I gently close the door behind me before taking a running leap at my bed. I am pretty sure this grin will be etched on my face permanently. I feel the weight of my phone in my pocket and unlock it quickly. I have to tell someone about this. I open the contact and immediately tap on Dirk's name. Rolling onto my back I hold the phone to my ear and listen to it ring. It takes three rings before it connects which is odd. Dirk always has his phone on him.
"John kissed me," I blurt out before the other end even has a chance to answer.
"Dave! Good morn to you, good chap! John kissed you? Well congratulations!"
I pull the phone away just to make sure I dialed correctly. "English? What timezone are you in that it's morning there? And why are you answering my bro's phone?"
"Strider handed it to me. He's... a little, preoccupied, but gives you two thumbs up at the outstanding news." English sounds a little distracted and his tone is a little breathy.
"He's answered me when he's been elbows deep in robo-guts while doing near surgical rebirth to give AR a body. What on earth is he doing now that he can't answer me, but can still hand you the phone?"
"Well, his hands aren't particularly engaged- oh nevermind!" English's tone sorta spikes up into a squeak near the end.
"What?"
"More specifically, he can't answer you because his mouth is occupied. With my cock."
"Dude!" I frantically tap at my screen to end the call. Oh jegus h. dicks. No, not dicks. I am not thinking of dicks. I did not just call my brother while he was blowing someone and my brother did not pass his phone off to be answered by that someone and that someone did not just tell me that my brother was sucking him off. I live by a river and it is denial.
TG: dude that is fucked up
TG: just ignore the phone when shit like that is happening
TG: definitely dont let english answer
TG: im going to bleach my brain now
I finish sending the wave of texts and look for someone else that I can exclaim the good news to. I smirk as I scroll over a particular name. A ring and a half for this one.
"What do you want, fuckass?" Karkat snarls over the phone.
That tone tickles me to the core. Good to know that I'm still in hate with the nubby troll. "What makes you think I want anything? Can't I call just to be social and civilized."
"You being social and civilized? Don't lie to yourself, you barbaric freak. The only two reasons you call me is when you want something or you are gloating about something and I really don't want to hear you whining for a fucking gold star over whatever fucking achievement you got that a fucking grub could have stumbled over and done a twice better job than you. So either tell me what you want from me or hang up, fucknut."
"John kissed me." Actually I do sorta want a gold star for this now that he mentions it.
There is silence on the other end of the line before in an uncharacteristically soft voice he growls, "You lying sack of shit."
"Nope."
"No way."
"Yes way."
"But he said-"
"He knows what he said but he wants to give this a shot."
"He kissed you."
"Yea."
"Well, there goes a lot my hate material for you." Okay, good. Karkat is okay with it. As much as I like to antagonize him, I know at one point he was flushed for the dork. He's sorta ended up with the other dork. So what if Harley makes him happy? I have no room to judge.
"You know it was never really fair when you pulled that."
"I know, but kismesissitude isn't about being fair."
"Fuck you."
"Gotta watch that now with Egbert now in the picture."
Huh, didn't think about that. I'll have to check in on how Egbert feels about my kismesissitude relationship now that he wants to kiss me as well. "True, but you know what, I don't mind. I don't mind because he's in the picture! He kissed me and said yes to a date."
"Dinner and a movie?" Karkat asks casually, ever the romantic.
"Of course. Though I dropped an L-bomb on him." Why not consult a romantic expert while I have him on the phone.
"How'd he take that?"
"I'm not quite sure. I shut him up and told him to ignore it for now and that he shouldn't feel pressured to say it back."
"He's going to feel pressured."
"I know. I fucked up."
"Like usual."
"Hey."
"It's true."
"Fuck off."
"You first, fuckass."
"How are the romance studies going?"
"Great. Turns out that kismesissitude is almost exactly the same but the violence is naturally moderated when involving a human, like how I had to handle your softness."
"I gave as good as I got and never asked for reprieve."
Karkat ignores me and continues on. "Matespritship no longer revolves around pity but has incorporated the previously human emotion love."
"So I can be matesprits with John officially without that roundabout explanation that I had to give you after the fight."
