Told you guys I'd have it up soon.
: )
Still on Ch. 10, but I have it all thought out. Now I just need to type it.
Did I tell y'all I have it all planned out?
Anyways, here are my shoutouts to my reviewers (have I mentioned also how much I completely love you guys?)
To Junior472: Thank you!! Oh, and yes, I have made some other fics, but I think I got a review from you for Stuck in the Woods With Your Ex. Not my best, but eh, I was young. Personally, this fic and Watashi No Sekai are my favorites. Oh, and I had the sex in there… because, I thought it went with the story. I never have just sex in my stories. I mean, I'm not waiting for marriage or anything (if I do, that will be cool. But all I really want is a long term, serious, loving relationship with someone I completely trust), but I think sex and love go hand in hand. Maybe not at first, but later on, they do, and the characters in my stories never just randomly have a bunch of sex with everyone else. If they do, they're in love. Except in Sora's case in SY. Because she's a stupid whore. Lol. Kidding. Anyways, Please don't kill yourself waiting for an update. That would quite ruin my day to know one of my reviewers offed themselves and it was my fault. :P
To M M Forever: I know, Yama in the hospital is about the saddest thing ever (other than people kicking puppies). But yes, I do have my reasons. Drama, drama, drama. I think I write my fics like soap operas because, well, my life is boring and really, I have no drama. None of my friends sleep with each others' boyfriends, no one really backstabs, and everything's pretty… chill. Lol, it's okay. If I had time, I'd be on about 20 hours a day. Anyways, thank you, and enjoy!
To tinkerbella11: I always write back to my reviewers! I have to say thank you for reading my crap! Ha, kidding. But yeah, I consider it rude of me to not at least acknowledge the people who grace me with their page hits. Anyways, calmace… I didn't kill him off. I wouldn't do that. Well, if the story called for it, yes. But so far I've never had a reason to. Read on! : )
To populette: Thank you so much!! I'm so excited to go you don't even know. Yeah, and I figure she'd want me to get on with my life, so I did. It's a bit of a relief after watching her go through the intense pain. But she's with me, I know it. : ) Lol, you sound like me. Only my suggestion was that Sora go back to Siberia with Yuri and maybe they can hunt mammoths or turn into whoresickles together. I do hate it when my computer starts acting stupid. Mine does is quite a bit.
Anyways, now let's get on to the fic!
Hope it's juicy enough for ya.
Enjoy!
Mrs. Ishida presents…
Ch. 9
Mimi's POV
Beep
Eh?
Beep
What the…
Beep
I don't think that the pearly white gates… or the depths of Hellfire… are supposed to beep.
Damnit!
My body still feels weighted, both inside, and this time, out. My eyes are still a little heavy, but not so much as that I can't open them and see if I've landed in Hell on Earth: the hospital. Again.
At first, everything is blurry. But blindingly pastel and sterile.
It's worse than Hell. The hospital.
Great, Tachikawa. You fail. You fail at the high school literary test, you fail at saving the love of your life from the biggest pain and humiliation he'll ever suffer in his life, you fail at delivering karma to that evil spawn-of-Satan known as Takenouchi Sora, and you even fail in taking your own damn life.
Ladies and Gentleman, I think we have a new world record. The literal failure at life.
Beep
Will someone turn that damn machine off? Obviously, I'm alive, and I'm not about to try and make a mad dash for the freeway. The press is alr… oh damn. The press.
They're going to be all over this. And Sora's not going to cover it up this time. Why would she?
She'd love to get me to look as insane as possible, just in case any of her evil schemes should go in the least bit awry. She's always so careful. With everything.
My career.
Gone.
My love.
Gone.
My credibility.
Gone.
My life.
Still here. But shot to hell.
Awesome.
I take a look around. This place is starting to feel like home.
Heart rate monitor, 'comforting' matching sheets, a nice wooden stand, blinding fluorescents.
