So this chapter and I fought for a long time today, but it's finally done. I just hope the future chapters flow a little easier. Hope that you enjoy it. Thanks for reading and to everyone who did story alerts!
I don't own NCIS, but I would love to!
Tony, McGee and Ziva stood in the bullpen staring up the stairs at Director Vance and Gibbs going toe to toe on the landing outside of MTAC. This normally would be worrisome enough if it weren't for the fact that the two were clearly past caring if anyone could hear or see them anymore. The three younger agents had previously failed to grasp that this mission was of the highest importance, having been left out of the particulars which Vance was now filling Gibbs in on. But now it was painfully obvious that they had just created a major blunder.
"Well Director, maybe if you had let us in on the full implications of the mission, things would have turned out differently." Gibbs' voice practically oozed criticism at Vance.
Vance's blood began to boil as he leered back at Gibbs. Sometimes he wondered if dealing with Gibbs' peculiarities was worth the trouble. This was one time he was seriously considering just firing the whole team and bringing in agents that would actually follow orders. Ones who would have the appropriate amount of fear of him.
"Gibbs, I gave your team simple orders. Do they have some sort of aversion to listening?" Vance was growing steadily angrier, as he felt all the eyes in the building turning towards their argument.
"What would you have had them do Director? Shoot me and McGee instead?" Gibbs was at the end of his patience. If this case was so important, they were just wasting time yelling at each other while the bad guys were still out there. Gibbs would much rather be downstairs barking at his team to get to work than wasting his time up here trying to soothe the Director. What's done is done. Their suspect was dead and there was nothing they could do to change that.
"Who do you think would win in a fight between the Director and Gibbs?" Tony wondered aloud. This fight was turning into quite a bout and he was really wishing they had some popcorn, so they could sit back and enjoy it properly.
"Oh, definitely Gibbs." McGee answered. There was no question in his mind that their fearless leader could take anyone he came up against. In his mind Gibbs was invincible.
"I don't know McGee." Ziva responded. "The Director was a successful boxer. He clearly has the ability to take a hit and keep going."
"Come on. Gibbs was a marine, Zi. Vance wouldn't stand a chance." Tony inserted his own opinion.
"Well they wouldn't even be fighting, Tony, if it wasn't for your ridiculous behavior."
Tony tore his eyes from the fight for the first time and read the annoyance that was stretched across Ziva's face. She really blamed him for their failure. "Excuse me, but you were the one who shot our suspect in the head!"
"I would not have had to if you had not insisted on arguing with me in the café. Then we would have been alert to the fact that Gibbs and McGee had been compromised." Ziva didn't completely blame him. She knew that she was also to blame, but she couldn't help but be irritated with him and his normal immature behavior the night before. There was only so much of his childish behavior she could take. At this moment, however, she was too aggravated to see the hypocrisy of that feeling, since only a couple days ago she had been seriously worried by his lack of humor.
McGee just shook his head and headed back to his desk, getting ready for yet another knock-down drag-out between Tony and Ziva.
"You were the one who started it with your constant criticism. You can't accept the fact that I might actually know what I'm doing. It wasn't exactly my first undercover assignment."
"Well you certainly could have fooled me." Ziva knew that her irritation was due to more than just their mission failure, but she was hardly about to admit that to Tony, especially not in the middle of the squadroom.
"I'm sorry Ziva, we can't all live up to your impossible standards. And I'm done trying." Tony also knew at this moment that their fight had more to do with their complicated relationship than their job. But she always knew just what to say to get under his skin, and he was powerless to stop it in this instance.
McGee sat at his desk watching their latest back and forth, growing more and more confused. He knew he was missing something, but he just wasn't sure what. Those two were more explosive than live ammunition, and you never knew just what would set them off. For better or for worse.
With his last statement, Tony stormed off, needing to diffuse the situation. And Ziva threw herself down on her desk chair, anger and regret chasing each other across her face. She began opening drawers at random and slamming them closed. McGee jumped each time.
"You should really give him a break, Ziva. I mean, with all that happened this week and his mom and everything." McGee knew in that moment he was taking his life in hands. He swallowed slowly watching the predatory look in Ziva's eyes. She closely resembled a lioness at the moment, choosing whether she would pounce or not. And as suddenly as it came, that look was gone, replaced by one of defeat. She simply deflated in front of him, which scared him far more than her previous look.
