Rudy sat on the edge of the bed and began cutting the bandage covering Goldman's eyes.
"Now I want you to keep your eyes closed, Oscar, when I first take the bandage off, your eyes are going to be very light sensitive, so you wait until I darken the room a little, okay?"
"Yeah."
A one word answer. It was all Goldman had uttered throughout his hospital recuperation. And he wouldn't let Jaime into the room. Not at all. He wouldn't talk to her and he wouldn't let her in to see him. The two of them were so incredibly miserable: Jaime was crestfallen, and Rudy knew that Oscar was heartbroken. Rudy's own heart was breaking from watching it, and yet nothing he had said to Oscar sunk in. On a level that Wells could not understand, Oscar Goldman had loved the woman he knew as Susan Wilson, and despite the fact that he had been told the truth, and knew it on a factual level, his emotions were still too raw to accept anything other than he had lost someone he loved and he felt that Jaime had betrayed him.
Rudy removed the bandages and then turned to the nurse. "Close the drapes please and dim the lights." The nurse followed his instructions and then Rudy turned back to Goldman. "Okay, pal, I want you to open your eyes for me, slowly."
Oscar's eyelashes fluttered and he painfully opened his eyes for the first time in over a month. His vision was blurred, but after a moment he began to make out the form of Rudy Wells.
Rudy held up a couple of fingers. "How many do you see?"
"Two."
"Good. How does the world look?"
"Okay."
Rudy sighed. He had fixed all that was wrong with Oscar physically, but the mental and emotional scarring was another matter entirely. Rudy pat one of the large hands on the bed. "There are some people outside who really would like to see you – and more importantly would like you to see them."
Rudy smiled and stood and was surprised when the hand grabbed his sleeve. "Who?"
Wells heard the unspoken word. "Russ, Callahan and… Hansen."
"Hansen?"
"Yes. He has been very concerned about you, Oscar."
"Oh."
Rudy frowned and walked back to the bed for a moment. "You know, we've all been terribly worried about you. And I'm, well, I'm very—"
"—Rudy, don't. Just don't say it."
Six words. It was more than Goldman had said in the past six weeks.
"Oscar, it hurts me to watch the two of you." Goldman glared up at Wells who sighed and leaned in, placing a soft hand on Oscar's forearm. "Please just think about it, Oscar. She loves you so much, and this is destroying her. She doesn't deserve that. And neither do you."
Rudy put both of his hands on either side of Goldman's face and lightly kissed his forehead, turning to leave before Oscar had a chance to comment.
After a moment, Wells returned with Callahan, Russ and Hansen in tow. Callahan rushed to Oscar's side, hugging him gently.
"It's so good to see you!"
Goldman tightened his arms around his petite secretary. "It's good to see you too, Peggy."
Russ leaned in and shook Goldman's hand. "I'm glad you're okay, Oscar, you gave us a helluva scare you know."
"Yeah, I'm sorry for that, Russ."
"As long as you're okay, Oscar, it's all good."
Goldman and Hansen exchanged a long look and then Oscar turned to the others in the room. "Would you all please excuse Mr. Hansen and I for a moment?"
Rudy, Russ and Callahan nodded and made a quick exit. The two men stared at each other for a moment longer.
"You okay, Oscar?"
"Yeah, thanks in part to you, I understand."
Hansen shrugged. "Team effort, Goldman, don't let it go to your head."
"Yeah, okay."
They stared at each other again.
"What?"
"This is probably none of my business, Goldman—"
"—Then perhaps you should consider leaving whatever it is, unsaid, Hansen."
"You know, under any other circumstances, I probably would, but I just can't." Goldman looked in confusion at the man. "I know that you thought Susan Wilson was your daughter," Jack saw the momentary pain flash in Goldman's eyes and felt a flicker of empathy. "You thought she was your child, and you loved her. And given the circumstances, you suffered the emotional loss of a child. I can't imagine how difficult that must be, Oscar, but I gotta tell ya, I don't really care how tough it is, because you know, there's another young woman who loves you no less than a daughter would her father, and you've thrown her out with the garbage."
