at him, still biting down her lip with anxiety. He chuckled.
"Don't worry, Swan." He reassured her. "Worse things haven't killed me, this sure isn't going to as well. I'll be fine."
"Okay..." She muttered, grabbing his shirt. She helped him put it back on, then his jacket.
"Swan, I don't blame you." He told her after a while, knowing the girl was still beating herself up for what had happened. "And you shouldn't blame yourself either. The only one to blame here is-"
Emma got up to her feet before he could finish his sentence.
"Think you can walk, Hook?" She asked him. The Emma from the previous day, who laughed and talked with him as if they were long-time friends, was completely absent.
Killian sighed, slowly rising up.
"Swan, it's my legs that do the walking, not my chest. I'll be fine."
Emma had been affected by what had happened the previous night, that was for sure. It was clear in the way she walked, quick so she would remain in front of him and in silence, as if she tried to pretend she wasn't aware of his presence.
"Swan, are you okay?" Killian asked after quite a while of silent walking.
"I'm fine." She spoke, her tone stating otherwise.
"You can't fool me with that, lass. I know you." He fastened up his pace, catching up to be next to her. "And I told you not to blame yourself, so why are you still doing it?"
Emma stopped walking, turning to face him, green eyes furiously glaring at him. "I've killed hundreds of people during my time in that tower, and all of them were there just to try to help me. And now, I've hurt someone I care about. How do you think that makes me feel? Do you think it's easy to carry that burden?"
"Nothing has been your fault," Killian told her, not failing to notice her admitting she cared about him. "You're not to blame for the fact that the queen decided to ruin your life just to get back at your parents."
"You have no idea of what it's like, Hook." She told him, reassuming her walk.
Killian let out a sigh, quickly following her. "You should've told me, you know. I would've understood."
If there was something that made him feel slightly upset at her, that was it. He had opened himself to her, told her about his revenge, about Milah and the crocodile. And meanwhile, she had been lying to him all along, keeping a huge secret from him.
"I know." She said with a nod, "I just didn't want you to think of me as a monster."
"Well, you were wrong." Killian replied, "Because even after all that just happened, I still see you as nothing more than just plain, ol' Swan."
"Thank you." Killian's words seemed to make her more relaxed, and as she spoke she offered him a shy smile.
"I guess then the things you told me about your life in the tower were a little far from reality, huh?" He noted, wondering if he'd get the princess to speak of her curse.
"Right. Damsel in distress during the day, killer beast at midnight." She retorted bitterly.
"Well, your witch is a clever woman, that's for sure." He replied, thinking the irony of her curse. Every night there would be a door, a possibility to escape waiting for her, and the only thing that would hold her back would be herself.
Gazing at her, so beautiful in every possible way, he thought with a sigh that she had deserved better than that.
"And there's something I haven't told you yet..." She spoke, doubt in her voice.
"Go ahead, love." Killian reassuringly said.
"I lied to you, a few days ago. I do remember Regina's words, from when she took me to the tower." Emma confessed, "She told me that the tower would be my home, where I would live in solitude, away from everything I ever cherished. And when midnight struck, a door would appear, only to be opened by a human hand. A door I wouldn't ever be able to open, for I would turn into a beast at that exact hour. Said door would disappear the moment the first light of morning hit the tower, and that would be the time I would go back to being a human. And no one who ever tried to rescue me, no knight or prince, would be able to defeat that terrible side of me. She said, that within two decades, the exact moment I turned twenty-eight, her curse would reach its highest peak, and I would stop existing. All that would be left behind was the beast, unless before that time I got true love's kiss."
Killian froze at her words.
"You're not going to actually die, you're just going to..." He began to talk.
"Remain a beast forever." He heard the fear in Emma's tone.
Killian remembered she had told him she had less than a month left. She was running out of time, and no, they couldn't let something like that happen to her.
He gave her arm a caring squeeze.
"Don't worry, love." He comforted her, though he was slightly anxious as well at the thought of the short time she had left. Was the woman truly going to be saved? He thought of the prince. Would Emma just get to him, throw herself in his arms and share a kiss with him that would save her? He didn't know if his feelings were blocking his judgment once more, but he doubted it would be so.
"She's a cruel woman." She spoke with anger, "No one was actually supposed to rescue me, if it weren't for you I'd... I would have soon had to spend the rest of my days trapped there, as a beast."
"Aye, but magic always comes with a price, love." He told her, and then continued to speak, smirk on his face, "There'll always be something that doesn't go as planned, and it turns out that this time, the flaw in your witch's plan was, well, me."
The true meaning of his own words dawned on him a few moments later. The only thing that had gone wrong with the queen's plan had been him. Why? What were the chances that he would be the only one to notice the window? How come no one else had seen it before? For almost twenty years, no one had gotten to the princess. And then there he was, with her on his side on their way out of the woods. And then was the fact that he had also been the only one to survive Emma's beastly side. What did all of that mean?
Killian had always believed in fate; and until not too long ago he believed his fate was to be the pirate he'd been for the last hundred years; his father leaving, his brother Liam dying, and then finally his love Milah dying as well, all of that had led him to be the man he was now. But then, everything that had happened since he reached that tower seemed to be fate's way of telling him that perhaps he could do something good with his life. He could save Emma.
