Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth
(Benjamin Disraeli)


She waited for the total darkness to fall. The silence had been strange and haunting. The manor looked deserted from this distance. Somehow the moon had not appeared and there were no stars. The sky was simply black. She had been hiding in the safety of the shadows, just outside the gates, when suddenly a loud CRACK disturbed her. A group of people had Apparated just by the gates. She recognised several Snatchers, Fenrir Greyback being one of them and obviously the leader of the gang. They carried what appeared to be a group of prisoners, all bound together by magic robe. A boy and a goblin, neither of whom she recognised. Then two prisoners she could not quite make out but one of them looked rather strange, as if a Stinging Jinx had gone wrong. But then her heart stopped in her chest. She suddenly felt frozen. The last prisoner in the group had bushy curly brown hair and tears were streaming down her face. It was Hermione. Her eyes drifted back to the two prisoners before she saw Hermione and realized one of them was ginger, definitely Ron Weasley. Then she looked at the boy who had to be Harry Potter but looked strangely different.

The sight of Hermione, Ron and Harry captured was her greatest fear. She didn't know what to do but had to restrain herself from running out of her hiding and shooting curses at all the Snatchers. Whoever was in the manor would only take minutes, maybe even seconds, to see what was going on and then everything would be lost. No... She had to think of something else. She wished it was her who was in cuffs, that it had been her whom they had found and had dragged out here to face whatever fate was waiting for them inside. She felt tempted to make herself known but she remained in the shadows, anxiously watching the scenes unfold.

The gates called out in a terrible shrieking voice and demanded the status of those who had arrived. When Greyback answered they had caught Potter, the gates swung open and the group marched in. Bellatrix knew she couldn't wait. Without thinking she too sneaked into the gate, staying a safe several steps behind the Snatchers. She knew they were going to take them in the house and all she could do was wait. Wait and see what would happen. They marched into the house, the heavy front door closing quickly behind them. She had lost her chance of getting inside the house unnoticed. She had to find another way.

The passing minutes felt like hours. She had managed to make her way around the Manor house, and now she was knelt down on the floor outside the drawing room window, peering inside. It was crowded in the room. There were the Snatchers with their bound prisoners, Narcissa, Lucius and Draco and the fake Bellatrix had not long walked into the room as well. Narcissa had attempted to identify Harry and his friends and even Draco and Lucius had tried but neither seemed to have been convinced they had captures the ones they were looking for. Or were they simply playing it, unsure and terrified by the fate that lay ahead of these prisoners?

Hermione cried. Silent tears ran down her face. Bellatrix held onto her wand, but knew she could not act. If she made one wrong move, Hermione would die. She watched in horror as the other Bellatrix shrieked and cried abuse at the others in the room, casting Stupefy jinxes and desperately crying about the sword the prisoners had brought along. She registered the panic in her voice, the mortal danger in which she had found herself. As she watched, she could hardly believe this had once been her. So manic, so disturbed as she kept crying and screaming abuse. She now sneered at Greyback though she could not quite make out what she had said. Whatever it had been, it had offended the werewolf but he too was no match for her. Within seconds, he was on his knees before her, handing over the sword.

Suddenly, after she had inspected the sword and had paced around the room whilst frantically mumbling to herself, Bellatrix turned and gave the loud and clear order for all the prisoners to be locked in the dungeon, all but Hermione. The young witch looked petrified, silent tears still running down her face as she was practically thrown to the black haired witch while her friends were being dragged away. Hermione was left in the room, surrounded by the evil that came from all these people. She had fallen onto her knees before Bellatrix, who aimed her wand at the brown haired girl.

Outside, Bellatrix's heart hammered against her ribcage. It felt so heavy and loud she was almost convinced they were able to hear it inside. Pearls of sweat had appeared on her forehead, her wand still securely in her hand. She knew herself. She knew her old self. She knew the hatred this fake Bellatrix felt for Mudbloods like Hermione. And she knew what she was going to do. And with tears welling up in her eyes she was forced to sit and watch as Bellatrix fell into another manically disturbed tantrum.

