A/N: Well chapter 9 is up now :D Well the weather here is writing weather. It's been raining cats and dogs like no tomorrow for a week now! It's also become very cold... I'm sleeping in a sweatshirt under the duvet and blanket again :D.
Well, like always, please read and review, that's all I ask of you!
xoxo
Chapter 9. Putting the Puzzle Together.
"Raoul, if you may, there's something I wish to discuss with you." Christine said quietly, the following evening.
She had sat up late last night, convincing herself, that what she what she had decided, was the right decision. She couldn't live with someone she didn't love... that wasn't fair to him or to her, right?
Raoul looked up at her and smiled. He was so overjoyed that she at least talking to him now and that the two of them could go back to the way things were before... "Yes Christine? What would you like to discuss?"
She bit her lip, not sure how to phrase this without hurting his feelings. There isn't any way around it without hurting his feelings. Christine reminded herself. It's either be with him and pretend to love him, or let him find someone else who can genuinely love him back... from her point, she knew she had to tell him.
She looked down at her plate of food and set down the fork. She gulped in a huge breath of air and began hastily, "well I was thinking... with everything that has happened, I've had a lot of time to think... and..."
She was cut off as the doors were thrown open and in came Raoul's advisor, Charles. "My Lord, there is something of great importance, I must show you. It concerns your land and one of the barons."
Raoul looked up at Charles in an annoyed manner. "And this couldn't have waited till after dinner was complete?" he growled.
"No, my Lord," Charles looked over at Christine, who sat at the table quietly, trying not to make eye contact with him. "It is of great importance." He repeated.
Raoul looked over at Christine, who was silent and pale as a mouse. "I'll be back quickly. Then we can continue our discussion." he promised. Christine nodded her head slowly, and continued to stare at her plate.
She watched as he left the room and felt kind of stupid. She cursed herself for having not been able to tell him how she felt, right away. How could she lose her nerve? This is going to be a little harder than I thought...
After a half hour had passed by, she pushed her untouched plate away from her. She realized he wasn't going to be back soon, and began to get up from the table.
"Are you finished your meal, mademoiselle?" one of the servants who came into the room, asked Christine when they noticed her getting up.
"Yes, thank you." Christine said quietly and excused herself.
She quietly shut the dining room door behind her, deciding she would go to bed. As she came upon the winding marble staircase, she paused. She took one step, before running her hand over the banister in thought.
Her eyes shut against her porcelain face, in thought and in concentration. She squinted harder as she tried to picture falling down the staircase. Her eyes opened after a few moments and she sighed. No luck.
She heard a cough, and her head shot around. There stood Elizabeth Aldridge, staring at her in puzzlement. She went crimson as she realized how foolish she must look, standing there with her eyes shut...
"Are you alright, Mademoiselle?" Elizabeth asked her voice devoid of any emotion or feeling.
Christine gave a half smile and said quickly, "oh, I'm ok." she forced a laugh. "Just thinking, I suppose."
Elizabeth gave a curt nod, before asking, "Do you need any assistance with anything?"
Christine looked down at her feet. "Yes, if you may... I would much appreciate it if you helped me change into my night attire."
Elizabeth nodded and the two ascended the winding marble staircase. They went to Christine's resting chambers, and Elizabeth led her behind the divider screen, before pulling at the laces of her gown and taking it off. She then helped Christine into her night garments.
"I bid you good night." Christine said to Elizabeth, trying to be cordial.
Elizabeth nodded in return and left the room. Christine sat on the bed, watching the young maid leave and shut the door behind her. No words had to be said, but she could tell already, that Elizabeth did not care for her...
... Measly chorus girl living with a Vicomte. She reminded bitterly. But that thought just spurred her on, to leave and start a new life... where she couldn't be looked down upon. Look for a new Opera House. And she figured she'd probably be hired, because at one point in her career, she had made it to the top as a main lead singer in the Opera.
She pulled herself from the bed and opened the door to the balcony. She stepped out on the terrace, deciding that fresh air would do her well... especially since Raoul wasn't around to kiss her this time.
A smile worked its way across her face as she looked out upon the twilight skies. It was still a tad early to be going to sleep... so she decided to watch as the skies turned into eve, blackness eating away at the little bit of light that streaked the skies.
Christine just stood there, her arms folded out on the railing and her thoughts drifting to someone who had been on her mind as of late; the Phantom. She bit in her lip in wonder of where he was right now...