"I know McGee. He was spoiling for a fight and I let him pick one." Ziva had picked up on Tony's pattern. He would pick a fight with her, whenever he wanted to avoid talking about something personal or important. And her pattern was to let him. "I just do not know what to do anymore."
"Did he talk to you about his mom?" McGee couldn't stop himself from asking. He knew Abby would kill him if he didn't.
"A little. But I know there is still so much he is holding in." Ziva sighed.
"Well Tony's never been forthcoming about his family. If you want to know all about his latest date or his fraternity escapades, he won't shut up, but anything real and…"
"He shuts down. Yes I know." Ziva couldn't exactly fault him. It wasn't like she didn't act the same way. Ziva turned and stared in the direction Tony had stalked off, trying to decide if going after him was a good idea or not. She was so consumed with her thoughts, she hadn't heard Gibbs comes down the stairs.
"Where the hell is DiNozzo?" Gibbs hollered, frustration coloring his voice.
"Uh, I think he went to the bathroom boss." McGee offered.
"Well go get him! I'm going down to see Ducky. You three better have something on our three dead guys by the time I get back!" Gibbs set off to the elevator, jabbing the button angrily.
"I'll go, McGee." Ziva had made her decision. It was time to face this thing head on.
"Ah, Jethro. How's Anthony doing?" Ducky greeted Gibbs as he walked into the chilly autopsy room. Abby had spent a good deal of time yesterday with Ducky filling him in on the particulars she had received from McGee. Over a pot of tea she told him all about Tony's mother and her death. Ducky couldn't help but psychologically analyze the agent and what he had surely gone through as a young boy. "Is it true you had no idea about his mother?"
"He's fine Duck." Gibbs didn't have time to sit around and listen to Ducky gab. "He just wants everyone to treat him the same as always." Jethro hoped this would be enough to silence Ducky, but he wasn't that lucky.
"You know, Jethro. Childhood traumas can take years to present themselves psychologically. Do you know if he has seen anyone about it?" Ducky was worried about Tony, especially given his behavior during their last case.
"It happened when he was eight. I think he's moved on. Can we get back to the case now?" Gibbs was trying to steer his medical examiner back on task.
"You really shouldn't ignore how this is affecting him. It's important to take steps before something happens."
"Duck, right now I've got a case to figure out. I'll worry about DiNozzo when it's done. Now what do ya got for me?"
Ducky was still worried, but turned his attention back to the bodies in front of him. "I'm not sure how much I can tell you about our mystery men here. The deaths were pretty obvious. The two over here took three shots to the chest each. And your buyer took one shot to the back of the head." Ducky indicated the bullet wounds on each of the victims. Gibbs needed something more than cause of death. He turned to Ducky silently waiting to hear something that would help them with this frustrating case.
Ducky continued, "The two men that held you and Timothy at gunpoint are noticeably undernourished. There is no evidence of a western diet, and their teeth show no evidence of dental work. I would feel safe saying that they have not spent much time in the U.S. Our third man, however shows some hardening of the arteries consistent with a high-fat diet. He also seems to be of Eastern European descent."
"So he probably spent some time in the U.S?" Gibbs asked.
"It would be a safe assumption. Yes."
"Anything else?"
"One more thing you should see." Ducky picked up the buyer's shoulder turning him so Gibbs could see underneath to the man's back. Across his right shoulder there was a tattoo that contained two words Gibbs new quite well. Semper Fi.
Gibbs exited the elevator, stopping in to see Abby before he headed up to the squadroom, and immediately regretted doing so. As he entered the lab, it sounded like small explosions were going off. A large banner reading "We love you Tony!" was hanging across the room and confetti shot straight into his face.
"Abby!" Gibbs yelled through the noise and mess, waving his arms in front of him and picking the confetti out of his mouth.
"Oh Gibbs! I thought you were Tony." Abby hurried over to him and started brushing the confetti and streamers from his coat and hair.
"What is wrong with everybody? It's not like DiNozzo has been shot." Gibbs really needed to get his team back on track, but they seemed determined to drive him crazy.
"Gibbs. Tony has clearly been holding in his pain for years. He needs our support now more than ever." Abby gave him her best puppy dog eyes, hoping he wouldn't get too mad about the mess she had just created all around him.
"Abby. DiNozzo is a grown man. He can take care of himself. Now can you please tell me something about this case?"
