It's been a long time coming. To those of you who don't know, I accidentally deleted half of a chapter I had been working on for Domination (another story) and needed to walk away for a while before I wound up deleting my entire account all together. I'm happy I'm back and writing again. Enjoy the chapter! It's a long one.
Summary: A lot of things have finally come to the forefront. Just how is Goku going to handle it all?
Warning(s): Sex, drug abuse, possible OOC (get over it)
Disclaimer: I do not own DB/Z/GT or the characters involved. All canon characters belong to Akira Toriyama.
Indulgence Chapter 9
Whatever fantasy world I had concocted in my head and had been living in these last several months had finally come crashing down around me- like ripping a bandage off of your skin in one quick swipe, I was jerked into a painful reality.
I was starting to lose control of so many things around me due to my carelessness and indulgent behavior. My consciousness was eating at what dignity I had left as Son Goku as I was becoming more like this Kakarot every day. At first I had ignored the little voice in my head telling me that this was all wrong and that it was nothing like me. The whole point of this experience was to act and be like something else, something I had secretly ached for in my daydreams for years. I wanted this and I was going to continue while I had every spare second available. The more I sunk into this new fantasy world, the more I fought with the voice that was telling me I had made a tragic mistake in coming to this universe. I hadn't even began to realize the voice I had been shouting at this whole time was King Kai trying to get through to me. Our mental connection was weak enough as it was with me in another universe, and now I was so far gone it was impossible to reach me.
Time was lost to me here. I had all but forgotten about my life on Earth as this universe consumed me alive. I was fueled by adrenaline and desire, following my pack around the galaxy to conquer small but valuable planets for Frieza. I had made a considerable effort in the beginning not to harm innocent lives during my time in this universe, but I had finally been worn down by constant aggressive behavior and substance abuse that my effort was a joke now. On top of losing track of my beliefs and conscious, I had also regrettably lost track of Vegeta.
Ever since the escape from Deabrua, the young Prince had started acting paranoid and delusional. Time spent traveling between planet to planet was used talking him off of a ledge, reassuring him that there were no Deabrua warriors coming after us to bring us back, or to even more grandiose ideas of having become infected with some horrid condition that would mutate him into one of the enslaved goblin-like creatures. He had burn scars on his arms from the event and we all laughed that the twisted skin was going to grow and cover him to create the mutant. They were jokes at first told during an evening of carousing but Vegeta was growing more obsessed with the hypotheticals, often detaching himself from whatever was going on around him to fixate on them. If left to his own devices for too long, he would become manic as he talked out scenarios in his head, jabbering on about all the different things he would do different if this or that happened. Raditz and Nappa had finally started to become concerned and while I may have been sleeping with the Prince, I was still the lowest ranking Saiyan in our pack. This meant I had no say in how take care of Vegeta and I watched with mute shock as they supplied him with more of his favorite substance—bomba. In its purest form it was a bright blue crystalline powder that shone in the light, and the Prince loved nothing more than snorting it up his nose. Whenever he did, he reacted with an explosion of energy and euphoria, able to fight and fuck for hours on end with each hit. While I was against it, I never stopped Vegeta from indulging in his destructive behavior as I got to reap the benefits of it. But now he was starting to crack and the pack's cure was to load him up with more of the powder, each of them claiming that it made the Prince a stronger leader and warrior, and at times of great stress this was what they had always done. However, now when he came down from the high of the bomba he used, he would become extremely agitated, complaining about ringing in his ears and hushed voices. With each snort that he did, he got relief from the hallucinations. But like a double-edged sword, whenever he came down from the drug, the hallucinations got louder and eventually turned abusive. I knew he had been pretty shaken up from the Deabrua ordeal, but I had no idea how bad it truly was.
On top of the excessive abuse of the bomba, Vegeta was barely getting any sleep due to the night terrors that had started. After the drugs and after the sex, when he finally crashed from going for days on end, what little sleep he got was ruined as he relived the horrors of Deabrua all over again in his dreams. I would be jolted out of my sleep from the thrashing and shouting that went on beside of me, doing what I could to wake him up from the nightmares he was having. He was always embarrassed and angry to have been caught in such a vulnerable state, and had stubbornly refused to share with me anything other than vague details. I couldn't help but feel him pulling away from me, falling into a habit that I was all too familiar with in my own universe. He held resentment towards me for coming out of Deabrua unscathed while he had suffered so much with little memory to go with it, and I realized his growing paranoia was beginning to turn him against me.
It didn't make any sense.
