Liam's mind was running wild with thoughts as he searched the kitchen cupboards for the bottle of whiskey Carla had told him about. He couldn't help but think to himself, what if I hadn't shown up tonight? What if I'd shown up two minutes later? Or, what if I'd arrived at the house only to discover Carla's dead body slumped on the bathroom floor? He visibly winced at the horrible image that had aroused in his mind as a result of his overthinking. His heart felt like it was being torn in two at the thought of losing someone as precious as her from his life. Carla was the reason he woke up in the morning; he'd smile just knowing there was a small chance of seeing her walk through the door with that gorgeous dark hair falling either side of her face, and the beautiful curve of those luscious lips smiling up at him, and those sparkling emerald eyes that spoke more words to him than she ever could. In his opinion, she was the most beautiful girl in the world, and there was nothing he'd love more than to be able to call Carla his girl. In fact, he'd very often fantasize about it. Him and Carla, growing up, getting married, having children. He thought himself strange for thinking as he did sometimes. He was sure no other lad his age was thinking such thoughts. But when it came to Carla, he just couldn't stop himself. He was completely smitten by her. He'd never felt this way about anyone else before.
His hand reached up into the cupboard to move the cereal boxes out of the way. A slight smile formed on his face as he discovered the almost full bottle of whiskey that had been hiding behind the corn flakes. Funny place to keep the drink, he thought to himself as he pulled the bottle out and set it on the table, next to the sleeping pills he'd taken from Carla. He stopped to stare at them for a while. All those what if questions started to run through his mind again before he sighed sadly. He picked them up and emptied them down the sink. He then picked two tumblers up from the drying rack and placed them on the table next to the bottle. He carefully unscrewed the cap and poured a generous amount of the golden liquid into both glasses. Picking up his glass, he took a satisfying sip of the poison as he sat himself down in one of the chairs, and eagerly awaited for Carla to join him.
Upstairs, Carla was sat at her dressing table wearing nothing but the small towel she had wrapped around her self. She still felt completely zoned out; almost as if her mind wasn't a part of her body anymore. She felt so disconnected that she delusionally started to think that maybe she was dead after all. How else could someone feel so numb? It was such a strange feeling, and a feeling that she did not appreciate having in the slightest. She started to softly run her fingers through her hair, but the more she did it the more aggressive she became and before long she was tearing at her hair, wrapping it around her fingers and pulling it down until she felt the sharp pain in her scalp. She was so desperate to feel something- anything. She wasn't even aware of what she was doing. Her eyes were glazed over and it truly was as if she wasn't really there at all.
"Carla!" she heard Liam call from the bottom of the stairs.
It took a few seconds to pull her out of her trance. She took a deep breath before shouting back down to him. "Yeah, just give me a minute!" she said.
She stood up from the chair and turned towards the bed, freezing as she spotted her pyjamas lying there. The very sight of them was enough to make her feel sick, the memory of last night hit her like a punch in the gut...
Thursday 3rd October, 1991.
It was the night before Sharon and Frank had to leave for their weekend away. Sharon was over a friend's house having a drink, and Rob was stopping over Michelle's for the night. Frank had told Carla that he'd be out of the house all night too, leaving her feeling relieved.
It had been about 10pm, she was sat in front of the television in the living room, wrapped up in her duvet. The only lights in the room was that of the tv and the fire that she'd put on before settling down for the night. Her head was resting against one of the cushions as she started to doze off. She was half asleep when she heard the sound of the room's door click shut. She quickly jumped awake and turned to see who the intruder was. Her heart began to pound rapidly in her chest as she lay eyes on her step father. Frank was stood near the doorway wearing his work suit, smirking at his frightened step daughter.
He casually strolled towards her on the sofa and sat down next to her. Carla's eyes didn't leave him for a second. He'd sat down without saying or doing anything, so she begrudgingly averted her eyes back towards the tv. She felt so uncomfortable in that moment that all she could think about was getting up and leaving the room, and the house. But she found herself frozen for a while. The fear of what he might do to her if she attempted to move away from him was too much for her to handle, it left her paralysed to the spot. She subtly tried to take a few calming breaths before standing up from the sofa ready to leave.