"He's dead." Christine whispered, reminding herself that he didn't walk this Earth right now. And it's all because of me too. She sighed in grief caused by her inner turmoil. She could actually say, she missed him right now.
She missed the feelings he managed to produce in her. When the two had sung 'Past the Point of No Return', he had brought up feelings of passion she had never felt before... the way he had touched her... he had left feelings of fire everywhere his fingers trailed over her bare skin. And his voice... his soft honey voice... it was enough to cause you to forget reality.
She blinked as a blush spread over her delicate face. She shouldn't think that way of him...
She smiled as her heart cried out for what it missed most from him; acceptance. When she had been in his world, she had never felt out of place or that she didn't belong... not like in Raoul's manor... where the servants, Elizabeth and especially Charles, all hated her and pointed their finger at her.
"Think of me,
Think of me fondly,
When we've said goodbye...
Remember me, once in awhile,
Please promise me you'll try." Christine whispered into the vast outdoors before her.
"When you long,
To take your heart back and be free...
If you ever find a moment,
Spare a thought for me." her whisper turned into quiet singing.
As she hummed the tune to the song for when she should not sing, she realized now, that Erik must be in Heaven. For she truly didn't think he was evil at all and that he did not deserve the hot and horrid confines of Hell.
"We never said,
Our love was evergreen,
Or as unchanging as the sea...
But if you can still remember,
Stop and think of me..." her voice began to become louder and she could envision herself singing to a crowd of thousands of people... and her Angel of Music.
xoxo
Christine woke up in a cold sweat around seven the next morning. She shook off the feelings and a grip of death, as she tried to push it from her mind that it was her fault Erik was dead.
The dream had come once again, only Christine had grown use to seeing nothing but darkness and feelings of helplessness and confusion. In her dream, she was riding a horse... a horse she did not know. And they were riding in the darkness of a raining forest, searching for someone. That someone however, turned out to be Erik... and she did not understand why.
She groaned as the distinct sound of hoof beats hitting the forest trail, filled her mind. The sounds of screaming and agonizing cries... "Christine! Christine!" the voice cried and tried to scream at the same time. After many attempted times of trying to get her to hear his pleas, he cried out quietly, "I love you..." before darkness had encased him like a lover.
Christine's hands squeezed the bedding in despair... wondering if this was her mind's way of torturing her for choosing Raoul and letting the poor grieving man die that fateful night.
"Erik! Erik, where are you?" Christine's cries of despair fell on deaf ears... especially on the intended.
Christine's feet touched the floor, causing the words and cries to disperse her mind, and her eyes to open.
She did not know it, but late last night, Raoul had come into her room... armed with apologies and explanations. But he had already found her fast asleep. He had gingerly kissed her lips and bid her sleeping form goodnight.
Christine stood up from the bed, knowing she wouldn't be able to sleep any more. She decided she was going to get dressed on her own, as she didn't want to bother Elizabeth... who already did not like her.
She picked a somber dress from her armoire, matching her mood completely. She wasn't in the mood to play the ignorant sweetheart of the Vicomte. She wanted to leave his manor and never look back.
She quietly left the room to find her way to Raoul's office. She knew he would be up right now, sorting out his business affairs. That was just in Raoul's nature. But she needed to talk to him. And perhaps this discussion in his office... would be better and more formal.
As her silent feet neared his office, she paused. She could hear talking from in the room. After a few moments, she realized it was just Raoul and his advisor. She was about to turn and leave...
"What about this girl... this Christine?" she stopped herself as she heard her name mentioned.
"What about her?" Raoul asked, looking up from his papers at his advisor, who had been rather annoying as of late.
"Is she the woman you plan to make your Vicomtess?" Christine didn't hear Raoul nod, but she knew he had when the advisor continued. "But my Lord, she's but a mere chorus girl; A chorus girl with strange problems!"
Raoul looked at the man sharply, almost daring him to continue. "You will not speak like that of her again. Not you or the rest of the staff that work here. You know I'm quick to fire anyone who steps out of line." he threatened.
Charles nodded his head immediately. "But what of her past?" he said eventually, causing Christine's ears to prick. "What if she figures out what happened?"