"Yes, you dumbshit. You and John fucking Egbert can be lovey-dovey matesprits until you make us all puke in disgust."
"We will be sweetest sugary couple you have ever seen. Holding hands in public and feeding each other small fruits on picnics." I grin when I heard gagging on the other end of the line.
"Oh gog, I don't need to hear that, dickwad. Do you know how many fucks I give to your budding relationship with the superdork of this universe? None. I give no fucks to what goes on between the two of you. I hope you get diabetes and then die in a fire."
"Aww you don't mean that, Karkles. I know you're happy for us. Thanks."
"Fuck off."
"So it sounds like the flushed quadrants came through fairly untouched. What about the pale end of the spectrum?"
"Moirallegiance also came out pretty even. Apparently it was simple enough even the puny human brain could understand it. Though you humans like to term it as soulmates."
"Huh, that's actually a little different from Earth. Soulmates would have more romantic inclinations, would have been considered more flushed than pale." I can hear frantic scribbling as he wrote down notes about that. Karkat doesn't have much pre-game human romantic literature to research from except what the nine humans that came through had to offer. Which given we most of us were young teenagers whose social lives consisted of talking to strangers on the internet and two of those had never seen a living human until the game, there wasn't much that Karkat could go off of. "Ask Lalonde for more." I cut him off before he can attempt to pry any more out of me.
"Fine, be no help, you bulge sucking moron."
"Please no blow job insults. I really don't need to lose my dinner."
"What's gotten your panties in a twist? You like to suck my bulge often enough."
"You force that tentacle thing into my mouth more than I ever care for, Karkass. But for once it's not about your offending crotch appendage. English answered Dirk's phone."
"How the fuck does that lead to a sudden distaste for cock?"
"Dirk couldn't answer because his mouth was otherwise involved."
"Huh?" Pause. "Oh." Wait for it. "Oh gog damn it. Oh fuck you, Strider! You did not need to share that! Why did you think I needed to know that mentally scarring scrap of information? I am going to go bleach my brain from that mental picture! Fuck you!"
"Sorry, I'll be unavailable for a while as I court my potential matesprit."
"Fuck off!" Click. Aw, he never got around telling me about any potential changes to the club quadrant. The romances managed to keep the suit symbols as icons and actually they make decks of cards and subsequent card games more understandable now. My phone buzzes in my hand.
CG: CONGRATULATIONS, FUCKASS.
CG: ON BOTH EGBERT AND MAKING ME WANT TO LOBOTOMIZE MYSELF.
TG: thanks and welcome
CG: FUCK YOU!
I simply smile and start looking up movie times.
As I predicted, it's late before the lights under my door from the living room turn off and I hear Egbert sleepily shuffle off to his room. I'm personally glad that he didn't even think about coming to my room. He would have one of two reasons and I'm not sure if I could have handled either well. Either he could have been reconsidering this newly developed situation and coming to kill it before it had even opened it eyes, which would have destroyed me. I wouldn't have been able to go back to normal best friends after a taste of heaven. Or he could have been coming to try to get more kisses and into my bed, but even after all these years of pining and wishing and hoping and dreaming for that to happen, I really don't want to move that quickly on it. Even if he instigates it, like he has been so far actually, I don't want to spook him away. I really do want to court him, to woo him, to allow him to fall in love with me.
Neither scenario happened so I am safe for now.
I stay up for another hour or so skimming the internet and working on some music in the background. I'm a night owl but thankfully not an insomniac like Vantas. I sleep at regular intervals, however shifted from the norm those intervals are. At least our nightmares have decreased. Every once in awhile I wake up with John shaking me or simply curled around me or I've heard the screams and sobbing from the other room and I'll go comfort him, but it isn't as bad as when we first got out. For some of the survivors it still is. I hear some of the trolls that died on the meteor are still screwed up in the head. I remember Vriska's screams being the loudest when we all lived together.
When I feel the sandman come tapping on my eyelids, I shut my computer down and crawl into my sheets. The cool fabric slides pleasantly over my skin. I think about what happened on the couch and I am pretty sure I fall asleep with a grin on my face.
