Chapter 4 April 28-May 4

Saturday April 29, 2012: Private Diary Entry 8

Comment from *****: Maddie your impression of Ludwig is hilarious! More please!

Comment from *****: Ludwig can't be that bad. Come on, really?

Comment from *****: More Ludwig! Hahahaha!

Jeez, more Beilschmidt? That's all the want? Me to talk about a wedding that took place a week ago now? I have other things going on in my life, you know. I have school, and finals coming up, and…okay, I guess just more school-but that's important to me! Beilschmidt is most certainly not important to me.

Things that are important to me:

· 45% family/Ling

· 35% school/video project

· 15% creating a fulfilling career upon graduation

· 4% getting my hair to not look weird

· .9997% ice cream!

· .0003% that douchebag who danced with me at a wedding one time

Honestly, I would rather just forget him. Hope and pray that our paths cross a little as possible while he visits Feli and not at all thereafter. But then I think about my audience- the semi-large one (and growing!) that I weirdly have now. Do I make it clear to them just how awful he was? After all, I still haven't detailed the Most Awkward Dance Ever(TM Ling Wang, but I'm stealing it) on air yet. Surely, that would make them realize how awful he is. Or is that just feeding the beast? And is feeding the beast something I want to do?

Ugh, I wish Ling were here. She would help.

…Fine. You want more Beilschmidt, people? You get him.

Sunday April 29, 2012

A Twitter exchange between Caterina Vargas, Feliciano Vargas, and Ludwig Beilschmidt

.

Caterina Vargas

+romanitup

+bschmidt please fly back ASAP. It's like cute fuzzy bunnies all the time. I swear +felilovespasta is going to break out into song.

5:40pm- Apr 29, 2012

5 retweets, 5 likes

.

Ludwig Beilschmidt

+bschmidt

+romanitup and we can't have that now, can we?

5:57pm- Apr 29, 2012

1 retweet, 3 likes

.

Caterina Vargas

+romanitup

+bschmidt hells no.

6:02pm- Apr 29, 2012

.

Ludwig Beilschmidt

+bschmidt

+romanitup can't make it back until the weekend. Try to keep any musical numbers under wraps until then.

6:14pm- Apr 29, 2012

1 comment, 2 retweet, 7 likes

.

Feli Vargas

+felilovespasta

is developing an interest in fashion.

6:25pm- Apr 20, 2012

2 comments, 17 retweets, 69 likes

.

Uploaded April 30, 2012

Episode 7: The Most Awkward Dance Ever

"In my last video some of you thought I went a little…Dramatic on Beilschmidt. And though it may have seemed a bit harsh, in this video I'm going to tell you a story.

"A story of a wedding. A painful wedding. Where a man and a woman were forced to dance together because of some stupid binding tradition forced upon us by the parents of the grooms that should be banned for all time!

"So if you haven't guessed it yet. Yeah. I caught the bouquet. And guess what stuck up, pompous, prick caught the other one? Yeah…

"My name is Maddie Kirkland and this is the story of the most awkward dance ever!

"So you're all probably wondering, "How did this ridiculous set of circumstances happen?" Oh trust me; I am too. I was standing against the wall, minding my own business. Well, really I was watching Feli and Michelle dance song after song. And then watched my mom pump her fists so that everyone else in the world knew of her unbridled success."

Here, Maddie donned her shawl, pearls, and sunhat and said in a French accent, "Maddie, 'oo is zat dancing with Feli Vargas, the rich, new neighbour, 'oo's studying to be a doctor?"

"For the tenth time it's your eldest, most perfect daughter Michelle."

"Zis is zee 'appiest day of my life!"

"What about the day you married dad? Or the day your daughters were born?"

"Non, it's today!"

"You see at that point I was okay. I mean not totally thrilled but okay. But then came time for the bouquet toss, or as it is to my mother: her last, best hope to match off one of single, pathetic daughters… I didn't so much catch it as prevent it from smashing into my face. But I figured my mom probably paid off Hercules Karpusi to throw it directly at me. I wonder how much my misery is worth to my mother…

"So anyway fast forward. Beilschmidt's standing as far away from the clump of bachelors as possible. To allow for minimal chance of interaction with other humans. Yet somehow mustered the hospitality to catch Kiku's bouquet. After it hit him in the chest.

"So there we were! Forcing smiles, for the dog and stuck-up pony show. Or should that be the stuck-up dog and pony show?

"But that Beilschmidt, what a charmer! Stone, freaking statue. Like, can't you just imagine fake happiness and force a smile? Ugh, so there's me, being the lady, following his lead…more like swaying to his sway…It was like he was trying to hear the crickets in the next county! When I asked him if he actually liked it here in town…"

"Not especially," said Maddie!Ludwig.

"Do you enjoy dancing?"

"Not if I can help it," he deadpanned.

