Author's Note; I'm loving the line option! I'm going to use it from now on. Lol, anyway, here's the next chapter to this story, and it's probably going to be the longest one you get for the whole story -I'm not so sure about it, but right now I am- and I hope everyone likes it! There is a place or two that goes fast, because it's fast in Naruto's eyes. I hope it doesn't confuse anyone.

Anyway, enjoy the new chapter! :D

Oh! I used the lyrics for Daibaa by Nico Touches The Walls, I think it's the 8th opening for Naruto Shippuden. It's the perfect song for how he feels when he's writing it. And it's the only non-original work Naruto's done through out this entire story :) All poems he's written for group and by himself are originals works of mine.


Chapter 9

Broken; The Secret is Out

I feel like I've been buried alive -not that I know how that feels- I only say that because it feels like I can't breathe right, like something's compressing my chest so I can't take in a deep breath.

I can't get my body to move either, save for maybe a twitch here and there.

It's so cold too, like someone turned the AC on full blast and has it aimed on me and it's been like that for the last few hours.

"You sure Tsunade?" I heard a voice ask, and it sounded familiar, but at the moment I can't concentrate hard enough to know who it is.

"I am, he's going through a stressful time right now for some reason, which is why he's so sick right now. It's nothing a little rest and some antibiotics can't help clear out. I'm going to keep him under observation for a while though, only because of how high his fever is." A female voice said, that I'm only going to label as Tsunade because it sounds rational. God I need a drink.

"Alright." The first voice said, and it sounded frustrated.

Finally, by some act of a miracle, I was able to lift one of my arms and blindly try to grab someone, hoping that they're near by, because honestly, I don't know how much longer I can keep my arm up.

"Naruto, is there something you need?" A male voice asked, another one I can't recognize right now as a hand grabs mine, and it feels like ice in my hand.

"Water" I try to say, but I have no clue if the person holding my hand heard me as I went into a coughing fit.

A second later, the cold hand left mine and my head was lifted. It was only then that I realize I'm wearing a mask over my mouth and nose and a second later, I feel something like a straw get pushed between my teeth.

"Drink." The voice says, and I do so greedily, until a weird taste enters my mouth but the only thing I can connect this taste with is him.

I spit whatever it was that I ended up swallowing the most of and pushed the cup away from me, feeling some of what was in the cup get my blanket wet, but I don't care, I just want it away from me.

"Naruto, it's just water and you need to drink." The voice pleaded, but I only shook my head as fast as I could.

"I can't do it …" I cried in a hoarse voice, but my cries went unheard as the straw got pushed back in my mouth, then I took in and swallowed more of that disgusting taste and I shoved the cup away with all might, earning a string of curses and rushing feet coming towards me when the person that's with me, trying to give me this disgusting shit, bumped something and it crashed to the floor.

"What's going on in here?" A female voice said, I think I labeled as Tsunade.

"He asked for water and then he started acting weird."

"He might not recognize it as water because his whole body is off because of the fever." Tsunade sighed heavily, then I heard clicking heels walk closer to me. "Would it be better if we gave you some ice to suck on Naruto?"

Ice? I'm already cold! But before I could protest, I felt myself pulled under into darkness once again where it didn't hurt anymore.

xxx xxx xxx

It's too hot, way too hot and I want nothing more than the blankets to get off of me, so I do my best to kick them off of me. But it hurts to move, like I've laid in the same position for hours on end and I groan in protest before I force myself to sit up with my eyes half open.

"Gotta pee …" I grumble before I force myself to get out of bed and head towards the bathrooms, but not without struggle as I stumble over my feet a few times before I finally manage to get to the bathroom and actually use it.

By the time I'm done washing my hands and drying them, I decide to turn the water back on and splash my face with cold water, hoping that it'd help me cool down a bit. And the next thing I know I'm being swept off my feet and I hit the ground hard enough for the air in my lungs to rush out, making me cough a bit and vaguely realize that someone's on top of me.

"You scared the fucking shit out of me you piece of trash dobe." The voice said, and I knew it was Sasuke right away, because he's the only one that calls me dobe.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, still sounding a little winded. "And get off me, it hurts to breathe."

"You were sick! You threw up and had a fever of 105.3. Not only that, but you were unconscious for five days!" Sasuke argued as he lifted himself off of me, but kept his hands on either side of my head, but I only blinked up at him.

"You've gotta be kidding me …" I grumbled, but after a moment, Sasuke sighed heavily and helped me up, then put his forehead against mine.

"You're still a little warm, so you should go back to bed and lay down for a while." He says, but I shake my head.

"It's too hot in there, hell, this whole place is too hot." I tell him in a huff before I rub at my eyes a bit.

"Well, it might also help if we get you out of the flannel night pants and long sleeved shirt too. You kept complaining how cold it was so we put you in those and covered you with two heating blankets and a comforter from your house." Sasuke tells me as he helps me back to my room where Yagura's looking worried. I guess he was in my room and I didn't know it.

"Wait … I must be hallucinating … Sasuke, you tackled me in the bathroom, clung to me … and you were in a position I'd rather not think about at the moment." I mumbled as I stared at Sasuke, thinking he's someone else -well, hoping at least- but the longer I stare at him, the more I realize it really is him.

"I'm allowed to worry you usuratonkachi!" He said loudly, appalled by what I said obviously, but he spoke too loud and my ears started ringing.

"Lower your voice teme, my head hurts." I sighed, leaving him by the doorway to my room and I started taking the long sleeved shirt off, relishing in the cool air that touched my skin and I threw the pants off, deciding that I'm just going to lay on top of the blankets in just my boxers as I throw myself back on the bed, then the need to drink water hit me and I growled in frustration.

