Chapter 9: Well … Ya Know
So yeah I did something stupid and like a hormone charged teenage girl I kept reliving it. I allowed Freddie to kiss me, which is something that Carly or Max would say is a good thing, to me it was horrible. Why would I want to drag old buried feelings out of the closet to say goodbye to them once this wedding is over. As many degrees and accomplishments as I now possess I've come to the conclusion that I will always be an idiot where Fredward Benson is concerned. That's why I'd opted out of today's event which was horseback riding, something that I normally loved. I couldn't be around him and I didn't want to see Carly she'd know something was wrong and force it out of me. Besides, it was kind of cloudy outside it wasn't perfect weather for that kind of thing. Today I would wrap myself under the covers of this California king bed and make love to some Ben and Jerry ice cream. I'd check my emails and engross myself with work if need be. I planned not to be seen by anyone. I waited five minutes until Carly said her final goodbye to make my way to the kitchen. Just as I pulled the cookie dough ice cream from the freezer I heard a familiar laugh coming from the veranda. That damned nub was still here. It was like he was put on this earth to make me completely miserable. I hadn't felt this amount anger for so long I'd forgotten how I acted when I became angry. I stormed over to him and grabbed his cell phone and threw on the ground, luckily it didn't break. My actions were that of a mad woman and he looked at me as such.
"What the hell!" He yelled. I didn't know whether to apologize or to stand my ground.
"I … I … what are you doing here?" I fumed.
"I was invited to Carly's wedding so I'm staying here for the week. What did you get selective amnesia or something?" He grumbled as he picked up his phone. "I was on a business call you know? I wouldn't just throw your phone when you were talking to a client." He sat back down and proceed to call back the person he was speaking with, long story short he ignored me, and all the times I'd been around Freddie he'd only done that once. It drove me crazy but I wasn't the girl I used to be then. I was more evolved so instead of throwing his phone again and smashing it into a million pieces I removed myself from the situation. I went to my room and proceeded to do exactly I said I would. I reached for my laptop that I'd left on. Max wanted to video chat speaking with my partner would remind me of the steps I'd take to grown up and refocus my thinking.
"Hey Max," I attempted to sound chipper but apparently I wasn't very believable.
"What's wrong?" Her smile quickly faded as she searched my face. "I'd wanted an update between you and Freddie but from look on your face nothing good could've happened." I dug my spoon into my pinto of ice cream debating what I was going to say.
"I'm not here for Freddie. I came for Carly and she's stressed because of her mother in law to be. I think her stress is rubbing off on me." I explained, I was actually being honest, but that's not why I was as bummed as I was.
"You didn't answer my question! Sam don't try to change the subject on me. I know you better than that!" She chided.
"Fine, something sort of went down but it's not really a big thing. He kissed me but it was nothing." I explained and her eyes bugged out of her head. "Max don't make a deal out of it!"
"Why aren't you making a big deal out of it? Oh my God Sam, are you pushing him away? Did you tell him the reason why you left him yet?" She was asking too many questions, but I knew she wouldn't be satisfied without answers.
"Look, I have to push him away. No I'm not going to tell him and please let it drop. I asked him to do the same." Just as I finished my statement Freddie barged into my room. I quickly closed my laptop and stared at my enraged ex.
"You've got some nerve Puckett, you are so lucky that I salvaged that deal or you would have been one dead attorney!" He fumed. I tried my best not to smirk but he was cute when he was angry. When we were dating sometimes I would piss him off just so that he would make that face.
"Look, you're right, I didn't mean to interfere with your work. I'm … sorry." I hated those words they always left a yucky taste in my mouth.
"Really?" He went to sit on my bed and that was the last thing I wanted.
"Hey, don't get too cozy I want you out of my room! I didn't forget your little stunt last night. What the hell were you thinking anyway?" I murmured the last part without looking at him. Even though I protested he sat down on my bed.
"I got caught up in the past." He shrugged his shoulders. "I'd forgotten how good it felt kissing you." He confessed and I just scoffed.
"If you're trying to shovel more lines my way Benson, don't waste your breath." I said before shoveling more ice cream in my mouth.
"They're not lines," he murmured not looking at me.
"I mean I don't get what you're hoping to gain saying that stuff. I don't see the point." I said matter of factly.
"There really isn't a point per se. I'm just an honest sorta guy." He chuckled and I rolled my eyes at his stupidity. "You however aren't a very honest person."
"Not many lawyers are." I diverted his insult quite cleverly.
"I'm not talking about what you do in regards to your profession. I'm talking about us, you lied. The night before I left for college, do you remember what you said to me?" I cringed I knew where he was going with this. I couldn't believe that he'd held on to it … just like I had.
"I'd told you that I didn't think I'd ever stop loving you." I murmured as I remember how corny albeit romantic the moment was.
"If you loved me …," he started to ask the question that everyone was dying for me to answer.
"How could I just disappear?" I finished it for him and he started at me wide eyed hoping that I'd answer. "Do we really have to go through this? I mean, look at your life, could you really see me fitting into it?" I got up and started to pace.
"Yes," he spoke so effortlessly.
"Smh, now who's the lair Benson. Look can you just leave." I pointed to the door and he stood up and I thought he was going to do what I asked. I walked over to the door and opened it for him. Instead of walking out, he grabbed me by the waist in forced me into a lip lock. He was so aggressive and he seemed possessive over me. He pulled me closer and at the same time closed the door. I was able to break from his embrace only to breathe his name. "Freddie."
He pulled me in once more. He lifted me and carried me to the bed. It was then that his hands began to wander the length of my body. He used to do this we were dating but his hands were nowhere near as skilled. He maneuvered himself between my legs and I knew that now was the time to stop him.
"Dude, I … I." I tried to find the words but he was licking my neck and it felt amazing. "Oh my God." I groaned as my grip around his neck tightened.
"You're never gonna answer me. I can live with that, but I can't live without you knowing how I feel about you. I can't live without experiencing you and loving you at least once." He pecked me on lips playfully. "I'm gonna need for you to be okay with that Puckett." He breathed laughter against my neck and snaked his arms around my waist connected our bodies completely. This was the moment of truth, could I really be okay with never being with Freddie ever? Maybe being with him would somehow complete our involvement and I'll be able to let go? Or maybe I was just too horny to say anything but yes, but I knew that I may not have this opportunity again. I smoothed my hand over the stubble on his cheek directing his line of vision to my face.
"Okay," I whispered before caving to his wishes.
"Okay," he retorted as he kissed me once more and we began to… well you know.
Author's Note: Merry Christmas! I wanted to give you all something and let you know yet again I have not abandoned this story. Working retail during the holidays is not joke! Also, my beta has not had time to edit but she will and then this chapter will rock to its full potential. As always please read and review and no flames!
