*The following role is one I've actually devoted hours of research to, more so than any character I've ever written. I want to make it clear that none of this is coming based on my own guesswork, or something I simply saw on TV or in a movie. It's always been my goal to write a realistic portrayals of events. That's even more true in this case, as I didn't want to settle for myths or half-truths concerning drug addiction. This is not a "catch-all" depiction, or a true rendering of any real person in existence, and their battle with substance abuse. The woman is a fictional character, and this is her fictional story. It's also important to note that not all of her physical symptoms are related to the drug itself, but other existing physical issues. So with that disclaimer, let's get back to it.


The so called "Haruko" came around in the early afternoon, by a forceful tug from Shirou on her blond hair, forcing her head upright off the mattress.

"Konnichiwa sureibu. Today is the day." He told her pleasantly enough, and kissed the woman on the lips.

She wanted to flinch away from him, but she knew better by now. He only seemed to enjoy it more when she resisted him, and inevitably it also made it last longer as well.

"You hungry?" He asked her, getting to his feet a little stiffly.

Her brown eyes weren't looking at him, but were trained downward at the used needle lying on the floor near his feet.

He laughed at her. "You have a one track mind Haruko. I think it's better that I wait for right now, I need some assurance of your good behaviour. As long as you're cooperative, you'll get exactly what you want." Shirou told her, with another stroke of her cheek. "Once the problem is dealt with that is." He added. "Now get yourself up - I'll be back soon."

Without another word he left the room, the room that had become her prison cell.

She rolled over to face the wall, and gazed at the tally marks that were some attempt of her own to document how many days she'd been here. Some of them were so shaky that they didn't even qualify as a real line, others running together so that she could hardly distinguish one from another. She's tried to count them - how many times she'd tried to figure out how long she'd been here. How long it had been since she felt like a real person. Living had become nothing more than a waiting game to her, waiting for the fix, the euphoria that was her only escape. Then came the crash, and more waiting.

She reached down to grasp the nail in her hand that had been on the floor by the wall, and dragged the edge of it over the surface to create another line. Another line, another day. And he wasn't going to grant her the easy relief that she'd become accustomed to until later. She sat up further on the mattress, fingering the nail silently in her hand, instead of letting it go.

The young woman turned over the wrist of her free hand, wondering if she had the strength to finish it, the power to slice the vein open, and finally finish it. She'd made half-hearted attempts before, but always been too afraid to apply the necessary pressure. Why should today be any different?

She slowly released her grip on the nail and let it fall to the floor, then sitting up on the edge of the mattress. Shirou would be back before long, and there would be punishment if she wasn't ready to shower and change. She was used to the forced escorts by now, having no privacy for even the simple act of washing.

It had been that way ever since Shirou claimed her for himself. She was only one of many sureibu, though her situation differed from most of the others. She saw them on a rare occasion, when she wasn't locked inside Shirous' quarters, when they were hustled through the complex like ghosts in the night.

When she'd first come here, it almost felt like a dream come true. Shirou supplied her with the drug she craved, ending the constant cycle of theft and cajoling of other males around her to support the habit she'd developed. He'd been nice to her at first, but over the course of days and weeks, things had changed dramatically. Whereas she'd at first been convinced that he cared for her, she understood fully now that she was only property to him, and that her own coming here had been arranged by the gang that she'd become a terrible drain upon.

The passage of time was difficult to determine, that was why she'd tried using the tally system to begin with. The only thing she remembered with certainty from her transition to this place from the gang, was that it had been Winter at the time. That would have been helpful information alone, if she had any clue what season it was outside right now.

Outside these walls. She was being taken out today, venturing beyond the complex for the first time today since becoming sureibu. She felt no excitement in the matter, but incredible nerves instead, wracking every part of her body.

She needed it - oh, how she needed it. Shirou wouldn't often keep it from her for long periods of time, but it just figured that today of all days, he would have to hold it over her head to gain her complete compliance. Her hand traveled unconsciously to her stomach, which still revealed nothing concerning the life that was growing inside of her. The life that was going to die, the way that she wished she could night and day. She found herself almost envying the unborn, who in mere hours would be cut off from ever entering the real world.

The young woman ran a shaky hand through her tangled long hair, as she gather enough will to actually get up off the mattress. She tugged at the only article of clothing she was wearing at the moment, a short-sleeve t-shirt that had probably fit her correctly at some point, but now hung on her loosely. There had to be some more clothes around here somewhere. She search the room somewhat dizzily, hating the already gnawing feeling in the pit of her stomach. She needed it.

As her gaze flickered across the room, the very walls looked as if they would close in on her. Breathe! She had to remind herself, pausing in the center of the room. She forced herself to accept the fact that the walls weren't really moving, and that she was supposed to be looking for something. What was she supposed to be searching for?