"Everything okay Naruto?" I heard Yagura ask as I rolled onto my back and sat up.

"Water … and lots of it." I said when I looked at him and Sasuke, my eyes still half lidded because I don't have enough strength to open them up the rest of the way.

"I'll go get his water, and I'll call Tsunade to come up and look at him." I heard Yagura say to Sasuke, who just nodded and walked in before Yagura walked out.

"Wanna stay sitting up?" Sasuke asks me, and I nod before he grabs at the pillows and puts them behind my back before helping me scoot back so I can use the head board as a prop, releasing a breath I didn't realize I was holding.

"What time is it?" I ask when Sasuke pulled up a chair and sat next to me.

"It's around seven in the morning." He answered, and I sighed. I hate waking up so early.

"God, why couldn't I sleep in longer?" I sighed and closed my eyes for a moment, only opening them when Yagura walks back into my room with two pitchers of water and a tall glass, I couldn't help but smile and grab one of the pitchers and down the water as fast as I could without getting it all over me, but some of it did.

"Slow down, it's been a while." I heard Sasuke say, but I ignored him as I took the other pitcher and downed that one as well, but a little slower.

"I don't care, I feel like I haven't drank anything in days." I argue when I'm done with the pitcher and took the glass that Yagura was still holding and he went to go fill the two empty pitchers up again.

"That's because you were unconscious for days you moron." Sasuke sighed in agitation. "Hey, what was it making you not drink water a couple days ago?"

"Huh?" I asked him, completely clueless as to what he's talking about.

"You probably don't remember … it's okay, never mind." He sighed as Yagura walked back into my room with some more water and this time he was accompanied with Tsunade.

"You look so much better than when I checked up on you yesterday gaki" She said as she walked over and placed her forehead on mine. "Yagura says you woke up about fifteen minutes ago and you've already downed nearly a gallon of water … I'd wait after these two pitchers to drink more water or you'll make yourself sick."

"Well I'm thirsty, and you're in my way of more water." I tell her and take one of the pitchers from Yagura, only for it to be taken out of my hands along with the glass I was holding a moment ago and she filled it up. I could only glare at her as she shoved it into my hands.

"You need to slow down, and I'm not kidding, I won't help you when you throw up every last drop of water you drink." Tsunade warned, so I scoffed at her and sipped at my water like she wanted. "Okay, your fever has finally broken, so you'll need to put at least pants and a shirt on while your body heat is regulating after being under heated blankets and a comforter for a couple of days. And I suggest you do broth today since you've been getting nutrients through IV until last night when your fever was starting to go down."

"Alright." I nod in a small pout. "Has Dad been to see me?"

"Yes, the night you went off on Sasuke about the water he was giving you." Tsunade answered, and I groaned loudly. "He was going to come back and visit you when we let him know you were better."

"Yay …" I said in mock happiness, because honestly, I don't want to hear what he said about what could have been said about that moment. "Wait, why wouldn't I drink the water?"

"You kept saying 'I can't do this' over and over again." Sasuke answered.

"Oh …" was all I said, and I started sipping at my water again.

"I'm going to keep you on bed rest until tomorrow. Tomorrow, you can go back to a regular schedule. I just want to make sure that fever is going to stay down and today is a good day to test that since you woke up so early." She said, and I only nod, glad that I don't have to leave my room to go see that pedo-snake for another day.

"I gotta get to the school, so if you have anything needing attention, Yagura's going to be with you today. Be good boys." And with that, she left and I was still drinking my water when I nodded, sighing heavily through my nose as I pouted.

"Breakfast will be in a few minutes, Sasuke, you wanna stay here and eat breakfast with Naruto?" Yagura asked, and I thought Sasuke's head would fall off he was nodding so quickly.

"Sure, I'll eat in here with him." He says a moment later.

"Alright, I'll go get your medicines and your food. Be good while I'm gone." Yagura chuckled before walking out of my room.

"So, what do you want to do today until I go see Tenzo?" Sasuke asked once we knew Yagura was down the hallway.

"I don't know, I might sleep some more when you leave." I shrugged, now refilling my cup up with some more water, definitely drinking slower than I was when I first started.

"You deserve the rest, besides, I was thinking you and I could play some cards after we eat." Sasuke said, the smirk I really didn't like so much was plastered on his smug face, making me frown a bit.

"I don't know if I can play cards with you and keep my concentration Sasuke." I told him truthfully as I scratched the back of my head.

"We don't have to play seriously, just play to pass the time and talk a bit. I got a couple of things to tell you about." He said, and I looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Are you into gossiping now?" I asked with a small grin.

"No …" He said, but with the way he was looking away from me, I could tell he was half lying.

"You're losing your touch teme." I laughed at him.

"I'm just telling you about Gaara and Sai is all …" He says, and my laughter falters at the mention of their names.

"Are they okay?" I ask, and he nods, making me relax a bit more. Now that I know they're not in trouble, I don't have to worry.

"Gaara's being let out now that his insomnia is under control, but it won't be for another week." He says, and I nod. I'm just glad that he's able to go home. "Sai … um, he's being transferred to another hospital ward."

"What are you talking about? I thought you said he was okay!" I bellowed at him.

"Hold your horses, Naruto, he's just going to another hospital because the person caring for him is moving and they don't want to be too far away from Sai when he's in a vulnerable state." He explained, and I still glare at him before I'm slamming my cup on the bed side table and I'm trying to force myself up on my feet only to be stopped by Sasuke. God I must be weak if he can stop me so easily.

"I'm just going over to talk to him!" I tell Sasuke, hoping he understands, but it doesn't look like it when I look in his eyes. "I'm his first friend, Sasuke."

"After we eat then…" was all he said with a sigh before I stopped fighting to get up and just sat on the edge of my bed. "Oh, Itachi's coming back to visit."

