Disclaimer: I do not own/associate with Criminal Minds nor any of the fictional characters. This is merely just a fanfiction.
A/N: Finally, I'm returned for more! Sorry for keeping you all to wait for an update, I just finished my major exam, so from now on, I'll concentrate on my fan fictions! Enjoy!
- Chapter Nine -
The Aftermath
The first thing I did after I was discharged from the hospital was to visit his tomb. Garcia told me the address before going back to Quantico. She was not allowed to leave her desk in Quantico (as the other teams needed her profession as technical analyst) but she sneaked out before anyone finds out. Hotchner on the other hand went back to Quantico after he received orders from Strauss for his suspension. Reid thought that he should accompany me to the tomb. He must have felt guilty for letting me alone that night.
"I thought he didn't have any relatives, but he had an elder brother," Reid said in the cab. "His brother said that before the whole tragedy, Edmond was sane, very sane indeed. He was a student in New York University, and he excelled in his tests. But Mandy's parents forbidded him to date Mandy. They believed Edmond was sent by a demon (they were extreme devotees). His brother said it was because one car accident Edmond had gotten into with Mandy that caused her almost losing her life."
My hand was holding the ring very securely, as though I was afraid of losing it. I didn't know why I felt so uptight. I bit my lips constantly while Reid was busy conversing and telling me more stories of the serial killer. I knew he was a little socially awkward, but the whole situation did not help me to get rid of the tension in me, it just got worsen.
"Spencer," I called. I really wanted to ask him to stop talking. I really wanted some quiet time for myself. I just…
"Yeah?"
"Never mind." But I couldn't speak out.
As we reached the graveyard, I hopped out of the car immediately. The graveyard was massive, as though it was borderless. There were many different tombstones scattered in different locations. It was a nice weather to visit such places. The clouds shied away from the sun, which was spreading its light immeasurably. Nonetheless, the weather was still cold.
"There it is," Reid located Edmond's tomb. "Follow me."
I followed behind of Reid, who was increasing his pace.
"Here," Reid pointed at the tombstone. "Edmond Crowe, 1980 – 2011."
I stared intensely towards the tombstone. I never really grabbed the exact feeling of losing someone. He was just there, holding captive of me a few days ago; now, he was dead. It was such interesting yet mysterious feeling. I ignored whatever I was feeling and bent down. I swiftly placed the ring onto his tomb.
"Rest in peace," I said, while stroking the tombstone as though it was human.
"Hmm, I heard Summers is buried here too," Reid looked around, squinting his eyes.
"She is?" I raised my eyebrows. My heart started to race.
"Yeah, her mother was really upset with her death and she caused a massive trouble in the police department," Reid tilted his lips. "A really menacing woman!"
"Can you lead me to her tomb?" I asked. It sent me butterflies but I knew, if I never visited her grave, the guilt will haunt me forever.
"Sure," Reid nodded. "But I'm not sure where it is located at."
"Never mind. We shall search for it, then," I pierced an unusual smile to Reid, who gave me a puzzled look. "Come on."
There it went. We looked at the tombstones and read the names carved on them. There were infinite numbers of tombstone. For a moment, I thought of giving up as we were walking. But by looking at Reid, who did not even feel weary at all, yet he continued to search and never gives in. I smiled as I was staring at his back. His positive attitudes drove me to be persistent. It was sort of my source of energy at that instant.
"Found it!" He cheered joyfully. "Mandy Wilson!"
At first, I did not dare to stare at the tombstone. I could feel the coldness in my blood flowing, it sent me the shivers. I clenched my fist nervously and bit my lips again.
"Are you alright?" Reid asked while staring at my expression.
"Yeah," I continued with a few nods.
I defied myself and stared straight to the tomb. I could feel a sudden ache in my stomach caused by the little butterflies, striking my stomach. I bent down slowly.
"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry for everything." I could no longer hold my tears. It was a spontaneous breakdown. The shame and guilt in me were released together along with the tears.
"Jean," Reid called spontaneously, but that was the only word that was released from his breath. He rested his arms on my shoulder.
"Who are you? What did you say?" An unfamiliarly feminine voice, with such dark and threatening tone, appeared from nowhere.
Reid and I turned our heads, figured out that the voice came from the behind. It was a middle-aged woman, whose curly black hair covered her shoulder. She was wearing black, with a pair of sun glasses. Her lips were twisted and her eyebrows showed a sign of frown.
"Mrs Summers!" Reid called out. I jumped a little as I heard what he called.
"Mrs Summers?" I quickly rubbed my eyes.
"What did you say?" Mrs Summers repeated, this time louder and piercing. I could sense the dreadful tone in her again.
"I…"
"You're the girl, who was kidnapped along with my daughter, aren't you? The inexperience and senseless cadet?" her lips curled downwards.
"Yes, I a-"
Without warning, I felt a sudden rush of wind blowing towards my left cheek and something warm smacked on my face. It stung; it prickled. After that, I could still hear the echo of the blow. My left ear could hear buzzling noises, and for a moment, I thought I turned deaf.
