AN: Thanks for those who have kept reading, it means a lot! Review if you remember
By the time Simon returned to the small plantation on the outskirts of the town of Hei-Mun (I really don't know any other languages and it's so much work right now to look them up to think of creative names), dinner was ready to be served. This was the only place that the entire crew really seemed to get along. Zoe sat on one end of the table holding the toddler in her lap and getting as many kisses and cuddles out of him as she possibly could. Mal and Kaylee sat at the other end of the table laughing to each other over something – Simon didn't know what. Even Jayne and River were civil as they sat next to each other taking turns commenting on some new adorable thing that Hoban had just done. Zoe's nephew and his mother, Zoe's sister-in-law sat across the table from Jayne and River. This left a spot between the nephew, Rajha, and Kaylee.
Simon silently claimed his seat, smiling and content. Corpus Hei had become something of a second home for him. He knew he could never return to his home and his family, that this was the best he was going to get. He did sometimes miss home. He thought of his mom and dad often. He wondered how they were, if they thought about him or his sister. He missed them, despite the way he'd been treated. Despite the way they'd denied that River could be in any sort of trouble, he still cared. He took a moment to think about how their lives might be right now had the academy River had gone to was an actual academy where they trained her to be a secret agent of some sort or another – instead of turn her into an assassin.
He pictured the four of them around a dinner table, he'd just been promoted to lead doctor in the neurological division at St. Andrew's Hospital on the core planet of Greban. River was home from school, talking excitedly about the classes she was taking and about how stupid her professors were. Mom and Dad listened quietly, smiling to themselves – so proud of their children and lost in marital bliss. In a few years, River would have married and a pair of twins were passed around the table. She'd named one Simon and the other River because they apparently made great names for siblings. Little Simon would gurgle up at his uncle, eyes full of curiosity. He'd be brilliant.
Another few years and the tykes would be joined by another addition, another little girl, Tianana. The twins were five, talking in full sentences and full of stories. Little River, the outgoing one, would plot war strategies and pull her reluctant brother along to serve as her first lieutenant. When she wasn't looking though, his namesake would slip away and crawl up on the couch with him, a book in haul. They sit and read for hours until little River would realize that she was one soldier short and demand his return to duty lest he be tried for going awol. Of course, he'd go with her, no point in upsetting his favorite sister.
River's husband would be a government agent who when asked about work would simply reply that he wasn't allowed to discuss classified information with civilians. This would make River blush with pride. She would be happy. She would be whole. And he would have her in his life – all of her.
"You still with us, Doc?" Mal's voice broke his trance.
Simon blinked and looked around the table again, Rajha was trying to pass him a bowl of steamed broccoli. He nervously accepted the broccoli and, from over the bowl, could see River's eyes glued to him, small pools of water sat in the corners of each.
She'd seen it all too and it was beautiful. She longed for a world like that, where Simon was happy. From the day he'd rescued her, she'd been sure of one thing – he would never be happy again without his sister – all of her. River tried so hard every day to be the whole sister that had left him those years ago, but she couldn't be her any more. They had taken that away from her and they had taken that away from him. He could never be happy and that broke her heart. She knew he didn't blame her, but a twinge of guilt wouldn't stop itself from manifesting in her conscious. She felt his next thoughts, knowing he knew that she knew. He tried to hide them from her but it was no use. He tried to think of nothing but a face showed up instead. She looked at the man sitting next to her. She looked back at Simon. Perhaps his happiness wasn't so impossible. Maybe he could be happy some day.
Simon looked away, embarrassed that he had surrendered his mind to thoughts like that so easily. That he had been able to be pulled away into such a fantasy when his sister was so near. When he was with her he always tried to hide what he was thinking from her, he didn't want her to worry about him. She knew what he'd been thinking and he hoped that she wouldn't hate him for it. When she smiled back at him he was relieved. She was pretty much the best sister in the world.
Jayne was oblivious to the whole exchange. For one matter, it had taken place in a very short and subtle matter of time that no one really noticed at all, and for another matter, he was far too distracted by the two year old reaching up to hold his hand. Every time that little boy held his hand, a completely different world came into view. Where before the only future he could imagine was one where he died at the hands of another criminal, he saw a future where he'd made his Ma proud.
Jayne's Ma had always been a tough woman. She was about as chincy with her love as she was with her money. No one could ever doubt for a moment that her children were her world, but the way she showed it would sometimes leave a child wanting. When Jayne broke the rules he got a solid paddle against his rump. When he was caught beating up other children, he got a firm scolding and sent to his room without dinner. When he did poorly in school, he'd be grounded for a week – at least at first. It didn't take long, he remembered, for it to become clear that schooling just wasn't Jayne's forte. No matter how he tried, he could never get it right. After about a year of frequently grounding, Jayne's mother gave up on the punishment and simply accepted that her son was not a school-wiz.
After that, his mother seemed to also give up on any hope that Jayne wouldn't follow in his father's footsteps and become an outlaw. The paddling became less severe, the scoldings less frequent. It was as if she recognized that those activities would be all he had to prepare himself for the life of crime he would later lead. That didn't mean he ever stopped loving him. She still tried to care for him like he was an innocent child. She still sent the hats, she still sent the cards. She still missed him and prayed for his safety.
Jayne pictured how different his life could have been. He pictured himself in school, never missing a letter, never getting his number backward. In his mind, he excelled. He never got paddled because he never broke the rules. He never needed to get into fights, and he never got a week's worth of grounding due to poor schoolwork. His mother would greet him every day with a huge smile and a plate full of warm supper. He would go on to become some smart person who made a lot of money. He would take care of her, buy her a big home. And he would be able to afford companions the likes of Inara to wear on his arm at fancy dances. His Ma would be proud. And that would make him happy. He didn't care if he never got to shoot anyone or bully lunch money out of the kids at school, as long as she was proud of him he'd be happy.
The broccoli was now being pushed into Jayne's hands as he returned from the daydream he'd allowed himself to fall in to. Behind the bowl were the two large eyes of the reader he'd forgotten was sitting next to him. He suddenly felt naked. He felt as though she were looking right through him.
And the fact was, she was reading him. She could feel his pain of being set aside as the child who would become a criminal. She could feel his excitement rise as he thought of how he might make her proud. But what stood out the most was the frustration. Every time Jayne thought about reading and math, a sort-of cloud washed over his memories. She couldn't see those memories, she couldn't read the words, they were blurry and backwards. Numbers seemed to disappear right before her eyes. There was something in his brain that was distorting those images. One thing she could tell though, was that he wasn't doing it on purpose. River handed over the broccoli receiving a threatening scowl from the man. One more image stuck out in her mind. When Jayne imagined himself a smart man who made a lot of money, he had imagined himself a doctor, dressed just like Simon.
She smiled again. Perhaps the rude man didn't hate his brother after all. It wasn't hate that she felt from him. It was resentment – and envy. She made the mental note at this point to concentrate on her food. Mal had talked to her many times about how people didn't like it when she read their thoughts, that it felt like an invasion on their privacy. It was just that their thoughts had been so loud. She distracted herself with her food and with the entertain antics of the toddler a couple seats down from her. She resolved that she would spend time thinking about the thoughts she had heard later – when less people were around to make noises in her head.
AN: It's really helpful in a story like this to have a mind reader… it's almost like cheating – but I'm so okay with it! Review if you like icecream!
