Disclaimer: None of this is mine. All rights belong to the great J.R.R. Tolkien and Peter Jackson.
The following reports are extracted from the TA 2941 files.
Agent: Gandalf the Grey
Location: A forest. A wet forest.
Date: It's raining.
We are riding single-file on an old path. I feel rather as though I am among a line of ducklings. Ducklings would be happier to be out in all this wet, of course. Though I have my Wizard hat and the others have hoods, still we are soaked and cold. And in a few hours we will bed down in the mud. Still, Bilbo looks like a sort of drowned chipmunk, so there is some entertainment for myself. And, also, the Dwarves, who are very vain for such a craggy-faced people, keep sighting gustily over soaked hair and beards. Except the brunet prince, of course. He has been tilting his head up into the rain, trying to catch raindrops in his mouth and shaking his wet hair like a pony. I am not even sure that one owns a comb.
Agent: Gandalf the Grey
Location: Same wet forest
Date: Still raining.
"Here, Mister Gandalf, can't you do something about this deluge?"
That was Dori, hunched over and as wet as the rest of us, sadly poking at his careful braids, now ruined. I rolled my eyes.
"It is raining, Master Dwarf, and it will continue to rain until the rain is done." He looked upset to know I apparently had no control over the very heavens. "If you wish to change the weather of the world, you should find yourself another wizard." Now, if someone needs a nice flame or a pinch of wise counsel or even a few fireworks, that I can do.
Agent: Saurman the White
Location: Isengard
Date: June 10th, TA 2941
I.S.T.A.R.I. was not founded to ease the small complaints of a Dwarf's bad hair day.
Our powers are great and ought only be called upon in the direst of straits.
Agent: Gandalf the Grey
Location: Rain, Rain
Date: Go away
Exactly! Why, last week I simply could not get my pipe to light- there was such an awful wind, you know. Thank goodness for my ring.
Agent: Saruman the White
Location: Isengard
Date: June 10th, TA 2941
That was not the sort of need I had in mind.
Agent: Gandalf the Grey
Location: Come again
Date: Some other day
Well, while Dori seemed content to simply huff a bit but accept my answer, Bilbo spoke up.
"Are there any?"
"What?" I said.
"Other wizards?" Bilbo clarified. At that, of course, all the Dwarves perked up a bit and leaned in, eager to her about the great I.S.T.A.R.I. And I, obviously, am always happy to share my knowledge with the less wise.
"There are five of us," I said, trying to ignore the fact that I felt rather like a schoolteacher lecturing to fourteen small, rather hairy men. "The greatest of our order is Saruman, the White. Then there are the two Blue Wizards." I paused. "You know, I've quite forgotten their names."
"And who is the fifth?" asked Bilbo.
"Well, that would be Radagast, the Brown." I still have no idea why he chose that color. There is nothing composed or soothing about it, like gray.
Agent: Saruman the White
Location: Isengard
Date: June10th, TA 2941
Or symbolic of illuminating purpose, like white.
Agent: Gandalf the Grey
Location: I should have brought an umbrella.
Date: Maybe a small one I could strap to my hat.
Indeed. But the Hobbit was uninsterested in color symbolism, sadly. Hobbits.
"Is he a great Wizard or is he…" Bilbo hesitated, and I looked at him gently, trying to show in my expression that though I am a great Wizard, still do I hear the speech of the common folk, for I was taught by the Vala Nienna herself.
"… more like you?"
Excuse me! Did they not see my awesome display of magics that dinner at Bilbo's? What more do they want from me?
But I was careful not to look offended. I only replied, without any stiffness at all, "I think he's a very great wizard, in his own way." And if his way is a little strange, well… "He's a gentle soul who prefers the company of animals to others. He keeps a watchful eye over the vast forest lands to the East, and a good thing, too, for always Evil will look to find a foothold in this world."
There. That ought to remind him (and the wildly eavesdropping Dwarves) that there was much danger still to come. And they'd better be properly grateful to be escorted by a Wizard, by the Valar!
But of course, I made sure to tell them that you are the greatest of our order.
Agent: Saruman the White
Location: Isengard
Date: June 15th, TA 2941
Thank you, Gandalf. With two of our number gone for millennia, Radagast busy eating strange mushrooms and mumbling to animals, and yourself, I am quite honored to be named the best of stiff competition.
