Chapter Nine

I chuckled quietly and shook my head, running a hand through my damp hair. "Ian, what're we doing? I mean this whole time we've been here I've felt this… this feeling I haven't felt in a while, and I know I just got over you. I know I did, because I haven't thought about you in that way recently. And now, here we are stuck on some Godforsaken island for God knows how long—and you're fucking teasing me with these little things you do."

"What things?"

"Oh, don't play dumb. Putting your arm around me, staying close to me—wearing that cologne you know I like so much! C'mon, Ian, you're smarter than that." I snapped. "What, you wanna drive me fucking crazy? Because it's working!" I stood, putting my hands on my hips.

"Kerri—"

"I mean, right now, I could be writing a paper on Einstein's Theory of Relativity—which I'm giving a lecture over it in about in a week, mind you—but no, I'm stuck, in here with my ex-husband on some island, awaiting my death by some dinosaur who's been extinct 65 million fucking years!" I sniffled, and it was then that I realized I was crying. I think half of it may have been frustration. And it was frustrating. Ian and I divorced in 1986. The year after that, he got with Kelly's mother, married her and officially adopted Kelly (and trust me, I wasn't a huge fan of Kelly's mother at all—total bitch). They divorced last year. And now here he is, thrust back into my life as a potential romantic partner for the second time? Oh, no, no, no. I had just gotten over him.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Ian sigh and lay back again. I looked over at him a bit, trying not to make it noticeable. He was rubbing his temples, and his breathing sounded a bit ragged, like the pain was coming back or something. I went over to him, placing my hand on his cheek.

"Ian…?" I bit my lip. I heard him mumble quietly as he began to pale. Everything seemed to hit him harder, now that he had all of that adrenaline out of his system. "Oh, God," I tapped his face lightly. "Look at me," I said quietly. "Ian look at me."

Ian kept mumbling, rambling about some kind of theory—it wasn't chaos theory I didn't think, though it may have been. It was hard for me to make out what he was saying. I stood over him a bit more, trying to get him to open his eyes to look into mine. I kept my hand on his cheek, and in doing so, I kept his head steady.

"Ian," I said his name again, raising my voice a bit to get his attention, and he opened his eyes slowly. "Look at me. I'm right here." I pointed at myself. "See me? I'm right here. Look into my eyes. See me?"

Ian's eyes met mine, and my heart seemed to break. They were so glazed over with pain and fear. I wanted to cry. I could tell he was in so much pain, and there wasn't much that I could do. With my free hand, I covered my mouth and as much of my face as I could to hide tears that I could feel coming on. I refused to blink, trying to stay strong, but my vision blurred quickly, and I blinked. I felt the tears stream down my cheeks, and I took a deep breath to try and calm myself. I had no time to be in hysterics.

"Ian, you gotta hang in there." I said to him, checking my watch. He received pain meds not too long ago, and it took a while for them to kick in. Seems, though, they didn't last too long. "The kids need you. You hear me? I-I need you…." I glanced at the pain medicine, grabbing it. "Here. It's about time for your medicine again, okay? You need to take this, it'll help you feel better." I started to try to give him the medicine, but he started to yank his arm away from me, much like how Evan does with his head whenever I used to give him liquid medicine. "Ian." I said, sternly. "You take this, you'll feel better, now come on." I gave him his shot, and Ian laid there for a moment, not really paying attention to anything. The hand that was on his cheek moved to his hair, and I stroked it gently, in a soothing way. He shut his eyes, as if he was going to take a nap, which, I think, he didn't exactly need to do at this moment since we were in the middle of an argument, but I suppose things could be worse. Besides, it would be best if he got rest anyway.

After a few minutes, his color seemed to come back just a bit, and I kept stroking his hair, keeping my walkie-talkie on just in case. I stopped after a while and went to the other side of the room, thinking to myself. I chewed on my thumbnail as a force of habit and kept thinking to myself as I heard Ian come about. I looked back and saw him looking around for a moment, a bit panicked, before looking over at me. I saw him physically relax, and a small smile spread across his face.

"I thought you were gone…" He said quietly. I shook my head.

"No. I can't leave you like this." I told him. He sat up slowly, propping himself up on his elbow.

"So, are you mad at me or aren't you, then?" He joked a bit, the real Ian coming back. I shrugged, running a hand through my hair again.

"Honestly, Ian, I don't know." I shook my head. "I have no damn idea how I feel towards you right now. I'm so confused."

"Well, I'm not confused. I know how I feel." I saw him look up at the ceiling.

"And?" I pressed. He shrugged slightly.

"And… nothing." He lied. I made my way over to him and saw him blush ever so slightly. I crossed my arms.

"Excuse me, Dr. Malcolm, but I do believe you're blushing."

"I don't blush." He joked. I nudged him gently.

"Lies." I smiled a bit. Ian looked at me, a boyish smile on his face. Those pain meds were kicking in faster this time, and I was thankful for that.

"I don't lie. I just, uh, avoid certain truths to manipulate people." He kept smiling. I rolled my eyes.

