An apple a day keeps Bella away but not Sally!

So I bet you guys are all super excited that I'm posting loads of new chapters this week and to tell you the truth, I am too! I was going to see what Sally thought about this but she ran into some problems with Bella:

Bella – Sally, why did you kill me off?

Sally – I totally didn't kill you off Bella, you were already dead to begin with.

Bella – Well fix it! And quit stealing Edward away from me!

Sally – I can't help it if he likes me better!

Bella – He does not!

Sally – Does too!

Bella – Does not!

Sally – Does too!

Bella – Okay fine, but it's only because you're so much more beautiful than me!

Sally – Well, isn't that obvious? - (A/N: I totally owned Bella right there.)

Anyways, while Sally is telling the world how right she is, here's chapter nine!


Chapter Nine: Love Me Forever, Need Me Always

Edward Cullen was standing in front of a microphone with a brick wall behind him. He glared into the spotlight that was blinding him in the distance. Edward turned to the audience seated in front of him and leaned into the microphone.

"Hello, my name is Edward Cullen," he spoke before giving the audience an omgicantbelieveyoudidthat look, "And today I'm going to be reading a poem about my life. It's called 'I Love You, But I Don't Exist' by Edward Cullen."

Edward paused and took a deep breath, he smiled and waved to Sally in the front row before continuing, "I love you, but I don't exist...

Every day I bleed and my tears taste like fresh blood

But I don't exist, so it doesn't matter

My name is Edward Cullen

And I cry at the moon that looks so delicious

The moon just screams at me

Like a thousand pointy needles

Oh that's deep,

That is so deep

Then I ate myself and tasted like sadness

And I cried until my nose bled

And then I wished I had toes

So that I could feel the pain

But I don't exist

So I guess it doesn't even matter

And this whole poem

Was completely pointless

Love, Edward."

Edward stepped away from the microphone dramatically while the entire audience stood up and began to cheer; Edward took a bow. "Thank you, thank you, I'm glad you all loved my poem."

The audience stopped clapping and stared at him strangely, one of the audience members spoke, "We're not cheering for your poem!"

"You're not?" Edward asked eyeing the person in the fifth row, "Then what are you cheering for?"

"Sally, duh!" the audience member replied, "I mean, she is the most awesome person in the universe!"

Everyone cheered as Sally stood up from out of her seat and waved to them, Edward looked at her; his eyes shining with awesome shininess.

"You're right," Edward said, "Sally is the most awesome person ever!"

Then Edward walked over to Sally and proposed to her and she totally said yes even though she was already married to him, Jacob and the evil guy. Then everyone cheered and it began to rain inside of the coffeehouse because rain is extremely symbolic, and Sally is extremely awesome, don't you think?


Author's Note: Well there you have it, one of the most awesome chapters yet! Sally can't wait until you all get to read the rest of her fanfiction, but we have a long ways to go… ; D

While you're at it, you should totally leave Sally a review to tell her how awesome she is. What are you waiting for? Press that button, you know you want to!