Chapter 9: Cliff
My entire body ached. It was early fall so it was still really hot during the day and I was out picking grapes as usual. The fall is when I have the most work due to the grape harvests so I can't slack off for a second, but it was still tiring. I could feel the sweat fall dripping down my face. My long hair didn't help my situation either, making me feel even hotter. I thought about taking a break, but I've been lazing around for too long, I have to keep working… This time of Fall is hardest for me. I have bad memories of this time. Around this time I went on my journey, leaving my home town for good. I lose my appetite around this time and focus. Sleep brings nightmares, so the most rest I get are from slipping in and out of consciousness.
I clipped each grapevine with careful precision as I've essentially become a master at this. You mustn't clip too much in fear of damaging the limb of the plant. Duke has taught me everything I know and I even learned more at the library on how to care about grapevines. While this is preferable over mulling around the church like I did the first few months I came to Mineral Town I do miss my free time. Granted I couldn't uphold that lifestyle forever because I wasn't making any money for those months and my savings were at a critical low until Claire invited me to help work with Duke.
Maybe I should take a break? Eat some lunch, drink some water. How long has it been since I had a full meal? I'm sure Ann packed me something delicious. I was kneeling trying to get the last few grapes at the bottom of a grapevine and quickly stood up. All of sudden, I got really dizzy… This feeling was familiar. In my travels I had been often at the edge of starvation and exhaustion when no town was in sight. I've collapsed way more times than a normal person should. It stopped happening so frequently, but a few years ago I was really depressed and collapsed in the middle of the town square. I had to be taken to the clinic to recover, but apparently Claire had also collapsed. Honestly, what happened in the clinic was a bit foggy, but I had a strange dream I was taken out of my bed, dragged on the floor by Elli, to allow Claire to have the bed. I really don't want to be dragged on the floor again, half dead.
I tried to walk, but my legs buckled and I was left on my knees. The world was spinning and I thought I could see Manna coming with a lunchbox. It was the lunchbox that Ann prepared for me… That's good, I'm so hungry and so, so tired… Huh, Manna's face looks a bit panicked. Probably because I'm lying in the dirt now. Oh, I'm not sleepy, I'm half dead once again. My final memories was Manna running over with concern on her face, dropping my lunch. That's a real shame, I hope the food is okay…
I opened my eyes in my old home. Where my mother, sister and I lived years ago. It was a relatively small oak cabin that father and the local carpenter had built years ago. Right before he had died. In the corner was a fireplace with wood burning. In front of it was my mother rocking a chair, writing a letter. Despite the intensity of the heat she had a blanket on and her face was a pale white. Her once brown luscious hair was frail and sickly. There wasn't a smile on her face, only sadness. Then my sister came in, walking right past me, with a tea tray in her hands. She handed it to my mother and who quietly accepted. My sister then went to sit on the couch reading a book. It was silent for a few minutes with the only being my mother sipping her tea and coughing violently every few seconds. My sister paid the coughing no mind, as she went on with reading her book. I was still watching, I hadn't said a word and they said nothing to me. That is until mother finally spoke,
"When I die… I want you to be happy," Mother finally said looking directly at my little sister.
My sister looked up from her book with a neutral expression. I noticed her usually big, brown eyes looked rather tired. Her hair was shorter than I remember as well, only shoulder length. As kids we had made it a competition to see who's hair could grow out longer.
"Mother..." was all my sister said.
"I'm writing my will now dear, for you and for Cliff, wherever he might be," She said solemnly. "When he returns, I'll most likely be dead. It'll only be a few days now. I'm already coughing up blood, soon I'll be bedridden and suffering."
My sister was still silent.
"I know you declined that kind woman's proposal for me, you can't hide it. I want you to be happy my sweet daughter. When I die, I want you to get married and leave this place. Your father is dead, Cliff has set off on his journey and now I must leave as well. Do not stay behind."
"...How did you know, Mother?"
"Oh sweet child, I may be dying, but I'm still observant. I saw the ring in your room and I know exactly what your "special friend" means to you. Can you promise your happiness, please?"
My sister had begun crying as she ran over to Mother to give her a hug.
"Of course Mother! Thank you!"
"Anything for you, my daughter," My mother said happily.
