Sorry for the late update, Finals week was totally killer. Hope you enjoy this chapter!

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Chapter Nine

Alex vs. the Frozen Peas

He appreciated the peace and quiet it gave. Not the bus ride, no, that was incredibly noisy and slow. No, he meant the Rubik's cube, and the extended contemplative state it sent Sam into. They experienced a full thirty minutes where Sam hadn't said anything but a few spare words. The Rubik's cube, pre-scrambled, had her full, undivided attention and Alex was loving it.

Alex couldn't tell if she liked it or not, but the way she was twisting the sides, stopping to spin it around, thinking, then twisting another side meant that she was determined to solve the puzzle. Alex didn't know anyone who could solve a Rubik's cube who didn't already have a PhD in something math or science related. His old friend Smithers could figure it out in less than five minutes. But Smithers was a genius. Sam was not. There was no way she could ever solve that puzzle without looking for outside help.

Of course, once they got home, it was barely even noontime and Sabina didn't seem bothered by the idea of Sam staying for the whole day. In fact, she even decided to call some more friends over, because why the hell not. Her parents weren't there, off on a day of golfing, and thus had no say against Sabina's all-encompassing will. So Alex decided to spend the rest of the day secluded in his room. He tried to read one of the books his school assigned for the summer reading list. Alex didn't particularly care about school, he just needed something to do right now.

...Unfortunately, The Scarlet Letter, for all its rich commentary on Puritan life and values, was a chore to get through, and Alex figured he would get more out of the book by throwing it out the window rather than finishing it. Still, he persevered - the book wasn't too long, anyways.

The idea of regular old public school loomed on the horizon. Alex wasn't exactly looking forward to it, but if it meant having a normal life again, he was all for the notion. And he'd be sure to try harder this time. He started with catching up on the reading he had been procrastinating with. Sabina was all done with hers.

About an hour later, he heard footsteps come up the stairs. Out of the corner of his eye Alex saw someone walk into his room. "I'm done."

"What?" Alex hadn't been paying attention and looked up. Sam stood there, shifting awkwardly as she presented the solved Rubik's cube. Alex stared at it, uncomprehending. It hadn't been long. How could she have finished it so quickly? "That was fast. Did you look up a strategy on the Internet?"

She just stared at him. "Internet? No, I just...solved it. Like you told me to."

There was a stretch of silence where they both just looked at each other, neither knowing what to do. Alex was the first to speak, "Have...have you ever solved a Rubik's cube before?"

"No." She shook her head. Sam hadn't moved from her spot. Her hand was still outstretched with the finished cube. "This was the first time I've seen one. Why? How long should it have taken me? Did I do it wrong?"

Alex took the Rubik's cube to inspect it more carefully, to cleanse any doubts. Indeed, Sam had every color on the right side, none that intermingled. He had played with Rubik's cubes several times before – for days on end – and never got any further in his goals. The fact that Sam got this before dinner meant something. He just wasn't sure what. "That's...that's cool. Have you showed Sabina yet?"

"She didn't see it before."

"Well, why don't you just mix it up again?"

"I can't. It would be too easy."

Alex made a face. He had never heard anyone tell him that a Rubik's cube was "too easy." And he had tried memorizing his moves as a way to solve the puzzle, but he always forgot a step or two. It was so easy to give up. But he decided to humor Sam and scrambled it again. "Fair enough. Here you go. Show Sabina."

"Can she solve Rubik's cubes, too?" Sam almost looked hopeful. Alex's own bewilderment probably hadn't made her feel too confident about herself. Alex almost felt bad, but he realized this was the first time he'd seen her self-conscious. In fact, she was blushing when he handed the cube back to her.

"Sabina can't solve a word search," he snorted and earned a small smile in return. Sam's humor needed improvement, but she was starting to catch onto social cues. "She'll be all over your Rubik's-cube-solving abilities. Trust me, she'll love it."

"Okay," Sam gave him a genuine grin and skipped out of his room. Actually skipped. He didn't know anyone who could just be so cheerful like that on a whim.