I was constantly mocked in my universe for my naïve nature and humanistic views. I was always reminded of the fact that I was Earth-raised and would never amount to be anything more than a low-class fool. Even finally when I tried to be inquisitive or open to changing my behavior, I was always denied with a scoff. All that I was worthy of was my Saiyan-given name, but even then it was always said with such disgust. While I was frustrated, I was understanding and even forgiving of Vegeta. I wouldn't want to waste my time on someone as clueless as me either, especially when I hadn't had much care before.
Now here I was as the Kakarot I had daydreamed in my head, acting in ways that I thought Vegeta would not only approve of, but would also make him want to spend time with me. I pushed myself to act in such ways that I discovered dark and addictive desires that I longed for. I let down all my barriers and exposed a certain aspect of my psyche to things I normally kept hidden. I was proud to be a Saiyan warrior, proud to belong to a strong pack that was feared and respected, and proud to serve the Prince of our people. Hell, I was proud that I was the Prince's choice for a mate, even if it was promised in a slur of passion and nge. For a brief moment I was finally living the fantasy, and in one fail swoop Vegeta was against me. Again.
Like I said, it just didn't make any sense.
And I was so exhausted.
I wanted to get away from the Prince, needing to rest and cleanse myself from all the substances I had continued to put in my body, but it had proven more difficult than expected. With his paranoia came his obsession with me, wanting me in his sights at all times. If I had to be separated from him, I was expected to maintain constant, open communication with him. The only relief I had for the solitude I was desperate for was when the Prince had fallen into a deep, drug induced sleep after hours of fighting past the night terrors. These moments alone were rare and as much as I loved the short, unstable Saiyan Prince, I was suffocating.
The first moon was setting as I slipped out onto the balcony of the apartment we were housed in on Planet 79, staring down at the dirty city that was still alive with activity. Warriors of all kinds lived together in this bizarre community, all of them prisoners to Frieza's regime and working together for one purpose—survival. At the thought of that, I looked up and let out an uneasy sigh, the massive spaceship of Frieza taking up the entire atmosphere of Planet 79. It was no wonder the Prince couldn't get past his delusions and paranoia. All of us were under surveillance by the Ginyu Force, and the looming green eyes of the Captain bore holes into my back every day that we reported in.
As the next moon began to rise, I had made up my mind to try and steal some sleep in my brother's absent room and went to leave the balcony when movement caught my eye. A small, personal pod unlatched from Frieza's shipping docks and made its way down towards the planet in the training fields. The ki was like a dull buzz and would normally go unnoticed to me, but I had recognized the energy and my curiosity got the best of me.
I met him on the roof of our complex, hiding in the shadows of the generators on top. He had been acting as though he didn't want to be noticed, but I could never forget what his energy felt like for as long as I lived; no matter how well he hid it. When he finally dropped from the dark clouded sky onto the building, I stepped out of hiding, knowing better than to surprise the large Saiyan man.
"Raditz…" I chirped out at him and lowered my head in submission when he acknowledged me.
He was startled at my presence but he seemed almost relieved at seeing it was me. He approached me with a few friendly chuffs and we pressed our foreheads together in an intimate greeting. "Kakarot, what are you doing up here?" My brother asked me as he pulled away, always right to the point.
"Believe it or not, I couldn't sleep." I lied to him, averting his steely gaze.
He snorted and rolled his eyes, walking past me to light a spliff of majani. I was thankful that he was in no hurry to head down to our living quarters, following him as he scuffed over to the ledge of the roof, kicking debris away to plummet down nearly 100 stories. His thick auburn tail swayed beside of him as he sucked in and breathed out, his ebony eyes locking with mine again. "Bullshit, Kakarot. You look like hell chewed you up and spit you out. If you have time to get away from Vegeta, then you should be resting. Not bothering me at this hour." He finally snorted at me again and offered me the sweet smelling herb, but I turned it down.
"Alright fine… What if I told you that it was about Vegeta?" I gave a hopeful grin towards him.
"Well, if he's not dead or dying, then I'd tell you tough shit." He grinned back in a mocking manner, blowing the smoke into my face.
"But Raditz—"
"Now Kakarot, I have no interest in becoming involved in an insignificant squabble between my brother and the Prince of our people." He scrunched his nose up and finished the joint, flicking the remains over the ledge of the roof.
"See, it's not what you think it is! We aren't having a squabble. I'm just worried about him... He's really acting like he's truly disturbed lately and he won't let me get close to him anymore." When I watched Raditz, he seemed uninterested, almost distracted, as he stared out at the smoggy clouds. "I just feel like he's losing his grip on reality and something is going to happen to him." I tried again to get a response.
