Mavis: Let's hear those cheers! The stadium is shaking, for this is the last day of the Fairy Tail Couple's Competition! No matter what, we'll keep going until a team beats 100pts and is the winner! Before we get started, let's see the scores to know who has to do what!
1st Team Burning Spirit – Natsu and Lucy – 91pts
2nd Team Iron Shrimp – Gajeel and Levy – 84pts
3rd Team Fairy Soul – Elfman and Evergreen – 81pts
4th Team Gray-Sama Love-Love – Gray and Juvia – 79pts
5th Armoured Heart – Erza and Gerard – 71pts
Makarov: It seems that Erza and Gerard have fallen away unexpectedly after their good early showing. Natsu and Lucy have a strong lead, but anything could happen! As our contestants take the field, they look to have slept off most of the booze!
Levy: Would someone tell me what happened yesterday?
Gray and Gajeel: No!
Mavis: Drunken grandmasters aside, we're moving onto the *deep booming voice* Accumulator Round!
Natsu: What's that mean? Is it good to eat?
Makarov: Natsu…look, just let Lucy do the thinking for your team, okay? No, we're returning to our roots about this being a competition to see who is the best boyfriend and girlfriend. You will be given a series of tasks and questions, each worth an amount of points equal to its difficulty. For instance, Gajeel, for a single, easy point, we might ask you your girlfriend's surname.
Gajeel: Uh…
Levy: You're kidding me.
Gajeel: McShorterden?
Levy: That's as close as I could have hoped, I suppose.
Makarov: Okayyy…well, for a quick test to ease us in, five points for the first person to shout out their partner's middle name!
Gajeel: Oh! McShorterden!
Levy: Just, just shut up.
Erza: It's Leonardo. I know because we all gave each other names at the Tower of Heaven.
Makarov: Correct, bringing them up to 76 points! Come on Erza, you can do this!
Mavis: Now who's biased? Anyway, time to ask another question. Now, another simple one for a single point. How old is your partner?
Natsu: That's easy, she's…
Erza: Blumenblatt! Twenty eight!
Mavis: Ah! Erza blows Natsu away before he can answer to score a point! Who would have thought we'd have such violent tactics in a question round? It's so much fun, hihi!
Erza: Losing is not an option!
Gerard: Agreed! *Everyone else begins to back away from the S-class pair*
Makarov: Next is a task! Listen up boys, for this is worth a whopping five points! The whole of Magnolia is your playground. You must find an item and return to present it to your girlfriend with a Romantic *cough*cheesy*cough* one liner. We are magically measuring how well your girlfriends receive it to see how many points you get!
Lucy: How on Earth do you measure that!?
Makarov: It's like an MPF for emotions… okay, it's the power of plot. Now go!
Four boys dashed out of the stadium, but Gray stood still and took Juvia's hands.
Gray: I'll give you the only gift you want. The gift of me!
Juvia: G-G-G-Gray-sama!
Makarov: Holy shit, these readings are off the chart! Juvia is…110% satisfied? That can't be right! Technically that's worth 5.5 points, but we'll stick at five.
Mavis: *Pouting* Juvia will need to learn to milk him for more.
Gerard returned in a blaze of golden light, having dashed full speed with Meteor. He knelt before Erza, producing a single rose.
Gerard: I give this flower to my flower, a scarlet bloom, blossoming with pride and beauty.
Levy: Hey, that was my line! Well actually, Future Levy, so I don't know about it, but this is a crack fic, so I do.
Mavis: Another perfect reading! Five points to Gerard! Wow, they have stormed back into the middle of the field with a strong showing today. Currently, Evergreen is losing, but here comes Elfman to see if he can raise their score! Is that a jewellery bag?
Elfman: *Opening a box full of expensive rings* It's manly and expensive!
Evergreen: *Squealing* I love them!
Mavis: According to the readings, that's four points. Geez, how much would he have to spend for full points? Still, here comes Gajeel! Look at the size of that book! It's bigger than… oh no, Gajeel, don't do it!
Gajeel: I know you like books, so I got one bigger than you, which was easy because you're so short and tiny and small and little!
*Crowd facepalms*
Makarov: Well, Levy had peaked to 100% on sight of the book, but Gajeel's short joke dropped her down to only 20% for a single point. God damn it, you iron-brained fool. Still, they're currently tied in second place, and here comes Natsu! What's he got in his hands?
Natsu: *huffhuff* Sorry, I had to run all the way back home to get this. I'd been saving it for a special occasion.
'It' was a fine length of golden chain, ten little golden plates dangling from it, each pressed with a symbol of the zodiac, save for the two that didn't belong to her.
Lucy: *choking up* Natsu, it's beautiful!
Natsu: Let me put it on! *almost strangles her*
Mavis: Well, that dropped it from a five to a four. Nice thought, less energy! Well, at this time, let's display the scoreboard.
