A/N: Hey-o, my beautiful ducklings! How are you today? I made you some muffins. Want some? -hands out muffins-
…
Yeah, yeah, okay, fine, I'll cut to the chase. I was actually wondering if any of you know any communities I can join. And how I can do that. Yeah, I'm a n00b. So what? Everything was simpler back when I stayed on Quotev.
Sorry for the delay, my laptop's keyboard was kinda funky. And, once more, no bro to help. Gah, he really need to get off his *ss and help me. Or I need to stop sucking at spelling. But, alas, I'm too lazy to do the latter. Oh, and this is pretty much just filler. Nothing major happens.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for all of your fabulous reviews! I love you guys! And gals. IDK, I always thought guys was applicable for both genders.
Chapter Nine:
In Which Not Much Happens II
Blare's P.O.V. (OMG WOW IT'A NOT ECHO SURPRISE B*TCHES)
I woke up at six, smashing my hand on my alarm clock. I rolled out of bed. And, yes, I mean rolled, as in I grabbed the edge of my sheets and made like a burrito until I fell off the side.
"... What the hell, un?" I heard from right next to me.
I stared into his cerulean eyes. "Oh. I almost forgot you exist." With that thought over, I struggled and flopped my way out of the burrito.
After changing out of my PJ's (pretty much just some sweat pants and a sports bra, 'cause I'm lazy like that) and back into navy blue skinny jeans, an Of Mice and Men T-shirt, and some red converse, I freshened up and stepped out of the bathroom.
"So... Deidara... wanna go torment Hidan?"
"Hell yeah, hm!" he cheered. I noticed he had brushed his hair out while I was in he bathroom. How is his hair always so silky soft? I want hair like that! .
And we were off. I led the way, easily navigating through the confusing halls of the base. I may or may not have taken a couple of wrong turns, but Echo told me that even she got lost sometimes. All you have to do is keep walking forward and pretending that you know what you're doing, and eventually you'll get to where you want to go. It was probably a bad strategy, but it worked well enough.
I entered the Prison Hall. After going through the DNA scanners and voice activation thing-a-ma-bobber, I had Deidara entered as a guest. Now he could enter without getting gassed and thrown in a cell, but he could only enter this one time unless he gets me, the Second, or Boss' clearance.
Ellie and I had taken the (rather enjoyable) liberty of decorating the two rooms. One of them was quickly and sloppily painted pink (it was all washable, so chill) and covered in unicorn posters, white, fluffy cloud pillows, and pink and rainbow rugs that covered the floor. Surprisingly enough, I was the one who did up that room.
Ellie got the other one. It was left with plain, concrete walls with a few medieval chains hanging from the ceiling. A fake-but-realistic skeleton was shackled in some of them. A couple of (broken, non-usable, out-of-order) torture devices lay in the corners, and some heavy metal posters (courtesy of moi) were stuck willy-nilly on the walls. A sheet-less, deflated mattress sat in the middle of the room. It was all dark, and Els somehow managed to get all of the lights in that area out other than a flickering fluorescent light bulb on a string. That girl seriously scares me.
And I bet you can guess which captives got which room.
That's right, we stuck the innocent -cough- lies -cough- little man-child in the scary room, and the sadistic, gore-loving Jashinist in the cutesy one.
I love my job.
Ellie was sitting on a bench at the end of the hall, smiling happily and swinging her uber-short legs over the side. It was almost surprising- Ellie looked nothing like a fifteen year old who just pulled an all-nighter watching over two psychotic murderers. I noticed the shark-man was sitting on the other side of the bench, seemingly asleep while Konan was talking pleasantly with Ellie.
"Hiya, Blare!" she smiled up at me.
"Hey, Els. Wanna swap?" I offered.
"Sure! I'm going to pass out in a few minutes, anyway, so wake me up for breakfast," she grinned energetically, not even remotely like she was going to pass out. But she still hadn't dropped the smile, so she was either extremely happy or extremely tired. Probably the latter. She passed me a small remote with only one button.
Ellie tugged Kisame awake and held Konan's hand as she skipped away to her room.
Oh.
She was going to bring those two to her room.
I felt so sorry for them.
They'll pee themselves.
-cough cough- Anyhow.
I sat on the bench and tossed the button up and down before noticing a small string on the back. I tied it around my neck and Deidara took a seat next to me.
"So..." he started, looking slightly uncomfortable.
"So..." I said, looking at him with a smirk. "Wanna play?" I pulled a deck of cards out of my back pocket. We played double solitaire and poker for almost an hour before the annoying duo woke up in their cells.
"What the f*ck?" was Hidan's quick response. I sighed and pressed the button.