"So what am I supposed to do about it?" Raditz finally slid his intense gaze to me, clearly irritated with the conversation.
"I… I don't know! You've known him longer than I have so maybe he'll listen to you." I was grasping at straws, realizing myself that I didn't have a solution either for what to do.
My brother suddenly threw his head back and laughed, startling me a little. "Listen to me? Do you even hear yourself speak?" He kept laughing and my cheeks burned with embarrassment. When he said it like that, it did sound like a ridiculous idea. "Of course he's losing his grip on reality. We all are out here! Look at this pile of shit that we have to live on when we're not on some ridiculous assignment." Raditz thrust his arm out as if to present the dirty city below us. "As if this pile of shit isn't bad enough, now you can't look up into the skies without seeing that fucking thing floating above us." He then pointed up, referencing the massive Icejin vessel that filled the whole atmosphere of Planet 79. "So of course we are all losing our fucking minds. And you know what, Kakarot? Nobody has the fucking time to care about someone else's issues. I have my own wretched problems to deal with, so why the hell should I take on yours AND Vegeta's? Besides, didn't I warn you about all of this? I'm pretty sure I told you to stay away from him."
I didn't have anything to say, feeling hot from shame as he called me out. I remember clearly when he warned me about getting involved with the Prince, but I had selfishly ignored him. I didn't think that I would get this heavily involved with Vegeta, nor did I think I would fall so deep into this fantasy world. "I just… I wasn't expecting it to be this… exhausting." I finally let out a heavy sigh and slid to the ground, resting against the concrete structure as I looked out past the city to the training fields.
"I understand, brother…" Raditz sighed with me and slid down as well, joining me on the right, his thick tail flicking anxiously. When I glanced over at him, I finally got to study his features for the first time in weeks since my return from Deabrua. There was something different about him now than there had been when we first met, and I attempted to wrap my brain around what it was. I had been so caught up in Vegeta that I had all but forgotten my brother, curious to what he had been going through and what problems he was facing now. He seemed more on edge than before, looking as though he was getting the same amount of shitty sleep as I was. Lately he had been given his own separate assignments, spending more and more time out in space than he was at home base, becoming the go-to Saiyan for any odd jobs that Frieza had. Even when he was back on Planet 79, he was usually missing from action from the pack most of the time.
"What were you doing on Frieza's ship so late, anyway?" I blurted out, having meant for it to be in my head but it was out in the open now.
Raditz seemed a little startled this time, not expecting the direct question. He cleared his throat and looked away from me, eyebrows knitted together. "Debriefing from an assignment," He mumbled.
"During this time of the night?" I arched my eyebrow up, seeing right through his lie.
"What's it to you?" He growled at me with his tail frizzed out, a clear warning sign to let me know I was treading dangerously.
"Nothing! I just haven't seen you lately and it seems like Frieza has you running ragged. I figured at least at this time of the night they would all be asleep. If I worry about Vegeta then you know I'm going to worry about you. You are my brother, after all…" I lowered my head in submission to him and gently grazed my knuckles against his, trying to appeal to his more sensitive nature with my Saiyan-like apology.
He gave another sigh and pressed his knuckles against mine, accepting my apology. "I have been running my ass ragged, haven't I? Frieza has certainly taken an annoying interest in me." He snickered and stretched out his arms over his head, a large yawn sounding from his mouth. I nodded and smiled a little, hoping it would encourage him to talk more. I hadn't realized how much I actually had missed spending time with my beautiful brother. When I thought he was going to talk more, he instead looked to his lap and his lips moved slightly as if having the conversation in his head. It was very much like him to keep to himself, remaining stoic in times of discomfort or stressful situations. I admired him for it, wishing I had the same sense of self-control.
In that moment of admiring him, he spoke, "Kakarot, do you remember when you told me that as we were bound by blood, I could trust you?"
I perked up at this, giving him my undivided attention, remembering that while I may have been blitzed during that conversation, I would keep any secrets my brother shared with me. "Y-yes!"
"Well, as you know, I've been given some special solo assignments by Frieza…" He started and I nodded again, this being general knowledge in the pack, "Well… It's not really been by Frieza. It's been by… Zarbon." He finally blurted out and looked away from me.
"… And?" I asked, not seeing what was so embarrassing about that. He looked at me a little perplexed, surprised from my nonchalant attitude about the confession and then it was then that it finally dawned on me. "O-Oh!" I stuttered, trying my best to hide my grin. "Well, how has that been going?"