"CRUCIO!"

Hermione's screams were tormenting, sending cold shivers through her body and freezing her heart before it broke into shattered pieces. It cut through her soul. Never had she been so desperate in her life to stop anything as she was now to stop Hermione's terror. The pain reflected of the young witch's face, flinching and squirming under Bellatrix's torment. Her tears fell freely, her cries of pain and torture terrifying to all of those who could hear. From her spot by the window she could see Narcissa flinch, averting her eyes from the scene unfolding before her eyes. Draco looked helplessly at his mother. Yet his filthy slime bag father was the only one to watch in pleasure as Bellatrix tormented Hermione.

Hermione's begs and pleas were muffled by her tears, desperately trying to fight of the curse and vaguely attempting to move away from the witch that hurt her so bad. The pain was excruciating, as if all her insides were being cut open and set on fire. The pain was raw. Terrible images flashed through her head. Memories she had stored so deep away flashed before her eyes mixed with the distorted images of the Dark Mark, screams of pain from people she didn't know.

Bellatrix was shouting and screaming at Hermione, her face had changed into an ugly mask of utter despair over the sword and a sick mixture of amusement as Hermione cried and squirmed before her.

Hermione had one brief thought of her own when the pain subsided and she just wished, and kept on whishing, Bellatrix would kill her. She knew this wasn't the real Bellatrix. She knew it. She had to keep believing it. Through her mist of tears she looked up to her tormenter, to find the black haired with cackling and looking down at her with a disgusted look in her eyes. She had to keep believing she wasn't real... She had to... The pain returned even worse than before and she cried out again as it felt like her body was cut to pieces, bit by bit, shredded until nothing of her remained. Her brain felt as if it was going to explode, her eyes burning in her face. Her mouth was so terribly dry.

She suddenly stopped after Hermione must have given her a sobbing answer. She sent Draco to fetch something and the boy returned with the goblin, avoiding making eye contact with his aunt or anybody else in the room. Fear was clearly written on his face. Minutes past, feeling like hours as the scenes unfolded before her eyes. Tears were streaming down her face and she wasn't sure what hurt her more; seeing Hermione being tortured and not being able to do something or seeing who or what she used to be.

Unexpectedly Bellatrix gestured to Greyback, clearly satisfied by whatever the goblin had told her. There was relief clearly visible on her face. Greyback was now sneakily moving into Hermione. All her muscles tensed up, knowing it took only a small bite or even a graze of his teeth to change Hermione forever.

Then there was a flash of light, a scream followed by stunned faces. A well-aimed Expelliarmus knocked Bellatrix's wand out of her hand. It had been Ron who had cast the spell. The next spell hit Lucius in his chest, much to her own pleasure, though the battle now starting before her eyes stirred something inside her and she carefully rose to her feet, her wand at the ready. Lucius had been knocked out by a well-directed "Stupefy". Narcissa, Draco and Greyback shot their curses but it was Bellatrix once more who froze the scene.

She held Hermione up, pressed tightly against her own body like a shield. It was the act of a coward. The young witch was unconscious, being held up by Bellatrix's tight grip and she was bearing the clear marks of torture. A small silver knife was tightly pressed against her throat. Bellatrix ordered everybody to freeze, or else the Mudblood would die.

Outside, Bellatrix froze too. It would only take one shot. One well hit curse. But she couldn't. She was frustrated, anxious. The situation was too dangerous to act. Her wand had already shot red sparks into the ground as it sensed her anger. She watched how Harry and Ron dropped their wands and Draco collected them, leaving the two young boys unable to defend themselves. Both of them looked desperately at Hermione. Ron had tears in his eyes. In Harry's eyes she saw the purest form of hatred towards Bellatrix Lestrange.