Abby turned back to her computer and brought up the relevant information for Gibbs. "Well I have been going through the computer you found on the vic. It was a very recent purchase. Like two days ago recent. There wasn't much on it, but I was able to get into his email. He sent Captain Mills three emails about their meet."
"Anything about the info he was buying?"
"Why Gibbs, I'm so glad you asked. The info he was interested in were some surveillance photos from a terrorist training camp in Africa."
"Can you pull up the photos?"
"Well, no. Cause the drive Vance gave them was a fake and it was meant to basically self destruct within minutes of the meeting in case the bad guys got away."
"Where's the drive now?" Gibbs felt irritation pulse across his forehead just thinking about Vance.
"Uh, Director Vance took it." Abby knew that statement was only going to make Gibbs madder.
"Is that all ya got?"
"I'm running the faces of the two guys down in autopsy through Interpol now. I haven't got any hits yet. The third guy, the one Ducky thinks is a marine. I ran his prints and he came up in the system." She popped up the man's picture onto the screen. "Gunnery Sergeant Milo Roberts."
Gibbs was pleased they at least had a name for one of these guys, but if this was as important as Vance suggested, they really needed to pick up the pace. He leaned in and gave Abby a kiss on the cheek.
"Good work Abs."
Ziva entered the men's restroom to find Tony hunched over the sink, his hands gripping the edge, knuckles white. His head was down, staring at his shoes. He didn't even look up when she entered, he didn't have to. He had known she would come. She couldn't help herself, meddling was part of her DNA. That and he was pretty sure he could recognize her scent even in a room full of people. It was truly original, a part of her. No one else smelled quite like her, that intoxicating blend of vanilla, with a hint of spice, slightly exotic and enticing.
Tony just stood there waiting for her to say something. He certainly wasn't going to make this easy for her.
"We were both at fault for what happened last night. I know that. And I was wrong to imply you were solely to blame."
Tony finally picked up his head and looked at her, wishing, not for the first time, that he could see what really went on behind those large brown eyes of hers. She waited for him to say something, the silence stretching between them. He was trying to figure out the best way to proceed. Having a conversation with Ziva was like trying to navigate a mine field, and Tony was looking for any way to avoid an explosion.
"You're right." He enjoyed watching the way her eyes flared as he admitted this. It always felt like a victory when he managed to surprise her.
"We were both distracted, and we let that interfere with the job." Ziva worried that if they kept this up, it would not be the last time they were distracted by each other. This was exactly why Gibbs had Rule #12. The job had to come first when they were putting their lives on the line every day. It may not be comforting, but it was a fact they had to face. If Gibbs or McGee had gotten hurt, or worse, it would have been Tony and Ziva's fault. And that was not something Ziva wanted to live with on her conscience.
"I shouldn't have let you provoke me. You just have a way of pushing my buttons." It was true. She could always find the one thing to say that would set him off. It drove him nuts.
Ziva leaned on the counter next to him unsure how to respond to that disclosure. She was still concerned about how he was handling the revelations of the past few days, but at this point she knew he was beyond sharing. She also knew that he was right. She knew the things that would hurt him the most, and she used them to push him away. It was her method, to keep everyone at arm's length. No one wants to get too close when they're afraid of getting bit.
"Sometimes I cannot help myself. I do it without thinking. But you do not realize that you do it too."
"I do. I do realize."
"So what do we do about it?" She wondered if they would ever be able to break their cycle.
"Honestly, I don't know." Tony turned around and leaned against the counter next to her. He crossed his arms and looked down at her, wishing for an easy answer.
"Are we always going to be stuck in this loop, going round and round and round? I feel that this is not the first time we have ended up here."
His lips twitched into a small smile. "I thought something looked familiar," he joked.
"I do not want to keep doing this."
"Me either," he sighed. "But how do we stop?" How could they get off this merry-go-round? Round and round they went. Growing increasingly closer, until one or both of them spooked. Then the fight, sending them ricocheting into opposite directions. Weeks of tense conversations. Insults hurled across the squadroom. Trying to hurt the other, before they could be hurt themselves.
"The only solution I see is that something needs to change," Ziva suggested.
"Yea, but what? Wait, are you suggesting that…that we shouldn't be partners anymore?" That thought sent a pulse of fear streaking through his body.
"It seems the most logical solution." Ziva quietly tried to be as objective as possible, but inwardly the thought of ending their partnership scared her more than she wanted to admit.