"Spill it, Ian." I smiled a bit more.

"Well… what would you say about, uh… about us?"

"I'd say we're divorced." I cocked an eyebrow. "But that doesn't necessarily mean anything. Because anything can happen, and I firmly believe that."

Ian looked at me, the smile gone from his face, replaced with a more serious look that fit this conversation. "And what would you say about giving us another go?"

I stared at him. "Are you serious?"

"As serious as a heart attack."

"This is what you wanted to talk about right? What you mentioned earlier?"

He nodded. "Yeah…"

"And you pictured it in a hotel room?"

"Yeah." He rubbed the back of his neck.

"It's not a hotel room, but at least we're dry," I smiled a bit. Ian smiled back. "Ian, like I said, I had just gotten over you. It took me seven years. You were my first love, my first kiss, my first…" I fumbled my words. "Well, you know, my first." I implied. "I was so certain, at 19, you were going to be my only. And then, finally, seven years after we divorced, after you married what's-her-name and dated what's-her-face—"

"—Vanessa Curtis and Sarah Harding—" Ian corrected.

"—and adopted Kelly, I thought I had finally gotten over you. I was starting to move on to other men, I had sex with other men," at this, I saw Ian raise an eyebrow. "Only two," I said quickly. "While you had the kids. I convinced myself that you and I were officially over. And then you come into my home, drink my coffee out of my coffee cup with that stupid, disgusting hazelnut creamer you like that I—out of the goodness of my heart, mind you—kept there for you—"

"—hazelnut creamer is, uh, the creamer of-of champions—"

"—and make me realize that, no, I'm not fucking over you. I just told myself that I was, and I believed it. You can't just-just-just make someone feel like that about you. It's not fair." I pouted. "And I can't go through that again."

"What if I say you don't have to? That I can guarantee that you won't get hurt like that again?"

I smiled sadly. "There are no guarantees with you, Ian Malcolm. There never have been, and there never will be. Like the time you told me it was a guarantee that you wouldn't fight Joey Windsor."

"Hey. I won that fight." Ian grinned. I laughed, taking a step closer to him. Ian reached for me, and I took his hand in mine. As I did so, I felt my breath catch in my throat, and my heart began to race. It was then that I realized how much I just missed that. Just the one little thing. Him holding my hand. I looked at him, and he gently began to stroke my hand with his thumb.

"And what about all that flirting with Ellie? Asking Dr. Grant if she was available. The whole "water droplets don't go the same way twice" trick? That you used on me in high school, by the way." I snapped a bit.

"I just wanted to make you jealous," Ian looked away, hiding his blush. Typical Ian. I rolled my eyes, shaking my head before looking at him.

"Do you really want to give us another try?"

Ian nodded mutely before answering. "Yeah…" he whispered. "I really do."

"Maybe. For a little bit. We don't tell the kids. If it works out, we'll tell them, but if it doesn't work out, I don't want to give their hopes up about Mom and Dad getting back together."

"I understand." He nodded again, looking over at me.

I leaned down a bit to be eye level with him. "I just want to make sure… If we do break back up, I have the right to be as mad at you as I want for sucking me back into this."

"It's a deal." Ian nodded. I placed my hand on his cheek. He smiled, genuinely, and leaned in to kiss me. I bit my lip for a moment, before meeting him halfway and kissing him deeply. I tangled my fingers in his hair gently, keeping him close to me as we kissed.

It was then that I realized two things. One was how much I missed this.

The second was how much I really loved and missed this man.

1974

I hurried into my home, shutting the door behind me.

"We got another letter from Jeff!" I called out, and my mother hurried out of the kitchen.

"What's it say? How is he?" she asked, wiping her hands on a towel. The towel was already white with flour because of what she was cooking, and it didn't help that she kept wiping her hands on it.

"Mom, you might as well use soap to get that off." I joked. Mom shrugged.

"I'll live and wash the towel. No big deal."

I opened the letter and began to read off of it. Jeff was fine, though Vietnam still wasn't easy. He missed us, and Dad, even Ian, though he didn't exactly put it that way. "I even miss that annoying beanpole you're dating, sis," he said, oh so elegantly. Jeff and Ian got along just fine half the time, though fought like actual brothers.
Jeff's 26
th birthday came and went, with a bunch of combat, though he did get the presents we sent him. He loved them all.
He saw one of his friends almost get shot and pushed him out of the way. Both were fine, though the friend was shaken up. Jones, I believe he said his name was.

That was about it. He gave us his love, said he hoped to come home soon—and hoped the war would be over soon.

After I finished reading the letter, Mom started back into the kitchen as we heard a knock on the door. She furrowed her eyebrows, looking at me.

"Ian coming over tonight?"

"No, Mom, he's working. Besides he doesn't really knock anymore. He just kind of… comes in." I chewed my bottom lip, just as confused as she was. Mom nodded, going over and answering the door. In front of her stood a military official, a chaplain beside him.