Maybe I should just commit myself. Get up now, and ask to be committed. Then no one will expect me to live up to anything anymore, except to be absolutely fucking insane. That'd be nice. I feel absolutely fucking insane.
I look down at my hands, folded neatly across my lap. Saintly, almost. I snort. They look so perfect, so unmarred by anything. Just perfectly, lily white soft skin, accented by perfect manicured nails. This must be how the world sees me. Perfect. Not a scratch. Perfectly maintained, pampered, and ideal.
It almost makes you wonder if emotion could physically manifest itself… if you just cut me, would you be able to take a look inside and see scorched, destroyed ruins of something that used to be so wholesome and pure?
Just then… a face I actually don't mind seeing. And simultaneously, I wish I'd never see again, out of pure shame.
Kari.
She was never very good at hiding her emotions, and this time, she failed miserably.
It's obvious she had been bawling her eyes out probably no more than 20 minutes ago. Her shockingly red eyes are just filled with tears, and her makeup is streaming down her face. It's heartwrenching to see her like this. Kari, of all people, the definition of compassion.
"Oh, God… Mimi!" she cries and runs over to grip me in a rib crushing hug.
"Kari…" I gasp.
"Sorry," she chokes apologetically, then releases me and sits on the bed. The sadness in that poor girl's face…
"Mimi… why?" she manages to say after a moment of looking at me, as if trying to see into my mind by studying my face. Her voice stays relatively steady, but her lower lip betrays her.
"Kari… I failed...." I say, my own eyes welling up at the thought of what that whore would do to Yama. The thought pierces my heart like a ragged knife.
"Failed?" she asks, puzzled.
"I told him what Sora's up to… he basically told me he hates my guts, he didn't believe me, and to never ever see him again. I couldn't live with that… So I figured I'd just take myself out of this world before I could ever bother him again," My chest is filling again with the great, crushing pain…. That pain that always seems to keep me company.
Upon hearing this… Kari makes quite the face. First… split second shock.
Then, insurmountable pity.
Pity? She feels bad because I couldn't kill myself?
"He told you he never wanted to see you again?" she asks quietly. Too quietly. This isn't the way she'd ask if she just felt bad for me.
"…Yeah…" I say, my heart rate starting to pick up.
She takes a very audible breath, and looks as if she's going to say something. Then decides against it. Her lower lip, once again, gives way to a tremble.
What is going on?
Did Sora do it?
Already?
"Kari, what's wrong?" I ask. A million possible outcomes enter my head. She simply stares at me, the same distressed look on her face. I know that look well. She has something to say, but doesn't want to say it.
"Kari, come on! What's going on?" I demand.
"Mimi…" she says quickly, and bites her lip. Looking away, she adds, "Yamato… well, he…" Uh oh. She said 'Yamato'. She calls him 'Yama' when with me. She's being professional. Not a good sign…
"He what?" I urge, my voice jumping an octave.
"Well, you've been out for about a week, because I guess the amount of pills that you took really hit you hard, and I guess the night you tried to…" she paused, trying to maintain her composure," the night you tried to kill yourself, he confronted Sora or something, and got really mad about it out in the waiting room, and headed outside, and he was probably pretty distressed… so he didn't really see the car tha-"
"Car?" I choke.
No.
Dammit, no.
There's no way that that amazing, beautiful, incredible man could… My eyes widen, and I can feel the blood draining from my face.
"He's still alive… but he's in really serious condition… Mimi, I'm so sorry!" she said, her carefully controlled voice finally cracking as she wraps her arms around me again. I don't respond, still in shock.
My Yama?
Could… die?
I can't see a thing… all that's going through my head is…
"I have to see him" I whisper. Kari stops her sniffling.
"What?"
"Now. I have to see him" I say, as I start to shake her off and get out.
"Mimi, you can't… you have to stay in bed! You just overdosed on a ton of me-"
"I don't fucking care! I need to see him!" I'm being so horrible to her, I know. But it's an emergency! I start to get off of the bed, trembling as I do, half from the reverberating effects of the massive amount of chemicals I'd ingested, half from shock.