"She's not going to." Raoul glared. "As long as she thinks the monster is dead, who is, then we have nothing to worry about. Every foolish thing she can even possibly say, we can just tell her it was but a mere simple nightmare. She's traumatized as it is, who is she going to believe?" he demanded, setting his quill down on the desk by the parchment.
Charles looked down at the floor, fearing the outcomes. Just because the Vicomte didn't think it was going to happen, did not necessarily guarantee that the girl would always think it was a nightmare.
After a few pauses, Raoul snarled, "your time asking me these pathetic questions was time ill wasted."
Charles nodded his head and began to leave the room. Christine could hear him coming and quickly hid in the shadows behind the door, praying to God that he did not shut the door... or he would find her. She was filled with relief that she was at the end of the hallway, so he could only go one direction.
Charles paused in the open door, before turning towards the Vicomte. "My Lord, if I may ask," the Vicomte looked up grudgingly, "exactly how did the Phantom die? We all quite know that what you say is falsely true…"
Christine paused and held her breath, waiting for the answer to the question in apprehension.
"I killed him." Christine's eyes widened in shock and horror at his three words. "I took a bullet to his heart that night in the forest. You'd think that pathetic monster would have more sense than to go out into the woods in the eve, leaving a woman alone in his pathetic excuse for a house." he yelled as his arm accidentally bonked his ink, knocking it over and spilling it over his papers.
Christine turned till her back was facing the door, and her mouth fell open in shock and horror. He had killed Erik!
Her eyes shut as the memories began to replay in her mind like clockwork. She recalled searching for Erik in the forest. "Erik! Erik, where are you?" she had screamed as loud as her voice could go. After searching and searching, she had decided to go back... worrying that Erik may be home and upset with her for leaving. She had turned the horse... Whisky! She had turned Whisky around, but then the reins began to slip and the horse was already galloping...
"But why was I searching for him?" she whispered.
"Promise never to leave Me." she cried into his chest, clinging to him with all that her petite body could muster.
"I will never leave you Christine." he said softly as he caressed her face. "I promise."
Christine felt her body begin to wrack as so many conflicting emotions ran through her all at once. She bit back her need to outwardly sob, knowing that Charles and Raoul would hear her, and she would be caught.
I do love him. Her thoughts admitted sadly.
She had to get out of here and she knew it. She needed to go somewhere where she could just cry and think.
Suddenly, Charles was rushing out of the room.
"Get towels!" Raoul yelled, angry that the monster had been brought up and he had spilt ink everywhere.
Christine took this as her opportunity. She peered around the door and when she saw Charles disappear from sight, she took off at a run down the long narrow hallway and up the winding staircase. She paused halfway through, and glared at the staircase, knowing fully well now that it wasn't the reason why she had forgotten everything. When she saw Elizabeth heading towards her, she continued to run till she had reached her bedroom.
She openly bawled now as her body fell on the bed.
I need out of here! Her thoughts screamed in anger, misery and despair. "I need away from Raoul." she cried.
And that was how she decided. Tonight she was going to leave. She wasn't going to bother explaining anything to Raoul... and why should she? He had killed the man she loved for Christ's sakes!
xoxo
Christine woke up in the darkness. It was about three in the morning she noted, and she felt cold and empty, causing her to cry for the umpteenth time that day and night.
She cringed and cried some more as she remembered having to be with Raoul all day. But she had decided not to let on that she knew what he had done... and acted her normal distant way.
But now she wanted out of here... and she just wanted Erik back. She wanted to feel his embrace again. She felt sick as she remembered what they had shared not to long ago. That was one of the most wonderful moments in her entire life. She knew she had to get out of here quickly. She never wanted to forgive Raoul for what he had taken away from her...
She stood up and moved quickly and quietly to the closet, where she picked the best and warmest dress for riding and put it on. She tied her long curly hair back and decided that she'd be bringing nothing, since she had nothing and she didn't want to take anything from Raoul, except what she needed.
He stole from me... why should I not steal from him? She thought angrily. But she decided that she'd only take what she needed... she was Catholic after all. A catholic who has already fornicated and stopped going to Church. Her thoughts nagged. But she pushed it from her mind. Now was not the time to be thinking of all the sins she had committed. And she truly loved Erik; she thought their lovemaking could not be that sinful... it wasn't out of lust.
She scribbled a note for him and left it on the bed, where it'd most likely be found, then quietly went down to the stables. She picked out Duke, saddled him up and took off into the cold quiet morning.
