Chapter Nine: This is what Death feels like

Those few words brought back memories, and unwanted ones at that. Dark images from a past relationship swam into view and I inwardly winced. The last time I heard those words they had opened the gates of hell soon after because I had made the mistake of agreeing and because of my mistake I became an object, someone's property. I was made to feel as if I was meant to be owned for the rest of my life, and that it was the only thing I was good for.

See, I have only had two relationships in my life and you know how it is, the first boy you fall for you think that he's the one. You're a naïve teenage girl, head over heels with the first boy that shows interest. Blinded by innocence and the stereotype that your first love will be your best, I thought he loved me because I loved him, he was everything to me and I couldn't picture myself with anyone else, the thought of it broke my heart.

His name was Marshall and he was my everything, but the only thing that I was, was his property. Sometimes he would hit me, other times he would just yell and scream at me and make me feel ashamed of myself. I lost my friends because he wouldn't let me talk to them, he was jealous when I spoke to boys and gradually he wore down my self-esteem. Sure, during the times that we spent together he loved me, he held my hand, he kissed me, he hugged me, and he would listen to me, but only when I "disobeyed" did he "punish" me, and for the longest time I was in denial. I couldn't see what he was doing to me and it took a long talk with Clara to finally see the light, but by then it was too late to just break up with him.

The night I did try to break up with him, he nearly beat me to death and if it hadn't of been for Eurithe I would be dead today, if she hadn't of taken care of him, I wouldn't be here, and for that I owe her my life.

I was fifteen when this happened, and since then I don't trust easily.

So here I am again, being asked to be someone's property, and I want to be. I want to be his but I just can't, I have no idea how he'll be when I am his, will he be just like Marshall?

How can I trust him like I do, we've known each other for a day, how can I want him so when I barely know him. It scared me to like him the way I do, and I couldn't understand how he made it so easy to like him. Vampires were manipulative, I knew that and I wasn't going to be sucked in.

The shock was quite clear on my face and I swallowed hard. I was shocked, confused, and unsure, mistakenly I turned it all into anger and I guess I was a little angry at first too; I hated him for making me like him, and for making it so effortless too.

Straightening up I sucked in a deep breath, "I belong to no one."

I was surprised at how cold my voice was and my jaw set before I slipped under his arm and made my way to the door, leaving my sketch book behind.

I didn't look back as I exited his room.

­­­­

I walked briskly down the halls towards the elevator and I jabbed at the up button. I waited impatiently, my foot jumping around anxiously until the ping sound came and the doors opened, two Vampires came out and they nodded to me and I supplied a small smile before walking in and poking floor six. When the doors slid shut I slammed my head against the wall and leaned against it, taking deep breaths.

I think you over analysed the situation…

I growled out loud, "I will not land myself in the same position again."

You know I'd never let that happen to you again. I'd take care of him before he could hurt you…you know that.

I sighed, "I know, and that's why it won't happen. I don't want him hurt."

I heard the ping of the elevator again and the doors slid open, I walked out and started to pull out the key from the pocket of my sweater. I slid the card in and it clicked open and I stepped inside, leaning against the wood to close it. I closed my eyes and concentrated on my breathing for a few minutes, and then I was interrupted.

"Shae?"

I opened one eye and my sister sat on the couches with Bill and Sookie. I gave them a weak smile and ambled over to them, falling into one of the chairs.

"Where the hell have you been? I've been looking everywhere for you!" Clara growled, the motherly instincts kicking in from when she was human.

"I was out."

"Well obviously-."

"You disappeared with Godric last night, where did you two go?" Sookie piped up curiously, but because of how well I knew her I could see the sly smirk threatening to push through her lips.

"You were with GODRIC, the sheriff?" Clara's eyes widened and she sat back down.

"I was," I spoke, my eyes looking at my lap.

Clara grinned widely, her white teeth gleaming in the light, "see, I told you. I told you that he liked you!"

I rolled my eyes at her, she was always like this and nothing has changed since she had been turned, "Yeah…I'll say."

She beamed at me, "So…what did you two do? Did you Kiss?"

I gave her an exasperated look, "He asked me to be his."

Bill looked surprised and Sookie smiled, Clara only gaped, "HE DID NOT!"

"He did." My face was expressionless.

"Annnd? What did you say?" She squealed, coming to sit on the arm of the chair.

I sighed deeply, placing my chin on my hand, "I said no." I then looked up at her shocked face, "I don't belong to anyone."

"Why though? He's soo nice, and he's cute too."

I gnawed at my lip, sometimes my sister didn't act older than I, "I will not have another Marshall incident."

Her face went blank as the white sheets of paper that were not drawn on in my sketch book, which probably still lay in his room. Her face softened and she smiled gently, her arm wrapping itself around my shoulders, "Honey, he's not like that."

"Yeah well, the last time he asked me to be "his" I was stupid enough to say "yes, I will always be yours", not this time though."

"Honey, he doesn't mean it in the same way as Marshall did."

I huffed, looking away and then Sookie spoke up, "It's true though Shae, I'm Bill's but he's as much as mine as I am his. He doesn't "own" me in the way you're thinking."

I mumbled something incoherent. "Shaelynn, when he says he wants you to be "his" he means that he wants you to be whatever he needs you to be," Clara smiled.