"Jean!" I heard Reid's voice calling from my right ear. It was trembling. "Mrs Summers!"
"How could you? You, selfish brat!" She screeched, while the tears from her eyes were rushing out like a broken tap. "She could have lived if it wasn't for you!"
"Mrs Summers, mind your words!" Reid shrieked back. As Mrs Summers was about to give another blow to my other cheek, Reid gripped her hand firmly. "Slapping her will not bring your daughter back!"
"Spencer," I called softly with a vibrating tone. "Let her."
"Jean," Reid shook his head to show his disagreement. "It isn't your fault that she's dead."
"No, it is," I sobbed. I knew it was my fault and I didn't blame Mrs Summers for slapping me. In fact, I thought what she did was correct. She had the right to slap her daughter's murderer. If slapping me would make her feel better, I would let her slap me for infinite times.
She smirked all of the sudden. She took a deep breath and continued with a husky voice. "No, I shouldn't have slapped her. I should let her feel guilty in the rest of her life. This will be the best punishment she'll ever get. Let the guilt swallows her whole. She will always be Iris's murderer!"
I swallowed the uncomfortable lump in my throat, which had been blocking the flow of my breathing. She was right, this was the punishment I deserved.
"You don't deserve to be here, murderer! Don't you feel ashamed to stand in front of your victim? You're no different to that demented murderer," she then pushed Reid and me out of the graveyard. "LEAVE AT ONCE!"
"How could she? We have the rights to be wherever we want. This is the United States of America!" Reid whined while clenching his fist, before realising the depressed person standing beside of him. "Jean, are you alright?"
"Yeah, I'm fine," I sniffed while dabbing my cheeks with my hands to clean the tears. "I'm fine."
"Let's go," Reid suggested. I smiled at Reid, who stared into my eyes with those compassionate puppy eyes.
Even though it was just a week we had been in Richmond for the homicides, but we all felt the same, as if we had been in this place for a month. Finally, we got to step into the private jet and go back to Quantico. After visiting the graveyard, I never spoke to anyone, not even Reid, who constantly tried to find subjects to chat about. As I walked into the jet, I quickly sat on an isolated small couch which was the nearest couch to the washroom. Everyone gawped at the abnormal behaviour of mine (though they had sensed the abnormality for quite some time). Immediately, I laid my body onto the couch and stuffed my head under my holdall. I forced myself to sleep but the moment I shut my eyes, Summers's scream and her mother's words filled my mind.
"Is she asleep?" I heard Morgan's voice spoke.
"I think so," Prentiss assumed.
"Do you think she's been acting rather strangely after you two forced her to tell the story of her abduction?" JJ asked with a whisper.
They thought I was asleep and they never knew I was listening to their conversation silently.
"Do you know what happened, Spence?" JJ asked with an expecting tone.
"Yeah, you're the closest to her among us," Morgan added.
"Uh, no, I… I don't," Reid replied, a little shaky.
"I think she's just in trauma. Don't worry, she'll get over it," Rossi explained.
"Are you sure, Rossi?" Prentiss asked in an anxious tone. "I mean, she has just exposed to this team, the world we profilers live. She's still delicate and inexperienced. I'm afraid she might-"
"You don't trust my profile? After being a profiler for more than the years you've been living," Rossi stated snobbishly.
Had he overestimated me? I wasn't as tough as he thought. I might look sturdy but inside, I was just as delicate as a flower. Just a slight wind could break me from the stem. What if I couldn't get over it like what was expected of? I was suffocating by the blockage in my nose. I tried not to breathe deeply or make any sound so that they would not find out I was still awake, still listening to them.
After the long flight, after a long sleep (which I fell instinctively, not know when or how, couldn't remember the last part the others were talking about), I woke up to find an uncomfortable feeling on my eyes. They were swelling, probably caused by the excessive tears I had. I quickly dug into my holdall to find a pair of sunglasses and quickly wore it before anyone realised the bulging eyes. As the jet descended, I was the first to leave the jet.
"Jean," Reid called. "Jean!"
I ignored him and quickly headed back to my apartment. No one was in the apartment. Camie and Laura were still out for duties for days. I ignored calls and messages in my phone. I barely ate or drank. I was in my room, wailing, feeling guilty. The images of Summers yelling and the sound of the chopping were filling up my head; the words Mrs Summers had spoken never leave my ears. Life like this had passed on for a week. Then, I realised what I had to do. I had to go back to the B.A.U for the final time.
It was Monday. I looked pale and fatigued. My head was facing downwards all the time as I walked into the B.A.U. office. I walked passed everyone, the ones I knew or I didn't.
"Hey, kid, you're back!" Morgan called but I ignored.
"Carlisle?" Prentiss called in concern and still I ignored.
I continued to ignore all the voices calling me, and the ringing of the phones. I quickly walked up the stairs and reached the door knob of Rossi's office. I turned it slowly, to realise Rossi was sitting at his armchair.
"You're back! I thought we've given you a month's leave for rest?" Rossi asked in surprise.
"I'm here to give you something," I took out an envelope from my bag and placed it on the table slowly. "I want to resign from this job."