… This world is truly against me, isn't it?

"He also came to visit while you were sick." Sasuke continued when I said nothing, nodding while he spoke because I'm afraid of what might come out of my mouth if I talked at the moment.

Itachi … and my father is coming to visit me soon. I'll most likely see my father today if he isn't too busy, but what would I say to him? What could I possibly tell him if he asks why I got sick? The truth? Fuck no. Lies? That'd have to work.

"Naruto, food's here." I heard Sasuke say, breaking me from my thoughts as Yagura walked into my room with our food and handed them to us, though Sasuke had somehow managed to clean the bed side table off before hand and we put our trays there. Taking our medicine first since the routine is drilled into our heads by now.

We ate together in silence, mostly because I don't know what to say to him, and I don't want to bring up what I could have possibly said while I was hallucinating during my fever. I didn't want to know if I may have accidentally slipped something out that might reveal what that pedo-snake does to me.

I don't think I could handle it if I did.

"Naruto …" Sasuke said when the two of us were done eating and now he was dealing cards out so we could play rummy, a game we decided to play one time but never got to it. "Tenzo thinks I should leave soon … and as soon as next week."

"That's great." I smile at him, but on the inside, I'm freaking out so much that it feels like my heart is shattering. "And I bet I'm going to be going home soon too."

"I hope so, I don't know if I can deal with those insane fan girls long without you." Sasuke said with a smirk and we start our game, though I don't know how good I'll be because I just can't concentrate on anything at the moment.

I'm exhausted, and I wish I could go back to sleep right now, to be honest, but I had been avoiding any form of communication … Oh, you're good Sasuke.

"Okay, you knew my concentration is shitty at the moment." I say as I put my hand down and start to get up. "Making me think of something else and completely forgetting that I was going to go see Sai after I was done eating."

"I wasn't trying to." Sasuke pouted, but put his hand down anyway and helped me to my feet. God, I'm still dizzy, but I have someone I need to talk to so I push past it and leave my room with Sasuke right behind me and I go across the hall and knock loudly on Sai's door.

"Come in." I heard from the other side of the door and I heave the door open before taking a few steps in to see that all of Sai's paintings aren't on his walls anymore, and that they're lying on his bed, packed in a couple portfolios and that he's packing his clothes.

Sasuke wasn't shitting me, Sai really is leaving.

"Oh, Naruto, it's you." Sai said, and he had that fake smile plastered on his face. "And hello to you too Sasuke."

"Hn." Sasuke said, the usual Uchiha-bastardness talking.

"Sai … I'm sorry … if what I did before … hurt you in any sort of way." I said quietly, though by the look on his face, he heard every single word I said.

"It's not your fault." He said quickly, turning his back to me and resumed his packing.

"It clearly is my fault, because you've been avoiding me ever since." I said, my voice getting a little louder as I spoke, but it didn't get too loud.

"You must have had your reasons to do what you tried to do, it's not my place to judge you, Naruto." Sai said, and the tone in his voice made me want to slap some sense into him.

"I'd feel better if you confronted me about it, after all, I did something that shouldn't be forgiven so easily." I spat, though to be honest, I didn't come here for confrontation.

"I don't want a confrontation." Sai said, and he actually sounded like he was getting angry with me. We're getting somewhere! "Now if you could please leave me be, I have some packing to finish up. I'm leaving tonight after supper."

"And when were you going to tell me you were leaving huh?" I ask. "Or were you just going to let me find out at last minute?"

"Like you did with me!?" Sai yelled -and lets be honest, he never, ever, yells- as he whipped around to face me. "Just like you did with me those weeks ago, huh? I thought we were friends!"

"I was going through something that I didn't think I could pull through." I tell him, and the next second, I find my head jerking to the side as a fist lands hard on the left side of my face. Man, Sai knows how to throw a punch.

"As if you didn't have friends who could have helped you!" Sai yelled. "Do you want to know what I saw when I saw you standing on the edge of your bed, that sheet you made into a rope tied to the ceiling and around your neck? I saw my brother hanging himself in front of me because he was tired of being sick all the time!"

Fucking great, now I feel even more guilty than ever …

"I saw my brother leaving me with some whack job that decided to sell me off to some male whore house because he didn't want to see my goddamn face anywhere near him or to deal with me because in total truth, he only wanted my brother because he was a fucking prodigy! A goddamn genius. But he got me too because my brother refused to leave me alone in the orphanage." Sai said, though he was yelling at the beginning, but now he's just a sobbing mess trying to hide his tears, and I know I'm crying a bit too.

I had no reason to try to hang myself … Sai had every right to be angry with me.

"Sai … the reason why I tried, was because I was blaming something on someone close to me … when it turned out that they had been admitted to the hospital for shot wounds that nearly killed him." I said quietly, though I knew I got Sai's attention. "Yeah, I was blaming my father for a lot of things, thinking that he didn't want me anymore because he hadn't been to see me in such a long time. And the fact is, is that I had always thought he loved my mother more than me, but it was the same day, just moments before, that I found out he was lying in ICU being treated for multiple gun shot wounds because the moron went into a raid without a bullet proof vest simply because he forgot to put it on.

"I had been living in the shadow of a woman that I didn't think loved me at all and all my father knew was that I was getting beat up by someone at school, which was half truth, but he never listened to me when I told him how violent M-om always got when she was angry. It was like he didn't want to believe that she'd hurt her own son and so he ignored me every time I'd try to tell him the truth about the bruides he'd always find." God, I'm ranting, and now I feel like I should get something sharp to release this pent up bullshit that I've been holding on to, because really, those hours of crying on Sasuke's shoulder was just the tip of the fucking iceberg.

"At least you had parents." Sai said.

