A/N: Um...what to say about this chapter...I really don't know. You'll have to read to find out.
Warnings: The fourth wall may be toppled multiple times at the beginning of this chapter. The authoress is not responsible for any damage caused by this. Also, some characters may get a little out of character for the sake of being crazy hilarious. Jumbled up words will be common. You've been forewarned so if you happen to bust your gut or appendex, or any bodily organ from over extended laughter don't even think about trying to sue. I warned you. Proceed at your own risk.
Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-gi-oh or anything related to it. I also do not own anything from The Road to Eldorado.
Chapter 9
It's Tough To Be a God
Seto Kaiba was having that turret fit again. Anyone worth their salt knows that when this happens...
"I'm not doing this Wheeler," Kaiba stated, watching as Chief Atem gazed up at them from the ground. He turned, using his hands to instruct a makeshift orchestra of some sort with the natives. The music began, and the young C.E.O. knew all too well where this was going. After all, this part of the story was completely scripted, meaning that he and the mongrel were supposed to start singing a song right about now.
That wasn't going to happen. Kaiba didn't care about what he'd have to do to get around it, whether it be to kill Wheeler or the crazy authoress putting all this into play, but he wasn't having it. He'd rather be thrown into a sea of ravenous sharks with cuts all over his body. He'd rather have his soul stolen by some crazy madman, whether it be Pegasus, Dartz, or some other off the wall lunatic, he really didn't care about specifics. He'd rather watch Mokuba be stabbed over and over again...
Okay scratch that last one, he'd never be desperate enough to want to see that, but you all get the point anyway, right? Kaiba would rather do almost anything else than what the script of this story was telling him to do.
"We have to sing Kaiba," Joey argued, pushing against Kaiba's back with his palms, trying to make him move forward but getting nowhere fast. "The readers out there are expecting it. If we don't they'll be disappointed."
Kaiba shook his head over and over. "I don't care! I am not subjecting myself to this. I still have pride and dignity. I have a reputation to uphold Wheeler."
"Yeah, a reputation as a stick in the mud," Joey muttered, still pushing the taller teen. "Just go with it Kaiba. Relax and have a little fun."
"This is not about fun," Kaiba growled, taking a shaky step down the first of the stairs. "We have a mission to complete. This is a waste of time and energy!"
"But they have food! I'm starving man!"
"Food, food, food, that's all I hear out of you!"
Joey rolled his eyes, guiding Kaiba slowly down the steps. He noted that the chief was glaring back at them now, probably wondering what the heck was taking them so long to climb down the stairs and start with the singing. They'd already missed their cue five times already.
"I'm drawing the line Wheeler," Kaiba roared, pushing Joey away from him. The blonde stumbled back a bit, but thankfully he didn't fall. The results would have been catastrophic to his already damaged noggin.
Kaiba threw his hands up in the air as he screamed, "I am not about sing a silly song with overrated lyrics, do a dance, ride on Altivo as he gallops across a fire pit, or deal with those natives kneeling down before us like pathetic mind slaves. To do any of the above things is just plain aggravating to me!" His eyes turned bloodshot as the turret fit intensified to a level that begged for his placement in a mental hospital. "I am only going to eat the feast, understand? You can sing and dance like an idiot if you want to, but I for one am not taking part. Thatauthoresscanjustskipthis sceneforallIcare..." Kaiba trailed off, noticing that his words had suddenly jumbled together. "What'sgoingon?"
Joey shrugged, but the movement was barely visible as he spoke. "Idon'tknowbutwesoundallchipmunky!" The blonde laughed, the sound so quick and high-pitched that Kaiba took an involuntary step away from him. To anyone else the laugh would have been hysterical, but to the brunette, it was just plain creepy.
Suddenly, the two teens found themselves moving too quickly down the stairs. The music moved faster, the dances moved faster, the singing that eventually came from Joey's mouth moved at a speed that wasn't even discernible. Kaiba tried to keep up, his own mouth moving without his permission, but his eyes started whirling round and round and round as the shifting scenes spun him like a trailer trapped in a tornado. All the while, he was still singing in that chipmunk voice.