Alex found himself chuckling softly, then caught himself. He hadn't laughed in so long, hadn't smiled in forever. In fact, his psychiatrist would argue he was in a firm state of depression. And yet, Alex discovered he was enjoying himself. Boy, would Sabina's mother be ecstatic to learn about all of this at their next therapy session.

He could hear the high-pitched giggles and laughter of Sabina's friends. Whenever one of them uttered a particularly loud screech, Alex would wince and grit his teeth. Loud noises, even this kind, put him on edge. When he closed his eyes, Alex would see the flash of guns, angry faces, fists and boots, empty rooms with dark corners, the bars of a cage, scared and dirty faces of refugees...all at once, filling his mind with no room to spare.

An ache in his shoulder. Just above his heart. Phantom pains that weren't really there, just echoes of memories.

Dr. Lee had given him advice to handle these flashbacks. Usually he'd find some ice or run cold water over his hands and face – the temperature helped him focus on the present. Another solution, one that Alex preferred when he hadn't completely disassociated himself from his surroundings was to listen to loud music. It blocked out the sharp bangs and slamming downstairs and allowed him some form of pleasure in what he listened to.

Alex reached for his iPod, hands shaking so much that it was hard to read the screen. Then he lied back and closed his eyes, trying to focus on the lyrics, the guitars, the drums. When the shakiness in his hands went away and his heart beat normally, Alex allowed himself to open his eyes and heave a sigh. That was one of the lesser instances of PTSD he'd experienced.

He needed a drink of water.

Alex pulled himself out of bed with a groan. He didn't know how long he had been lying down, just that he felt sore as if he had just been in a fight. His muscles felt tense, and Alex felt silly for being so paranoid. His body was ready for an unexpected attack and he couldn't make himself relax. Hopefully no one else would notice.

The girls had gathered in the kitchen. Or, rather, Sabina and her friends had, while Sam was in the living room, still playing with the Rubik's cube. At a glance, Alex noticed that the new girl already half of the puzzle solved. Damn. He just knew she would come back and ask him to scramble it for her again.

Upon entering the kitchen, with its silver-matte appliances and clean black surfaces, the girls gathered at the bar looked at him and immediately fell silent. Alex averted his gaze and did his best not to turn red right in front of them.

Sabina just smirked at him and sipped from her drink, elbowing the girl beside her and said, "So, how was the game?"

"Oh, it was good!" the girl, who Alex remembered to be Fallon, turned to Sabina in surprise, as if just realizing she was still there. "I-I scored a goal and we won ten to eight..."

With Sabina and Fallon's conversation to mask their own, the other two girls – Marie and Olivia – started to whisper to each other. Alex tried to ignore them even though he already knew what they were talking about. He wasn't an idiot. These girls talked behind everyone's backs, hardly with anything nice to say. Sometimes they were less subtle than usual – sometimes they didn't bother at all. Maybe they thought they were being secretive but Alex, his senses had been honed to the point where it was hard to ignore anything that wasn't in his direct vicinity.

Of the three girls, only Olivia had ever asked him out. Once. Least to say, Alex was not interested. Still wasn't. Whether or not she was pretty or had a nice personality under that annoying laugh, it didn't matter to him. Could he handle the emotional baggage of someone else, on top of his own? Probably not. Alex wasn't ready. He wasn't sure if he ever would be.

But of course this just made Olivia and the others become all the more "irresistible", as Sabina would repeat what the girls said about him, verbatim. "It's the bad boy stereotype," she would explain to him time after time. "You're just so goddamn mysterious and dark. It's like they have no idea what living with you is actually like."

Sabina was mostly joking about the matter, but Alex knew that his...episodes affected his adoptive family as much as they affected him. It wasn't something they talked about in public. The only place where it became a serious discussion was in Dr. Lee's office, and even then Alex didn't like it.

"Go talk to him." Marie hissed at Olivia, poking her in the arm.

"No, you talk to him!" Olivia whispered back, scowling. "I tried it last time. It's your turn!"