Frank's hand immediately grabbed for her arm and pulled her back down. Carla's breathing turned erratic as she stared at him in fear. She knew she was in trouble now. Frank just smiled menacingly at her as he used his hand to stroke her hair in a perversely loving manner. "Not trying to escape me now, are ya?" He patronised her. His hand tightly curled into her hair when she refused to respond. He lightly tugged the grip of hair until her head was practically shoved into the back of the sofa. "Carla," he softly spoke. "It's rude to ignore people, sweetheart." Carla felt her thighs tense and her toes curl in anticipation. Her eyes were wide and wavering as she silently pleaded with him. He didn't particularly care that she wouldn't respond to him. He just enjoyed taunting her, knowing how helpless she was to his advances.
"Ya know, I'm gonna be gone for three whole days... I thought you'd be a little more," he looked her up and down "up for it, tonight." he winked suggestively as her face screwed up in disgust. "We'll call it a parting gift, shall we? Sweetheart?"
His hand continued to stroke her hair, as she frantically shook her head from side to side. "No, please." she whimpered. He bit his lip in arousal as his hand slipped under her duvet. His hand crept across her stomach, and came to rest on her thigh. He gently massaged her inner thigh for a bit, loving how tense her body would become under his touch.
As she tried to squeeze her legs close, he teasingly slipped his hand between them and started to stroke her center. Carla grew fidgety as she tried to move away from him, but failing to move very far as she was trapped between him and the arm of the sofa, which incidentally was right next to the wall. There was no way out. A quiet sob escaped her lips as the feeling of helplessness overwhelmed her.
Frank moved his hand back up to her stomach, and carefully, but forcefully, glided his hand into her pyjama bottoms, and into her knickers. "I don't know why you're crying," he told her in a lustful whisper. "We both know you enjoy this." He kissed the side of her mouth as she screwed her eyes shut in disgust.
She could barely cope with the things he did to her as it was, but the horrible things he said only made everything all the more unbearable. The disgusting little comments he made would always haunt her when he wasn't around. He had this great way of making her feel as if everything he did to her was somehow her own fault, that she deserved to be hurt in this way, even if she could never quite understand how or why.
Her eyes were still clenched tightly shut as she felt his fingers slip inside of her. She bit her lip in a desperate bid to keep the tears away, but as his fingers thrusted in and out of her body she couldn't help the lonely tear that escaped from behind her closed eyelids. She opened her eyes and looked up to the ceiling, just willing this to be over as more tears flowed freely down her cheek. She groaned in frustration as she felt the heat travel up through her body, the more Frank toyed with her sensitive parts.
"Stop.." she cried quietly, hopelessly.
Frank leaned in to kiss her lips. Carla thrashed her head from side to side as she tried to avoid his lips. He grabbed hold of her chin to hold her still and planted a forceful kiss against her, before pushing his tongue past her lips and invading her mouth. The hand that was currently holding her face in a vice-like grip soon became wet with her tears, but instead of stopping his actions, it only aroused him even more. He loved to see her in such a vulnerable state, knowing that he was the person responsible for it. It made him feel so powerful. The thought of being away from her, his little play thing, for a whole weekend was enough to drive him crazy. He wanted to own her tonight, to show her exactly who she belonged to, just so she wouldn't get any funny ideas for when he was away.
If any other boy so much as looked at his Carla, he'd probably kill him with his bare hands. He smiled devilishly as Carla moaned and groaned beneath him. He loved the way she'd try to fight against her orgasm. He admired her will as she tried to stop him from having the control over her body. A thin layer of sweat formed on her forehead as her body started jerking uncontrollably against Frank's hand.
"Please..." she sobbed. Frank leant his forehead against her's and began to stroke her hair in a possessive manner. "Ride it out." he told her before kissing her nose, making her retch over his false affection towards her. He chuckled slightly at her obvious disgust.