"And I know, I should be grateful that I have them at all, but sometimes I wonder if it was really worth it to be born in the first place …" I said, and I knew I was getting in deep water when I said that, so I decided to change the subject … because this wasn't something I wanted to talk about right now. "Anyway, Sai … I'm sorry, and I know that's not enough to earn back your forgiveness, and honestly, I don't expect you to forgive me. I'll understand, okay?"

"Dickless …" Sai chuckled lightly after he dried his eyes. "I forgive you, but that doesn't mean I'll forget."

"I know." I said with a small smile. "Now, I'm going to give you my P.O. Box and my phone number, be right back."

And with that, I left his room and grabbed one of my notebooks I hadn't written in and grabbed a pen while ripping a piece of paper out and wrote my P.O. Box and phone number on it.

When I was done, I threw the pen onto my bed and ran back into Sai's room to see that him and Sasuke were talking a little bit, they didn't look too comfortable, but at least they were talking.

"Here's my stuff, now, I want you to contact me as much as you can when you move. I'll make sure I can reply whenever I can." I told him as I shoved it into Sai's hands.

"I will do my best, I just wish I could have seen your other friends as well Naruto." Sai said, now scratching his cheek/chin like he usually does when nervous.

"You'll meet them soon, now, I'll let you finish packing, then we'll have lunch together." I said, and he nodded while I dragged Sasuke back to my room and I threw myself back on my bed, but it was only now that I realized I was still in my boxers.

"Sasuke … why didn't you tell me I was still in just my boxers?" I ask him as he sat down in the chair he was before we went across the hall.

"You were trying to cool down, and I knew you'd refuse to put pants back on until you were comfortable." He shrugged, but he was right.

"I'm so tired." I slurred as I grabbed my pillow and clung to it. Damn, my eyes were really heavy and I had only been awake at most an hour or so.

"Go get some sleep, I'll read a bit before I see Tenzo." Sasuke said, putting up the cards before picking up one of the books he let me borrow and started reading. I couldn't help but smile as I watched him read as my eyes closed and I fell into a comfortable sleep.

xxx xxx xxx

Lunch with Sai and Sasuke was a little awkward, until I managed to somehow bring up a conversation that we could easily keep, but I just had to bring up the first time Sasuke and I kissed on accident in middle school. God, that was horrible! The fan girls he had were like rabid dogs!

Soon, though, he had to get back to packing his art stuff that he was still going through so lunch with him was short. Either way, after we were done eating, Dad and Itachi came to visit at the same time and I was able to at least put on a pair of pants because I was comfortable by lunch time to put something else on, but it's just the fact that I hated it when Itachi stared at me when he saw all my scars.

That's right, he had no clue the total extent of my self-harm I put on myself when I let my anger out … well, now he knows.

But, they didn't stay long, since they needed to get back to work and Dad was still needing to visit Mom, which shocked me, because I always thought she was on his priority list, guess I was wrong, this time, but eventually, time got the better of us and the need to go to bed was evident.

I didn't have a very good nap before or after lunch when I somehow passed out both times for some reason -which I'm blaming on the fact that I'm still recovering from being so sick- and I'm just not in the mood to deal with anything.

"Alright, Naruto, I'll wake you up for breakfast okay?" I heard Yagura say and I wave to him as I'm throwing on an orange tank top. Sasuke's reading the book he picked up earlier when I first passed out for a nap … and he was almost done with it. I could only come up with the conclusion that he's read it before, it's the only thing that fits!

Sai's already gone, but we had said good bye with the promise of seeing each other soon -well, contacting each other soon- and I had also promised to visit him when I got out. He seemed happy with the idea and I actually got to be introduced to his grandmother, who had finally found Sai after years of searching until the raid in the … place … he was found in and they were reunited. Though, she had to face the fact that Sai's brother died, but she was glad that at least one of them came back. She was also fond of me! Actually, she was just glad that Sai finally had someone to call friend is all.

Anyway, I'm laying on my back, on my bed that's messy and now that the heating blankets are gone, my bed doesn't feel so crowded, but I'm actually wishing Sasuke would read in his own room now, which is why I'm staring at him.

"Dobe, you know how to speak, don't you?" He says, and I then start glaring at him.

"This sleeping pill is making me dizzy, could you read in your room so I can sleep please?" I ask him, though it's mock pleading, and he knows it.

"I'll come wake you around seven, I want to talk to you about something tomorrow while we eat breakfast." He tells me, and I nod as I curl into a ball on my side and cling to my pillow like it's a stuffed toy. I wish I had Kyuubi -my stuffed fox that's at home- at least I can cling to him and the uneasiness I feel in my stomach can go away for a while.

"Okay, night Sasuke." I yawn, and all I hear is him chuckling a 'good night' right back before he turns my light off and closes my door partially, but for some odd reason, I find the strength to reach under the bed behind me and grab my journal and pick up a pen before writing in it, mostly because I feel like I need to write something down before I go to bed.

I think it's either Wednesday, Thursday or Friday, I don't know … and I know it's dark

Anyway, I'm sorry I haven't written in a while, I've been so sick I've been comatose -as Tsunade-baa-chan puts it- with a high fever and it lasted almost a whole week, and so many things happened in one day too, like the fact that pedo-snake mouth raped me, then I had to fall asleep crying on Sasuke's shoulder and then I got sick after waking up from that nap … It's like the universe is against me or something.

What did I do in a past life to deserve this?

Anyway, I don't have much longer before the sleeping pill kicks in, and with the fact that I'm still tired even though I slept in a comatose state for nearly a week, I feel like I got no sleep at all.

It must be the stress, that's all I can think of … The stress of what pedo-snake does, what he'll do if I tell someone, and the stress of what Sasuke might do if he finds out.

