Beth, What Can I Do? Beth never really cared that Quinn and Puck didn't keep her… not until now.
Glee belongs to Ryan Murphy, Ian Brennan, and Brad Falchuk.
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With Family For The Holidays
While imagining what it was going to be like to spend Christmas with a mother, a father, a brother, and a sister, I curled my hair in front of my bathroom mirror and sang softly, "I am dreaming tonight of a place I love even more than I usually do. And although I know it's a long road back, I promise you I'll be home for Christmas. You can count on me. Please have snow and mistletoe and presents under the tree. Christmas Eve will find you where the love lights gleam. I'll be home for Christmas if only in my dreams. If only in my dreams…"
Shelby knocked on the door and came into the bathroom with a big smile on her face. "You look beautiful," she said, noticing my velvet red dress.
"Thank you," I told her, giving her a hug.
"Quinn's waiting for you down in the lobby," she explained. Quinn probably hadn't come up to the room because she and Shelby didn't particularly like each other. "She wants to take you on a surprise outing; just the two of you. And then her family is going to join you guys at the Cheesecake Factory for dinner."
It sounded like a glamorous evening, especially because I'd be going on a surprising outing with my real mom. "Mom, you don't have to look so happy about this," I told Shelby, noticing that she hadn't stopped grinning. "I get it, okay? You don't want me to be mad at you, so you're trying to act like you don't mind me spending time with Quinn. Don't worry. You're my real mother, and she'll never replace you -"
"No, it's not that. It really isn't," she said quickly. "I just want you to have a good time tonight. That's all." She hugged me again, and I left the room to go down to the lobby. There I saw Quinn, and to my surprise, she was wearing a very similar velvet red dress to the one I was wearing! We also both wore a red velvet coat and black tights.
"Wow, you really are my mother," I chuckled, giving her a hug.
"Yes, we have the same taste in clothes. It's like we're the same person," Quinn laughed in agreement. I took a moment to observe her. With her golden bob, red coat and dress, sparkling earrings, and glittering lip stick, she was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen in my entire life. This was my mom. She was gorgeous, looking like a model on the cover of a holiday magazine. "I have a surprise for you," she said cheerfully, handing me a ticket. "I bought us tickets to see The Nutcracker at the theater!"
"Oh my goodness, thank you!" I gasped, hugging her again. "I've wanted to see that show from the moment I heard about it!"
"Well, you'll be seeing it in less than an hour," she said with a grin. "I want this to be a special evening for you so that you'll be extra excited about spending Christmas with me and my family… your family, Beth." We linked arms and walked to her car.
Then we drove to the theater and got into a line of fashionably dressed people waiting to get their seats. It was like being at Broadway. "I'd like to see you have a solo at Regionals," Quinn said as we inched up in line.
I chuckled. "I'm definitely not ready to have a solo, especially at Regionals."
"Oh, I think you are," she disagreed. "You have a beautiful voice, and great presence. You look like a star too."
"I don't know," I sighed, looking down at my boots.
Just the other day Bruce Driggers and Adam Benson had been whispering in class, and I overheard them saying that I was ugly. I wondered why Steven had wanted to date me. Since I was so shy and nervous that I hadn't called him or asked him to go anywhere lately, he'd probably forgotten about me. I was destined to never have a man in my life. I certainly didn't 'look like a star.'
"I know so," Quinn assured me, and we linked arms again as we entered the theater to find our seats. My jaw dropped with amazement and my eyes widened when I saw how close we were sitting to the stage! "Wow, I didn't even expect this!" Quinn laughed. She looked happy when she saw the look of excitement on my face.
"This is incredible! Such a great view of the stage!" I pointed at it. "And we'll be so close to the performers that I'll almost feel like I'm a part of the show!"
"I'm so glad that I was able to do this for you, Beth," Quinn said, and I leaned my head on my mother's shoulder when we sat down before the show began.