As she came down from her orgasm, he removed his fingers from her. She almost felt relieved that it was all over, when he stuck his wet fingers in her mouth, forcing her to taste herself. Carla always felt so humiliated by him. She was just thankful her mother wasn't there watching them this time.
Frank stood up in front of her, as her body still quivered from the intensity of her climax. She slowly averted her eyes up to meet his, nothing but hatred blazed from her dull green orbs. Her thoughts were murderous as he stood there, smirking down at her. He was so fucking smug. They were both silent for some minutes before Carla finally found her voice again. "Can I go to my room now... please." she asked through gritted teeth. Frank scoffed at her request. "Oh, not quite yet darlin'." He said. "I've not had my fun yet, 'ave I.."
Her breath hitched in her throat as she took in what he said. She broke down into heaving sobs, not able to take anymore of this torture.
"No, Frank. Please.. I'll do anything. Just please, please don't do this." she pleaded through her cries. For the first time in a long time, Frank had a moment of doubt; he'd never seen her this low before. Maybe he had pushed her too far this time. But that wasn't gonna stop him from going further.
He grabbed the quilt from her body and threw it on the floor. Carla screamed and attempted to jump up and run, but he aggressively shoved her back against the sofa, there was a struggle as he yanked down her pyjama bottoms and underwear before freeing himself from his trousers. Carla's screams were piercing until Frank clenched his hand shut over her mouth. Her eyes grew wild and fearful at his sudden show of aggression. The way he would flip from almost loving and possessive to full on vicious without any warning scared the hell outta her. He was so unpredictable.
She tried with all her might to zone out of the moment, go somewhere within her mind that would allow her to escape this living hell for a few minutes. But she found herself unable to remove her eyes from his. His stare was so penetrating. She tried so hard not to look away first, but she couldn't stand the shame she felt as he thrust into her unwilling body once again.
She couldn't contain her tears as the memory played out in her mind. Her small cries soon turned into loud choking sobs as she fell to the floor next to her bed. She felt so low in that moment that, even when Liam walked into the room and saw her curled up on the floor, she made no attempt to move, or to hide her feelings from him. She just didn't care anymore.
Liam's eyes lined with tears of anguish as he witnessed the scene before him. It terrified him to think about what could have possibly happened to make her act this way. He promised himself that he wouldn't leave this house until she told him everything. But for now, he knew words wasn't needed, wasn't welcomed. He simply kneeled down next to her shaking form, and pulled her into his arms to cradle her. Carla didn't hesitate for a second as she fell into Liam's arms. As much as she feared the touch of a man, she also craved to be held. And besides, this wasn't just any old man, this was her Liam, her best friend. She grabbed ahold of his shirt and pressed her face against his chest. His shirt quickly became damp with her tears, and soon, he found himself silently crying too. Not knowing what was wrong, he felt helpless towards her, so he continued to hold her close to him, and soothed her as best as he could until her crying ceased.
It must have been ten minutes later, they were both still on the floor: Liam's back resting against her bed as she lay in his lap. He softly caressed her hair as she stared straight ahead. He couldn't see her face and a part of him thought she may have fallen asleep, but he didn't want to startle her just as she'd calmed down.
"I'm sorry." He heard her feebly say.
He frowned in confusion. "What for?" He questioned.
Carla scoffed as she sat up from him. She looked into his eyes with a sad smile. "What for?" she repeated. "For all this, Liam. I bet you didn't expect t'be walking into some looney asylum when ya came round 'ere tonight, did ya?"
He sighed. "Carla, you're not crazy."
He could see tears line her eyes once again as she replied to him. "You don't know what goes on up 'ere." Her finger tapped the side of her head gently.
"Okay," Liam nodded. "Then tell me."
For a while, she seriously considered telling him everything. After a few seconds of staring at each other, she pushed her hand against his chest to help her get to her feet. "I think I need that drink first." she said, leaving the room and going to make her way downstairs.
"Um, Carla?" she turned back to Liam. "Don't you think you should get changed first, love?"