I don't know what I'll do if he gets in trouble because of me. I don't think I could handle it if he managed to kill the fucking pedo-snake and I'd never see him again … Great, now I sound like I'm in love with the teme. I'm too tired to argue about that … Good night.

Your very tired, weak and sleepy loser

xxx xxx xxx

I'm woken up at what feels like an ungodly hour and I push the hand away that's trying to wake me up and I roll away from it. I want to sleep a little longer. It's too early to wake up.

"Naruto, you need to get up for breakfast." I hear vaguely and I just ignore the words being spoken to me.

"Too early … five more minutes." I find myself grumbling and I bury my face in my pillow. I want to cling to it but my arms area already holding onto something and it seems to be cutting into my arms a bit, but I'm too tired to care.

"You've already slept two hours past normal wake up Naruto." The voice said in annoyance and suddenly the blanket I was also clinging to was ripped off of me before I was suddenly covered up again and the door suddenly shut loudly.

"Can't I get some more sleep around here?" I whined just before my shoulders were grabbed and I was shook awake, mostly because my neck was starting to hurt.

"What the hell?" I yelled.

"Do you know what happened last night Naruto?" The voice asked, and I recognized it as Yagura, finally, as I slowly opened my eyes to the blinding light of the room.

"What the hell are you talking about? I'm a heavy sleeper again thanks to that medicine I'm taking." I groaned as I rubbed at my eyes a little bit.

"Your arms have cuts on them." He said, which made my eyes shoot open and I sat up quickly and looked at both of my arms, which were in fact, covered with cuts, but only on the inside of my forearms. What the fucking hell?

"I didn't do this!" I cried out, my whole body shaking as I looked at Yagura teary eyed. "I didn't …" I repeated, but then stopped as I looked at where my journal fell and quickly grabbed it and skimmed through the pages. Nothing seemed to be missing. None of the pages looked to be missing, and nothing changed … until I got to the last page written on and saw 'have fun today' written in black permanent marker and the signature was the kanji sign for 'snake' and I quickly closed the journal, forcing myself to sigh heavily in fake relief.

"I believe you Naruto, but we need to get these looked at and bandaged up." Yagura said, and he looked pale. God, I hope I don't look pale.

"I'll go get Fuu, Kakashi's here so I'll have him look over the kids that aren't in their rooms and I'll be right back. Don't open the door." Yagura said and he left before I could get a word in and closed the door. God, I feel so helpless.

But a second later, the door opened again and Sasuke walks in and quietly shuts the door. I try to hide what the commotion is about, but I fail because; 1 where the cuts are on my arms, and 2 I'm crying and quietly sobbing.

"Naruto, what happened?" He asked. "I tried to get you up two hours ago, like I said I would, and it was like you were dead to the world. I couldn't even get you to argue with me for more sleep. It freaked me out. And it took Yagura this long to get a response from you at all."

"I don't know, all I remember is falling asleep and that's it." I cried, not because my arms sting, but because I'm terrified of what I'll find later today. "I swear Sasuke."

"What's wrong with your arms?" He asked, oh God, he actually didn't see the cuts on my arms yet? Fucking shit.

"N-Nothing." I stammered, but it was too late because he walked over and grabbed my wrists -carefully too- and turned them over to find cuts all the way up to the crease in my elbow and blood all over my shirt. I'm surprised that he didn't notice the shirt first. Oh, it's a blank tank top. Wait, I went to bed with an orange tank top on.

"You didn't do this, did you?" Sasuke asked in a low tone, and he looked ready to kill someone.

And before I could answer him, I suddenly thought about something and I painfully pulled my arms out of his hands and grabbed my journal and shoved it in his arms.

"Please, watch over this. I trust you not to read it until I go to my session." I said quickly, knowing Yagura and Fuu will be here any moment. "Please, make sure no one can find this."

"What are you talking about?" Sasuke asked, and he looked like he would blow any moment at my sudden request, but before anything else could be said, the door opened and Yagura and Fuu walked into my room and ushered Sasuke out calmly.

"I'll be back in a little bit." Sasuke said without turning to look at me and the door closed when he was gone.

"Okay Naruto, lets see what we have here." I heard Fuu say as someone sat on either side of me on the bed. I guess they're going to take an arm and work on them together, because then both of my arms are grabbed and I feel a stinging sensation on both of them.

"I know, it stings. I hated getting them disinfected myself, but I have a high pain tolerance." I heard Fuu say, and when I saw her, she had a smile on her face. I wish I could smile like that again.

"I have a high pain tolerance too." I muttered.

"Yea, I remember, you don't even feel pain, or acknowledged it at least, when you bust your knuckles on solid doors." She chuckled, though I know she's trying to lighten the mood. "At least you healed up from that quickly."

"I have a high healing factor, it takes half the time for me to heal and Tsunade believes it's because of my high metabolism or something like that." I tell her while Yagura now rubs some goop on my cuts, which I realize now is an antibiotic cream before he started layering gauze on my arm.

"Well, the cuts don't look too deep, but they're deep enough. But, good news is it doesn't look like you need stitches." He said, and I felt relieved a bit.

"Same on this side." Fuu said. "Now, I know Yagura may have asked you this, but do you know how this happened?"

"I … I really don't know. I fell asleep quickly like usual because of the sleeping medicine and the next thing I know is that I'm being woken up by Yagura here … I don't remember going to bed in this shirt either, it was orange." I said, my mind wandering off to try and see if I know about anything from last night. But it's no use, nothing is coming up.

I bury my face in my hands when both Yagura and Fuu are done wrapping my arms up and I just wish I could crawl into a hole and never be found. I've never had this happen to me before.

"I don't even have anything that can cut me." I muttered out.

