AN: This fic is now officially the longest I've ever written. I'd pat myself on the back, but more than anything I feel bad making you guys read these insanely long chapters! BTW Trigger Warning for homophobia. I felt terrible the whole time I wrote it but it comes from a place of experience.
Eyeing the files on his desk, Roxas released a long sigh, tipping his head back so far he could almost see the cubicle behind him. He was supposed to be assisting the research and policy team today and, predictably, he ended up doing most of the research. All because it was just so easy to take advantage of the lowly intern.
Unfortunately he was having a hell of a time focusing. Why Murphy's Law decided to kick in now of all times, he would never know. Whether or not he knew why everything seemed to be going wrong at once, the fact stood that it just was.
That morning he got a very lengthy phone call from his parents. The reason for the call was to set up some sort of family dinner. By family dinner, Roxas would have assumed that it would be a meal with only family, however both he and Namine were invited to bring their significant others along as well..
It was a kind gesture in theory, inviting his hypothetical partner to the dinner as well, but they hadn't used the word 'partner'. They had used the word girlfriend. It may have been his imagination, but it seemed as if they were stressing it. As if the use of the word was a deliberate threat. They both ended up saying it an excessive number of times.
Aside from the inevitably tense dinner with his parents, he also hadn't heard from Axel since Hayner had decided to drop in unannounced and be as rude as he possibly could be. It wasn't for lack of trying either. He had probably sent a dozen texts to the man, a dozen and one including the apology for Hayner's rudeness.
There was a knock on his thin cubicle wall, causing him to sit up abruptly so it didn't look like he was slacking. Vexen, owner of the cubicle behind his and all around grouch, looked thoroughly unamused.
"Aqua is asking for you in her office." He informed him blandly, electing to ignore the fact that Roxas had just been burning his eyeballs up staring into the florescent lights above. He stood with a grunt, walking as hastily as he could without actually running.
When he opened the door, Aqua looked up at him from her computer with a smile. This was his first time actually getting to see Aqua's office. Whenever she needed Roxas she went to find him herself. It was very neat and tidy with a few little knick knacks sitting in a row on her desk. Upon further inspection Roxas could see a few picture frames on display.
One was of Aqua, dressed in her cap and gown smiling proudly as she held a diploma in her hands. She looked a bit younger, but hardly any different than she did now.
Another had Aqua and someone he'd never seen before laughing under a shower of uncooked rice. The woman was dressed in a fluffy white silk gown with rice sticking in her hair and the veil on her head. She was holding tightly to the hand of a tall brunette man as they fled the downpour of rice.
The last looked a bit like a school picture, a little blond boy of maybe four or five smiling goofily with a big jelly stain on his nice little cardigan.
"That's my husband and I on our wedding day." She pointed toward the photo, apparently noticing Roxas' enthrallment with the pictures. "I accidentally threw the bouquet so hard no one could catch it. It nearly broke the window." She laughed, smiling fondly at the photo. "I really underestimated my strength. Terra wouldn't let me hear the end of it"
Roxas didn't know why everything in his life suddenly had to be about weddings, but Aqua looked happier than he'd ever seen anyone look, and so did the man in the photo even as he was being dragged down the church steps with rice in his hair and accumulating in the folds of his tuxedo.
"And that's my son, Ven." She pointed to the photo of the smiling child. "He didn't take preschool picture day very seriously." She explained with a chuckle.
Before Hayner announced his engagement, Roxas never put any thought into marriage and weddings or the possibility of having a family someday. He had initially been adverse to the idea considering the mounting pressure from his parents. Now he found himself stewing on the subject a lot.
It seemed like such a hassle. Helping Hayner and Olette had shown him just how needlessly complicated the process could be. It didn't help that the couple decided to invite everyone in town, and it especially didn't help that they'd given themselves so little time to plan.
But Aqua looked absolutely elated, and seeing the joy on her face made it seem like the months of agonizing planning were worth it
"I didn't know you had kids…" Roxas commented, unable to look away from the picture of the laughing couple.
"Only one." Aqua clarified. "Adopted. He's my treasure." She gently brushed the photograph with her fingers. Pulling her hand away, she looked back up at Roxas with a sheepish smile. "I'm sorry, I got distracted. Please have a seat." Roxas shook his head, slowly lowering himself into the plush office chair.
