I don't own South Park - it's owned by the very talented Trey Parker and Matt Stone.


Everybody Loves Cartman

by cell12

Chapter 9

Cartman had nearly cancelled the sleep-over. Three times he'd picked up the phone, intending to call it off - but had dismissed his anxieties as stupid. He wasn't quite sure what it was that was bothering him. Maybe it was the idea of having to spend more time with Butters after being with him at the mall all morning. Maybe it was Kenny's flirting - which had gone way past a joke and was starting to get a bit creepy. Or perhaps it was the eager way Stan and Kyle had accepted their invitations. It just seemed wrong - Kyle being enthusiastic to spend time with him. Even when he'd told the two boys - you're not allowed to fuck each other in my house - they'd still seemed way too happy.

Cartman had tidied up, well as much as he ever would anyway, and sorted out snacks and dips. His mom had informed him that she would be out all night, no doubt getting high and getting fucked but not necessarily in that order, giving him and his friends the house to themselves. He'd given Kenny some money to get beers with the instructions, get a decent tasting brand - not the cheep crap your dad usually buys. Kenny had cheerfully snatched the money out of his hands and before leaving had given the larger boy a sly wink and a waved kiss goodbye. Cartman seriously had no idea what was going on in his friend's head. Kenny had been acting weird ever since his brother left a few months ago.

Cartman was snapped into action by the sound of knocking on his front door. He guessed it would be Kenny, returning with the beers, or Butters, who had a habit of arriving really early for everything he was invited to. Instead it was Stan and Kyle at the door.

"Hey Cartman," Stand greeted as he moved inside.

"Stan, Jew," Cartman said in reply.

Kyle sighed, he was so used to being called Jew by the Fat-ass that it no longer carried any meaning.

"Where's your sleeping bags?" Cartman asked the pair - eyeing up their small bags.

"We didn't think that we would need them," Kyle answered, "Kenny said that you've got a big bed and that you're more than happy to share it."

"God damn poor boy," Cartman cursed out-loud, "he shouldn't go around telling people shit like that."

"Relax dude, we don't mind. We like sharing a bed as well," Stan gave Cartman a knowing look.

"Ah'll kill Kenneh when ah get mah hands on him," Cartman started to rant.

"Don't worry Cartman, Kenny didn't reveal anything about what the two of you get up to in bed," Kyle pointed out, a teasing smile on his lips.

"We haven't got up to anything," Cartman insisted, "we don't do anything in bed except sleep."

"Oh we believe you Cartman," Kyle answered, "it's much easier to clean up afterwards if you do it on top of the bed before you get under the covers."

Cartman was interrupted from his lunge at Kyle by a voice coming from the, still open, front door.

"Hey fellas, I'm not early am I," Butters looked around, "because if I am - I could go walk around for a while or something."

"God dammit Butters," Cartman exclaimed, "get in here."

The blonde boy dutifully entered the house his eyes searching around the room - as if he was expecting some sort of trap. "Kenny told me that I didn't need a sleeping bag or pyjamas. I've got some nice new ones as well."

Cartman wince, "It's fine Butters, apparently Kenny has been saying all sorts of crap."

Butters blinked for a few seconds - it was as if he was unsure whether Cartman was angry with him or not. "I'm sorry but I couldn't get hold of any alcohol. My mom keeps it locked up and I didn't dare ask her."

"That reminds me," Stan said pulling open his bag, "I've got this." Stan brought out a three-quarter full bottle of whisky.

"Nice," Cartman said taking hold of the bottle, "how did you get it?"

"Every time my parents have a party, I offer to help with the cleaning up afterwards. it's easy to sneak a bottle or two of wine or spirits away." The black-haired boy grinned, "They don't know how much has been drunk the night before and they're certainly not up to taking inventory the morning after."

"Stan stashes the bottles away in a locked box in his old tree-house," Kyle chipped in.

"My parents haven't held a party for a while," Stan said apologetically, "so this is all I've got left."

"No, this is kewl Stan," Cartman reassured his friend, "it'll go down nice with cola."

"Whisky and cola, a classic combination," Kenny said as he pushed open the front door with his shoulder. In his arms was a heavy case of beers.

"Kenny's brought beer," Kyle stated, moving to help carry the crate into the kitchen.

"He may have got them but ah paid for them," Cartman was eager to point out.

"How did you get hold of a crate of beer Kenny?" Stan wondered, "I thought your supply line was cut off, now that your brother's gone."

"One of his friends is working the same deal my brother used to," Kenny explained, "fifty percent above retail price - just like Kev used to charge."

Cartman had already followed into the kitchen and was opening his first bottle of beer, "Since me and Kenneh got the beers and Stan brought a sweet bottle of whisky - it's up to Kahl and Butters to pay for the pizzas."

"I'm sorry Kyle, but I don't have any money," Butters mumbled nervously while standing in the kitchen doorway. "I spent all my allowance savings on shoes at the mall this morning."

"Moses dammit," Kyle grumbled, reaching for his wallet and checking the contents. "It's OK Butters, I've got enough cash to pay for a couple of pizzas - you'll owe me though."

"Stop being such a tight-fisted Jew Kahl," Cartman said.

"Shut up Fat-ass," Kyle and Stan said together.

"Tonight's gonna be the best sleep-over ever," Kenny exclaimed - grabbing Butters and pulling him over to the sofa, "you can choose the first game we play."

Butters shuffled through the pile of video games that Cartman had left spread out. They seemed to mostly be violent fighting games with lots of gore - there were no Hello Kitty games or anything else even remotely cute, "Oh hamburgers," he said.


Authors Notes: I'm going to be pretty busy over the next few months - so I'll probably only be able to post at weekends.

Kyman love to all my readers, reviewers and all those who fav/alert me or my stories - cell12.