"Who would get to stay, and who would have to go? How do we even begin to make that decision Ziva?" This conversation had taken a bad turn somewhere along the way, and Tony was afraid of the new territory they were now treading. He suddenly wanted to hop back on the merry-go-round. Why had they gotten off again?
"We can't make Gibbs choose. We could draw straws." She suggested it half-heartedly. Ziva too was suddenly afraid they had gone down a road on which they would be unable to return.
"Wait. Wait. What are we doing? Are we seriously considering this?" Tony ran his hands through his hair trying desperately to find a way out of this conversation, when suddenly an idea came to him. "You know we could always go the other way."
"The other way? I do not know what you mean?" She was unsure what other way there could possibly be. He had a strange look on his face and he was stalking slowly towards her.
"We stop fighting this." He gestured between them. "Whatever this is, we let it happen. Stop trying to run from it." He placed his hands on the countertop beside her, leaning over her. Ziva licked her lips and felt her heart rate shoot up, as he got closer.
"Gibbs." It was always the protest they came up with when they wanted to avoid taking a step forward. But it was an excuse, one they had used to often.
"I don't care about Gibbs," he asserted. She gave him a look that said she didn't believe him. "Ok, I do. But we can't keep using that as an excuse." Tony stared down at her lips, wanting to kiss her, continue what they had started yesterday. He wasn't sure she would accept him though.
"I know. You are right." Ziva saw that he was surprised she had admitted this. And she wanted to believe it could be that simple. That they could just let go of all that held them back, but she wasn't so naïve to assume that. "It is not that simple though."
"Why do we have to make it so hard?"
"We are both too stubborn. I do not think it should be this way. Certainly if it was meant to be, it would be easier."
"It wouldn't be worth it, if it wasn't difficult." He reached out and trailed his fingertips across her neck. She immediately tensed and twisted in his grasp. Ziva fought her instinct to escape. When she looked back into his eyes, she was startled to see that the mask had dropped.
Tony's hand traveled up her neck to cup her face. He inched closer and closer, waiting to see if she would accept this. He was sure she could hear his heart beating like a madman inside his chest. Tony could read the indecision in Ziva's eyes, and he froze waiting for her to make her decision.
Unfortunately, neither of them would be able to know the answer to that question, because at that second McGee decided to knock on the door.
"Guys. Come on! If Gibbs comes back and we don't have anything, he's going to kill us! You can't leave me out here alone." McGee's whines came through the metal door.
Tony went to the door and ripped it open. "We're coming McNosey! Keep your McShorts on!" He could have killed McGee in that moment. He stood seething, trying to keep himself from punching McGee in the mouth.
As the boys stood staring at each other, Ziva slowly slipped around them, silently glad McGee had interrupted them. The truth was, that she had no idea what would have happened if he hadn't. Making her way back to the squadroom, she let go of the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. Ziva had been wrong. She wasn't ready to face this.
When Gibbs came back into the bullpen, his agents were ready for him.
McGee was the first to jump up, but Tony grabbed the clicker out of his hands. "Boss, meet former Gunnery Sergeant Milo Roberts. Father was a sailor. Mother was from Turkey. They met when he was stationed in Europe. Roberts grew up back and forth between the U.S. and Turkey." With each click of the controller, Tony attempted to take out his frustration.
McGee took back the controller and continued. " Roberts was dishonorably discharged for striking a superior officer in '96. After that it seems that he traveled around Europe until he found a new job."
Ziva now took the lead. "And that would be as an arms dealer. Roberts was on the FBI and Interpol watch list for several years. That is until he disappeared in '05. No one has heard from him since. It was widely believed that he was dead."
"Well I guess now they're right." Gibbs drawled. "What about the other two? Abs get a hit yet?"
"Yea Boss, and it's not good. They're both part of a radical terrorist cell in northern Africa. It seems the CIA has been watching them for a while."
"I talked to one of my contacts, Gibbs. He says the two of them were smuggled into the U.S. a month ago. They have been meeting with Roberts daily," Ziva added.
"Does the CIA have any idea what they're up to?" Gibbs asked.
"They think they're planning an attack." It seemed Vance finally was ready to share. He stood behind them, arms folded across his chest as they turned to stare at him.
"Where Leon?"
"Israel. Just got off the phone with Eli. He's asked us for our cooperation. Pack your bags. We're all going to Tel Aviv."