Alex pretended not to hear the girls as he reached for a cup and went to the fridge for water. He made the mistake of glancing at them when his cup was filling up and watched as the girls' eyes met his and they immediately looked away, bursting into fits of giggle behind their arms. Alex shook his head to himself and focused on the glass in his hand, trying not to let his embarrassment get the better of him.

Just as he turned around to leave the kitchen, Sam appeared in front of him, as if out of thin air. Alex jumped, spilling some water on the floor, and had to clench his fist before he let off a string of curse words.

Instead, Alex managed a strained: "Jeez, don't do that!"

More giggling at the bar. Apparently, his reaction was funny.

Alex refused to look at them. Sam just blinked at him, seeming not to understand what just happened. "Oh, all right."

Then she turned and walked away.

Now it was Alex's turn to look confused. Olivia snorted and whispered to Marie, "Wow, I can't believe she just walked up to him and didn't even try!"

"She's crazy!" Marie replied.

All things considered, Alex thought Sam to be lesser of irritations in the house. Still wondering what she wanted (probably to scramble the Rubik's cube again), he followed her back into the living room. Alex wasn't sure if this was an entirely well-informed decision – for all he knew, Sam would go off on another tangent that he really didn't care about, and make Alex realize that yes, she still got on his nerves after just a couple hours of knowing her.

Sam was back on the couch, still playing with the cube. So she hadn't solved it yet, after all. Alex decided to keep his distance, especially after witnessing her scour the whole house upon arrival – her need to touch and stare at everything for five minutes was bizarre and just made Alex want to remove himself from the situation. He had no idea how much of the house she had completed when he finally left the room again, but she seemed okay so far.

"What was that about?" he asked her, sitting on the opposite seat from her. It was the green leather armchair that Mr. Pleasure always sat in to read the newspaper and drink his tea. It smelled like him, too, of paper and aftershave.

"You said you didn't want me to do that, so I left," Sam replied, letting the cube drop in her lap for a moment to look at him. "Isn't that what you wanted?"

"No, I just meant..." Alex supposed sarcasm wasn't the only thing she didn't understand. "You scared me; you just appeared out of nowhere."

"I was in the living room." Sam replied, frowning.

"I know, but," Alex rubbed the back of his head, getting frustrated trying to explain this to her. "I didn't notice you approach. I just- I don't like surprises, okay?"

"Oh, sure," Sam nodded, as though now it made sense, and went back to her Rubik's cube as though there weren't even a problem. "I get it."

Alex was a little stunned she managed to get it so easily. "...You do?"

She just smiled at him. "I don't like surprises either. It makes it hard to focus on anything else. It's fine."

"Don't they have pills for that?" Alex asked, taking a sip of his water before setting it down on the table in front of him. The question had been bugging him for some time now: was Sam on medication? Should she be?

"Pills for what?"

"You know," wow, way to make him feel awkward. Alex ran a hand through his hair. Now he knew what it felt like for someone else to ask him if he took antipsychotics. "For your...condition?"

"What condition?" Sam tilted her head at him.

Alex wasn't sure if she was kidding or not. Based on his gathered data so far, Sam probably had no idea what he was talking about. "Did – didn't your mother notice you have...you have whatever you have?"

"Do you mean my shoes?" Sam raised her green-soled feet from the couch armrest. "She already knows I won them on a bet."

So, clearly not. Alex couldn't believe a mother wouldn't bother to get her child medication for (he assumed) ADD, much less not even telling their kid about it. Did Sam think this was normal, acting the way she did? Did anyone ever tell her that she was...weird?

He decided that it probably wasn't his place to break the news to her. It would be even harder to have to explain it in case Sam didn't understand. "Um, never mind."

"All right," Sam said, going back to her puzzle again. Did she just not care? Alex didn't expect her to keep talking. "Are you and Sabina related?"

"No." he replied, a little frustrated. Just when he was about to get up and leave, she had to start something else. In normal circumstances, he would just go anyways, but for some reason Alex felt obligated to stay. For some reason, he wanted to make sure Sam understood him. "I'm adopted. Didn't we already tell you before?"