Then the scene began to fade. I was still in my house, but there was no fire and now the place was dusty, full of cobwebs. The letter my mother had written was on the table next to the rocking chair. All of sudden, another, slightly younger me came through the door. I remember this moment… I watched the Other Cliff walk cautiously over to the letter on the table. He dusted it off and began to read it. I remember this part vividly to this day and it still haunts me. As the Other Cliff began reading I saw the tears well up in his eyes as he began falling to the ground in tears reading the letter. Mother had died weeks ago and my sister had moved away with her new wife to the city. While I had been out seeing the world, never bothering to write, my mother had gotten ill while my sister put her life on hold to help her. Other Cliff got up and stared at a photo we kept on the fireplace mantle of all three of us when were happy. He ran over and took it up, along with the letter and ran out the house.
My own heart was racing and I was sweating even more than I had in the grape field. This vivid scene brought back horrid memories. I've never been quite the same after that moment. After that I had begun wandering aimlessly. I want to stop thinking about this. When will it end!?
The house became warped and the world began spinning. I fell on the ground, feeling sick. What was happening!? WHY ME!? I could hear someone calling my name, but I covered my ears. I wanted to hear none of it. I just wanted everything to stop. For the pain to end. Despite the spinning world, I got up and ran to my mother's room and looked under the bed. There it was, my father's old revolver with some ammunition next to it. I took them both up and reloaded the gun. I never wanted to feel this pain again. I took back the safety and pointed the gun to my left temple.
"NEVER AGAIN!" I shouted as I pressed the trigger and everything faded to black.
I woke up with a start. "Am I dead?" was my first thought. Or did I die when I collapse? Did I experience my hell? Will the pain really never end. I looked up and saw a bright light, then looked to my left and right and realized the whole room was white. My head was propped a little so I could see ahead of me and I realized I knew this place. The Clinic.
I looked at the bed I was in and noticed Ann was asleep at my bedside. I guess I'm still alive. Woo…
My throat fell dry, as if it hadn't been used in days and I could see Elli doing paperwork at her desk. Rather than make an attempt to call for her I decided to wait for something to happen. I didn't have the energy to make an effort myself and the dream had taken a lot out of me. My moments of peace didn't last long because Trent soon came into the clinic with bags of groceries. Guess even doctors have to go grocery shopping. He turned his head towards me, noticing I was awake and smiled. Trent handed the groceries to Elli to walk over to me.
"Nice of you to join us today, Cliff," he said casually. Trent was not a casual fellow, but I've spent my fair time at the clinic due to my constant dizzy spells and due to my injuries from when snow caved in the roof of the Inn falling on top of Doug and I. So, I would say Trent and I are pretty close now.
"You set a record this time. You were out for five days. Ann has been here everyday waiting for you to wake up," He informed me. "Let me wash my hands real quick and give you a proper exam."
I stared at him silently, then nodded, but I did Elli a curious look. Trent got my message.
"Oh, don't worry about Elli, Claire doesn't really collapse anymore so we won't haul you out of the bed this time."
Well that's promising. Ann began to stir and wake up. I tried to move my hand to hold hers, but I was too tired. Suppose she'll hold it for me.
"Ann, Cliff finally woke up," Trent said to Ann.
"Huh? Wait really!? CLIFF!" She yelled with joy hugging me tight. While her joy was endearing, it was also overbearing since I was extremely achy. Eventually I had to grunt from my pain to make it known that I was in pain.
"Oh sorry, dear, I'll leave Trent to his examination then," she apologized and backed up to let Trent work his medical magic.
According to him there were no significant deficits and as long as I properly rested for a few days and ate, I'd be up on my feet again. As Dr. Trent examined Ann told me everyone in town had come to visit me at least once which made me feel pretty good. Duke and Manna were especially concerned, rather than angry that I couldn't help with the harvest as usual, but I still feel pretty awful about it. Once I get better I should make them some curry as an apology. Finally, Trent finished and left Ann to discuss in private.
Ann was silent. She had been talking like a storm for the past few minutes, yet now she was silent. She gave me a look of sadness, as if she was in pain.
"It's that time of the year again..." She said. "Is that why you weren't eating?"
"..."
"I've been watching you fidget around a lot lately. Barely eating and sleeping."
Had Ann known all along?
"I kept trying to reach out to you, but you kept saying you were fine. Cliff, you're far from fine."
"..."
She gave a great sigh. I saw her clench her fists.
"Let's try this. Blink once for no. Blink twice for yes. You should be able to talk, but if you don't feel like it, just do that for me please."