"And like I've said, it took me two hours to wake you up after Sasuke comes to get me freaking out because he wasn't getting a response from you. I even called Tsunade so she might be here any minute." Yagura said, and I'm never taking this sleeping medication again.

"Food …" I muttered out a little sleepily as Yagura walks out of the room with the supplies they used on my arms. I guess all this freaking out is making me a little tired, emotionally and mentally.

"Are you still tired?" Fuu asked, and she sounded slightly worried.

"It's emotional and mental exhaustion." I tell her with a small wave and a yawn.

"It's understandable." She nodded with a smile.

"I've been taking this medicine for just over a week … why hasn't this happened before?" I ask before she leaves too.

"I don't know." She said, and I know she said it as honestly as she could and when she leaves, Sasuke comes back into my room and sits on the bed next to me calmer than he usually is. But he doesn't talk, he just stares at the wall by my door and I'm too scared to say anything.

In all honesty, I want to be left alone and find another way to kill myself, that last entry was most definitely not mine, not in my hand writing, and I don't write with permanent marker. And to be completely honest, I do recognize who the handwriting belongs to, but I'm afraid of admitting he was here.

"I hid the journal, and I didn't read it like you wanted me to, but I'm not sure I follow you on the rest that you said." Sasuke finally says, and I know exactly what he's talking about.

"I trust that you'll give it to Tenzo later today, but please, make sure no one notices you have it …" I whisper to him, though I don't know why I'm whispering. I know perfectly well that whomever might work for that pedo-snake is long gone since they possibly work night shift and that he's not here until after school's out. I guess I don't have many people to trust … oh, that's right. Karin, I don't trust her at all, and I know she's been seeing him too.

"Don't ask questions … I don't want to answer them right now …" I say before he can say a word as I lay back on my bed and stare up at the ceiling, my mind actually blank so I'm not really thinking about much.

"Okay … and today isn't poetry day so you won't be asking for it for group." He says as he lays down next to me. "I guess no running either?"

"No … I still feel tired from being sick and all." I mutter, my arms itchy because of the cuts healing and the cream they put on them was really starting to burn at the moment, but I'm used to the pain anyway.

"Okay, breakfast of scrambled eggs and waffles with orange juice and milk" Yagura says as he walks into my room with a tray of food. Waffles? I didn't know they made those here.

"I was able to get the kitchen to make you a special breakfast, in hopes of cheering you up." He adds, as I sit up and nod a bit. I don't have the energy to smile. "And here's your medicine with a small cup of water. They don't taste great when taken with orange juice or milk … aftertaste is horrible."

"How would you know?" I asked him as I took my medicine and downed the whole glass of water before I managed to stare at my food… I really am not hungry.

"Sasuke … and a couple patients from a while back tried it and one of them actually got sick." Yagura said, and I turn to face Sasuke, who only nodded and I sighed heavily and started pushing my food around.

"You need to eat, at least a few bites for your pills. It's not healthy to take these with an empty stomach." Yagura suggests before he goes back down the hall. I guess he doesn't have to watch over me like I remember Tsunade saying.

"I'd listen to him if I were you, I heard those pills can make your stomach bleed like ibuprophen can." Sasuke said, and I sighed heavily before putting a few small bites of egg and waffle in my mouth, and drank a few sips of orange juice but I refused to touch the milk. It's nasty, I guess I forgot to tell Yagura I hate milk again. I'll learn one of these days.

"So, you want to do anything today?" Sasuke asks, and I sighed again after I manage to finish off the eggs, but I can't stomach anything else and lay back on my bed, my left hand landing on my pillow as my right hand lands on his stomach.

"Sorry …" I mutter and go to pull it away, but he grabs my hand softly and hold it, his thumb rubbing soft circles in my palm and somehow it calms me a little and I close my eyes, letting the simple gesture lull me into a calming, numbness that I welcome with my arms open wide.

"It's been a while since you let me hold your hand like this … how long has it been?" Sasuke asks, breaking the silence that was between the two of us.

"I don't remember." I tell him, which is the truth. "Maybe almost two years?"

"I think so." He agrees. "When you and I get out of here … are you willing to give me another chance?"

"I don't know" I answered quickly, "I mean, lets wait until we're both out before you ask me that again."

"I can wait." He chuckled a little bit, though I don't know what's so funny.

Sasuke and I lay like this on my bed, talking only once in a while and I kind of like it. It's not awkward like it had been since he got here, it was peaceful. One of the only peaceful moments I had since I got stuck here and I'm already wondering if I will ever get peaceful moments like this when I get out, whenever that'll be. Because I personally don't think I'll be able to get out of here.

Anyway, Sasuke's just left to see Tenzo, and Yagura's offered to play a few rounds of cards before we go to group, but I turned him down and rolled on the bed so my back is to him. My good mood shattered because Sasuke's not in here anymore.

I guess I like him again … I'm too forgiving, my father always says that, and I guess he's right.

Anyway, lunch is early -and by early, I mean five minutes early when lunch is usually at one- and I'm stuck eating vegetable soup because Tsunade went livid over the fact I had waffles and eggs for breakfast and demanded that I have this for lunch instead of the food the others had. And today, Gaara even joined Sasuke and I at our table -since Tsunade said I should get out of my room today- and I find it awkward to start a conversation with him.

"Naruto …" I heard Gaara say about forty minutes into lunch, and his voice was soft, though monotonous, I guess he's always talked like that.

"Yeah?" I ask him in between bites of my soup, which I'm barely touching.

"You need to eat more, you'll get better if you do … and I suggest you tell Tenzo that you are in need of another therapist. I don't like the fact that he's even here in the first place." Gaara said, continuing from earlier and I blink at him, which Sasuke's doing the same thing.