"That makes no sense."

Bill leaned forward, his hand held by Sookie, "if you are his that means no other Vampire is allowed to touch you, or feed from you. You are his and only his, in one way, you could look at it as the ultimate protection from Vampires."

Clara rand a hand through my hair, "Shae, he would never hurt you, he'd never hurt a human on purpose and for him to ask you to be his…well that's big, it's really big. He has never done this, so he must really feel something for you."

"I just… I hate how I can trust him so much and so easily. We just met and he makes me want him like it's the most-."

"Natural thing in the world?" Clara asked me with a half smile, "he's like that with everyone, Hon. You can't help but trust him, and it's what makes him a good Sheriff. I have never met anyone who has said that they did not like Godric, it's pretty much impossible to hate him."

I sighed before standing up and going to my part of the room, when I came back out I had slipped on a pair of jeans and a hoodie, my red hair up in a pony tail, "I'm going to go for a walk."

I paused before the door and then turned to look at my sister, "And Clara?"

She looked up at me and I grinned, "We did kiss… it was awesome."

She grinned widely and I left the room, with my own smile upon my face.

­­­­

I walked through the grounds of the Hotel like I had the night before, only this time I was not distracted by some Godlike creature walking beside me and I could enjoy the scenery around me. The moon twinkled above me like almost every night and the path before me was lit up and I could see every stick and every stone. The air was cool and crisp and it felt good against my skin, the dark trees loomed above me and their leaves rustled in the wind. A few squirrels chattered ahead and a pile of leaves were kicked up into the air as they blew around me.

I decided to veer off of the path and into the denser tree area, allowing the moonlight to guide me through as it shone between the branches. A chill ran up my spine and I shoved my hands into the pockets of my sweater, it was colder tonight and the grounds were much more eerie by myself than they had been last night when I had been with my Vampire "body guard".

I sighed, placing my hand against a tree trunk, "why can't I just trust people?" I whispered.

I couldn't help but think how natural being together had been. I had never had that with Marshall or Luke, they had been completely different, but when I was with Godric everything felt complete, I felt safe with him, and comfortable. I never felt the need to try with him, I didn't need to compete for his attention, nor did I have to throw myself at him because he was willing to focus on me and me alone, I actually felt important with him.

Maybe I shouldn't have snapped at him, I could have said no nicely. I probably upset him, he's probably mad at me now, or he's angry with himself for being stupid, but then again, I don't think he could regret much, he seemed to flawless to regret anything.

He does not know your past, there is no need for you to blame yourself…

"I wish that was the case, Eurithe," I mumbled to myself, "cause I can't help but blame myself."

It is my fault, I could have pushed back my past and ignored it because not once did Godric ever act like Marshall did. Marshall was controlling, and mean, he reminded me of an angry pit-bull always up for a fight, whereas Godric was polite and he was a gentleman, he was sweet and soothing. I trusted him, and I sure did feel something when we kissed, maybe that was the "Spark" all the girls talk about when they kiss a boy.

You two are meant for each other, Little one. It is okay to have doubts but this time, do not worry. Even I can see what he feels for you, and you my dear, feel the same.

I kicked at a rock, still not sure if I should go back to him tonight or see him tomorrow, these feelings scared me to death and sometimes I wish humans couldn't feel anything.

Embrace it, Little one…

I smiled to myself and as I turned around I heard a twig snap behind me. I turned my head around, eyes wide as I tried to see further into the forest. Shrugging, I kept on going until I heard the rustling of leaves as someone walked, their footsteps following mine. I stopped to listen and there was silence, "hello?" I called out, unsure of who it could be.

There was no answer and I continued walking, whistling to myself. The crunch of twigs and leaves continued again and I licked my lips nervously, "hello? Is someone out there?"

I had never been this scared to walk by myself in years, but being alone in the middle of a forest was unnerving. I swallowed hard and walked a little slower, my head twisting around to try and see anything out of the ordinary. When I looked straight ahead I saw a blur of darkness whizz past on my right and my head snapped in that direction, earning myself whiplash. I rubbed my neck and turned to look in front of me again, this time a tall dark shadow stood feet away from me, it was leaning against a tree.

"Hello? Is that you Eric? You're trying to scare me, aren't you, well it isn't going to work this time, I'm used to your tricks."

The shadow let out a ghostly chuckle that gave me a chill up the spine and I visible shivered. The figure advanced on me and I backed away, and as I backed away, the figure joined me in the small clearing where the Moon could easily cast its glow upon the shadow.

My eyes widened as the figure was slowly illuminated, he was tall and thin with brown hair and dark green eyes. His face had a look of superiority on it, and he appeared amused with me, his lips turned up into a half smirk. His eyes were large and calculating as they stared at me and I licked my chapped lips as my hands started to shake in my pockets. For some reason his appearance and figure reminded me of a wild cat, where his shoulders slouched dangerously and as his eyes took on a predatory glint.

"Hey," he drawled.

I was frozen in place, like a rabbit caught by a snake.

"I'm Lucas, you must be Shaelynn."

His lips curved over a set of pearly white fangs in a deadly smile and I gasped, scrambling backwards and nearly falling.

So this is what death feels like.