"Mimi!"
"Take me in a damn wheelchair, then, if you're so worried! But let's go!" I must look like a madwoman, demanding to leave, with my hair probably all over the place and a thousand needles in my arm.
"Um…. Okay" she agrees reluctantly, and heads for the hallway to get a wheelchair.
"Whoa, what are you doing, miss?" a nurse who walks by asks of Kari. Dammit. I don't have time for this.
"I need a wheelchair…for my friend," she stammers.
"Your friend… ah, Miss Tachikawa. The model," he says, eyeing me trying to decide whether to let me go. I can almost hear his thoughts: 'The crazy bitch who tried to kill herself. In this hospital. Cool!'
Play it cool.
Diplomacy always scores pointage.
"Please… I need to go see someone… I just found out a dear friend of mine has been in a horrible accident… I need to see him," I say as politely as I can.
"Ah yes… Ishida Yamato… I just found out about that right after we got you in. What are the chances of our hospital getting two mega celebrities in the same night?" he asks, star struck. It's all I can do to keep from grabbing the nearest heavy object and beating him with it.
"Please, can I just go see him?" I ask through clenched teeth.
He snaps out of his reverie. "I think he's still comatose, but from what I hear, his mother is here. If you want to go see her… I'm not sure you do… from what I know, you two never were really close". He chuckles.
I'm about this close to taking that big grin of his and ripping it off of his stupid face. The nerve of this arrogant prick! My love is teetering on the verge of death, and all he can do is chuckle at his amazing luck to run into a couple of celebrities.
I stare at him icily.
"But if you want to, go ahead. Just make sure to keep all this" he motions towards the drip "in place," he says, and strolls on out.
I take a deep, calming breath.
Alright. I made it through without ripping that douchebag's head off.
Sweet.
I'm definitely going to report that asshole.
"Kari, let's go," I say to the tiny woman before me.
And off we are to see my love.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
The waiting room isn't crowded. At all. Actually…
It's just his mother, and me.
Ha. The bitch isn't even here at her fiance's side. She's probably at her giant condo right now, calling her dear Ryo-chan. Or eating babies.
His mother looks at me.
I expect loathing to the extreme to be dripping out of her.
Rather, her eyes show mild annoyance and surprise to see me, in addition to the pain and suffering she must be experiencing now, naturally. She has herself a little more composed than Kari, but not by much.
"Mimi" she says, a bit stiffly. Too surprised to really be rude.
"Mrs. Ishida." I reply quietly.
"I thought you were at death's doorstep?" she asks half sarcastically, furrowing her eyebrows.
You probably wish. I know I do.
I shrug.
I hear Kari softly clear her throat.
"Um, I'm going to… go take a walk outside… you know I don't like hospitals very much…" Kari mumbles, nods at Mrs. Ishida, and ducks out of the room.
"Mimi… why are you here? Surely it's not coincidence and you've heard about my son," he voice breaks on the last word. A single tear rolls down her cheek.
My throat starts burning and closing up, as my eyes fill with tears too.
"Mrs. Ishida… I'm so sorry…" I say, my voice starting to crack.
She looks at me, analyzing me through her own pain.
"For me as a mother, or for the way you've always felt about and treated my boy?" she asks gently. Not an accusation. Simply a question.
I stare at her a moment, not bothering to put the mask on. I let my anguish shine on through.
"Both" a whisper.
No.
Should I tell her?
He might die.
If he does… I want someone to know. The truth.
Screw everything that's held me back.
What's his mother going to do? Sell my story to the press for millions?
Right.
I may not know a lot of things but I do know that the woman that raised Ishida Yamato is a great woman. I have met her a few times before this. She would never do that to me.
I take a deep breath.
"Actually" I continue, "That's only half right. I am sorry for you as a mother… this must be so difficult… And I am sorry for how I've treated him. But I'm not sorry for hating him," I say. A look of indignation crosses her face. Before she can say anything, I quickly add, "I never hated him,".