"Glad to rock your world there Beilschmidt! So the dance ends. I swayed. He snobbed. And he actually thanked me for the dance. So then I head back to my wall, where Ling is waiting. I give her the lowdown, we laugh, and then we head outside. And that's when I hear him talking to Feli."

"You vere dancing with zee only tolerable girl in zee room. So stop vasting your time with me. Sure, Madeline's decent enough, but vhy vould I continue to dance with her ven no one else does?"

The anger and frustration she felt that night came bubbling back to the surface. It left Maddie a stuttering mess.

"I mean it-Who is he to-I mean…I'm not even going to give him the satisfaction. Well Mr. Beilschmidt I hope it's not too lonely on the pedestal you put yourself on. It's safe to say I like you even less than you like me. Maddie Kirkland: Decent Enough!"

Tuesday May 1, 2012: Private Diary Entry 9

I got my Ling back! I picked her up at the bus stop today. She'd been in Fresno (glorious Fresno!) for the past week.

"Why Fresno?" I asked the second she got into the car, hugging her. "Why did you abandon me in my hour of need?"

"You mean why did I abandon you in your hour of needing someone to help you film videos to go take care of my cousin who landed in the hospital?"

"Well, when you put it like that…"

Ling had a close relationship with her cousin ever since she was little, and they ended up bonding on a family trip to China when Ling was eight. Her cousin even helps pay for Ling's school, which is good because her family is in even worse straights than mine.

"How's cousin Im Yong doing, anyway?"

"He's better," Ling said. "The timing couldn't have been much worse, though."

"What do you mean?"

She waved her hand dismissively, "Just that missing school with finals looming is not ideal, that's all. How much make-up stuff do I have to do, anyway?"

I fill her in on the papers and other assignments that got handed out in her absence. I took over our discussion group, so luckily she doesn't have the annoying busywork of grading freshman essays. I feel like something is going on with Ling that she's not telling me. But if Ling doesn't want to talk about something, it doesn't get discussed. Seriously, when she got her first kiss in ninth grade, she didn't tell me. And it wasn't because she thought I'd be jealous- I'd gotten my first kiss the year before in a harrowing game of spin the bottle and lorded it over her, as one is wont to do. She just didn't think it warranted a conversation. So she decided to not talk about it.

Thus, I've decided that Ling was not off visiting her cousin-a cousin who, by the way, knows how much school means to Ling. Heck, said cousin is helping to pay for it. There is now way he would condone the removal from her studies for a week. No, I've decided Ling was having a torrid holiday with a tall, dark, and handsome stranger. That's my headcanon, at least.

But when Ling doesn't want to talk about stuff, she just turns the conversation to another topic. Which she did then, with supreme skill, before I could ask her anything cropping up in my suspicious mind.

"So how's Ludwig?"

I nearly swerved off the road. "What?"

"Ludwig. You know, the guy you've made the last three videos about."

"I have not," I protested, but it was admittedly weak.

"Uh-huh. Why are you spending so much time talking about a guy who you met once, at a wedding, ten days ago?"

My bestie sure knows how to cut to the core of the…everything.

"I-the comments-" I tried. "It's all everyone wants me to talk about!"

"They're your videos, Maddie. If you don't want to talk about him, don't."

"But the audience expectation-"

"You can't just give them candy, Maddie. You have to control your content. Take back the videos-talk about what you want to talk about." Ling looked at me, peering over the top of her sunglasses. "Now if you wanted to talk about Ludwig-"

"I vehemently do not." Except maybe one more time. Just to clarify that I don't want to talk about him, of course.

"Fine."

We then let the radio take over. The best thing about a best friend is that there isn't always this burning need to fill the silence. Instead we can just sit together in the car and sing along to the radio, neither of us caring how off-key we are.

And it was on the incredibly high, unsingable part of "Defying Gravity" (there's nothing wrong with a deep love of show tunes) that we happened to pull up to a stoplight right in front of Michelle's work. They have a pretty, quaint storefront on our town's pretty, quaint downtown main street. (Every time I walk by, I want to make over my bedroom with embroidered throw pillows and my closet with fashion-forward silhouettes.) Michelle, as the lowest man on the totem pole, does a lot of driving to go fetch samples of fabrics and shots of espresso. Which it seems she had just done, because we saw her pulling bags of material out of the trunk of her car.

Or rather, one Mr. Feliciano Vargas was pulling bags out of the car, eager to help. Behind him stood a sour-faced Beilschmidt and Caterina, at a distance. Caterina had shopping bags in hand. Feli held up a fabric-laden hand to his friends, indicating they should wait, and followed my sister into the store.

I watched them in the rear view until I couldn't watch them anymore. Or rather, until the light turned green and the Ford Fiesta behind me honked and made me drive.

"He probably ran into her on the sidewalk," Ling said.

"Probably," I agreed. What else is a rich guy summering in a new town supposed to do but wander the stretch of street between the yogurt shop and independent movie theater that happens to include my sister's place of work. "Or he could be stalking her."

"Yes, because you always stalk someone with your sister and friend in tow."