"I forget, sometimes," Sam shrugged like this was natural. "There are just a lot of things to remember, you know? After all those paintings, all those names, some stuff just gets slips by, I guess you could say. You won't tell my mother, will you? She'll be super mad if she found out I slipped up, even just a little bit."

"Uh, yeah, I promise," Alex said rather nonchalantly. He didn't take her word particularly seriously. "You're not saying you actually memorized all that artwork, did you?"

"It's important, right?" was her rebounding question.

"Well, to some people, I guess –"

"Then, yes, I memorized them," Sam finished with a proud smile. It faltered a little and it took her a moment to say: "Well, I kind of can't help it. I just have to, you know. It's not even about my mother. Things just show up and I have to, I have to notice them or-or that's all I think about until I see it again. Sounds are hard, really hard because, you know, you can't repeat them, you can't look back at them like a painting or a sign or something, it's there and then it's not. So it bugs me for hours. Sometimes I get lucky and hear it again. Then it's good. You know what's a good idea? A machine that repeats sounds so you can remember them. That would so help if I can't –"

"Stop!" he almost shouted. When her voice started to pick up, words spoken faster, Alex realized she would keep going until some outside force stopped her. Alex had gotten lost in the stream of words. The last thing he remembered her saying was something about sound and then it was just a blur of sounds. "Just-just stop, okay?"

"Oh, okay," Sam had flinched at his words, startled by the sudden outburst. Alex immediately felt bad when he saw the hurt look on her face. He hadn't meant to hurt her feelings, "Am I not supposed to do that, either?"

He did his best to rectify the situation. Alex wondered if she would start crying. "No, its fine, you were just going so fast I didn't think you'd stop. It was a little scary."

"Oh." Was all Sam said. She looked at him for a long moment, her eyes starting to glaze over. Alex wasn't even sure if she was even paying attention anymore. "What was it like?"

"What was what like?"

"Do you miss your old home?" Sam's eyes refocused, as if remembering where she was."...England? That's where you're from, right? Did you leave behind any friends? Family?"

Alex's reaction was abrupt, almost instinctual. As soon as the images of Jack started forming in his head, Alex's hands started to shake and his breath hitched in his throat. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't think. He just knew he had to leave before something bad happened. When she finished, without another word he surged up, stuffed his hands in his pockets, and stalked away.

The only place to go was his room. He had left Sam behind, completely bewildered and asking, "Did I say something wrong?" before he disappeared upstairs and slammed the door behind him.

Then Alex turned and slammed his fist into the nearest wall.

He hadn't meant to lose his cool. But Sam had gone too far. Alex had been afraid that he might hurt Sam if he didn't leave immediately. Something about 'projecting' his feelings onto something, or someone, else. A reaction Dr. Lee specifically warned him against.

Alex couldn't face it just yet. The questions of his therapist were better phrased but no less easy to answer. That made it all the worse – never mind he didn't fare well in his sessions, Alex could barely function in public. It was a regular question brought on by regular circumstance. If he couldn't at least figure out how to lie about it, how was he ever going to find a normal life again? Of course, Sam didn't have an agenda; she had no clue of his psychological state.

...Well, maybe she did now, but that wasn't the point. Alex stewed in his frustration, feeling utterly lost and helpless in his quest to regain a sense of normalcy in his life. Every day, Alex was reminded he was different from the rest of the world, even down to the littlest things.

From constant nightmares and complete insomnia to flinching at every loud bang and crash. Alex constantly felt himself on alert, unable to rest and relax for long periods of time, until he was so exhausted he fell into fitful, dreamless sleeps that left him even more tired than before. It was a vicious cycle that until very recently had remained unbroken.

Sam was the very first person he allowed himself to open up to, even for the briefest of moments. It was so stupid of him; Alex wasn't sure why or how it had happened. Not even with Sabina he talked about his past, before or after his career with MI6.

