I'm Sorry, Goodbye
"You can't make me marry you!" I scream, throwing my brush at his head. He dodges the brush with a chuckle, "Oh, poor Venni, I don't have to make you. You're going to marry me, and of your own free will. And do you know why?"
I shake, backing against the wall as he approaches me. He puts a hand on my face and I look away. He leans in and kisses my cheek, whispering in my ear, "Because you love me. I love you, too, you know. I don't want to be like this, but you don't give me a choice."
I shove him, "I won't believe your lies anymore!"
He sighs and shakes his head, holding my bare shoulders against the wall, "Do we have to keep doing this? Do you know how hard it's going to be to hide all these pesky bruises in the morning?"
"Pesky..?" I sob, "You're the one doing this to me!"
Everything inside me screams to run or screams to fight. I'm mixed up and I just want this to stop. One thing I know for sure is that I don't want to marry him, not anymore. I've fully woken myself up, but it doesn't help. The easy thing to do is to give in, to just do what he wants. Go back to believing he'll stop once he gets what he wants. To go back to sleep in my mind, go back to the lie and forget the nightmare I'm living while I wait for death to take me, because I know it will soon if this continues. Every part of me hurts, there's not much of my body that's untouched by his abuse. My eyes remain puffy and red from the crying. My left eye is now swollen and black because Vanitas punched me around twenty minutes ago.
He takes me into his arms, holding me close. A part of me still wants to believe the lie he's about to tell. I don't understand why he's being so moody. He's been nothing but cruel to me since I woke up in here, and now he's suddenly changing his game? He's trying to confuse me, he has to be. He knows I won't marry him now, so why is he still trying? Why not just kill me?
I sob against him and he stands silently, holding me. The anticipation is killing me. I know he's going to be cruel to me again any moment. I don't like this. I just want to leave. Wait.. Maybe.. I move slowly, gently pushing out of his arms. He'll probably see through this, but I have to try.. I look up at him and his eyes are cold, but his features are soft. He's confusing. I swallow slowly, "Vanitas.. Can we.. Make a deal..?"
He blinks slowly, "A deal? What are you talking about?"
"You want me to marry you, right? Without fighting back..?" I just have to say this right..
He nods, crossing his arms. His eyes narrow. I continue, "I'll.. I'll marry you, just.. Let me talk to Roxas. Please.. Just let me talk to him and I'll marry you, I won't complain about anything for the rest of my life, I promise.."
Please.. Please.. Just give me the phone.. He looks thoughtful for a moment. I'm preparing for him to deny my request. I wait for several minutes, just watching him. He finally nods and I breathe out in relief. He takes my phone from his pocket and hands the phone to me. I instantly dial 9-1-1 and when someone answers, I scream into the phone, "Help me! My fiance's beating me, he's going to kill me!"
"Ven!" Vanitas roars, snatching the phone. He ends the call and then punches me in the face, knocking me to the floor. He starts kicking me and I roll under the bed, crying, "Please, just let me go!"
He growls, walking around the bed, "You really messed up, Ventus. If I can't have you, no one will."
I hear him walk across the room, I hear him rummage through something roughly. I hide under the bed, shaking and crying. What's he going to do to me now? Something is suddenly thrown under the bed and I gasp as the lit match catches the cover on fire. I hear Vanitas's footsteps leave and the door slams. I get out from under the bed and run to the door. I try the nob and it's locked. I hit on the door, "Stop it, let me out!"
I turn around and gasp, finding multiple lit matches around the room. The carpet is on fire, the bed is catching on fire, the clothes in the closet are burning, the curtains have caught on fire. I can't put all this out.. I shudder and start crying again, "Oh, god, he's going to kill me!"
I turn back to the door and hit it repeatedly with all the strength I can muster. I scream and cry, assaulting the door as the fire spreads. My chest tightens as panic and lack of oxygen sets in. The fire roars and starts to travel up the walls. He might have splashed gasoline around the room, I don't know. All I know is the room is burning fast and I won't be far behind it. I leave the door and try to open the window. The window won't budge and there's bars on the outside. I'll never get out that way. I move away from the window, fire is covering the entire curtains now.
I back into the corner by the door and I draw my knees to my chest, coughing violently as the smoke starts to really suffocate me. I can't get out of here, I shouldn't have called the police. I should have called Roxas, and told him goodbye. I should have told him I'm sorry.. I cough, shuddering. The smoke burns my eyes and I close them, tears still trail down my face.
"Roxas.." I cough, my voice strains from the intake of the rising smoke, "I.. I'm sorry.. I sh-"
I cough violently, dry heaving. I shudder, "I should have.. L-listened to you.. You were right.. You.. Were a-" I continue choking on my words, "Always right.. I ignored my pain.. I ignored your suffering.. I was.. W.. W-was.. S-selfish. I.. I knew it.. H-hurt you.. To s-see.. ... T-to ...S-s.. S-s-se..ee.."
I'm coughing too much to speak, the smoke is so thick, I can barely see what's around me. I'm getting dizzy, I see spots behind my eyelids. The lights in the closet and on the bedside table burst and the fire cackles. It's laughing at me. It's ready to eat me up, like it's eating my room, my prison. I slowly lay on the floor, coughing and gagging. My head hurts and my body feels heavy and limp. The lack of oxygen is getting to me. At least at this rate, it'll be the smoke that kills me. I don't want to be alive when the fire turns my body to ash.
What will be buried at my funeral? With so much ash in this room, how will they know which ash belongs to me? Will some of me be buried with the ash of the covers or the curtains, even the clothes? Or will I not even be buried? They'll bury the ash of inanimate objects while my ashes are swept or vacuumed away as this house gets demolished a few days after the fire?
I'm going to die. I can.. Feel it. My body is cold, even though the room is on fire. I blink slowly and the more I blink, the less I actually see. My vision is blurring and all I see are moving shapes of orange and gray. This is it. I can't breathe, my lungs heave and constrict, trying to find air to push out. I think my body is shutting down, I can hear my heart beat in my ears. I close my eyes, hopefully for the last time, Roxas.. I'm sorry.. Goodbye..