"No, I got distracted first." This made Aqua laugh.
"We were both distracted, no need to be nice about it." She leaned back, clasping her hands together. "I called you in because I was wondering if you would like to start working under my supervision. I know you haven't had much experience with observation yet, so if you wouldn't mind assisting me…" She shrugged. "I could use the help, and It wouldn't be any trouble to bring you along with me every once in awhile. It won't always be very exciting, and I'll definitely have you doing more than what Ansem has you doing, but if you're getting sick of only doing write-ups..." She let the offer hang. Roxas nodded enthusiastically. He'd do anything to get out of research and liability write ups.
"I'd be glad to, thank you Aqua." He didn't know how he could ever thank the woman enough, but she seemed to pick up on how grateful he was. She reached over the desk and clapped him on the shoulder.
"I'm happy to have you. You can finish up whatever you were doing today. Just report to me tomorrow, I'll make sure I have something ready for you to do." She released Roxas with a wink, and he returned to his cubicle feeling a bit better.
Axel was the first he told his good news to, since Axel was the only one who seemed genuinely interested in things like this. He never got a reply
The next day Roxas' mood only worsened. He had passed all of his midterms with flying colors, save for one. Since he had done fairly well in the class until now, this D wouldn't bring his grade down too much, but it was still a big blow.
His parents wouldn't be happy. He hoped they wouldn't bring up school or work at dinner that evening, but he wasn't optimistic.
Worse still, he was still getting nothing but crickets from Axel. He couldn't understand why, they'd been through far worse things than Hayner's bad attitude and come out of it just fine.
Working with Aqua was definitely a lot nicer than answering to anyone on Vexen's team or worse, to Ansem himself. She actually let him look over current case files, and didn't treat answering his questions like a chore.
He was thankful she had taken pity on him.
Actually having work to keep him busy made the time pass rather quickly. Before Roxas knew it, it was time to clock out.
Then he would have a little time before he had to face his parents.
On the way home he found himself stopping at the diner, but couldn't bring himself to do anything but look in through the window. Whether Axel was there or not, he didn't have the courage to actually go inside. Besides, even if Axel were there he had no idea what he would say to him.
This of course made him feel like a total stalker, and he found himself retreating rather quickly to avoid being seen.
He chastised himself the entire ride home for being such a creep.
Even so, it was frustrating, being ignored like this. If at least knew why he might be able to accept it and move on, but he wasn't even given that much.
After returning to a very empty, lonely apartment, he sprawled out on the sofa and stared up at the ceiling as he attempted to get his thoughts in order. It would probably be best to figure out what went wrong before he saw Axel again. Unfortunately the only thoughts he could muster were disorganized and overtly sexual. This was not helpful in the least.
Sitting up so fast it made him feel dizzy, he immediately decided he needed some air. He was expecting his parents in only a few hours and there was no way he could face them with thoughts like those running rampant in his head.
The cool spring air on his face was a welcome relief, and it was easy to for him to momentarily forget that he was an all around mess once he had reached full speed jogging through his neighborhood.
Roxas could feel the resistance of wind in his hair, relishing the burn he felt in his calves. He was still dressed in his work clothes, a sight that was probably a bit comical. He probably had run around the block nearly four times before deciding on an actual destination.
He wondered, as he ran past shops and churches and quaint little houses, why he had never thought of running off his pent up frustrations until now.
For a brief while his brain was too full of adrenaline and his lungs were too busy screaming for oxygen for him to dwell on the cacophony of things that were bothering him.
The clouds were beginning to turn pinkish purple as the sun started to set. Soon the horizon would be red and orange instead, and then the sky would be a dark indigo decorated with little speckles of stars.
Eventually the air started to cool significantly, signalling that it was probably time to head back to his apartment unless he wanted his parents to see him looking sweaty and disheveled. A small part of Roxas wished he could have kept running forever, without stopping.
Upon returning to his apartment he looked up at the wall clock to find that it was already a little past seven. Rushing to grab clothes that weren't coated in sweat, he took the world's quickest shower and hurriedly dried his hair so it didn't look like he put off getting ready until the very last minute.