And Sam, some girl he had met only hours ago, had gotten closer to him than his therapist and adoptive family of over six months have been trying to attempt. How had she done it? Was it the complete innocence in her knowledge, the honest curiosity in her eyes? Or perhaps it was the way she smiled, so sincere and trusting, a promise that she only meant well.

But Alex knew better. In the world he knew only too well, people would do anything, be anyone, to get what they want.

He slumped on his bed, exhaustion taking him once more. Knuckles aching, Alex ran a hand through his hair. Although he ran from the question, he couldn't run from his own thoughts. Jack's face floated out from the darkness behind his eyelids. No matter how hard Alex tried, he couldn't get rid of her face.

Oh, Jack...

His fists clenched in his hair, pulling until it hurt. The pain made for a rudimentary distraction, an emotion being overpowered by a stronger one. He didn't like it anymore but at least it was simpler, easier to control.

There were not a lot of things in Alex's life he could control. Pain was a strange sort of solace he could hide away in. A secret he wasn't proud of, one he wished he didn't have to keep – but what better option was there?

At some point, he forced himself up and relocated a bookshelf to cover the hole in the wall he had made. Sabina's parents weren't home yet, so he expected no one would notice anytime soon. But he doubted they would ask anyways. Dr. Lee had told them he "had to work things out himself" first, before confiding in anyone else.

He supposed they would allow any sort of catharsis, short of murder if it meant Alex would open up eventually.

Alex didn't realize it wasn't over yet. Just as he was about to return to his bed, clutching his aching hand, there came a loud bang outside. It could have been a car door slamming, an exhaust backfiring, a trashcan being dropped – it didn't matter. As soon as Alex heard it, he hit the ground.

Terrible images flashed in his mind. Bright explosions, screaming people, a terrible warmth in his chest, paralyzing fear. A glint of light in a window of an apartment building, across the street. Stepping off the curb, then falling without feeling.

The floor was shaking. Why was the floor shaking? Alex couldn't make it stop. In the back of his mind, he knew what was happening, but something prevented him from speaking, from shouting. If he could only reach Sabina somehow – call her parents, bring them back, get help.

He didn't know what to do, he couldn't remember. All Alex could see was the open windows, the bright day, how easy it was for someone to see him in here. He was right out in the open, for any sniper to see. No, Alex couldn't let them win. He had to hide.

But Alex wouldn't stand up, he couldn't. He saw the closet behind him and realized it was his only chance. He scrambled for it, terrified by how sluggish his movements were – like he was trapped in slow-motion. A snail was faster than this. Any second now, Alex would be dead.

Darkness. Safe darkness.

He shoved himself inside the closet, slamming the door behind him. Alex curled up, not particularly concerned with comfort at the moment. He just tried to make himself as small as he could, to make it harder for someone to find him, to kill him.

Alex's heart beat so loud that he couldn't hear anything else. He didn't realize he was hyperventilating until the stuffiness in the closet made it hard to breathe. Some jackets hanging from the bar were in his face, so he pushed them away, only to bump his arm on something else in the closet, something metal. A shelf, maybe? A baseball bat? He couldn't tell, it was impossible to see in there.

It could have been a few seconds, it could have been hours. Time didn't make sense to Alex at the moment. He was just aware of the fact of how small in the closet it was, how safe he felt away from prying eyes. No one could reach him here, he was could stay here forever and they would never find them.

Who was 'they'? Alex couldn't remember. All he knew is that they wanted him dead.

It felt like an eternity before someone came to check on him. Did they even know Alex was in trouble? How could he tell them to leave, to get out of here before they got hurt, without endangering himself as well?

He heard the footsteps up the stairs first, then the slow creaking of the door opening. They didn't knock. Why didn't they knock? It was a rule in this house – always knock before entering Alex's room, unless you wanted to scare him and then face the consequences. Soft knocking, not loud banging either. Whoever this was, they either forgot or didn't care.

Alex pushed himself further into the back of the closet as the person, whoever they were, entered the room. It wasn't Sabina or her parents, they would know to knock, so it couldn't be them. Whoever else it could be was a stranger, someone he couldn't trust, someone he had to hide from. They were the enemy.