Slowly Bellatrix's eyes looked up to the chandelier in the drawing room. She wasn't sure why she suddenly realized it was there. Then again, she had been into this room so many times. It was an easy target. No one would ever know. She aimed her wand and muttered the spell. She could see it move slightly, before it came loose from the ceiling it had been attached to. The fake Bellatrix was right underneath it, still holding up the unconscious Hermione. She was speaking to the others before her eyes nervously wandered up to the ceiling and just caught the chandelier losing its original place and falling down towards her. With a scream she dived aside, leaving Hermione and the little goblin that still clutched the sword in his tiny hands to be nearly crushed by its heavy weight.

She grinned to herself. Her action had been successful. She just caught Ron running over to Hermione and Harry grabbing all the wands out of Malfoy's hands. Then she suddenly found someone staring at her. Narcissa, who had thrown herself to the floor when she chandelier crashed and had covered her head with her hands now carefully looked up and looked straight at the window. She was the only one who realized that was where the spell had come from. Her sister's eyes were still as blue as she remembered them to be. Bellatrix was unsure whether Narcissa had really seen her or had looked at the window simply in question... either way, watching the scenes unfold was no longer an option. She could not risk staying any longer. There was no time to cast one final glance at the scene inside, as the fake Bellatrix rose back to her feet.

She closed her eyes, tried to focus and eventually managed to Disapparate to whatever location came into her head first.

~()~

She crashed onto the floor, having lost her concentration while Apparating. The collision with the ground was harsh and very unfriendly to say the least. It smashed the air out of her lungs, leaving her gasping and coughing but she crawled back onto her feet almost straight away, thankfully breathing in the cool evening air that now found its way into her lungs. She made sure she hadn't lost any body parts and once she assured everything was still there, she looked around to try and figure out where she was.

She couldn't focus. Her vision was somewhat of a blur. Her body still rushed with adrenaline, her heart still pounding rapidly inside her chest in such a speed that it hurt. Her eyes flashed from left to right, her wand still tightly in her hand. She shook her head, trying to erase some of the wicked sensations she felt but couldn't release herself. She aimed her wand at a set of trees and screamed "REDUCTO!" It was as if blowing things off released her anger and frustration. The trees had just exploded into countless pieces.

Bellatrix ran her hands through her hair. The scenes of Malfoy Manor still flashed before her eyes. Hermione lay on the floor, screaming and crying as her body squirmed under the torture inflicted upon her. Harry and Ron had come to her aid, battling the Malfoy's and the other Bellatrix to save her. The danger, the mortal danger they had been in, they had overpowered the Malfoys and still Bellatrix wasn't sure whether they had gotten away, whether they had managed to escape the Manor. She could only hope, for now, that they had.

The world around her slowly regained its original shape and form, the blurs slowly fading away. Suddenly she realized where she was. She was standing at the outskirts of Hogsmeade. She glanced around. It was deserted. In the distance she could see the castle. It looked dark and horrific against the black evening sky. She swallowed, slipping her hand in her cloak to retrieve her wand before closing her eyes and Dissaparating once again, this time Apparating not far from the lake. She pulled up her hood and once more glanced up to the castle.

Her hands were shaking as she aimed her wand and tried to think of positive thoughts. She couldn't remember the last time she had produced a Patronus. She had no idea what it would look like, whether she could still do it. She took a deep breath, aiming her wand at the lake. "Expecto Patronum."

A thin silver cloud like mist streamed out of her wand and she felt her frustration rise. She grasped her wand tighter. The silver mist began to fade away. She closed her eyes and called up Hermione's image. She saw the young witch's smile and a warm, sensitive glow fell over her. Without looking she directed her wand once more. "Expecto Patronum!"

From the way her wand felt in her hand and the power of her spell, she knew she had done it this time. Carefully she opened her eyes to find a silver owl flying around her. She smiled. Her Patronus had changed. "Find Professor McGonagall. Do not leave her until she comes out here."

The Patronus flew off, casting a tender silver ray of mist as it flew through the sky. Bellatrix stood by the lake, like she had done so many other times. Dumbledore's tomb was sparkling under the surface. She sighed. "I am doing the best I can, Headmaster. But I feel like I have failed. Harry got captured and only just managed to escape. I am unsure how to protect him further."