The whirling intensified, making both the C.E.O. of Kaiba Corp. and the underappreciated, underdog duelist extremely dizzy. It was comical, watching the two of them scramble across the grounds of the area like a pair of drunk starfish...good heavens the authoress is definitely starting run out of ideas for this story. Seriously, drunk starfish? The only image that can possibly come to mind from that simile is that of Patrick Star from the Spongebob Squarepants cartoon. Of course, the woman could care less about the sanity of her readers at this point. She was having too good a time laughing at her victims. She felt like a puppet master, pulling the strings on all the unfortunate events falling upon our poor heroes.
But enough about her...or me rather.
After another moment or two, the whirling finally slowed and then abruptly ended. Joey's face turned green as he sang out the last few lines of lyrics at a normal speed.
"So...sign on two new gods for paradise..." the blonde trailed off, passing out as the words fell from his lips. If not for being exhausted, the poor guy probably would have thrown up.
Kaiba growled, his eyes still spinning as he stumbled a bit to his right. "Pa-ra-dise." On cue, he fell forward, passing out in time with the blonde.
The festivities continued around them, everyone else apparently oblivious to the fast-forwarding madness that had just occurred.
Ishizu and Anzu ended up dragging the two teens away, shaking their heads in annoyance. It was clear that the numb skulls were definitely going to need some extra help getting out of the city in one piece.
Truth be told, they'll be lucky if they manage to get out of this story alive.
The next morning didn't start so great.
Kaiba woke up to a punch in the face by a still sleeping Joey. He was rambling about someone taking his donuts or something of that sort, not that it mattered to the brunette. He growled, ready smack the teen for waking him up, but he hesitated, noting that their surroundings were a bit off. Instead of being inside the temple, the two of them were inside of some small tent...and they were moving.
"What the..." Kaiba lifted his hands to the sides of his head as he sat up, attempting to rub away the tension headache that was ebbing behind his eyes. "Great, first I wake up to a punch in the face and now I have a headache...gah, what's worse is that there's no aspirin in this God forsaken time."
More growls slipped from his lips as Joey turned over, clutching a round, plush blue pillow in his arms. Drool slipped from his mouth like a waterfall as he dreamed of pizza, donuts, and all kinds of junk. There was a very small smile on his face as he continued to dream, his breaths soft and peaceful, just like a little baby.
Kaiba stifled the desire to punch the blonde as he laid back down, his gaze on the ceiling of their tent. He lowered his hands from the sides of his head, letting them rest on either side of him as he took a deep breath. For a moment he contemplated going back to sleep himself...
Unfortunately, one creepy high priest wasn't about to let that happen.
Without warning, Tzekel Khan's face appeared upside down between the curtain in front of the two teens.
"Surprise!"
Kaiba bit back a scream as his eyes snapped open, taking in the sight of the blonde haired loony toon wearing a skeletal ceremonial head-piece over his face. Joey woke up with a start, letting out a strangled yelp as his gaze met Tzekel Khan's.
"Good morning my lords!' he cheered, his head disappearing from sight once he had finished speaking. There was a movement on top of the tent, then the sound of footsteps on pavement filled their ears.
Joey sucked in a deep breath as he clutched the pillow tighter in his arms. "He's back."
Kaiba rolled his eyes, sighing out as his headache intensified. "Fantastic."
Outside the small portable, enclosed throne-room, Tzekel Khan walked over to Chief Atem, smiling triumphantly as he approached his side. Atem's gaze stayed fixed ahead, his mind filling with worries over what was to come for his people. He let out a small sigh, glancing up at the now purple sky. The sun was still rising over the horizon, making the area look dark and mysterious.
"Now, it's my turn," Tzekel Khan stated darkly, glaring down at the shorter man. Atem made no reply, opting to keep silent and allow the events to unfold despite the uneasiness he felt.
Tzekel Khan locked his gaze on the people sitting in the makeshift stone stands across the massive ravine below him. With another smile he pumped his fists into the air. "The gods have awakened."
The natives cheered, bowing down as someone sounded a ceremonial horn.
Around this same time, Kaiba stepped out from the tent/throne, his mind still groggy as he turned. He took in the narrow bridge directly in front of him, Tzekel Khan and the Chief standing a few paces back from the edge of the brick structure.
Joey stepped out behind him, but not as gracefully.