The curtains lifted, and there was a lovely girl with long curly blonde hair dancing on the stage. She was Clara. Quinn said to me, "She reminds me of you. I could see you portraying Clara in this play."
"I don't know," I chuckled, noticing how graceful Clara was dancing. "She seems so elegant."
"You're very elegant too, Beth," she assured me.
I was so drawn into the ballet even though there were no words in it. I was mesmerized by the stunning costumes: the wintry fairies with their silver-blue gowns and other characters looking like candy canes with twinkling red and white stripes. The dancing, the set, and the music were all beautiful. It was like Quinn and I had escaped from reality and traveled into a magical world of wonder. I never wanted the ballet to end. When it did, Quinn told me, "I could see you dancing in a show like that."
"I don't know," I repeated. "I couldn't dance like that. I'm not that good."
"Sure you are," she disagreed. "You took gymnastics when you were a little girl. I'm not sure if you took ballet or dance because I know that Shelby thought it might give you impossible dreams, but I'm sure that you would be a wonderful dancer."
"Thank you, Mom," I said, and we went back to her car so that we could go over to the Cheesecake Factory. "Mom, I have to ask you something."
"Hmm?"
"When we talked at the Lima Bean last month… you seemed so unimpressed with me -"
"No, Beth, let me explain," she said, pulling into a CVS parking lot and parking the car so that she could talk to me. "I was not unimpressed with you. In fact, I was the opposite. I only acted like I was unimpressed because I was amazed at how much better than me you are. When I was in high school I was selfish and manipulative - I still am. But you're so sweet. You're such a good person. And I actually felt bad when you told me that you made out with a boy because I know that I pressured you into doing it."
I smiled wearily. "It's okay, Mom -"
"No, it isn't." She shook her head. "You're not like I was in high school. You're innocent, and you probably weren't ready to do that with a boy, especially an older one. Shelby raised you to be innocent. And you did it to impress me before you were ready. I am so sorry, Beth."
"Don't apologize," I told her. "I actually wanted to kiss Steven. Since I've never had a boyfriend, I feel undesirable, and I like Steven a lot. I'm attracted to him, and I think he might actually be attracted to me. I didn't feel pressured by you to kiss him."
Actually that had been what happened. Sure I'd been attracted to Steven, but I probably would have waited a little longer to kiss him, no matter how much I liked him. I would have dated him at the time that I asked him out, yes, but I probably would have waited just a little longer before kissing him. I didn't know a lot about guys or romance. It was a subject that Shelby liked to avoid talking to me about.
"Okay." She stroked my hair and then we got out of the car and walked into the Cheesecake Factory. It was a big, beautiful restaurant. Most of the time I ate at Breadstix, so it was nice to be here for a change. The hostess led us over to a table in the middle of the restaurant. Bill, Drew, and Kristen would be joining us soon.
"I'm really excited about spending Christmas with you guys," I said cheerfully after they showed up and sat down. Kristen was wearing a similar red dress, coat, and tights to the ones that I was wearing. She, Quinn, and I looked almost like a pair of triplets even though Quinn was our mother, I was a teenager, and Kristen was a little girl. Bill and Drew were wearing nice suits. Like father like son. Like mother like daughters. Drew and Kristen were only half-related to me, but I still felt like they were my family. Bill wasn't my father, but he was still nice enough to seem like one.
"We're excited to have you spend the holidays with us too," Bill told me.
"It'll be so fun!" Kristen said enthusiastically. "We're going to dress up, do each other's hair and makeup, and play with Barbies!"
Yay! It had been a while since it was acceptable for me to play with Barbies, but having a younger sister gave me a good excuse to do so. I'd always loved dolls, and they reminded me of my childhood. I missed being a little kid.