I didn't really hear the next words. All I could hear was my mother let out a wail, falling to her knees. My father came downstairs after hearing her cry, was told the news, and completely shut down. He had no emotion on his face, and my mother was clinging to him, just repeating the word, "No," over and over. I couldn't move. I was rooted in place for what seemed to be an eternity before finally running upstairs and into Jeff's room, shutting and locking the door. There, the sobs finally escaped.

My family was never the same after that.

I stayed put next to Ian, holding his hand as Ellie came into the room.

"So, I talked to John." She put her hands on her hips. "He wants to try to get power back on around the park."

"Well, that would be a, uh, good idea, yeah." Ian remarked.

"We're going to try to move you to the control room, Ian, so you're not left in here alone. How's your leg?" She walked over to us.

"Considering I got another shot, I think I'll be okay if we move me."

"Want me to grab under his shoulders like before?" I asked.

"Sounds like a plan." Ellie grabbed his legs gently, putting more pressure on Ian's good leg. "So, on three?"

"On three." I nodded.

"How about five? I think five sounds like a good number." Ian tried to joke, though I could tell it was partly because he was scared to feel pain from his leg again. I rolled my eyes as Ellie smiled a bit.

"One, two, three." She counted down as we lifted him up. Ian grabbed my arms gently, holding on to me as we walked towards the control room.

"So what all did Hammond say?" I asked.

"He said that hiring Nedry was a bad idea," Ellie started, trying to keep a good grip on Ian. She regained it, and we began walking again.

"Who the hell is Nedry?" I furrowed my eyebrows.

"I don't know, some computer person I think. Anyway, he was so convinced about this park getting money that he said he was going to start back over somehow without hiring Nedry or someone like him—"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait-wait a second." Ian cut her off. "We don't need a park like this. Period. End of story. You wanna know why? Because-because the second things shut down, like they did earlier, someone's going to get seriously injured, or-or killed."

"Or both." I added on.

"I know." Ellie shook her head. "Trust me, I know. I wasn't to happy about what he said either."

"He's just in it for the money. I honestly believe that." I said. Ellie nodded as we stopped in front of a door.

"Hold on a second." She said, kicking the door a couple times to get someone to open it. The door opened, and an African American man with a cigarette in his mouth stood there and stepped to the side, letting us in.

"Took you long enough," he said, jokingly.

"Hey, Ray, it's two women moving an invalid." Ellie joked back.

"I'm not an invalid." Ian shook his head. "I just have a broken leg. There's a difference."

"You can place Dr. Malcolm over here." John Hammond spoke up. We set Ian on a cleared off metal table, and I looked around. Ray went back over to sit at a desk, which was absolutely filthy, as Hammond went over and stood next to him. Muldoon was sitting on the ground, his arms resting on his knees. Ellie sighed, walking to the ramp, and leaning on the railing. I stayed next to Ian, who propped himself up, his open shirt putting his torso on display. I glanced at him, raising an eyebrow and smirking to myself.

"What, you like what you see?" Ian joked quietly.

"I guess so." I winked at him. I noticed that Hammond watched us for a second, watching our body language and the way we interacted with each other, but not really saying anything. From someone who's known us and our history together, I suppose it wasn't really a shock that we would be back together. Perhaps a shock when it happened, but not that it did. I took Ian's hand as Hammond looked at the computer again. Ray took in a drag of his cigarette, shaking his head.

"I can't get any of this to work, John." He said. Hammond slammed his cane on the ground.

"Damn…" he muttered. Then he looked at him after thinking to himself for a moment. "How about shutting down the system?"

"No, no, no. That's crazy. You're out of your mind. He's absolutely out of his mind." Ray shook his head.

"W-wait a minute, what exactly would this mean?" Ellie asked.

"We're talking about a calculated risk, my dear, which is about the only option left to us." Hammond walked over to her. "We will never find the command that Nedry used. He's covered his tracks far too well. And I think that it's obvious now that he's not coming back. So shutting down the entire system—" he started over towards Ray.

"You can get somebody else, because I won't do it." Ray snapped. "I will not—"

"Shutting down the system is the only way to wipe out everything that he did." Hammond paced again, making his way back over to Ellie. "Now, as I understand it, all the systems will then come back on their original start up mode," he looked over at Ray. "Correct?"

"Theoretically, yes, but we've never shut down the entire system before. It may not come back on at all."

"Will we get the phones back?" Ellie asked.

"Yes, again, in theory."

"What about the lysine contingency?" Muldoon spoke up. "We could put that into effect."

"What's that?" Ellie asked. Hammond looked outraged.

"That is absolutely out of the question." He snapped, walking away from Ellie.

"The lysine contingency is intended to prevent the spread of the animals in case they ever get off the island," Ray explained, taking another drag of his cigarette. "Dr. Wu inserted a gene that creates a single faulty enzyme in protein metabolism. The animals can't manufacture the amino acid lysine." Another cigarette drag. "Unless they're completely supplied with lysine by us, they slip into a coma and die."

"People… are… dying." Hammond walked back over to him, still outraged. Ray said nothing but stared up at him. "Will you please shut down the system?"