Well, yeah, but…fine. Point to Ling.

"It was awfully nice of him to help her carry all that stuff in," she continued.

"Or it'll undermine the way her superiors at work perceive her, if she can't even carry in a couple of shopping bags by herself."

Ling just stared at me, straight-faced. "Grasping at straws does not become you, Maddie Kirkland."

The thing is, I don't think I'm grasping at straws. Or, more accurately, I should be grasping at straws. If there is a single straw that ends up being questionable about Feli, I need to find it-because my mother sure won't. And Michelle…Michelle thinks the best of everyone. She's going to think especially best of a guy she happens to like.

Of course, the obvious question to ask is what is a guy like Feli doing in a hamlet like ours? Shouldn't he be in the big city, moving and shaking with the people who will be coming to him for nose jobs once he's out of med school?

Maybe he's running from a deep, dark family secret?

Oh, maybe he's committed a crime and is on the lam! (Although, who brings his sister and douchebag best bud on the lam?)

But seriously, what prompts an otherwise seemingly normal single guy in his twenties to up and buy a house in the middle of nowhere?

Someone has to play devil's advocate. And that someone might as well be me right now. And yes, so far, Feli seems okay. But how okay can a guy be when he's best friends with a guy like Beilschmidt?

Uploaded Thursday May 3, 2012

Episode 8: Ling's Back!

Ling leaned back from the camera, "…See? No boob close-ups."

"Or you could have edited that part out," Maddie said, annoyed.

"People like the DIY look. The video feels more authentic when it's not too polished."

"Didn't you draw devil horns on me?"

Ling froze, "And you're on!"

"Uhh my name is Maddie Kirkland and…Ling's back!"

"Why don't you tell the lovely audience where you were, Ling?" Maddie kept bringing up Ling's trip in the hopes that she could discern the real reason Ling seemed to be hiding from her. So far, no luck.

"You know, uh, family stuff."

"Family stuff? That's code for torrid affair, right?"

"No, it's code for: my cousin got sick."

"Sure it is."

"Would you get back on script? No one cares about my cousin," Ling said uncomfortably, moving back to behind the camera.

"Script? We seem super authentic now! Anyhow, starting over, things are finally starting to get back to normal after the big Karpusi wedding. Or as normal as they can be when your older sister is contemplating an arranged marriage."

"Over drama much?" Ling said, plunking herself down once again.

"My mother picked out the man she wants my sister to marry. That's not normal."

"By that definition, friends setting you up on a blind date is an arranged marriage."

"Except in this case, you can replace friend with crazy mother."

Ling frowned, "What's wrong with Feli? I mean, besides the fact that your mother likes him."

"Well, he's-" Maddie broke off, searching for some aspiration to cast on his character.

Here, Ling decided in editing that it was time to take matter into her own hands. In a voiceover she says, "Hey Maddie, do not taunt the girl who does your post-production."

She took the opportunity when Maddie was busy with her mother downstairs to sneak up and film the real problem Maddie has with Feli, cutting it into the middle of the video.

"Hey everyone, Maddie's having a bit of a crisis because her sister Michelle actually likes the guy her mother wants her to marry. A guy who, it turns out, is actually pleasant, and nice, and funny, but that Maddie had already made up her mind to hate. And Maddie hates changing her mind."

With that out of the way, Maddie continues from the earlier footage. "Anyway the true brain-bender of the week is that despite how rich, handsome, and single he is, my mom is not trying to use the most awkward dance ever to marry me off to Beilschmidt.

"Which is still, by the way, a totally stupid and pretentious name. So it suits him perfectly.

"But normally, that would not be an impediment for mom insisting that he's perfect for me." Maddie was determined to make it abundantly clear that she absolutely no interest in Beilschmidt, despite what her audience might insinuate otherwise.

"Hey Ling, did you tell my mom what we heard Beilschmidt say at the wedding?"

"I told her I heard him say that this town was never a place he could possibly enjoy."

"No, the thing about me."

Ling rolled her eyes and sighed in frustration. "Would you rather she was trying to get you two together?" She asked sharply, "Because I could tell her that I heard Feli tell Mrs. Karpusi how painfully shy Ludwig is. And how glad he is she invited him because Ludwig's been here for weeks and this is the first time he's met anyone."

Maddie looked at Ling, stunned. "He said that?"

Ling nodded. Maddie took a moment to process this information and how it lined up with all her experience with Beilschmidt. She finally came to a conclusion.

"Well I don't care! Beilschmidt is still stuckup, humourless, and the worst dance partner ever. And not friendly. He spent the whole night lurking by the back wall. If you dislike people that much, you should bail on the party."

Ling shook her head in exasperation, "You were also spending almost the whole evening clinging to the darkest wall you could find."

"No! I sat by the wall to prove a point to my mother. He did it because he think's he's better than everyone else. It's totally different."

Ling continued to look sceptical.

"It is," Maddie insisted.