He'd spent the last hundred years alone, he had flirted and even slept with countless women during that time. But not one of them made him feel something. But then, Emma was different, she seemed to make him forget about all the things that were wrong with him like no other woman ever would. And perhaps he had been wrong before. Perhaps what he felt was more than just attraction.
It wouldn't hurt anyone to try, he thought to himself.
"Swan, wait." He grabbed her arm, stopping her. She looked at him with curiosity.
"You might think I'm a madman, but..." He took a deep breath as he began to talk, "I think that if I was the one who was able to save you from your tower, then I might be able to save you from this curse as well."
And with those words spoken, he pressed his lips against hers. He acted quick, before she could even understand what he was saying; his hand pressed on her hair, pulling her to him, and her lips were even softer than what he would've imagined.
That kiss, however, didn't last more than a couple of seconds, since she pushed him off her with all of her strength, making him feel a sharp pain on his side.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" She exclaimed with indignation, eyes wide open and taking a few steps back.
"I..." He spoke breathlessly, hand on his side as she had hit right where his wounds were. "I had wondered if that would work."
"Well, now you see it didn't, and still, that wasn't the proper way of doing something like that!" She retorted, clearly upset, "You're here because of your reward, so you should stick to just making sure that I get to my prince safely. It's my only chance, and we can't continue on wasting time when we know that as long as I don't get to him I'm still jeopardizing the lives of anyone around me. So you should forget about whatever was it that made you think you could save me, because you won't."
And with that, she turned around and began walking, leaving him behind, still too shocked to follow.
Their journey was filled with an incredibly awkward silence. She had reassumed walking too fast as if to leave him behind, while he wasn't making much effort in speaking to the princess. Emma's words had been a little hurtful, so he thought it'd be the best to just leave her alone for the rest of the day.
Even later that night, sitting way too apart from each other, he could still see her being upset, staring absent-mindedly at the fire. Killian sighed.
"Swan, I guess I owe you an apology..."
"Don't." She spoke, turning her face to watch him, "You don't have to apologize for anything. It was a mistake, and it won't happen again."
How could he ever have thought he could break Emma's curse? True love, the greatest and rarest magic of all; it was impossible for him to have that with her. He had been a fool, and Emma's rejection only proved it. With every second that passed, the idea seemed more stupid to him.
Emma then surprised him by nearing him, kneeling right next to him.
"How are your wounds?" She asked, and Killian shrugged.
"I feel as fine as ever, love." He gave her a reassuring smile, however, he saw in her eyes that Emma wouldn't believe that unless she saw some proof.
And indeed, he was right, because soon she reached up to take his jacket off, throwing it on the grass, and then she did the same with his shirt.
"Why are you this eager in undressing me, love?" He smirked, because a part of him knew that he was not going to give in. He loved challenges, and this, this was the greatest challenge he had ever faced.
Emma rolled her eyes, and after she had taken the shirt off, she stared at his torso, frowning as she examined the wounds.
"It doesn't look as bad as this morning, that's for sure." She murmured, and handed him his shirt back.
"You know, I've heard it's easier to share body heat without clothes." He casually spoke, "Want to try that out?"
"We're not sharing body heat tonight, so I'd suggest you put that shirt back on." Emma said, "Unless you want to be freezing all night long."
Killian sighed, putting his shirt back on. Emma, meanwhile, moved to a tree a little more far from him than what he would have liked.
"What are you going to do tonight?" He wondered, now that he knew what was going to happen later that night.
"I'll leave a couple of hours before midnight, as always," Emma responded. "Don't worry, what happened last night won't happen again."
Killian snorted. "Do you think I worry about me? I worry about you. Will you be fine?"
"Hook, you maybe didn't know it before, but I've been doing this since you got me out of the tower." Emma told him, "I'll be fine. Now go to sleep."
"Sure you don't want any company meanwhile?" He suggested, and she shook her head.
"Go to sleep." Emma insisted.
"Fine." Killian said with a sigh, "As you wish, love."
Emma found herself sitting against a tree. She struggled against sleep, which was starting to threaten to close down her eyelids. She had to go now.
She turned around to see Killian, sleeping not too far from her. It was still slightly earlier than the normal time she would silently escape from the pirate, but that night she wanted to be as far from Killian as she could. She wouldn't let herself make the same mistake she had last night. Emma still couldn't stop feeling guilty whenever she looked at him.
When Killian came to rescue her, she had imagined he would kiss her like the heroes from her tales, her curse would be broken and she wouldn't have to deal with having to explain the side of herself that appeared at midnight. However, he turned out to be different than what she had expected, and she just couldn't bear to tell him what she really was. As they got to know each other, and she began to trust him more, she thought it would be the best to tell him the truth. She had tried to, a couple nights ago, as they laid down on the grass close to each other. However, as she opened her mouth to speak, the words seemed to have gotten stuck in her throat. She was too scared to see what he would think of her, and so she decided to keep on quiet about it.