Minutes passed. She sat in the grass, the images of what happened at Malfoy Manor still playing before her eyes. She wished she could take some of Hermione's pain. She wished she could feel some of it. Carry some of the burden and the shame. To be able to do anything other than lurking in the shadows and having to watch as things unfolded before her eyes.

"Bella, what happened?" McGonagall came running from the direction of the castle, following the Patronus owl the black witch had produced. She was panting slightly; the tight bun on her hair had come undone in her run to find Bellatrix. She leant against a tree, trying to catch her breath, while Bellatrix watched the older witch. McGonagall's glasses were lob sided on her nose. "What is it?"

"It's Harry. They captured him," Bellatrix whispered and when McGonagall's eyes widened she shook her head. "He has escaped from Malfoy Manor, with Ron and Hermione. Or so I assume. They were still battling when I had to leave. They tortured Hermione. It- it was horrible."

"Where are they now?" McGonagall asked, casting anxious looks at the castle. The last time they were interrupted by Severus Snape.

"I-I don't know," Bellatrix whispered, tears dripping from her eyes and she sobbed "I had to leave. Narcissa saw me. I think she did. I couldn't stay." She looked up to McGonagall. "I will have to go back. I need to know. I need to find them." Suddenly she glanced at the owl who was still circling her and McGonagall and she tried to smile. "Find Hermione Granger," she told her Patronus "Tell her I am looking for her." The owl simply flew off. Patronusses could be instructed to find people and pass on messages. She only hoped her owl could find Hermione. She looked back at McGonagall. "How are things here?"

"The students are trying to start riots but the Slytherins are having a blast by seeing the others hurt," McGonagall pulled up her nose "They never used to be so rotten, that lot. When Slughorn was their Head of House, I mean. Well, you yourself know. These days all those kids seem to fancy the Dark Arts, their mum and dad connected to the Death Eaters in one way or the other. I would not be surprised some of those brats have been Marked already."

Bellatrix was unsure whether the Slytherin kids had been Marked. As far as she knew Malfoy had been the exception, more to punish his father than anything else. She sighed, staring at the sky. "I still wish I could murder Snape."

"That makes two of us. And probably more," McGonagall answered, her lips curling up into a sad smile but her voice filled with pride as she thought about her students causing their riots. "I wish I could blow him of the Astronomy Tower like he did to Dumbledore. Listen Bella, do Harry and his friends know about you, following them?"

"Hermione does," Bellatrix answered and smiled subconsciously to the memory of the younger witch now that she mentioned her name "I know she has not told her friends. Both of them will try to stun me before I have even opened my mouth and I cannot blame them. Harry believes I killed his godfather, the only family he ever had. Ron now believes I tortured his beloved Hermione." She sighed. "I have to go, Professor. I need to go and find them."

McGonagall took Bellatrix's hands into her own and squeezed them. "Be careful, please."

Bellatrix quietly nodded before she turned on the spot and disappeared into the night.

~()~

Bellatrix Apparated in between some trees. She didn't know where she was. She had followed the sense from her Patronus. It had brought her here. The air was salty and in the distance she could hear waves crash against the rocks. She looked around. It was still dark but in the distance the sun was slowly coming up. The sky was changing into a yellowish orange. The first bird of the morning started to sing. She looked around and then saw the silver owl fly back to her. It landed on a tree branch above her head before she pulled out her wand. It vanished into nothing and she put her wand back in her cloak. Carefully, she walked from between the trees and breathed in the fresh, salty air. She realized she was at the coast. She then saw the little cottage. Several people were walking around outside and when she saw the ginger hair that belonged to Ron Weasley she knew she had come to the right place.

Her heart leapt up when she discovered Hermione. She looked weak, with dark rings around her eyes and even from this distance she could see the fresh red track marks left behind by tears. She swallowed, allowing the sadness to overwhelm her. She thought about what to do to get Hermione's attention without alarming the others. She knew they would curse her as soon as they saw her.