Agent: Gandalf the Grey
Location: Fields?
Date: June 17th, TA 2941
Well, even if it is only we two, I believe we present a suitable show of great power and dignity, eh, old friend?
Agent: Saruman the White
Location: Isengard
Date: June 18th, TA 2941
Of course.
Agent: Gandalf the Grey
Location: The evening's camp
Date: June something
Still, despite their grumbling, I think I could grow fond of this Company.
Agent: Gandlaf the Grey
Location: A ways away from the camp
Date: I don't even care
Thorin Oakenshield, humph! Thorin Stubbornshield, more like! Thorin Not-King-Under-the-Mountain-Just-Yet-Bucko! Thorin I-Always-Know-Best!
Agent: Saruman the White
Location: Isengard
Date: June 19th, TA 2941
What is it this time.
Agent: Gandalf the Grey
Location: I am contemplating the stubbornness of Dwarves.
Date: Far away from said Dwarves.
We had just begun setting up camp for the night- Fili and Kili were sent to watch the ponies, Gloin began making the fire, Nori glared suspiciously at any possible hiding spots for assasins or thieves- when I moved to offer Thorin some advice.
I looked out at the abandonded ruins of a farmhouse that we were using as some shelter from the wind. "A farmer and his family used to live here," I mused, amidst the gruff orders and sounds of unpacking.
When no one listened to my ominous statement, I turned to Thorin to speak directly. Dwarves are terrible at hints.
"I think it would be wiser to move on. We could make for the Hidden Valley."
I have been dropping hints (less and less subtle as the months went on) that we ought to go to Imladris. And still Thorin refuses. All because of some petty vendetta against the king of Mirkwood. How that led to a hatred of the entire Elven race I have no idea.
"I have told you already, I will not go near that place," said Thorin.
I sighed. "Why not? The elves could help us. We could get food, rest, advice."
"I do not need their advice."
Yes. Yes you do. I tried again. "We have a map that we cannot read. Lord Elrond could help us."
But Thorin only looked more stubborn, if that is possible. "Help? A dragon attacks Erebor, what help came from the Elves? Orcs plunder Moria, desecrate our sacred halls, the Elves looked on and did nothing. You ask me to seek out the very people who betrayed my grandfather and betrayed my father."
"You are neither of them. I did not give you that map and key for you to hold on to the past."
He only looked at me. "I did not know that they were yours to give."
It is an argument we have been having over in over, in just about that format, since the first time I mentioned the Lord Elrond. This time, the Dwarf caused me to completely lose my temper, and I marched thunderously away towards the trees, and away from the whole wretched issue. Of course, Bilbo popped up in front of me, completely ruining my momentum, but he just looked at me worriedly, hands wringing the way they do when he feels things are not under control. (It has happened often throughout the duration of this Quest.)
"Everything alright?" Obviously, things were not alright, as he could tell from my expression (and behind me, I am sure, Thorin was glowering even more than usual). "Gandalf, where are you going?"
"To seek the company of the only one around here who's got any sense," I said.
"Who's that?" asked Bilbo, as I swept around him.
I pitched my voice over my shoulder, so the Hobbit (and all the rest) could hear.
"Myself, Mr. Baggins! I've had enough of Dwarves for one day!"
Agent: Gandalf the Grey
Location: I am sitting on a log.
Date: June 19th, TA 2941
In short, I would like to report that Thorin Oakenshield, son of Thrain, son of Thror, King of Durin's Folk, is a right fool. He still doesn't want to ask the Lord Elrond for any aid. But I have to go to the White Council. Galadriel will be there.
Agent: Saruman the White
Location: Isengard
Date: June 19th, TA 2941
You are not allowed to miss Council. You have used up your three excused absences this century. And all three were to smoke Pipe-weed with friends down at the pub.
Agent: Gandalf the Grey
Location: Log
Date: June 19th, TA 2941
I was making connections with potentially influential persons.
Agent: Saruman the White
Location: Isengard
Date: June 19th, TA 2941
No, Gandalf.
Author's Note: It's the first week in February, and I'm still writing 2014.