"Aaaaaaaah!" The blonde fell flat on the ground.
As the men carrying the makeshift throne/tent left, Ishizu and Anzu stepped forward, carrying bronze bowls filled with lilac petals in their hands. With nimble and slightly shaky fingers, the two of them tossed out the petals a little at a time.
"Gah! What's going on!?" Joey screeched, hurrying to his feet when he noted the scores of natives sitting on the other side of the ravine.
Kaiba glared at Ishizu. "Well?"
Anzu was the one that answered, glancing back at both boys with a scowl on her face. "It's not gonna be good."
"Oh yes, that's helpful," Kaiba muttered, rolling his eyes as she pranced away from him.
"We're preparing for a ritual," Ishizu explained, her eyes narrowing on her brother. "Like Anzu said, it's not going to be good." With that said, she followed behind her friend.
The two teens locked their gazes on Tzekel Khan then, watching as he addressed the people.
"This city has been granted a great blessing," he began, "and what have we done to show our gratitude?" He glared back at the chief once more. "A meager, celebration?" With a wave of his hands he pointed to the two teens, watching them with adoration as they took a few steps forward. "The gods deserve a proper tribute!"
A few natives came off from the side of the path, holding up a large bag wrapped in flowers within their hands.
Joey smiled, excitement rising within him. "You think the treasure is in there?"
"Possibly," Kaiba replied, crossing his arms over his chest. "We'll see."
Tzekel Khan raised his hands once more as the natives lowered the bag to the ground. "It is the beginning of a new era! The dawning of a new age..."
He trailed off as he waved his hands around the bag. A dark green energy swirled around the bag as he continued waving his hands.
"...demands..."
The bag disappeared completely, revealing a girl. Thick ropes were tied around her hands and ankles. Her short ebony hair swayed in the growing wind as she let out a gasp.
"...sacrifice!"
The girl glanced back, tears filling her light blue eyes.
Joey gasped aloud, even going so far as to take a step backward at the display. "Kaiba...that's Rebecca. She looks different with the tan skin and black hair, but that's her! I know it is."
Kaiba narrowed his gaze on Tzekel Khan as he stalked toward the girl. The high priest extended his hand out so it hovered over her head. Her eyes immediately glazed over, almost as if she were in a trance. As he raised his hand, the girl followed, rising to her feet as a small moan slipped from her lips. There was almost a carnal look to Tzekel Khan's eyes as he did this, almost as if he were enjoying it.
"I don't like this," the brunette stated, his gaze narrowing further as another native handed the priest a sharp sword made of silver.
Joey nodded, his hands curling into tight fists "We have to do something now Kaiba."
Tzekel Khan gripped the hilt of the blade tightly, barely touching the girl's back with the tip. She stepped forward mechanically, completely unaware of the ravine and the swirling water below. The high priest raised the blade high above his head, clear malice in his eyes as he prepared to kill the young girl.
"Stop!"
Kaiba's voice echoed into the air, causing Tzekel Khan to freeze in his movements. He turned, his eyes meeting the brunette's gaze as he came forward with Joey only a couple of paces behind. From the sides of the bridge, Ishizu and Anzu stared at the duo, shock as well as relief written all over their expressions.
"This is not a proper tribute," Joey stated in an authoritative voice. He passed by Tzekel Khan, catching the Rebecca look-alike as she fell backward. Without any effort he picked her up bridal style.
Tzekel Khan's lilac eyes widened as he stared at the blonde behind him. "You do not want the tribute?"
"No, we want tribute," Joey answered, "it's just...Kaiba you tell him."
Kaiba groaned at being forced to engage in any conversation with the obvious lunatic of the story, but the idiot had left him with no choice in the matter. With sheer determination in his sapphire eyes he glared down at the high priest while pointing up at the sky with his index finger. "The stars are not in position for this tribute."
Tzekel Khan blinked in confusion. "The stars?"
"The stars."
It was honestly the best excuse he could come up with. Don't forget, our genius C.E.O. is dealing with a migraine right now.
Joey nodded his head, turning to carry the girl to one of the awaiting guards appointed to the sides of the bridge. "Like he said...the stars...can't do it. Nope, not today."