Carla looked down to see what she was wearing. She'd gotten herself into such a state she didn't even realise she was still wearing nothing but her towel. She suddenly felt very exposed standing in front of him. Her cheeks flushed a crimson red as she asked him to leave the room for a minute. Once he'd left, she closed the door, grabbed a pair of leggings and a baggy top and quickly put them on. Then she quickly chucked her hair back in a messy bun before making her way downstairs again.
As she entered the kitchen she smiled at Liam who was just pouring himself another shot of whiskey.
"You must think I look a right state." she said as she sat down at the table.
"I think you look beautiful, actually." he stated honestly as he handed her a drink.
She looked down at the glass in her hands to hide her smile. She knew he must have been lying. Her hair was a mess, she was wearing old baggy clothing and her eyes were bright red from all the crying she'd done. But she loved him for lying just to make her feel better.
She took a long sip of the whiskey, wincing as the stuff run down her throat. Her stomach immediately felt warm from the drink and she started to relax a little. "Do you mind if I.." Liam asked as he pulled a pack of cigarettes out from his pocket.
"No, course not." Carla said. "Ashtray's under the sink."
Liam leaned down to open the cupboard and retrieve the ashtray which he then placed on the table before pulling out a ciggie and sparking up.
"I could really do with one of those meself," Carla not-so-subtly hinted. Liam chuckled as he pushed the pack towards her. "Help yourself, sweetheart."
She pulled one of the cigarettes out of the packet and placed it in her mouth. Liam leant over the table with his lighter and lit the fag for her. "Thanks." she said, after taking a really long drag.
There was an awkward silence for the next five minutes or so. There was so much that needed to be said yet neither one of them had the courage to address the elephant in the room as of yet. The silence was becoming unbearable, so Liam decided it was time to pry, whether Carla liked it or not.
"What's going on inside that 'ead of yours, 'ey?" he gently questioned.
She sighed heavily, dubbing the cigarette butt in the ashtray. Her arms were folded across her chest, leaning on the table. Her hand then rose to the side of her face as she rested her cheek upon it. She looked sadly into his eyes. "I don't know where to start." she whispered.
This was good, he thought. At least now she's acknowledging that there is in fact something that needs to be discussed, and he was so glad that she hadn't closed up again. "The beginning's usually a good place to start." he smiled encouragingly.
A faint smile appeared on her face for the briefest of moments, before it was quickly replaced with a slightly frightened, lost look again.
"I don't think we 'ave that much time.." she trailed off.
"Okay," Liam sat up and moved to lean closer to her. He used his fingers to softly caress her arm. "Then how about we start with what happened earlier."
Carla's brow furrowed in confusion. "What d'ya mean?"
"I mean, Car" he bit his lip before continuing. "The way you stormed off when I questioned you about Frank."
Carla pulled her arm away and sat back, feeling a sudden need to distance herself from him. She knew that the moment he found out about her dirty little secret, he would look at her differently. And she wasn't quite sure if she was ready for that yet.
Liam could sense her starting to close up again. "You know you can talk to me about anythin', right? I promise I won't judge you, if that's what you're afraid of."
"It's not that." Carla said.
"Then.. what?" Liam asked.
She sighed. Her hands flying up to massage her forehead as she felt a slight headache coming along.
"You're a really good friend, Liam. The best, in fact." She stated. "I don't want to lose ya."
Liam laughed nervously, "'Ey, you're not gonna lose me ya daft sod. Why would you even think that?" he prodded.
Carla looked down to her lap where she was playing with her fingers. "I don't know." she mumbled. "When you find out.." she stopped, unable to say anymore.
Liam knew he was getting closer. She just needed some help getting the words out. "When I find out... about Frank?" he questioned.
She reluctantly nodded, still staring down at her lap as she was unable to face him.
"Frank's done something," Liam stated quietly. "He's hurt you, hasn't he?"
Carla's face screwed up as her eyes filled with tears. She again nodded a yes in response.
Liam could hear his heart beating loudly as once again horrible images flooded through his mind.
He was almost too scared to ask this next question but he knew it had to be done.
"How," he asked. "How does Frank hurt you?"
She slowly looked up at him, tears dripping down her face. Her eyes telling him more than she ever could. Liam knew now. He just knew.