"You know, even if you didn't meet him here Gaara, you'd meet him at school. He teaches science classes." Sasuke said, I'm too shocked to speak. Does he know what's going on? Oh God, he can't!

"Really? Tsunade lets that thing teach in her school?" Gaara asked, and Sasuke and I nodded. "That's a shocker."

"Why do you think Naruto needs a new therapist?" Sasuke asked for me.

"I don't like the vibe he gives off whenever he's here … it makes me sick to my stomach." Gaara said, and I couldn't agree more.

"I know what he's like … personally." Sasuke said, which made me snap my head towards him, and I looked at him like he was crazy. "Well … I did meet Suigetsu through him, remember?"

No, I don't remember … this is all news to me! What the fuck is he saying?

"Are you okay Naruto?" I hear Gaara ask a moment later when I've finally got myself to look away from Sasuke and stare at my food, which I'm now just pushing around again. This is becoming a horrible habit.

"I'm fine." I said, but I know he knows it's a lie.

"Okay, group is starting, lets hurry up and finish our lunches okay?" We all heard Fuu say before I sighed once again. Stupid group therapy.

Anyway, once everyone's lunch trays are cleared and we're all sitting in a circle like we usually do, with Kakashi on the couch and this time with Gaara on his left and Sasuke on his right. I'm across from Kakashi and on my right is Karin and on my left would have been Sai, but he left last night so it's Sasuke a few chairs away.

"Alright, today in group, we're each going to write a small song that describes how we all feel. It's almost like poetry day, but it's going to be a little more complicated than a poem.

"Do we have to actually sing it?" I heard Sasuke ask in slight anger, and I think the whole group was relieved when Kakashi said we didn't have to. Oh, I need something to write on and I look at Sasuke, who nods and gets up.

"I'm getting Naruto's and my notebooks." Sasuke says, and Kakashi nods, but I know he's looking at me now which makes me shift in my seat a little bit until Sasuke comes back a few moments later, handing me my journal which I realize is about half way full and I frown. I usually pay attention to things like that.

"Alright, you all have twenty minutes to come up with a song. You can partner up if you wish, but make sure both of you have one." Kakashi said, and we all went to work, though I worked by myself and insisted that Sasuke work with Gaara, and luckily he went, though reluctantly.

I had an idea for a song, and it was going to be in Japanese. It was a song that I wrote a long time ago and I know it's perfect for the situation that I'm in right now, I'm only praying that I remembered all the words the Japanese translates to, since I had wrote it with Mom back before she turned psycho. I only say this because she was teaching me Japanese at the time. She has no clue about this song though.

About twenty minutes later, Kakashi told us to wrap up our thoughts, and to be honest, I didn't think we had been writing that long.

"How about we start with Gaara here?" Kakashi asked, and I'm glad he didn't start with me, he usually keeps me last, since I don't really like voicing the stuff I write.

To be honest, I'm not even paying attention to everyone else because I'm mostly thinking about how I was feeling when I wrote this the first time. Yea, it was around when my mother first started beating me and my father wouldn't listen to me. Maybe if he would have listened, we wouldn't be in this situation … no, I can't think like that again!

"Naruto, it's your turn." Kakashi's voice said, breaking me from my thoughts and all I did was look at him for a few moments, debating if I should just argue like I usually do. But I sighed heavily and brought my journal up so I could read it, well, I actually sang it but slow enough for it to be an acoustic song.

Ano suiheisen ga toozakatte iku
Ao sugita sora ni wa ashita sura egakenakute
Iki mo dekinai kurai yodonda hito no mure
Boku wa itsu kara koko ni mogurikonda n da?

Kanashimi nante hakidashite mae dake mitereba ii n dakke
Sore ja totemo matomo de irarenai
Subete wo boku ga teki ni mawashite mo hikari wo kasuka ni kanjiteru n da
Soko made yuke sou nara

Iki wo shitakute koko wa kurushikute
Yami wo miageru dake no yoru wa mogaku gen'atsushou no DAIBAA
Ikite iru n datte tashikametakute
Fukai kaitei wo mezashite mou ichido kokyuu wo shiyou

Atama no naka no chizu wo hikkuri kaeshitara
Tarinai mono darake de hitori obieta yuube
Boku wa tsuyoi n datte zutto omotteta
Dare yori mo tsuyoitte zutto omotteta

Maido ni natta hakuchou ga hoshi no yozora ni ukande ita
Nagusame no you ni furidashita ame
Dakedo dou yara bokura wa nare sou mo nai hoshi ga hoshi nara boku wa boku sa
Doko made yuke sou ka na

Omotai ikari wo shoikonde hon no sukoshi inori wo hakidashite
Maru de aizu no you ni furidashita ame

Iki wo shitakute koko wa kurushikute
Yami wo miageru dake no boku ja ukabuhouhou mo nai DAIBAA
Ikite iru n datte tashikametai nara sou
Fukai kaitei wo mezashite mou ichido dake
Iki wo shite mite
Tada no shiawase ni kizuitara mou nido to oberenai yo

I knew I'd have people staring at me by the time I'm done, and before they could comment or anything, I close my journal and made my way to my room, though I know Kakashi's dismissing group and Sasuke's following me a moment later.

Yes, I know at least two people in group know what that song translated to, because Kakashi took Japanese in college and Sasuke's family is also Japanese, so it was drilled into him. I just don't know if Gaara or Karin know Japanese … and I don't feel like turning around to go ask as I go into my room and throw myself face down on my bed.

I'm so mentally tired it isn't funny anymore.

"Oi, dobe, that's a nice song … but it's still depressing." I hear Sasuke say as he sits in the chair by my bed behind me. "That's all we've ever heard from you during group …"

"Well … it's hard to write happy shit when you don't feel happy, 'ttebayo." I tell him, and I know he agrees with me, I don't have to turn around and see if he nodded, nor do I have to pay attention to hear the Uchiha answer to everything 'hn' bullshit … because he's the same way with writing like I am.