Kaiba's eye twitched a bit at the blonde's interference, but he kept his glare on Tzekel Khan despite this. He dared the lilac eyed native to question his logic.
Tzekel Khan laughed nervously. "Perhaps it is possible that I misread the heavens."
"Don't worry about it," Joey answered, having handed the girl to the guard. He made his way back to the two men. "To err is human, to forgive..."
Kaiba smacked the blonde in the back of the head before he could finish.
"Ouch...Kaiba!"
"My lords!"
Joey and Kaiba turned upon hearing the new voice. Chief Atem stood in front of the entryway to the bridge they stood on, smiling as he addressed them. "Please, allow the people of Eldorado to offer you our tribute." With a sway of his hands he stepped aside, allowing the two "gods" to see the scores of young women carrying golden plates with hundreds of golden items stacked atop them. They shimmered and glistened in the rising sunlight, the glow so magical that the two teens couldn't stop themselves from gaping. Joey was especially ecstatic, having never seen anything remotely close to this in all of his life.
Atem glanced between the golden display and the two teens. "My lords, does this please you?"
Joey sighed out in ecstasy while Kaiba shrugged in indifference. The blonde quickly fell in line, correcting himself, saying the gold displayed was acceptable. To take the tribute wouldn't help in their mission, but neither of them were about to refute the people for their unyielding kindness and generosity.
And seriously, we're not just talking about ordinary gold here. We're talking about really beautiful, metallic, and expensive looking gold and a lot of it to boot. Plus, there aren't any strings attached. It's a free gift baby. Would anyone turn that down?
I didn't think so.
"The gods have chosen..." the chief trailed off, his gaze questioning them. "To Shibalba?"
The two women watching all this shook their heads, inwardly telling them to stop, but Joey and Kaiba weren't really paying attention. The allure of the gold had gotten the best of them, which was surprising considering that the latter was filthy rich.
"To Shibalba!"
Anzu groaned, slapping her hand in front of her face. "Oh, great."
"We really have a pair of idiots on our hands," Ishizu added, sighing as the other women formed two lines on either side of the bridge. The first woman stepped forward, the gold bowl in her hands practically overflowing with golden items. With a smile on her face she lifted the thing just before tossing its contents over the heads of the two teens. Their shocked gazes followed the gold as it fell into the deep ravine. The crowds of people across the ravine cheered in excitement as the items slammed into the rushing water.
The sound of it made Joey's stomach churn as more gold sailed over his head. "Kaiba..."
Ishizu and Anzu rushed to their sides then, seeing the distress on Joey's face. Kaiba still looked indifferent to the situation, but he was starting to feel a little sick on the inside too. After all, watching all that gold fall into a whirlpool would make anyone sad.
"What are they doing Ishizu?" he asked gruffly.
"They're sending it to Shibalba," she answered, "the spirit world."
Joey's expression deadpanned as his shoulders began to sag. "Spirit...world?"
Anzu rolled her eyes. "I'll take care of it."
With all her feminine charm and elegance, she silently pranced over to Atem's side. "Excuse me, Chief, the gods have changed their minds about Shibalba."
He gave her a questioning look with his stunning violet eyes. Anzu responded to it by nodding her head towards Joey. His shoulders were still slumping over. At this rate, the poor guy was going to fall off the edge of the bridge.
"They wish to bask in the reverence shown to them."
Atem nodded, taking in a big breath.
"STOP!"
The other women immediately halted, their gazes snapping to the chief as his voice continued to echo through the air. After a moment, the only sound was that of a golden plate rolling toward the edge of the bridge. Joey stopped it from falling over with his foot. He wasn't about to watch one more piece of gold drop into the unforgiving waves. Kaiba shook his head in shame, though inwardly he was relieved. After all, whose to say that the true treasure of Eldorado couldn't be hidden within one of the gold pots or something similar. For all they knew, the treasure could have already fallen into the ravine.
"They wish to bask!" Atem shouted. "Take the tribute to the gods' temple!"
Anzu smiled in satisfaction as she made her way back to Joey's side. "Told you I could handle it." She crossed her fingers. "Me and the chief are like this."
Joey let out a sigh of relief as he placed his hand on her shoulder. "Thanks."