She softly whispered "Expecto Patronum" and the owl came returned. She muttered several spells but couldn't quite find the combination to just let it carry her voice. She did not want the others to hear it. It had to be only Hermione. After about ten minutes she thought she had done it and sent of the invisible owl with the message to Hermione, who was still standing outside the cottage.

She held her breath, counting down the seconds until she thought she saw Hermione's bewildered look gaze at the trees before almost unnoticeably pulling out her wand and whispering something to what appeared thin air. Seconds later, the invisible owl returned, with a message in Hermione's voice. "I'll meet you in an hour."

An hour had never seemed so long. She hovered between the trees after having walked up to the edge of the cliff and having looked down at the waves crashing onto the rocks. The sound was calming and relaxing. The fresh sea air had cleared her head and gave her a new sense of strength. Feeling the sea wind blow through her black hair made her feel freer than ever before. Time passed only slow but eventually, the front door of the cottage opened and Hermione stepped outside. She threw a quick glance over her shoulder to make sure no one followed her before walking over to the woods.

Bellatrix had wrapped her arms around the young witch, pulling her closely to her before Hermione had fully spotted Bellatrix between the trees. Hermione was pressed against Bellatrix's warm, safe chest, feeling her round curves press against her own body. She felt the older witch's heart pound as she thankfully wrapped her arms around her, safely resting her head against her chest. A deep breath escaped from her throat as she finally felt safe. Bellatrix placed a soft kiss on Hermione's head as her tears dripped into her hair. Hermione was shaky, trembling on her feet.

"I am so sorry," Bellatrix whispered, stroking Hermione's hair and the sides of her face. She felt her tears and lifted up the younger witch's chin to look into her eyes. "If I had not lost you, maybe this would never have happened. I am so sorry, Hermione."

"Me too," Hermione answered softly and suddenly she realized something. She looked into Bellatrix's deep brown eyes and saw the dark rings around them. "I know it wasn't the real you doing those things to me. I kept trying to hold on to that. I knew it wasn't you. I knew it wasn't you. But you were there weren't you? You made the chandelier fall."

Bellatrix nodded silently, pressing Hermione closer to her. She didn't want to let her go. It felt so good, so safe and warm to hold her. She wished she could just hold her forever. "Yes, that was me. I wanted to stay but Narcissa saw me, I think. I had to leave. I had no idea whether you made it. I went to Hogwarts before I send my Patronus to find you. The Patronus led me here."

Hermione pressed herself against Bellatrix's chest, her head still resting on the curves of her breasts as she listened to her heartbeat. Her hands slowly ran up and down Bellatrix's back, drawing circles at the small of her back before sliding forward and caressing her arms and taking her hands into her own. They stood together, intimately holding each other, and neither of them spoke. They stood listening to waves crashing and deeply taking in the sea air.

"Hermione?" It was Harry's voice calling from the open door before he stepped outside and closed the door behind him. He had come to look for Hermione and she quickly let go of Bellatrix, her eyes s shooting in the direction of the cottage. She knew Harry could see her. She knew Harry would see Bellatrix. Seconds. It was a matter of simply seconds. Harry's eyes wandered around the cottage and the nearby grounds before finally spotting his friend near the trees. His eyes widened as he saw she was not alone. Immediately he pulled out his wand. Hermione acted immediately.

She gave Bellatrix a firm push, knocking her to the floor and landing on top of her at exactly the same time Harry shouted "Stupefy". They dodged the red flash of light and it crashed into a tree.

Bellatrix, having the air crushed out of her now that Hermione lay on top of her, carefully pushed the younger witch of her and attempted to get back on her feet. Hermione struggled and fought to keep her down. "Don't! He will just keep going!" She cried out as she glanced over her shoulder. Harry was running towards them and behind him the cottage door had opened and Ron had come running out too. "He needs to understand. We have to tell him!" She did not get up, using herself as a shield between Bellatrix and Harry.