All those nights away from her tower she had tried to be the most careful she could, fighting against sleep until she knew Killian was deeply asleep, and wouldn't notice her absence. But the previous night, she felt so tired and so comfortable, head resting on his chest, not because of the cold night anymore but because of the pleasure of being close to him, and the sound of Killian's heartbeat lulled her into sleep.
A couple of hours later she had woke up, drowned by fear, almost as if her subconscious was warning her that something was wrong. Panicked, she had gotten up and ran off as quick as she could. It wasn't long until she heard Killian calling out for her and then...
Midnight had come, and she hadn't gotten far enough from him.
Guilt filled her whole body once again. You didn't kill him, she had to remind herself. For the first time in your life, you didn't kill someone.
She had no idea of how she had done it. Emma could vaguely remember it, her on top of him, who seemed too small in comparison with what she had became. She smelled him, her meal for the night, and just as she was about to attack something stopped her. His face seemed... familiar, and for just a couple of seconds, watching him gave her a glimpse of herself- not the giant beast, but the princess. And that was enough.
When she woke up, back in her human form, she was far from him. Emma knew he was probably hurt, and that she had to get back to him, but for a long while, she wasn't able to stand. Something kept her body stuck to the ground, unable to move: horror. Horror at what she had done.
In the darkness, she slowly approached him. He was asleep, and she had to admit she was missing laying there, his arms around her.
Her feelings towards the pirate were complicated, indeed.
She thought of him as a handsome man, too handsome for her own good. The day she first saw him, her heart had jumped- there he was, her knight in shining armor, with blue eyes and a smirk she'd bet had hundreds of girls swooning over him. But then, he had almost immediately shown her that he had rescued her because of a reward, not because of love, and she realized he wasn't a guy she should be infatuated with. He was a pirate, cocky and with an awful past that had filled him with hate.
But as the days passed, he showed to be kind to her, making her feel that for the first time in twenty years she had someone that took care of her. They both began opening themselves up to the other, and she began noticing she was liking the pirate way too much. And by the way he treated her, she could guess he felt the same.
And then, he had kissed her, and still for some reason, her first instinct had been to pull away. It had been something unexpected, something she wasn't hoping to have at that moment- not when she was feeling terrified and ashamed at herself. She felt ashamed, at how he had trusted her, while all she had done was lie to him for nothing. Ashamed, because even after all she had done there he was, trying to save her. Afraid, at what she had done to him. At what she could do to him in the future.
Emma had told herself already that he wasn't the guy for her. How could he be? How could he be her true love when the only reason for him being there was getting his revenge? That's not what she believed true love to be, that wasn't like any romance she'd ever read from her tales.
And still, she pulled away because, deep down, she was too afraid to see the kiss failing.
However, now as she stared at his sleeping figure, she wondered if she had been too harsh on him. She wondered if perhaps she had been wrong, perhaps now his revenge wasn't his only reason to be there with her. Why else would he have tried to kiss her, why else would he have thought he was the one to break her curse?
It didn't matter. He was a pirate, she was a princess. How could something like that work? Emma's only shot at saving herself was to find her prince, and Killian was distracting her. She remembered Killian's words, always making her doubt about the prince that was waiting for her. She just had to hope the prince to be kind, kind enough for her to fall for him and break her curse.
She couldn't afford more distractions, not when time was running out. Not when she could hurt him again.
She was certain of what she had to do. Thankfully, a few hours ago when she had checked his wounds, Killian hadn't put his jacket back on. Blindly, she looked for the piece of clothing with her hands, a couple of moments touching nothing but grass, until finally her fingers felt leather. She grabbed the jacket, and her right hand searched for one of the inner pockets, where he kept the rum. Early that day, as she looked for it to heal him, she had felt something else in the pocket. A little bag, which's contents clinked together as her fingers had brushed against it.
She could guess what was inside, and she knew she'd need it for what she wished to do. Carefully, she took the bag out once she found it, doing it slowly and trying to make the least sound as possible. This was robbing him, but she didn't have any other choice. He had helped her so much, been so good to her, and now she was going to return the favor: making sure she never hurt him again.
With sadness, she stared at where the pirate's figure was -thinking it was a shame it was too dark to actually stare at him-, and she felt tempted to kiss his cheek as a goodbye, but didn't in fear of it waking him up. She placed the jacket back where she had found it, and slowly rose up.
Giving him one last look, she hoped she would be far enough from him at the time he woke up. She knew he would look for her, she just hoped she would be too far for him to catch her.
It's for the best, she had to tell herself, as she turned her back on the pirate and walked away.
A/N: This was quite an eventful chapter! We got Killian finally learning about Emma's curse, a way too short kiss (bwahaha), Emma rejecting him and then finally her leaving! Now with the reveal of Emma's secret, we're finally getting some advance concerning the plot, and things are sure starting to go more smoothly now. Thank you all for your reviews and positive feedback for the last chapter, all of that is what gives me inspiration and what makes this story possible. You're all amazing, and I love you all! And now with nothing else to say, I just hope you have a great day/night and I'll see you next week!