Kaiba scoffed. "We have business to attend to Wheeler..."
"And we'll be attending to it with you," Ishizu cut in, allowing a smirk to grace her features. "Right Anzu?"
"You better believe it." There was an extra bounce to her step as she started forward with Joey on her heels. Kaiba and Ishizu followed a few paces behind, smirks on both of their faces.
They were unaware of Tzekel Khan's own gaze following after the quartet as they walked away from the scene of the almost execution. However, after a moment his gaze shifted and locked on to the man who caused his embarrassment.
Atem could feel the man's gaze on him, but he wasn't afraid. He glanced over his shoulder and met his gaze, practically mocking the high priest with the huge smirk plastered across his face. He turned away soon after, falling in step with our heroes as they departed.
Tzekel Khan lingered, his mind raging with plots and schemes to destroy the ruler of the city.
"Smile while you can."
"I swear I didn't...nooooooo!"
Baron Santiago clenched his fists tightly as his eyes followed Cortés. Two of his guards were dragging along a younger member of the crew, chuckling darkly as they threw him on the sandy beach the rest of the crew stood on.
"So, you thought you were going to deceive me did you?"
"No sir!" the younger man cried, practically burying his head in the sand. "I swear I didn't take it."
Cortés spat at him. "Filthy scum. Don't try to lie your way out of this." With a gutteral growl he removed his sword from its sheath. "Keep the heathen still."
The young man tried to wriggle out of the grip of the guards as they pinned him to the sand. Baron felt his throat tighten as Cortés stepped forward, holding his sword high above his head with a malicious grin on his oddly pale face.
"Keep in mind that this is the fate for any and all traitors!"
The screams of the young sailor echoed into the warm air as Cortés brought the sword down upon his neck. The scream cut off, making it clear to every witness that the man was dead.
Silence filled the air as Cortés lifted his sword from the body. Baron's eyes locked on the blood dripping off the blade, his stomach churning with guilt. David and Raphael noticed the shift in Baron's demeanor, but they didn't address it. This was the price that had to be paid for them to survive. Framing an innocent man wasn't something the three men found joy in. It was nothing more than a means to an end.
Even so, Baron couldn't shake the self-loathing that welled up inside of him. His actions had caused an innocent man to lose his life. He should have been the one to die at the hands of Cortés. He should have paid the price of treason.
"It's done," Raphael whispered from his spot next to him. "Do not look back. Move ahead."
Move ahead? How was he supposed to move ahead from this? It's not that Baron was a stranger to death or to taking lives. He had done so many times in the past, but allowing someone else to take the fall for him was something he had never EVER done. Though a master manipulator at times, Baron was still a fiercely loyal person at heart. The man he had just framed for his crime was someone he had met on their first voyage to this land. He'd never bothered to remember his name, but Baron knew he was an honorable man; the kind of man who would never dream of stealing a map just to increase his own riches.
And now he's dead because of Baron's treachery. Knowing that was like receiving another punch to the eye.
Cortés smirked, not bothering to wipe off his blade as he placed it back in its sheath. His dark brown eyes narrowed as he noted a rowboat on the shore a few feet away and footprints in the sand. His eyes followed their path, his smirk widening as they disappeared into the jungle.
"Well, well, well," he muttered as his guards finally rose up from the ground. "What do we have here?" He turned back to the corpse of the alleged traitor. A laugh fell from his lips as he reached down, picking up the decapitated head by the hair. He stared into the wide eyes of the dead man as he turned to face his crew.
"The two stowaways from before are to be brought back to me just like this," he barked, holding the head out in front of him so every crew member could see it. "Kill them on sight. Understand?"
"Yes, sir!"
With that said, Cortés led them across the sandy beach, following the footprints left by the two escaped fugitives.
A/N: Initially I was going to make this chapter longer, but after reading through it, I decided that this was a better stopping place than what I had originally planned. Much to my own surprise this last scene got a little gory. I probably should have rated the chapter M for that, but I didn't because I was trying to focus more on the humor aspect of this story. (Plus I write the first author's note before even attempting to write the actual chapter.) Anyway, despite the dramatic ending, I hope you liked this chapter. Thanks for reading and thanks to all my reviewers. You guys are awesome!