Oscar's glare darkened and Hansen continued quickly, stopping anything from leaving Goldman's mouth. "You and I are men who are married to their jobs. And it's a lonely existence, Oscar. Damn lonely. That's something I understand all too well. But you have people around you who love you like family. And Jaime Sommers is one of them. She didn't do anything wrong. As a matter of fact, she rushed into a loaded situation to try and save your sorry ass. She put herself in harm's way for you, Oscar, and it wasn't just out of a sense of duty – it was for love." Hansen could see the tears welling up in Goldman's eyes. "And I think the reason you're keeping her as far away from you as possible has nothing to do with any kind of betrayal real or imagined, and everything to do with fear. Your fear that someday you might lose Jaime, and it would hurt all as much or more as losing Susan Wilson." Hansen stared hard into the watery dark brown eyes. "Isn't that right, Oscar?"
"Damn you, Jack. Damn you to hell."
Hansen moved close to the bed and took Oscar's hand in between his own, rubbing it slightly. "You're welcome."
********************
Oscar became aware of pain first and then opened his eyes, groaning. Rudy sat up from the chair beside the bed, taking Goldman's hand in his own.
"Easy, Oscar….."
"Rudy…."
"Need something for the pain?" Oscar nodded and Rudy pat his arm. "I have just the thing."
Rudy stepped out and a moment later walked back in with Jaime in tow. Oscar's eyes filled quickly with moisture.
"Oscar, I think it's time that I give you the right prescription to put you out of your misery….."
Goldman and Sommers looked at each other for a moment through wet eyes and he held his arms out to her. Jaime rushed to him, sat down quickly and fell into his arms. She cried softly into his chest and Goldman just ran his hand through her hair.
"I'm sorry, babe, I'm so sorry," he repeated to her.
"I didn't meant to let you down, Oscar…. I didn't want to…."
"Is that what you think, Jaime? That you let me down?" She nodded and he held her even tighter. "No, you did nothing of the sort. I'm sorry that I let you think that." He pushed her to an arm's distance so he could look into her eyes. "Jaime, I have never felt a hurt like that in my life, and when it happened I knew I wanted to protect myself from every feeling it again. But as long as you're close to me, I run that very risk: the risk of losing someone I love more than anything."
"Oh Oscar……"
Jaime held him close for a moment, then sat up brushing a soothing hand across Oscar's cheek.
Rudy stepped forward from the shadows, pulling a syringe from his pocket. "Okay you two, Oscar needs rest, and he really does need something for the pain." Rudy gently injected Goldman with the syringe and rubbed his arm. "Okay?" Oscar nodded. "Get some sleep, pal." He pulled Jaime up from the bed. "And you… come on, I'll buy you dinner."
"Hey," Oscar said sleepily, "you take care of my girl, Rudy."
"Our girl, Oscar, and you can rest assured that I will."
Jaime leaned forward and gently kissed Oscar's lips. "Get some sleep, Oscar, I'll see you tomorrow."
"Be sure that you do, babe……"
Rudy put his arm around Jaime, and quietly they left the room. After the door shut Goldman's eyes filled with tears that rolled silently down his cheeks. He knew Susan Wilson wasn't his daughter. He had read the file. She was a PLO operative. She and her organization had played him. They had played upon one of his biggest weaknesses – his desire for a family. He knew all of the facts and yet it still hurt like hell. Despite the deception and treachery, he still loved her.
It had been unconditional love. His eyes fluttered toward the now closed door and the memory of the two people who had just walked through it. His eyes closed in pain. What if some other organization discovered his other weaknesses? What would he do if it were Jaime's life or Rudy's life that hung in the balance? What would he do then? That's why people like him didn't have families. It was too great a risk, not only to the people involved but also to national security. Oscar sighed. There was nothing he could do about it now. Loving his OSI family was his life's one absolute: he relied on them completely and unconditionally. And it was far too late to go back now. He could only hope and pray that his unqualified love never caught up with them.
Exhausted, his eyes fluttered once more and closed in a dreamless sleep.
###