It was at seven thirty exactly that his parents arrived, Namine in tow. It seemed like the second they were in his apartment they were judging every little bit of decor with scrutinous gazes.
"Mom, Dad… Good to see you." Roxas offered a strained smile.
"We've been gone for nearly six months and not a single thing has changed." His father commented. He laughed nervously.
"What can I say, I'm a stickler for keeping things familiar." His father nodded wordlessly.
"You should grab a light jacket, dear. It's getting chilly already." His mother advised. Grabbing the nearest jacket he could find, he followed both of his parents out to their nice, spotless car.
"I think I'm craving Italian tonight." His mother commented.
"Italian sounds great." Namine piped up. Both She and Roxas knew their parents couldn't ever agree on anything. If their mother wanted Italian then their father would want Chinese.
"I could go for Italian." Roxas added. Outnumbered three to one, Roxas' father relented. Italian it was.
The car ride was quiet as he and Namine communicated silently through pointed gazes. It couldn't have been more than ten minutes before they had arrived at their destination.
It was a restaurant Roxas had been to with his family dozens of times. The bad lighting, tacky decorations, and cheesy silhouettes painted on the walls of people flipping pizzas were all achingly familiar. His mother would order the spaghetti carbonara, his father the cheese ravioli, Namine fettucine alfredo, and Roxas the chicken parm. This was how it was every time, and how it would probably be until the end of time.
Roxas wasn't the only creature of habit in the family.
Sure enough everyone in the family was met with their signature dishes, but he found it very hard to stomach his food. For some reason his comfortingly familiar meal wasn't so comforting.
"I'm just so surprised Hayner is getting married before you." His mother commenting, twisting a bite of spaghetti onto her fork.
"Why do you say that?" Roxas asked, forcing down a bite of chicken. The meat was dry and tasteless, but it was the conversation more than anything that left a bad taste in his mouth. Namine looked as if she were secretly monitoring the conversation lest it go awry.
"Oh I don't mean to sound like I'm insulting Hayner. He's a lovely boy." She amended. "It's just that you're so handsome. I thought you would have found someone by now."
"Not everyone is lucky enough to marry their high school sweetheart, mom." Namine informed her, her tone hard. The older woman pressed her lips together in a tight, thin line.
"I'm just… Focusing on my career right now." Roxas said, foolishly attempting to save the conversation.
"Just how's that going, by the way?" His father skewered a ravioli with his fork, pinning his son in place with a harsh gaze.
"Really good… Um…" Roxas scrambled for something impressive sounding to say. "I just finished taking my midterms and I'm interning under one of the best attorneys at the firm." All he got from that was a silent, unimpressed nod.
"If only you'd gone to college." Their mother commented offhandedly, icy blue eyes pinned on Namine. "You'll never reach your full potential working in a knick knack shop all your life." Roxas could see his sister's face grow bright red, whether from embarrassment or anger he couldn't tell.
"It takes a lot to own your own business." He pointed out. Namine shot him a grateful look.
"I suppose." She relented, though it didn't sound like she meant it. "All the more reason for you to do something else with your life. You'll never be able to care for your husband and children at this rate. No one makes money off of art, dear" Roxas could have sworn he saw his sister's eye tick.
"I'm doing what I want with my life. Some people value happiness over money." Namine argued. Their mother made a noise of contempt, but didn't bother arguing the point.
"You know my business associate has a daughter who's about your age." Their father pointed his fork at Roxas.
"That's nice." Was all he could say, trying to stuff down the anxiety that was churning his stomach. The last thing he wanted right now was to be his parents' project, until they got frustrated and ultimately decided to choose everything for him. He did his best to ignore the useless information spilling from his father's mouth about some girl he'd never date or even meet, instead letting his gaze wander.
The restaurant was filled mostly with families and couples on dates, all apparently having a much more pleasant experience than he was. Eventually their waiter came by again to fulfill his duty and ask if everything was to their satisfaction.
He seemed like a nice enough guy. He looked more like he belonged in a rock band than at an Italian eatery, and he was a little clumsy seeing as Roxas had witnessed him almost dump a plate of spaghetti on a child's head earlier that evening, but he was nice all the same. His bright smile was also a durable one, never faltering as Roxas' mother loudly complained about the restaurant being too cold and her spaghetti having too few bits of sausage and too much pepper.
