...

So I just had the worst day. Oh, it started out like it always did, with coffee and computer, but then things just got way worse. I know this is supposed to be just a journal of my interactions with a giant alien from Aiur, but reality has hit, and it's hit me hard. It's going to affect everything.

In any case, coffee and computers. I was typing along, talking to a work friend (not Terry) about one of my original fictions. And one of his, too. He's on this thing where he wants to write "the story he would never write" because he thinks it'll make him stronger. So he's writing erotica. I can't believe I'm beta reading it, but such is life. Inappropriate question of the day: is it appropriate to have a rape scene in an erotica? It seems to me that a rape contradicts the natural sexiness that an erotica is supposed to exude. It's supposed to be something that pulls on a reader's natural sensations, and suddenly contradicting this with an unwelcome scene seems like it would ruin the mood.

I dunno, he thinks it develops his male lead - he's the guy that kills the rapist. My coworker claims this is the point the MC is severed from humanity, but honestly, what's so inhuman about murdering a rapist? Whatever, I've said my piece on it.

In any case, I'm just going back and forth with my coworker on the emails about it, just having another morning. And once I hit send, I lean back in my chair and let my mind wander. There's nothing to ponder at my house. The whole first floor is the size of a large room, and from my vantage point at the dining table I can see the kitchen, the stairs up to the bedroom, and the sliding glass doors to the back yard. That's all.

The lack of particularly interesting surroundings highlighted my lack of particularly interesting circumstances. I shelve books, come home, try for another job, complain about how hard it is to get into the accounting field, and then go to sleep. There's some writing in there somewhere.

Wow. I sipped some coffee. If I weren't totes besties with a 'Toss, then my life sure would be boring. On the upside, coffee with brown sugar tastes good.

I paused a second and checked my head. No, Aldaris wasn't listening, I'm pretty sure. Great! Means I can get away with saying "totes besties."

So I write a little more. Life isn't quite like fantasy; poetic timing almost never happens. So it was more than a hour later when I decided to go check the mail. A letter from my rental company came in. I didn't pay much attention until I got back inside the house and scattered my letters on the table - some ads, a credit card offer, and the rental letter. I played a bit with the ads, thinking about the products inside. Hey, it's great imagination fodder for the writer.

And then I opened the letter.

...

There's no need to copy it here. I really don't want to.

The renter is going bankrupt, and they're selling off their properties. My house is one such property, and the only way I can keep it is if I can buy it. I instantly got my mind into gear; nowadays, you can rent places for about the same as you can put down payments on a house. If the landowner sells my land to the bank, then I can work out a deal with the bank to keep it, can't I? The letter said I have thirty days to move. Will it take that long to work out a deal?

I...I'm going to lose my house. I love this thing. I first noticed it when I walked to the store, and it's close to shops but the trees block almost all of it from the road, so that it's both secluded and convenient. How will I ever find a place as perfect as this?

Worse yet, I don't have an accounting job. I'm still shelving books for a living. I don't have the money to afford a new place.

...Well, life certainly isn't boring, I'll give it that.

-t-

It is over. Everything is over. My options have vanished...nay, not that. My hope was long gone, and I was yet unaware, foolishly hoping against reality. Only these past few moments have my eyes opened to the truth. I am lost, utterly beyond the reach of anything familiar.

I made this discovery when again scanning for the strange energy that drew me to this place. According to my scans, it has now fully dissipated. I first suspected a misalignment in the instruments, as this energy has waned but slowly over time, and that it should so suddenly be no more seemed impossible. I hastily investigated my instruments, determining their status as well as I am able. Nothing appeared out of place, but as I withdrew to find a tech manual, I saw a severence within other devices.

Fragments of the detector array were shorted, and I held out hope that replacing those pieces would right the issue. It did so, but not the issues I anticipated. While the original parts remained inoperational, they reported nominal levels of things not without the ship, but within. The power storage cell, upon which all my hopes rested, is near empty. Whether it was emptied upon my violent arrival to this world, or else my efforts to conserve the recall unit's power have proven in vain, I cannot say. It is more likely the former, as the solar power configuration was not at any time damaged. Certainty evades me.

The accursed recall unit malfunctioned again, I know not how long ago. I lack the will to take action accordingly. Let the humans wander at will. It matters no longer.

Is this the will of the gods? Was I foredoomed to this end? Madness preys upon me, hanging ever nearer on the threshold of my mind. My faint hope, and the trust I have placed in Fortuna...I sink deeper into despair, bound within it. I cannot breathe...would that I had died upon Aiur, and seen none of these humans or the blue ennui of Shakuras! What have I done to scorn the gods and so earn for myself a place in this generation, to witness the descent of the Khala's might and be cast aside at its greatest ultimatum?

This activity is without purpose. For whose benefit do I write? The humans? For none shall ever see this record. It is as lost as I!

\\\\\\\\\\

Author's Notes:

- This is why there was a big gap between updates. Circumstances aren't quite what they are in the chapter, but they're more or less the same. It has been an extremely hard past month, and even when I had the time to write, I was so stressed that I couldn't get any done. *sigh* And here I was hoping to actually beat NaNoWriMo this year. I should make another month my NaNo, because November just doesn't like me.

For the future, my internet is going to be spotty. I do have to move. That part is very real. I can't afford internet at my new place. The good news is, I'll be able to write without being distracted, and I can get wifi when I need to upload. So the loss of internet is probably going to make it more likely that I write more. We'll see what happens.