I blinked twice and she smiled.
"You had that nightmare again..."
I blinked twice slowly.
"You've been having that nightmare every time you slept again for the past few days right? Before you collapsed?"
I blinked twice again.
"Why didn't you tell me? We could've gotten help like last time."
I didn't blink or say anything.
"Let me ask you this at least," She paused for this question. "Did you pull the trigger again?"
I stared into her eyes for what felt like an hour, I was tempted to lie, but I couldn't. I blinked twice.
"Okay," Ann said despondently. "You're probably tired, I'm going to talk to Dr. Trent for a few minutes. Don't worry Cliff, I'll help you through this. Get some rest."
With that she walked away. I tried to stay up and listen to what she had to say, but I was really so tired. I fell back into a dreamless sleep.
A Few Weeks Later
"Okay, Cliff, that's enough for today's session. Are you feeling better about yourself now? Did you send the letter to your younger sister?" Asked Dr. Trent as we finished my session for today.
I nodded, thanked him for today's session as usual and left the clinic. Ever since my five day coma, Ann insisted that I get therapy for my depression. She's been secretly doing her research about it and has come to the conclusion that I need a neutral outlet for what I'm feeling and coping mechanisms. Every week Dr. Trent and I talk about my past and my nightmares. For every session Ann is there holding my hand when things got too tough and when I wanted to quit. A while ago we finally found out where my sister lived. Ann and Trent insisted I wrote a letter telling her how I was doing and what's been going on with my life. I wrote about Ann, Doug, The Inn, my job, all my new friends, the town and my depression. Mailed it just yesterday and I hope she replies. Only time will tell.
I haven't had any nightmares since the therapy started. I've actually been a bit happier than before. I felt the same way when I married Ann, but now it's different. Not some fleeting joy of marriage and love, but stability in my own well-being. Granted in order to pay for the sessions I've taken up more part time jobs. It's much easier to be productive and work when you're not clinically depressed. This night though, I did have a dream.
I was back in my old house. The same scenario as all my old dreams, but I decided to walk around. I looked into the kitchen and saw my sister sitting at the table while Ann was at the oven cooking something. They seemed to be talking.
"I can't believe Cliff used to be so loud and adventurous! He's so quiet now!" Ann laughed.
"Yeah he was crazy as a kid. I can't believe he's so shy as an adult and still got a girl like you, Ann" My sister replied.
"Ah, I'm not that great a catch," Ann blushed. She looked up and noticed me, smiling. My sister as well. I looked closer and noticed Ann's stomach was protruding underneath her shirt. Was she… pregnant?
"Cliff, you're just in time for dinner! Your sister was just telling me about your younger days! Come sit," she invited.
"My wife will be coming soon to join, but she said we could start without her. Anyway, Cliff you've really grown up haven't you?" My sister asked.
I just shrugged in response, smiling.
"So, let's eat while the food's still hot! After that we can exchange silly Cliff stories!" Ann opted.
"Oooh, I can't wait. Cliff you can't so no either!" My sister cheered.
At that we began eating cheerfully and talking. This was the best dream I've had in a long time. Maybe even ever. I'm just so happy now. Were my nightmares showing me the past and what could've been? Is this future I'm working towards? I want to grasp this future. I want to live for this future. I want to live!
"May these happy days never end!" I cheered.
I woke up slowly and peacefully with a calm heartbeat. It was a dream, but a pleasant one that left me feeling safe. I looked over to the other side of the bed at Ann. She looked beautiful even in her sleep, completely innocent to the world. The sun shone on her face highlighting her features. Today was another beautiful day. I sat there staring at Ann with loving eyes and all I could was:
"I love you, Ann."
This is honestly, probably one of my best and favorite chapters. I feel like I'm better at writing stories with minimal dialogue, so I opted to try it with this one after reading something else with minimal dialogue. I was hesitant to write fanfiction because of my skill in dialogue, but while it's not at its best it's working out somewhat. In this chapter I delved into Cliff's depression and past. He was a wandering traveler before coming to Mineral Town. When he came after his first journey his mother had passed and his sister had left. The mother and sister were just mentions in his event so I decided to add some little details to them, names were unnecessary. Remember to review your thoughts! Next time we have Rick and the return of the mysterious man from the previous chapter! Have an absolutely wonderful day!