"I'm sorry. I could have it remade for you but it would take a while." He didn't sound sorry at all, but Roxas really couldn't blame him.
"Please do." The woman narrowed her eyes at the smiling waiter. Roxas outwardly groaned. They'd be here all night at the rate his mother was complaining. She made sure to send a scowl his way as the waiter retreated back to the kitchen.
"I didn't like him." She stated haughtily, her gaze pinned to the kitchen doors. "There was something off about him."
"He did seem a little, you know…" His father wavered his hands from side to side. "I mean, look at the way he carries himself." Roxas felt his stomach drop. The anxiety that had previously churning in his stomach had begun crashing like the waves of an angry sea. His parents opinions on things such as this were more than a bit backwards, based on stereotypes and personal prejudice.
"People like that just can't commit." His mother continued. "That's why they're always catching things. They're promiscuous." Part of him, the part going to law school, wanted to ask how his mother knew this and what basis she had to prove it. Another part of him, however, felt like he was going to be sick. He felt Namine place a hand on his knee and give it a squeeze.
"You shouldn't say things like that so loudly." Namine interrupted boldly. "People will hear you."
"Why do you always do this, Namine?" Their mother snapped. "I'm sick of you playing devil's advocate all the time. I'm allowed to voice my opinions, dear ."
"Well maybe not everyone wants to hear your opinions, mother ." Namine countered. "Maybe some of us would like to have a nice meal without hearing your two cents on everything." Roxas put a hand on his sister's.
"Oh come on now, Namine. It's all in good fun. Your mother wasn't trying to upset you." Their father commented, attempting to diffuse the situation.
"If it has nothing to do with you, you have no right to complain." The woman added. "I'm glad I raised the two of you to be open minded, but this is too much. You can't get a bleeding heart over causes you have nothing to do with." The look on her face suggested she had been highly offended. "This generation just doesn't respect its' elders."
Namine's lips were pressed together tightly, as if she was struggling to hold her tongue. Her grip on Roxas' knee had tightened considerably.
The waiter soon returned with a new and hopefully improved plate of spaghetti. He topped off everyone's water and went on his way, Roxas' mother's eyes were pinned to him the entire time with a withering glare.
"Of course it doesn't help that they're all so into the club scene. All drugs and dancing, it's not healthy." She shook her head in distaste. Roxas could feel himself break into a cold, nervous sweat.
"They can't help it." His father was apparently going to attempt to defend the drug use and promiscuity 'those people' were prone to. People like Roxas. "You know they aren't right mentally." This attempt failed horribly. Roxas held his breath, waiting for the next horrible response.
"Mental health is still no excuse. Society has expectations, and it expects people to play their part." Her eyes roamed from where they were focused on her husband, and stopped at Roxas. This was the last straw, Roxas was either going to throw up or pass out.
It always ended up like this.
"I need to use the restroom." He stood so quickly he would have overturned his chair if Namine hadn't had the foresight to catch it. He nearly ran to the restroom, feeling his throat constrict until when he finally arrived all he could do was bend himself over the sink and struggle for air.
His parents had to know something… Maybe they weren't aware of everything, but there was no way they were completely oblivious. It probably didn't help that nearly every time things got like this he had to excuse himself to freak out in peace.
Crumbling to the grubby floor he tried to remember that trick Axel had taught him what seemed like forever ago. He clasped his trembling hands together and attempted to breathe normally. He could feel the corners of his eyes prick with warm tears, though he didn't know what he was crying for. His heart beat erratically in his chest, pounding so loud and hard it almost hurt.
Anxiety ran like blood through his veins, pumping through his body with every irregular beat of his heart and he found he couldn't move from his spot on the floor. He was completely paralyzed by the overwhelming feeling of dread. More than anything he needed to get out of here, needed to leave and run as he had earlier that day, run and never stop.
But he couldn't escape. The bathroom had no window, so even if he could move he was now trapped. There was no leaving through the front door, his family would certainly see him. His fingers felt numb, and Axel's trick was getting difficult to do.
At this rate he would either have a heart attack and die or hyperventilate and pass out.