Shirou returned abruptly, shaking his head at the sight of the disoriented woman turning in a tight circle. "You can't do anything yourself, can you? How could you possibly have a child, when you are just as helpless as one?" He said scornfully, and gave her a mighty shove back onto the mattress, then darted around the room to grab some things for her himself.

"Get up." He commanded then. "The world will not come to a stop for your laziness. On your feet, or I swear you won't get a single taste today."

Brown eyes shot open wider at that, and she was suddenly fighting her way upright from the prone position.

"Teishu (Master), I need it." Her voice wavered, even as she tried to prevent it from doing so.

"I already told you, not until later. Appointment first, pleasure after." He said shortly, and pushed her toward the door roughly. "Now move woman, I don't have all day."


Shirou would have to wait longer than he'd originally thought, as his contact at the clinic made the emergency phone call to him about an hour later, pushing the appointment back until later that evening. The young man was tempted to grumble about it, but reasoned that it would be less of an opportunity for discovery in any case. Inconvenience could often act as a blessing in disguise.

It was after 9pm by the time he had her in the car, and was driving back downtown to get to the clinic where her procedure would be completed. He would have to make certain that they were thorough, so that this pregnancy would not only be dealt with, but to provide assurance that there couldn't be any more surprises like this one. For what he was paying, they'd better get the job done correctly.

He'd seen the signs of her bleeding increasing over three weeks now, and administered the test on the advice of someone else. He'd considered allowing what appeared to be a running complication run it's course, knowing full well it was unlikely that the child could survive to full term anyway. But this way he would know that it was done more safely, and he could make the call to sterilize her at the same time.

The woman could hardly sit still in the passenger seat, as muscles involuntarily contracted. He'd buckled her in himself, if for no other reason than to help keep her actually seated. Her anxiety had been manifesting more over the last couple of hours, to the point that he'd seriously considered giving it to her, just to shut her up. But the possibility of an interaction with the general anesthetic she was going to need for the procedure held him back from giving her what she wanted.

Slow tears were coursing down her cheeks as she stared out the window at the lights, fixed on every glowing orb of a street lamp that they passed by. She'd expected to feel a little relief upon leaving her prison for the first time in what had to be months, but experienced nothing of the kind. In fact, it seemed to have the opposite effect on her, increasing her anxiety to such an unreasonable level that Shirou could hardly tolerate her.

He slammed a hand down on her shoulder as he was approaching another intersection, cursing her under his breath in Japanese as she trembled. His own attention diverted, he didn't even see the approaching headlights of the car from the west-bound lane, that had just blown the end of a light cycle.

Neither driver nor passenger were prepared for impact with the speeding car, which seemed to occur faster than the blink of an eye. It t-boned their vehicle as it made contact with the driver's side, and the airbags swiftly deployed to the rescue. The young woman's breath came in short gasps as the car rolled to a halt.

"Oh God, oh God, oh God..."

Weak fingers fumbled with her seat belt, and then her gaze landed on Shirou. The man wasn't moving - could it honestly be that easy? She reached toward him, grasping for his wrist to search for a pulse. She let go with a heavy sigh when she found it, and then startled upright when she heard a knock on her passenger side window.

Fear was her instant reaction, but another emotion suddenly rose above it, that she hadn't felt in...she couldn't remember how long. Hope.

She unlocked the passenger door, and was met by a concerned bystander.

"Are you alright, can you move everything?" The man asked her.

The blond woman nodded somewhat uncertainly, and then suddenly bulled her way out of the car, past the shocked observer.

"Hold on, you're bleeding. You need to sit down." The stranger encouraged her. "C'mon, the paramedics will be here soon."

But she had no intention of waiting around for Shirou to wake up. The woman took off running with a surge of adrenaline, a determined push that overcame the pain she was feeling, and the desperate craving for the fix. She heard feet pursuing her, and forced herself to go even faster, cutting inside of a parking garage.

Inside she fought to get out of sight, finally collapsing in-between two parked cars, and forcing her way underneath a pick-up truck. She tried to steady racing breath as she heard feet run past her, and circle back around twice over the course of a few minutes. Only when she heard nothing did she dare try to rise, with some serious difficulty.

She was bleeding from a gash over one eye and a couple of other surface scrapes, but her own jeans were the main source of blood loss now. She stumbled her way back out of the garage onto the street, looking left and right like a frightened doe. The abdominal cramps that had been persistent throughout the day had increased significantly after running, and were rearing up again now in flashes of severe pain.

The young woman just barely focused through the latest round of pain, as she moved toward a convenience store. If she could just get something to drink, maybe she could keep going. The door took three attempts for her to get open, and she paused only one stride inside of the building, as dizziness threatened any further move.

The shocked face of the cashier who was dashing toward her was the last thing she saw before she hit the floor.