When Harry reached them he stared past Hermione, straight at Bellatrix. Bellatrix once more struggled to get up and, hoping it was safe, Hermione let her but still stayed standing in between her and Harry. He tried to approach Bellatrix but Hermione blocked him. Ron reached them too, his wand at the ready and he too was aiming at Bellatrix. Both were very much ready to cast another curse.

"Wait!" Hermione cried and looked from Harry to Ron and back "Don't! She is not who you think she is."

"Step aside, Hermione," Harry said firmly. Ron looked confused and puzzled from Hermione to Bellatrix, who was looking over Hermione's shoulder, clearly shocked by the protection from the younger witch, and then at Harry. His hand was shaking, the wand in his hand trembled. "I will deal with her. Why are you protecting her? Have you forgotten what she did to you only a few hours ago?"

"It wasn't her, Harry!" Hermione desperately cried, trying to catch Harry's eyes and he finally looked at her. Her face was red and puffy, tears streaming down her face. She still had cuts and bruises on her face from the torture she had to endure earlier today and only then did he realize she was holding Bellatrix's hand. "Listen to me!"

Carefully he lowered his wand but did not put it away. "Tell me why I should listen. And this had better be good."

"She has been living in hiding for a year and a half! She never took part in the fight at the Ministry. She never killed Sirius. She never tortured me!" Hermione cried, her tears still flowing freely. She was so relieved she could finally share the story. "She came to Dumbledore, he helped her get away. The Bellatrix we saw tonight, and any other time, was not real. It is a Death Eater who has been using Polyjuice Potion, has had his memory modified and operates under the Imperius Spell. The real Bellatrix Lestrange..." She glanced at the black haired with behind her "... has been coming to Hogwarts, tried to follow us while we were on the run and has been risking her life to save yours, Harry, to save all our lives!"

Harry looked suspicious. He wasn't sure whether to believe the stories. He tried to think of a way to test her. "What happened the night I left my family's home?" He threw the question at the Death Eater he hated so much. Hatred flickered in his eyes. Seeing the anger shocked Bellatrix and suddenly she broke. Tears began to stream down her face. It were those tears that convinced Ron, who had been watching with his mouth open, and he stowed his wand away.

"I-I don't know. I know you were betrayed. And I knew you flew, but that is all I know," Bellatrix answered, puzzled and confused. She looked at Harry. "I do not expect you to believe me, Harry Potter. But everybody else does. Dumbledore, McGonagall and your friend, Hermione. She came to find me. She was convinced something had changed and risk her life to find me."

Harry glanced at Hermione, who had wiped her tears away and was now staring at him with some sort of anger in her eyes. He lowered his wand completely and then carefully stowed it away. His eyes drifted back to Bellatrix. "You did not kill Sirius?"

She shook her head. "No. I did not kill my cousin. I had left the Dark Lord before that."

Harry nodded. Without saying another word he simply turned around and marched back to the cottage. Ron looked at Harry walking away and Hermione beside Bellatrix as if he was unsure it was safe to leave her with this former Death Eater. He then decided to follow his best friend and caught up with Harry halfway down the path and the two of them walked back to the cottage. Neither looked back.

"I did not expect him to hug me," Bellatrix sounded bitter, though she knew she shouldn't be. She glanced at Hermione. "Do you think they'll be mad at you?"

Hermione still held Bellatrix's hand and now she carefully let go. "I-I don't know" she looked up to meet Bellatrix's eyes. "I know I have done the right thing, and so have you." She leant in and kissed her briefly on the cheek. "I have to go inside. They will have questions. Will I see you again?"

"Soon," promised Bellatrix, her skin glowing where Hermione had kissed her. She watched the young witch walk back to the house. She felt an ache in her heart. She had seen how he looked at her. Ron Weasley. He had looked at Hermione the same way she did. With something deeper lingering underneath his gaze. She had seen how he noticed how Hermione held her hand; she had seen the flash of pain on his face. And now she watched Hermione join her friends and even though they now knew, she felt more alone than ever before.