"Good morning, Senpai!" Tobi cheered. "Good morning Hidan and pretty lady!"
"'Sup, Tobster?" I casually raised an arm in greeting. I carefully placed my cards in front of me, grinning. "Royal flush. Wanna play again?"
"What? I swear you're cheating, un!" he frowned as he slammed down his sad two-of-a-kind hand.
"Ha, you just got beat by a pansy *ss f*cking b*tch!" Hidan chortled. I pressed the button again. "What the f*ck is up with that f*cking button you keep pressing, b*tch?" he asked quite rudely.
I held up the small electronic remote between my forefinger and thumb. "This?" I asked. "Well, every time you cuss, I press this button and a clock gets reset. If you can go two and a half hours without cussing, you're free."
"What the f*ck? That's f*cking easy," he smirked. "All I gotta f*cking do is f*cking sleep for a f*cking few hours."
"Well..." I said. "There are a few rules. You have to be fully conscious, and you can't just be silent the whole time. And, once you're free, you can't cuss in front of Angel, or else you get sent straight back here again."
"That's pretty clever, yeah," Deidara said.
"Why, thank you. I'm not Second for nothing," I nodded appreciatively.
"What the f*ck?" I pushed the button. "That's f*cking cheating!" Boop. "You b*tch!" I think he just likes staying in his new, pink room.
"Why is Tobi here, then? Tobi doesn't cuss! Tobi is a good boy!" said Tobi. "And this room is scary!"
"Boss put you in here because you were loud and obnoxious. And I think she secretly wanted to torment Hidan," I quickly explained to him, starting up a new game of speed with Deidara.
Two hours and thousand cuss words later, the loudspeaker turned on.
"Breakfast is ready," said Boss. Why wasn't she all formal? "Scout cooked for us." Ah.
Kaze was the chef.
Kaze was the chef.
Kaze was the chef!
"Oh my Jashin, yes!" I leapt out of my seat, accidentally scattering a few cards.
"Deidara, Kaze made food! KAZE MADE FOOD!" I cheered, grabbing his hands and jumping up and down. The hand mouths licked me, but I didn't care because Kaze made food!
"What? That crazy guy? Why is that a good thing, un?" he asked, confused.
"You have much to learn, Kemosabe. Kaze is the master chef. He can make expired tapioca taste better than steak," I told him seriously. "Hidan, you're stuck here. Tobi, I'll let you come to breakfast because I think you're adorable," I said, freeing said masked man. It was true; I did think Tobi was cute. Obito, too. Madara was not cute, he was damn sexy.
"What the fuuuu-" he stopped himself mid word, seeing me about to push the button again. "-uuuun? What the fun. How come the retard gets to go?"
"Because you aren't as cute as Tobi," I frowned at him. "Now, lets go, go, go!" I cheered, taking Deidara and Tobi's hands and charging away, almost forgetting to lock everything down. Almost. I remembered. No harm, no foul.
"Wait! You still haven't fixed my chest! Waaaaiiit!" he cried, getting blood all on the rainbow rugs.
(Line break!)
I pulled the two boys into the dining room after calling Ellie and her pair of prisoners.
"Fooooooood!" I yelled, taking my seat at the table. I noticed Echo had put up some foldable chairs and flipped out the ends of the table to situate ten more people.
The table was set, and bacon, waffles, bacon, crepes, fruit, bacon, bacon, and bacon sat proudly on the table. Kaze walked in with a final plate of bacon, donning his favorite apron. It was black with white letters, reading, "Two Rules: This is my kitchen. You are all my b*tches."
I slid into my seat to the left of Echo and Dei sat next to me. Echo was at the head of the table in her work clothes, Itachi and Kakuzu sitting to the right of her. Until, that is, Echo shooed them into the seats next to those. Now there was an empty seat to her right. Apollo, Pein, Artemis, and Sasori trickled into the dining room. Artemis looked like she hadn't slept at all, but didn't really care. She was in a big-worded conversation with Saaori about poisons and the like, but Apollo was just walking with his nose in a book. Pein was silent. Ellie, Konan, and Fishy came last, taking most of the remaining seats. Angel came in last, still in her light pink night gown and rubbing her eyes cutely while Yuki, one of her rats, sat on her shoulder.
Angel climbed into the seat next to Boss and Boss ruffled her hair, pressing a kiss to her forehead. As soon as Angel sat, it was like somebody shooting a gun at the start of the race. Aaaaand they're off!
The less classy of the Akatsuki, Kaze, Ellie and I almost leaped out of our seats to grab whatever food they wanted. Others sort of waited out the storm and went when the hangry (yes, hungry + angry = hangry) mob started to dissipate. Echo calmly and quickly scooped food for both herself and Angel.