But it seemed before all that he had to throw up first. Whatever had been weighing his stomach down before suddenly decided it needed to escape. He scrambled as best he could into one of the tiny stalls and expelled everything he'd eaten for dinner. Even after there was nothing left he continued dry heaving until even that too was impossible.
His throat felt tight, like it was closing up. Like he had just been stung by a bee, like he was suffering from some sort of allergic reaction.
This would be the third time something like this happened in a bathroom. At least there was one funny thing Roxas could glean from this.
"Holy shit dude are you okay?" Looking up from his place on the floor, Roxas could see the waiter from earlier peering down at him, appearing to be very alarmed by his current state. 'Do I look okay?' Roxas thought to himself, but all he could do was shake his head no.
"Ah- Shit… Hold on!" And with that the waiter dashed out of the bathroom, leaving Roxas to die next to a toilet. Closing his eyes, he tried his best to take in as much air as he could. It didn't feel like his body was going to allow him much oxygen at this point. The next time someone entered the tomb that was the bathroom, the voices sounded like they were under water.
"So what happened here? Did you finally poison someone." This voice was new. Sarcastic. Not one Roxas really recognized, or particularly wanted to keep hearing.
"What? No way!" It was the waiter again. "It looks like an allergic reaction or something…"
"Why in the world didn't you call sooner if you thought someone was having an allergic reaction?" It was the first voice again, this time more frustrated than sarcastic.
"I thought he was sick so I left him alone…" There was a shuffling sound. "I only came in here to check on him when he never came out!"
"Oh be nice to him, will you. He's not purposefully killing his customers." Apparently these people knew the waiter well enough to pick on him. There was something familiar about this voice, but Roxas was too far gone to identify why that was. Maybe if he focused on listening...
The footsteps nearing his stall echoed, and at this point he just hoped whoever the waiter had called would have the decency to take him out back where he could die in a slightly cleaner environment. "Oh for the love of…" He felt someone crouch beside him, lifting a limp wrist and pressing down with their thumb. This gave him the worst deja vu. It was as if he'd been here before. "It would be really great if we could get a pulse ox on him." The voice sounded strained and tight. Even feeling like he was sinking and subsequently drowning in a lake of stress he could tell that much.
"We'd probably have to get him to our equipment for that." Roxas tried to shake his head, the last thing he wanted was to bring more attention to himself, but all he could manage was a little wheeze, his head tipping sideways. He was having trouble moving from where he was sitting, leaning against the cold wall of the bathroom stall, and his breathing was too erratic for actual speech to be possible. He stared at the person next to him with eyes blurry from the tears he'd been fighting. It was hard to make out the expression on his face, but even just the outline of him was enough to know that ironically enough, it was Axel.
Were he able to talk he would have remarked on how funny it was that this always seemed to happen.
"Do we have to?" The redhead had let go of his wrist, instead using his hands to sit Roxas up just a little more. "He probably doesn't want us to make a big show of it."
"If you want to drag him all the way to the back be my guest, I'm sure his brain cells love being starved of oxygen." Sarcasm, again.
"Maybe they wouldn't be if you just drove around to the fucking back." Axel snapped. Whoever he had been arguing with retreated, and the outline of what Roxas recognized as the waiter became visible.
"I would have called sooner if I knew, honest." He insisted. Axel carefully maneuvered Roxas so he was sitting straight up, supporting him so he didn't just tip forward again.
"You really need to calm your breathing, if you pass out on me now you'll wake up in the ER full of tubes." He rubbed his eyes with the back of sleeves, and could see a bit better now that his eyes weren't full of tears. The dirty blond peeking into the stall had a nervous look on his face. "I know, Dem, don't worry. It's not like he's gone anaphylactic or anything. He just hyperventilated to the point of almost passing out." Axel sounded amused, but there was still something off with the tone of his voice. He gave Roxas a few rough pats on his back. "After some oxygen and some ativan he'll be fine."
"He looks pretty sick…" It seemed the waiter wasn't so sure. Roxas felt pretty sick. He was glad at least someone seemed to notice. The hand on his back was a lot gentler now, rubbing in warm gentle circles. He could hear Axel hum in thought.
"Hey Demyx, was he at one of your tables tonight?" The waiter, Demyx, must have nodded, because he continued his thought. "Did you see who he was with?"
