Everyone had given them their space as they tried to sort things out, and they were grateful. They had briefly fallen asleep on the sofa, as the gravity of the day and the exhaustion from their tears had worn them out. When they woke up, they had discovered that everyone else had retired, so they made their way to their bunk. Jemma had switched over to an empty compartment with a double instead of single bed, so they would at least be a little more comfortable. The double was plenty of space as far as she was concerned, because she didn't want to be far from him at all.
"Is this okay?" she asked as she moved around the small room, arranging and rearranging things.
"Looks considerably bigger than where I've been staying the last couple of months," he said, but he had a lopsided grin.
"Really, Fitz," she said with a raised eyebrow.
"Too soon?"
"The rest of our lives would be too soon," she said, but with affection.
"About that..." he started, but that was when he knew he was in trouble.
"Ugh, Fitz!" she said and threw one of the bed pillows at him.
He deftly caught it and put it back down on the bed. He walked over to her. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."
She looked up at him through her lashes. "That wasn't funny."
"I know," he said, putting his hands on her upper arms and stroking gently. "But you know I handle things with really terrible humor sometimes."
"Oh, I know," she said dryly, but it wasn't like she could stay upset with him.
He leaned over and kissed her softly. "I've got this whole new, uncertain future to make you cross with me. I don't want you to be tonight."
She sighed and rested her forehead against his. "I'm not. Just… Just don't do that, okay? I know you were just trying to lighten the mood, but it's all too… raw."
"I know. I'm sorry."
Jemma kissed the corner of his mouth, and tried not to think about how rattled the day had made her. Now that she had him here and she had broken all the bad news to him, she had to think for the first time in months of what they were going to do next. She gave him a forgiving smile and turned to the two small drawers on the wall opposite their bed.
"I packed some things for you. Changes of clothes, pajamas, toiletries… The bathroom is only two doors over to the right if you need it."
"Okay," he said, not sure of what to do next.
She laid a fresh white t-shirt out for him, and a pair of soft flannel pajama pants, along with boxers and socks. She knew his feet were always cold, and she couldn't even imagine now. "Are you okay, if I…?"
"Of course, I'll be fine by myself for a few minutes."
"That's not what I meant."
"I know, but it's okay, Jemma. You can't be with me every second. I'm not going to break."
She bit her bottom lip. She knew it was silly, but she couldn't help the feeling that had followed her since she lost him that letting him out of her sight had been the whole issue. She also knew they couldn't live like that – not normal lives, anyway – and she needed to let go of it. "I know that," she said with what she hoped was a reassuring smile. "I'll just be a bit."
He smiled back with a nod.
She left the room, and he approached the bed where she had set his things. He thought about a hot shower, then decided the task was too daunting. For having slept several months, he suddenly felt very tired. He changed his clothes, and folded the ones he had taken off and laid them neatly on the small inset shelf above their drawers. He wasn't sure what they did about laundry in space.
He rested his elbows on his knees, and covered his face with his hands, still baffled that any of this space business had happened. He tried to quell the creeping sense that he was an impostor in his own life, but it was difficult. In a way, the impostor was actually his future self, and he had already lived and died in a series of events that made it seem like he was an entirely different person. He wanted to be jealous of some of it, and erase other parts, but he couldn't. He had to reconcile himself with that version somehow, not only for himself, but for Jemma and his friends.
Fitz finally took a deep breath and sat up straight, not wanting Jemma to find him in any distress. He had promised not to keep things from her, but this was normal processing. She didn't need to see it as anything more at the moment and worry. He picked up his phone from among his belongings, and switched it on. This was the phone Enoch had held for him, so it still had the same, smiling Jemma as his background, and thirty-seven messages from his mum. He was ashamed of not thinking of her before, especially after what Jemma had told him, but he was also relieved to see that several of the messages were from the last few weeks. That told him she had made it, but he could only imagine how afraid she was for him. He sent her a brief message just letting her know he was alive and that he loved her, and switched off his phone again. That story could have turned out so differently for her, he thought.
When Jemma came back, he briefly excused himself to use the facilities and brush his teeth. It all seemed so mundane in the face of what they had been going through, but he thought maybe that was a good thing. It would be unusual to not have to make a life or death decision for awhile.
He found her waiting for him in the bed, pressed against the wall, leaving him room on the outside.
"I thought just in case you needed to get up and move around… I don't know… Well, you've been asleep for a long time," she said.
He pulled up the covers and laid down beside her. "This is fine. I'm not claustrophobic." He pulled her against his chest and she settled beneath his chin. "Not with you here."
Jemma raised her head to kiss him, so elated to have him near, but also suddenly very exhausted at the relief she felt to have found him. After so many weeks of being sleep deprived as she searched for him, she thought she might sleep for days now if he would just hold her. "I love you," she said, laying her head back down.
He kissed the top of her head. "I love you, too. Now get some rest. I'll still be here in the morning."
She smiled against his shoulder as she held him tighter, and fell into the first real sleep she'd had in what felt like ages.