I enjoyed eating an expensive but delicious pasta and having fancy conversations with my new family. When dinner was over, we stepped outside into the cold, snowy air. I shivered and hugged my mother. It was freezing. Bill drove Drew and Kristen home, and Quinn drove me back to the apartment. I told her I had an amazing night, making her very happy. Then I went up the elevator and entered my living room. I heard Shelby talking and figured she must have been on the phone, but then I heard Noah's voice. He was in the room with her. Maybe it was like the last time, and they were talking about me again. They were probably waiting for me to return home. They were in Shelby's bedroom, so I opened the door and saw them making out on her bed!
I wasn't as shocked as I could have been since Noah told me that he had been in love with Shelby at one point, but I was horrified because a terrible idea came to mind: maybe Noah really hadn't wanted to get to know me and be my father. After all, he hadn't made as big as an effort as Quinn had made. Perhaps he'd told me that he wanted to be my father only so he could get back with Shelby. He probably didn't care about me at all. They looked mortified to see me standing there, and collected themselves immediately.
"Beth, you look horrified," Shelby sighed.
"Yeah… that's typically how a person looks after seeing their dad and adopted mother make out," I pointed out.
"You should have knocked!" Shelby groaned, pointing at the door.
"Yeah, I could have, but I didn't think you'd be doing anything!" I shouted. "I thought you'd be waiting for me to get home. No wonder you were so happy that I was leaving the house tonight. You wanted time alone with my dad."
"Beth, I am so sorry," Noah said in a genuinely apologetic tone of voice. "I did come over to wait for you to get home. I wanted to see if you were still alive after an evening out with Quinn."
"I had a great time with Quinn and I am alive, thank you," I said sternly, crossing my arms.
Noah sighed and continued, "Shelby and I got talking, and then this happened spontaneously. We didn't plan it at all."
"I don't believe you," I said coldly. "I believe that the only reason you offered to be my father was so that you could get back to Shelby."
"No, that's not at all why!" Noah argued.
"He's telling the truth, Beth," Shelby assured me. "Really."
A small part of me did believe him, but I was too mortified to admit it or forgive him. I was thinking too much about me and not enough about them.
Noah sighed, stuck his hands in his pockets, and started toward the door. He looked at me and said "I really am sorry, Beth. I let you down, which is something I was afraid I would do. I'm going to leave now. Bye." He left the apartment.
"I am so sorry, Beth," Shelby apologized. "We shouldn't have -"
"I forgive you, Mom," I said, tears filling my eyes. "And I forgive him too. I understand that you guys care about each other. I feel bad for being so mean to him. What can I do?"
"He might still be downstairs," Shelby pointed out. "Maybe if you go now you can still catch him."
I bolted down the stairs to find my father. I did find him. But with Quinn.
"I love Shelby, Quinn," Noah told her. "I haven't loved you for a long time."
"I haven't loved you for a long time either," she chuckled, crossing her arms.
I went over behind a couch, knelt down, and hid, listening to them.
Quinn went on, "But I would invite you to spend Christmas with Beth and the rest of my family, if I loved you."
"But you don't," Noah reminded her.
"No, I don't," Quinn chuckled. "But somehow I can see just exactly how I'd be… if I loved you, time and again I would try to say all I'd want you to know. If I loved you, words wouldn't come in an easy way. Round in circles I'd go. Longin' to tell you but afraid and shy, I'd let my golden chances pass me by. Soon you'd leave me; off you would go in the mist of day. Never, never to know how I loved you, if I loved you."
"I would get a divorce from Lauren and spend every moment I have with you when you're not around your husband," Noah told her, and I was amazed by how heartfelt they sounded. "If I loved you."
"But you don't," Quinn reminded her.
"No, I don't," said Noah. "But somehow I can see just exactly how I'd be… if I loved you, time and again I would try to say all I'd want you to know. If I loved you, words wouldn't come in an easy way. Round in circles I'd go. Longin' to tell you but afraid and shy, I'd let my golden chances pass me by. Soon you'd leave me; off you would go in the mist of day. Never, never to know how I loved you, if I loved you."