"A blonde girl, a blonde lady, and a guy with… Brownish hair?" That was an accurate description. Roxas felt a sharp poke in his ribs.
"Was your sister with you? Just nod or shake your head." Axel scooted so he could better see Roxas' face, still making sure the blond was upright. He nodded cautiously. "Alright, good…" Axel's posture relaxed. "Would it be okay with you if we told her you were sick?" He shook his head vigorously. The redhead sighed. "I have a sinking feeling your sister wouldn't be very happy if we left her out of the loop.
"She... Can yell at me later." Roxas gasped. The last thing he wanted was for Namine to find out he was getting carted off in an ambulance and make a big scene. Axel frowned, but he honored Roxas' wishes.
"How close is their table?" He asked. Demyx looked troubled.
"Pretty close… If they were looking they might see you heading for the back."
"Stretcher's out of the question then." The redhead looked thoughtful.
"I… Can walk." Roxas insisted. Though he couldn't breathe normally quite yet, he was having an easier time speaking. Axel pinned him with a disbelieving look.
"Uh huh. I found you half passed out next to your own barf, why wouldn't I let you walk to the ambulance ." Turning back to the waiter, who at this point Roxas was sure had to be a friend of Axel's, he continued as if Roxas wasn't even there. "I can probably carry him myself as long as he doesn't go limp on me. Think you could create a diversion?" A mischievous smile crept onto Demyx's face.
"You kidding? I'd be glad to." Apparently his parents rudeness was not lost on the waiter. How much he had heard, Roxas didn't know, but there was no way their attitude could be ignored. Taking this as initiative, Axel scooped Roxas up and hoisted him off of the ground.
"You're going to have to help me out here, Rox. I'm not that strong." He admitted with a grin. This time his voice didn't sound strained. Roxas nodded, holding on as best he could. All he could really manage flinging his arms around the redhead's neck and holding on with a loose grip. If Axel was having trouble, he didn't show it.
Once he had his footing, the lanky man left the bathroom in quick long strides. Roxas could briefly see Demyx struggling to towel his angry mother off by all but throwing napkins at her. His father was trying to help, but to no avail. Part of him wished he could have seen what happened. Luckily the restaurant wasn't very big, and leaving it didn't take much time or effort.
"You took your time." The other paramedic was sitting on the floor of the ambulance, both back doors swung open. Now that Roxas was able to actually see him, he could see that he also had very unique hair, as well as a prominent scar resting on the bridge of his nose. It was very interesting to him that Axel knew all these peculiar people. The man stood and pulled the stretcher out before jumping in and messing with a mass of tangled tubes.
"I'm pretty sure his brain cells are still intact, thank you." Axel awkwardly set Roxas down, struggling to free the arm that was trapped underneath the blond with as little movement as possible. The other man was kind enough to help Axel load the stretcher into the ambulance, but left the rest of the set up to the redhead. It was more than a little weird actually seeing what the vehicle looked like on the inside.
The redhead took a seat beside the stretcher, clipping some sort of device on Roxas' finger. The other paramedic took his leave, slamming both doors behind him. Unclipping the little device, he examined it.
"Your pulse ox isn't great but it's not as bad as I thought it'd be." Axel's posture relaxed a bit as he got up to grab something from the opposite end of the vehicle.
"What's… A pulse ox?" Roxas had no idea what any of this medical mumbo jumbo meant.
"Sorry, it's short for pulse oximeter which still probably doesn't help much. It measures oxygen saturation so obviously yours isn't going to be great since you haven't been breathing normally." He rolled an IV over to the top corner of the stretcher, unwinding a long, thin tube. "I'm going to give you an IV drip of ativan. It's not a lot, just something that will calm you down and make you sleep." Axel explained, tying off the blond's upper arm and gently pressing the pads of his fingers along the crook of his elbow until he found a vein.
Turns out getting an IV needle stabbed into your arm didn't feel so great. Roxas winced.
"Sorry." The redhead smiled apologetically, gently lifting Roxas' head so he could apply an oxygen mask to his face. This definitely made breathing easier, but it felt strange. Then again that could have been whatever Axel gave him to calm him down, because whatever it was it worked. He felt more like sleeping than dying now.