He saw their shadow crossing the light underneath the closet door. The footsteps were light, quiet. Not wearing shoes. It was custom to take off your shoes when entering this house. So it was a visitor, a visitor who was allowed inside. It had to be one of Sabina's friends. Olivia, probably...that girl was always snooping around where Alex didn't want her to. The very idea of those silly girls sneaking in his room made Alex relax a little – they were a non-threat, an annoyance.

But unlike Olivia, this person did not call out his name, did not ask where he was to the empty room. Alex wanted to peek out the door, see who it was, but his fear had overridden his curiosity. No, it was better to stay in here and not risk the chance that it could be an enemy outside that door.

Whoever was in that room was looking at his stuff. Alex could tell as the movements went across the room, where his desk was. Above it was a trophy shelf, mostly academic awards and football trophies from before his days as a spy. In particular, there was a checkered ball with the signature of Frank Lampard, one of Alex's favorite footballers. He hoped the intruder wouldn't touch it. It was a gift for his tenth birthday.

A loud clatter. Then a bang. Alex winced. Whoever it was, they had just dropped the ball.

"Oops," said the intruder. A girl's voice. Sabina's friends?

No. It was Sam. Of course, she wouldn't know about knocking on doors. Now she was inside, poking around, probably touching everything in sight. It made Alex's skin crawl with just the thought of it. Why was she touching his stuff? That was his stuff.

She didn't belong in here. Of all people, she would surely find him, perhaps without even trying to. She would sniff and poke and prod until she knew every corner of that room and Alex knew there was no getting her away – at least without somehow hurting her feelings, and thereby getting Sabina involved because of his bad host behavior.

So Alex just pulled himself tighter into a ball and prayed to whatever deity who would listen that Sam would not find him, that she would not barrage him with questions, that she would just leave and never enter the room again.

Sam wandered around the room. There were some muffled scrapings and whispers – Sam was slowly making her way across one side of the room to the other. From the way Alex guessed her progress, the closet would be one of the last things she'd reach. He hoped that perhaps something would come along and distracted her enough to leave the room – but in his anxiety for her to leave, Alex's muscles reacted against his wishes and his foot twitched. Normally, it would've been silent if there hadn't been a box full of loose items, old toys of when he was a boy.

Alex flinched at the loud tinny noise. He silently cursed himself for his own stupidity as he heard Sam suddenly stop with whatever she was doing, apparently alerted by the noise.

Oh, great.

He dreaded when the shadow fell across the door. Alex considered telling her to go away before she got too curious, but that would probably just be the nail in the coffin.

When a set of fingertips appeared on the door-frame, Alex prepared himself for the worse. Those blue eyes, too bright, peering in at him, through the crack in the door. He turned his face away, hoping she hadn't seen him. Alex just couldn't handle that right now.

Then those eyes vanished, and that crack of light filtered in again. The fingertips disappeared, sudden footsteps going out the door.

Alex looked up, surprised. What in the world had compelled that girl to leave what was most probably a great mystery to her?

For a long moment, he didn't think she would come back. But less than a minute later, he heard the sounds of footsteps up the door (with some high-pitched giggles making preamble), then the sound of her entering his room again.

She came straight for the closet as he expected. A sharp intake of breath when the door of the closet was pulled open. But Sam didn't pull it all the way open, just enough to stick her hand through. In that hand, she held something.

Alex stared at it, not quite sure what to make of it in the dark. He reached up and touched it. The object was cold to the touch. An icepack? No, peas, he could feel it in the packaging. It was wrapped in a dishcloth. In his rattled mind, Alex had no idea what it was for.

"Your hand," Sam whispered, as though she could read his mind. He had hesitated and she seemed to understand his confusion when he didn't take it from her hand. "It must hurt."

Alex didn't say anything, just took the iced peas and placed it over his knuckles. He had forgotten about the ache. Now it was back in full force. Alex was pretty sure his hand was bleeding, but in his panicked state it was of less importance.

At last, he managed a hoarse, "Thank you."

But Sam was already gone.