And then it became very quiet. I peeked from behind the couch and peered at them. They were kissing on the lips! "This is wrong, Puck. We're both married," Quinn said, eventually stepping away from him.
"You called me 'Puck,'" Noah chuckled. Quinn chuckled as well, blushed, stared longingly at him for one last moment, and then left the apartment. I decided to stand up and confront Noah rather than apologize to him.
"Dad, I need to talk to you," I told him.
"I'm sorry, Beth." He seemed even more humiliated. "I didn't mean for you to see what just happened -"
"I don't mind what just happened," I explained. "I'm just confused. First you tell me that you want to be my father. Then you seem to just be wanting to get to Shelby. And now you're acting like you're in love with Quinn."
"So, what do you wanna know?" he asked curiously.
I began, "I've seen you twice in a short time. Only a week since we started. It seems to me, for every time, I'm getting more open-hearted. I was an impossible case. No one ever could reach me. But I think I can see in your face, there's a lot you can teach me. So I wanna know what's the name of the game? Does it mean anything to you? What's the name of the game? Can you feel it the way I do? Tell me please, 'cause I have to know. I'm a bashful child beginning to grow. And you make me talk. And you make me feel. And you make me show what I'm trying to conceal. If I trust in you, will you let me down? Would you laugh at me if I said I care for you? Would you feel the same way too? I wanna know the name of the game. I have no friends, no one to see. And I am never invited. Now I am here, talking to you. No wonder I get excited. Your smile and the sound of your voice, and the way you see through me. Got a feeling; you give me no choice. But it means a lot to me. So I wanna know what's the name of the game ? Does it mean anything to you ? But it means a lot. What's the name of the game? Can you feel it the way I do? Tell me please, 'cause I have to know. I'm a bashful child beginning to grow. And you make me talk. And you make me feel. And you make me show what I'm trying to conceal. If I trust in you, will you let me down? Would you laugh at me if I said I care for you? Would you feel the same way too? I wanna know. Oh yes, I wanna know the name of the game. Does it mean anything to you? What's the name of the game? Can you feel it the way I do? Tell me please, 'cause I have to know. I'm a bashful child beginning to grow. And you make me talk. And you make me feel. And you make me show what I'm trying to conceal. If I trust in you, will you let me down? Would you laugh at me if I said I care for you? Would you feel the same way too? I wanna know the name of the game."
He smiled kindly and opened his arms so that I could give him a hug. I did.
"You're just like your parents," he laughed quietly. "Always have to express yourself by singing."
I laughed, and he kissed my cheek. "I want so badly to get to know you, Beth."
"You really do?" I sniffed, wiping a tear from my eyes.
"Yes," he said. "I've always wanted to be your father, even on the day you were born. I remember when you were an infant and you fell out of your crib. Your tooth went right through your lip and you needed to get stitches."
I laughed awkwardly. "Wow, I don't remember that," I said.
"Of course you don't," he chuckled. "Hey, if you spend Christmas with Quinn, why don't you spend New Years with me? Actually, why don't I come over and spend it with you and Shelby and keep you guys company? Would that be okay?"
"Yes, as long as you don't make out with her in front of me," I told him.
"I promise I won't." He gave me another hug, and then he left the apartment.
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Author's Note: I apologize for it being a shorter-than-average chapter. The next one will be longer, I promise. I think that Beth fell out of her crib in the season three episode "I Kissed A Girl"? I don't remember. In a deleted scene of 'Mamma Mia,' Sophie sang "What's The Name Of The Game?" to Bill, one of the men she presumed to be her father, so I decided to have Beth sing the song to Noah. Also, I realize that Quinn and Puck don't really like each other, but they're still one of my favorite couples. I am absolutely in love with the musical "Carousel." The music is gorgeous, so I had to include a song from it. I hope to update fanfiction as much as I possibly can. Bye! Can't wait for Christmas!