"Interesting how… We keep meeting like this." He commented, watching his mask fog up as he spoke. This made Axel laugh.
"The world works in mysterious ways. I feel like I told you this isn't how I wanted to hang out though." He quirked an eyebrow.
"Funny. It seems like this was the only way to get your attention." Roxas' filter seemed to have diminished along with his anxiety. A look of guilt flitted across Axel's face.
"Right… Well…" He shifted uncomfortably. "No, you're right. It was pretty shitty of me to ignore you." Even though Roxas knew very well he was purposefully being ignored, it still stung.
"Why? Why did you do it, I mean." His eyes drifted to the tube in his arm, following it up until he could see the bag, dripping saline and medication at a steady pace.
"I… Think I was confused to be honest." Axel admitted. "I can't get a good read on you. Like… Half the time you act like you like me and the other half it's like you're embarrassed."
"I'm not embarrassed." His eyes found the ceiling, counting every pothole they hit. "I'm nervous… Sometimes." A lot of the time. "I don't really know what I'm doing. I'm not good at this." It was word vomit, whatever part of him monitored what came out of his mouth was out of commission.
"I think we're both not very good at this." Axel replied. "I guess… I'm just insecure or something." He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "It's like… I don't want to be second best, y'know?" Roxas closed his eyes, taking deep breaths. He surprised Axel by responding.
"I'm sorry… I never wanted to make you feel bad... I keep trying to understand myself but I don't know if I ever will." He confessed. "I'm such a coward…" He smiled ruefully, opening his eyes again and turning his head to face Axel. "I can't live the rest of my life being scared my secrets will be discovered, but I don't know how to be brave enough to stop caring." Axel gingerly took Roxas' outstretched hand, mindful of the IV in his arm.
"I don't think you have to just… Stop caring. You might never not care." He rubbed the top of the blond's hand with his thumb. "I think it would be good to stop caring so much … Not everyone is going to take things well and that's… That's okay. That's just how things are." Roxas smiled, enjoying the nice woozy feeling that had come over him.
"You say that now… Just wait until you meet my parents…" He snorted. "They're brutal. Just look at me… Couldn't even last a whole dinner without puking and almost passing out." Axel chuckled.
"Glad you can look back on the ordeal fondly now that you're high off tranquilizers."
"If they come visit me in the ER please shoot me with elephant tranquilizers or something, I can't deal with them sober and this definitely isn't enough." He frowned in thought before adding, "And make sure they don't see you or they'll bad mouth you immediately." The redhead raised a thin brow.
"Oh? What do you think they'd say?" He seemed genuinely curious, so Roxas decided to give him a genuine answer.
"They'd say you look like a thug and they'd ponder what your life in prison must have been like." Axel was almost hysterical with laughter. Once he had gathered himself, wiping the tears that had leaked from his eyes, he responded.
"At least they're creative… Do I look that much like a thug?" Roxas nodded.
"When I first met you I thought I got drunk and fucked a mafioso." He disclosed, only earning more laughter from Axel. "I was really worried." He defended. "I never drink so I didn't know what I was capable of."
"Too bad all you did was have a slumber party with a paramedic." Axel smiled widely.
"I dunno…" Roxas drawled. "Having an IV jammed in your arm is pretty sexy."
"Kinky. I'd kiss you but you sort of need the oxygen." Axel never missed a beat. Maybe that was why he was so fun to be around. He gave the mask strapped to Roxas' face a little flick.
"Remember to kiss me when it's off then." The blond ordered, feeling his eyelids droop. He was suddenly extremely sleepy, most likely due to the blessed IV drip. "You're not tense anymore." He noted quietly.
"Yeah well... You really worried me back there. I feel much better now that you can breathe." The last thing Roxas was aware of feeling was the redhead fondly brushing the hair out of his face. He slept through the rest of the ride and much of his transfer from the ambulance to the Emergency Room.
He would have insisted on just going home, but his parents knew where he lived. At least in the ER he could have a little relief until they decided to kick him out. Any break from his parents, however short, was enough for him.
AN: Holy cow my dudes we're moving at breakneck speed. Full speed ahead. Funny how this thing went from being on hiatus for five months to being updated almost weekly again. I say it's thanks to you guys for all the great comments and kudos!