As soon as we finished, Echo stood and made a surprise announcement.
"Everybody, please meet in the lounge. And Pyro, Interrogator? Please bring Hidan here. Restrain him if you need."
Ellie and I nodded and skipped away to chain up the Jashinist. After that, we dragged him down the halls like a dog.
"What the fu-udge is going on? Tell me, you bi-ill boards!" he cried. I just gave him a shock. Did I mention we gave him a shock collar? 'Cause we did.
"We're here!" Ellie called as she opened the door and dragged the bound Jashinist to the middle of the lounge where she then hog tied him with some shoe laces and promptly dropped him onto the coffee table.
"... What?" was Kakuzu's quick reply.
"The f*ck are you f*ckers lookin' at?" he hissed. I pressed the button. "Jashin f*cking dammit!" I pressed the button again.
Deidara laughed. "I didn't know you could get him to shut up so easily, un!"
"Shut up, you-" I gagged him. Well, seeing as we had tied him with my shoe laces, I just stuffed my lace-less shoe into his mouth.
It was fun.
I enjoyed it.
Thoroughly.
Like, you have not truly enjoyed yourself until you stuff dirty converse into a potty-mouthed Jashinist's face.
I mean, he was still injured, but the pain didn't affect him. He stabbed himself for fun. The worst the bullets could do was give him an infection, but that's about it.
"Mmf! Phmerfmle!" he shouted, his eyes narrowing.
"Ha! Eat trendy foot wear, you annoying buffoon!" I stuck my pointer finger in his face.
Echo stared at us for a while before clearing her throat. "And now that that is done, we can begin the meeting. Pyro, please take a seat."
"Okay, Boss," I said, flopping down on the couch.
"Anyway, we'll need to take our new captives- er, guests to get them some new clothes. I suggest we all just go to Walmart to avoid spending too much. We'll also need to buy much more food. I doubt ten more people won't cost a few bucks, so I'm afraid we'll have to cut our vacation to only a week. I'll have the shopping scheduled for tomorrow."
Kaze groaned at this, then smashed his face into the arm rest. "Gaaaahhhh, I hate manual laborrrrr," he slumped.
"And, before I forget, next week we have to do back to school shopping."
"GAAAAHHHH NO ME GUSTA."
"Also," she continued onward. "To thank Itachi and Kakuzu for providing information, I'll give you guys The Pamphlet... After Kaze translates it into Japanese."
"MANUAL LABORRRRR."
"Dismissed," Boss said, easily ignoring Kaze's pissing and moaning.
She left to sit in her arm chair rather than standing, giving me the floor. Kakuzu and Itachi followed her like puppies. Puppies that were taller than her, yes, but still puppies.
"Alrighty, people! So, Tobi and Hidan will go back to their cells until they are assigned to one of our members. Ellie and I will keep watch over them in shifts until we break their habits of being loud, cussing, and peeing on the rug."
"Mmff phml mff mmm! Mmm! Mmm!"
"Quiet, captive," I frowned at him as I put my shoe-d foot onto his back and rolled him off the table onto the carpet.
"Fmmf mkl phmm!" he protested. This I translated as: Oh, wow, this rug stinks.
"Well, the rug wouldn't smell so bad if you stopped peeing on it," I replied, earning a few laughs.
"Anyhow, Kaze, your first priority should be to translate it. I expect it on Boss' desk by fourteen hundred hours." This made him groan even louder and flail around until he fell off the couch, and, unfortunately, onto Hidan. Or, more specifically, his elbow landed on Hidan's crotch.
Tears sprung from Hidan's eyes, and I fell over laughing.
"Oh my Jashin, Kaze! You have no idea how much I love you right now!" I grabbed my chair and attempted to calm myself.
"Hahaha... haha... ha... Okay, okay, I'm back... pfft," I pulled myself back onto the seat. "So, Artemis, mind patching up Hidan when we're done?" I asked, noticing the small patch of blood.
"Sure," she replied boredly.
"Aaand Apollo, I need you to help Boss with paperwork, and when you're done, I need you to enter the Akatsuki's data into the computer to give them limited access to stuff and stuff. 'Kay?"
"Alright. Will do," he said, writing something down on a piece of paper and sliding it into his front pocket.
"Okay, folks, that's a wrap," I said, getting up and stretching. The others followed suit, and Echo patted my shoulder on the way out.
"Thanks, Second," she said, the faintest trace of a smile on her face. I kept my self from sighing. As soon as she had completely opened up again, the Akatsuki showed up and all the emotional progress went for naught. It was like hitting the reset button. And it stank. But the best we could do for now was to get her to open up again, little by little, just like the first time.