1st Team Burning Spirit – Natsu and Lucy – 95pts
2nd Team Iron Shrimp – Gajeel and Levy – 85pts
2nd Team Fairy Soul – Elfman and Evergreen – 85pts
4th Team Gray-Sama Love-Love – Gray and Juvia – 84pts
5th Armoured Heart – Erza and Gerard – 82pts
Makarov: Natsu and Lucy are at the home straight. Five points sees them win. They'll be hard to beat, but the second place slot is completely up for grabs! I think we can safely say that all of our couples are lovely and work in their own ways. They have all performed wonderfully and…
Mavis: Screw your hippie crap! There can be only one winner! This round is the same as the last, but it's the girl's turn. Remember, if Lucy scores a perfect five, it's all over, so try your best!
Lucy went to run out of the stadium, but the other four all stood still. They had what they needed.
Juvia: Juvia gives Gray-sama the gift of me!
Gray: Uhh…
Mavis: The reading says three points.
Juvia: Why so low!?
Levy: Solid Script: Iron! *Giant word appears in front of Levy* I know you like it because it's bigger than me!
Makarov: Wow! Perhaps a little cynical, but Levy plays to Gajeel's desires, granting a full five points.
Erza: Requip: Bunny Suit! *Poses* Red flowers are also sexy, ne?
Gerard: *Losing blood quickly*
Makarov: Bahohoho! Nice. Five points.
Evergreen: The gift I have for you is this, Elfman. *blushes furiously* Elfman, you… you are a MAN!
Elfman: MAN! *Hugs Evergreen off of the ground*
Makarov: Hmm, apparently a four! I think the addition of 'Manly' before 'man' would have raised it to a five! So, while we wait for Lucy, let's see the scores.
1st Team Burning Spirit – Natsu and Lucy – 95pts
2nd Team Iron Shrimp – Gajeel and Levy – 90pts
3rd Team Fairy Soul – Elfman and Evergreen – 89pts
4th Team Gray-Sama Love-Love – Gray and Juvia – 87pts
4th Armoured Heart – Erza and Gerard – 87pts
Mavis: Amazing. Please, everyone remember that Gray, Juvia, Erza and Gerard have not done badly. All the teams are hovering about ninety points, which is fantastic! I'm so glad that Levy is in second, so that I don't have to knee the author's balls again!
Kurisu313: That's it, I'm just gonna take this fourth wall down if you're just gonna keep breaking it.
Makarov: But, I wonder what would be a good gift for Natsu? Will Lucy just bring fire? Can she score the necessary five points? Here she comes now… with a golden key? Is she giving a spirit to Natsu?
Lucy: Natsu, this is the thing I think you want most. This is the key to my apartment, so you no longer have to sneak in. I'm inviting you to come over whenever you want!
Natsu: Thanks, Luce! I'll use it all of the time! Now I won't get chairs and tables thrown at me!
Makarov: Aww, that's cute! Let's look at the score. Oh my, it's hovering between four and five!
Mavis: Kyah, it's so tense! Which is it?
Makarov: It's a…five! Natsu and Lucy reach 100 points! Team Burning Spirit wins! Natsu and Lucy win the best couple in Fairy Tail competition! Natsu and Lucy win!
*Crowd goes wild*
There is a podium. Evergreen and Elfman stand on the third level, holding a small bronze trophy. Gajeel perches Levy on his shoulder and she waves the larger silver trophy into the air, because he'll eat it if she lets up. On the top, Natsu and Lucy have crowns and fur cloaks, enthusiastically holding their golden trophy aloft for the cheering crowd.
Natsu: Suck it, slanty eyes!
Gray: You asshole…
Erza: Don't feel bad. Gray, maybe you should learn from this to return Juvia's affection more deeply. A one sided love isn't fun for anyone. And Gerard and I are apart so much that maybe we weren't in the same league as them.
Juvia: Juvia is sad, but happy for Gajeel-kun and Levy-san. They look so happy. Maybe now Love-rival will keep her hands off of Gray-sama!
Gerard: I don't think she likes… *Erza stops him and shakes her head*
Elfman: It's manly to be on the podium! Is this good enough?
Evergreen: For now.
Levy: I'm so happy, Gajeel! Even though we're different, it seems that we work well together!
Gajeel: I suppose the second step is the highest you've ever been, GIHIHI! Gah, not the handbag!
Natsu: We did it, Luce! We're number one!
Lucy: Well, we are the main characters…
Mavis: And that is the end of the tournament. Congratulations to the winners and all of our contestants and a great thank you to all of our audience who watched and participated! You are the greatest winners of all… well, not really, I mean you're kinda nerdy…
Makarov: Please stop insulting the audience, First.
Mavis: Right! I hope you all enjoyed the ride and goodbye!
Kurisu313: The fic is over? I'm free! Freeeeee! Ahahahahaha!