"Can you check when pedo-snake goes to his office?" I ask him quietly, mostly because I know that pedo-snake is about to get here. He's always arriving around the time group is over. It's just until he leaves the walk in point that I can give Sasuke my journal to hide again …

"Why?" Sasuke asks, and I honestly don't know what to tell him. I can't tell him that pedo-snake said that there's cameras in my room, so I lie to him.

"I don't know, maybe it'll give you more time to hide it or whatever once he's in his office?" I ask, but my tone is monotonous, and I hate sounding like this. Sorry Gaara, but it just doesn't feel like me.

"Hn." Sasuke says, and I'm glad he doesn't question me because Yagura's walking into the room at perfect timing.

"Your therapy session starts in ten minutes." He says, and I nod, giving him an Uchiha grunt -and I thank Sasuke for teaching it to me by using it on me all these years- and I slowly sit up on my bed as Yagura's walking away and I know Sasuke's staring at me.

"Lets go, we both know how he gets if someone shows up late." Sasuke said a few minutes later, and I knew I couldn't put it off any longer, so I gave him my journal before I left my room with him behind me. I don't see how he hides it, but I know he no longer follows me as I pass his room, but I turn back around and go to his doorway to tell him something.

"Wait fifteen minutes before giving it to Tenzo." I whisper quietly to him as I see him hiding it in his books that are in the suitcase, and I don't leave his room until he nods and I made my way to pedo-snake's office.

When I get there, I knock softly on the door and go inside when he tells me to. It feel weird coming in here after not being in here for almost a week … and I wish that I didn't have to come in here at all.

"I heard you were terribly sick Naru-chan, how are you feeling today?" He asks as I sit down on my usual spot on the couch, bringing my knees up to my chest as I wrapped my arms around them. I don't want to talk.

"I'm still feeling slow, but I'm better." I tell him anyway, it's better to just talk then have him force you to …

"And I see you and Sasuke-kun are closer together than before, how is everything going with him?" Pedo-snake asks, and I scoff at the question. He has no right to know about Sasuke.

So I don't answer him.

But that makes him get up out of his chair, and I know he holds a syringe in one of his hands. Because he wants us to get our 'session' started. And to be honest, when he got to me, I didn't expect him to rip my knees down and punch me in the stomach so hard the wind is knocked out of me.

"I asked you a question boy, now answer me, how's Sasuke-kun doing?" He said, and I decided to answer him this time.

"He's doing fine." And I didn't answer nicely as I glared up at him. Thank God I'm still able to get a death glare out of me, but it doesn't look like it's gonna work on him.

"That's all you had to say, now, sit still." He says, then chuckles as he pricks my arm with a syringe and injects something into me, but I don't fail to notice that he does it twice. What else is he putting inside me!? Some sedatives? No, I know how it feels to get a fucking sedative, and it does not burn like this shit does!

"I take it you've realized it's not a sedative, that's good." Pedo-snake chuckled, and that's when I started losing the ability to move my hands and feet, and it was slowly but steadily creeping up my arms and legs … what the fuck did he give me?

"What the hell did you put in me?" I snapped, demanding an answer, but I know he might not give me one, I just felt better because I asked.

"I gave you something to shut down your motor skills for a little while, it's supposed to last an hour, but with you, it might last half that." Pedo-snake answered, and I think I paled enough to look like a blonde haired, blue eyed version of Sasuke. Oh, and with whisker marks! "You'll still be able to feel everything, but you won't be able to move to stop me."

Stop him from what? And by now I'm panicking so much I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack, mostly because by now, I can't really move at all except for my head, and what he said finally dawned on me as he starts ripping my clothes off and the next thing I know, my face is in the couch and I hear a zipper being undone.

Yes, I try to force myself to move, like anyone in this situation should do, but yes, he was right, I have absolutely no control over my body and I can't even get a finger to fucking twitch! At least I can cry out and try to beg him not to do this.

"Oh, but Naru-chan, I told you if you told anyone, I'd find out and this is your punishment." He chuckled into my ear as I felt something rub against my ass and I try to scream at the top of my lungs, knowing that my voice can actually get louder than Sasuke's if I try, but the moment sound comes out of my throat, my head is shoved into the couch even more than it already is, which not only gets me to shut up, but also makes it hard for me to breathe.

"Make another sound, and I'll make sure you never see the light of day again." Pedo-snake snapped, and I knew I has nearly pushed the wrong button, but the thing is, I couldn't help but let out a cry of pain that I tried to keep a low volume on when I felt him push inside me and he doesn't stop moving inside me.

I know there's blood, I can feel its warmth trailing down both of my legs, and the pain, it's excruciating and I want nothing more than to die, but thanks to the other stupid injection, my own dick is hard and throbbing as it's rubbing against the couch a bit, but a second later, I feel this fuckers dick hit something inside me that sends electricity all over my body and makes my vision turn white. I want to choke back anything that escapes my throat, but this loud moan of pleasure escapes before I could do anything about it and I have to hear him chuckle at me.

"Finally, you're responding positively." He says, and hits me there again and I can't help but scream out in -completely unwanted- pleasure just as I faintly hear his office door swing open and slam into something. But, I'm already lost in what he's doing to me that I can't even concentrate. Hell, I can't even tell that he's pulling out of me and that I collapse to the floor until I realize that I can breathe better.

I faintly hear someone yelling my name, and by some miracle, I can tell I'm twitching. Maybe it's wearing off! But I don't get the chance to tell anyone anything because everything starts fading and it's hard to breathe again.