Her look immediately softens, and grows rather puzzled.
My lower lip quivers, and I look away.
"You asked me why I'm here, and… I… well, I just wanted to see him. I wanted to see him and be by his side and hold his hand and everything. That may sound…strange…. To you, but… Ishida-san…. My God, if he died… I can't even imagine what I would do… my reason for being would simply vanish." I say, my voice thick with tears, my throat stinging more and more very second, and tears cloud my vision completely. I can feel her shocked eyes on my face. I can feel pure, raw emotion gathering in my chest, stronger and stronger, every moment. I sniffle and continue, "I mean…Yamato… Yama… is everything a man should be. He's considerate and kind, loyal and trustworthy, supportive and honestly the most pure person I've ever met! I don't mean pure as in… physically or anything like that, but he's just… himself. He is what he is, and he likes who he likes, not for any personal gain and never to play any kind of game or for any manipulative purposes, but he just…is so honest and true, almost to a fault. He can be such an ass sometimes, but usually its because he's seeing something wrong in you and is trying, in his own way to help you… and he would never betray you or do anything to hurt you… Ishida-san, he's the brightest spot in my life right now, I swear… and if he were to leave me… especially after all those years I acted like I wanted him to fall off the face of the Earth-" I sob, but her quiet voice interrupts me,
"Acted?" she asks, sounding quite shocked. I look at her, still weeping, and solemnly nod.
"I could never tell him... That… that I love him more than anything else on this planet. It would be too… pathetic. I mean… he despises me, and with good reason, the horrid wretch that I am… so I've always had to act like I hated him too, so I could keep up with appearances and not look like some stupid fangirl. But nothing could be farther from the truth… I'd do anything for that man, anything, and now, I can't even protect him from his own fiancé…. And if he dies without me ever getting to tell him how I really feel…if he leaves me thinking that I just hated him completely…because of my damn pride and concern for my career… I don't even know how I would…" I blubber, and completely break down. That thought is just too painful to even put into words. As I continue bawling into my hands, I know she's looking at me. How, I don't know… but then I feel a warm pair of arms around me and hear a separate set of sniffles in my ear.
"Oh, Mimi…" she says, as she embraces me. This time, I hug her back with all my strength as we cry in each others arms. "I never knew… If I would've known… oh God…"
We continue to just weep together for a few more minutes.
We must look rather pitiful. But it takes a great weight off my shoulders. I feel amazingly better, as circumstances allow.
"Wait," she says, distancing herself from me to look into my eyes, "What was that part about his fiancé?" she asks. "Is that why she hasn't come to see him?"
Uh oh.
She doesn't know.
Oh boy.
I mentally steel myself.
"Well… um…" I begin.
I'm in for a long night.
OOOOOOOOOOOO
So.
As we near the ending (hold your horses, I've still got a few more chapters left in this baby), I have to tell you what I remembered while I was out running.
Don't ask me how I suddenly remembered. I think it was because the song I was listening to was purple and a bit orange (again, if you're not familiar with synesthesia…), and then I remembered the dream.
I had a dream once about two people in a high story fancy apartment, that were in love with each other, but didn't know it, and the whole dream was them telling each other how they felt. The funny thing was, they weren't a model and a singer. They were two basketball players on opposing teams.
And after all the declarations of love and such, there was the sex.
Lol.
But I woke up and I just loved this dream, and I knew I had to write something on it, so that's where Secretly Yours came from.
Ha, sounds a bit like what Stephenie Meyer did with that crack in book form, Twilight.
I'm way too obsessed with that series for my own good.
Team Edward!
Ha, anyways.
I just had an interesting thought. I should like Sora. She's a redhead. I like blonde men, obviously, and usually the women I'm attracted to are redheads. However, not in this case.
Interesting.
Sorry for rambling. I'm on cold medication and a restricted air flow!
And graduation is a mere 4 weeks away.
YIPPEE!
I'll try to have this updated soon.