He snorted and his eyes rolled, running his large hands through his thick mane of hair that still mesmerized me to this day. He then moved his hand down to the spandex of his bodysuit around his neck, pulling down the fabric to reveal bruised, twisted bites and crescent-moon like claw marks on his skin. I gawked at the wounds, seeing that they were only a few hours old, and instinctively leaned in closer to smell the scents that poured off of my brother. His earthy musk was overpowering, yet I could catch something unfamiliar and sweet clinging to his scent. It made me want to flick out my tongue and have just a tiny taste, but he pulled the spandex back up to hide it all again before I could act out on my impulse. "I can't stop…" Raditz finally hung his head with a rough sigh.
"What do you mean…?" I lowered my voice, suddenly feeling the need to stay as quiet as possible.
"I hate him and I can't stop going to see him…" My brother clenched his fists in his lap, his head still hanging down in shame.
"You can tell me, Raditz… We're blood, and that is what's more important than anything in this universe… If you can't trust me, who can you trust?" I coaxed him, longing to bond more with the only family I had.
Raditz gave out another sigh and nodded, opening up to me at last, "It all happened so fast and now I'm stuck in this point where I don't even want to fucking leave…" He lifted his head and looked at me, his face flushed with either shame or excitement; I couldn't tell. "Do you remember that night when the Ginyu Force first came down to this shithole to start monitoring us? Well, that's when it started. That night I couldn't get a moments peace whenever he was around and having him there did nothing but make me so angry I couldn't think straight. He got me in a corner and kept getting under my skin and kept pushing me and pushing me and I finally just snapped. I tried to attack him but he was too strong—always too strong. By the time he had me in his grip, I was too excited and high to hide it… I thought for sure he would gut me, but Kakarot… he pressed up against me and rocked against my hips and I could feel it… feel him…" He finally looked away from me, going back to staring at the hands in his lap. "Maybe it was the shit I was on at the time that made me act the way I did, maybe I'm just losing my god damn mind… I just stood there and rubbed against him while he bucked against me until we both freaked off all over ourselves…" His shoulders slumped and he hid in his hair.
I kept quiet to process the information that he had told me. It's not like my brother's attraction to Zarbon was a total surprise to me, but the requited attraction from the cyan-skinned Commander came as a shock. By the looks of my brother's behavior, there was still more to the story, especially as that incident would have taken place a couple months back. Our eyes finally met and I gave him a single nod, letting him know I was listening.
"I thought maybe that would be the last time we would see each other for a long time, but within a few sunrises I was asked to report for duty… and there he was. That asshole barely said two words to me as Frieza went over my assignment. Something mundane and easy, but what threw me off was that after this, I was to report to Zarbon from then on." Now that part was a surprise. This kind of information should have been shared with the pack. If Vegeta knew Raditz had been hiding this, there was no telling what he would do him. Even Nappa would turn against him.
"How long have you been reporting to him?" I asked him, keeping my voice down still.
"It's been 4 solo assignments now and general directive duties when I'm on the ship. Now I'm on night duty as well. Once night duty started, that's when it all got out of control. With every assignment he would tease me and push me and during my usual duties he was always on my back or harping in my fucking ear. Then fucking night duty… he drags my ass into a training room, proceeds to start throttling me no matter how hard I try to land a hit on him, and right before I think he's about to fucking kill me…" My brother trailed off, his face flushing again as he thought about it. "Instead we're doing it again… and this time it's harder and more desperate… like we can't get enough. Once it's finally over, he just stares at me… for the longest time he stares at me… and…" Raditz trailed off again, his tail reaching up to touch his lips just for a second. "Anyway, I'm already a dead man by not telling the Prince about the change in my supervision. It doesn't fucking matter. I'm so far into it now, there's no way I can turn back." He shook his head finally.
"Sure you can… Vegeta and Nappa don't have a clue still and I won't say anything." I started, willing to do whatever it took to keep my brother's secret safe.
"It's not that simple, Kakarot…" He was understandably resistant, but I wouldn't take no for an answer.
"Yes it is, Raditz! Even if Frieza decides to share the information, I'll stick up for you and I won't let anything happen to you. At least I know now so that I can—"
"Kakarot!" My brother finally barked at me, scolding me with his dark eyes. "Don't you get it? I can't stop it… I… I don't want to stop it." He held my gaze for a few more intense moments and finally looked back to his lap. "I hate him for what he does to me… what he makes me do and what he makes me say and feel… but… I can't stop seeing him." The more my brother spoke, the more it was starting to make sense. He wasn't trapped or being threatened. He was enjoying himself. "Something about it, Kakarot… it excites me… it keeps me going throughout the day. And, it's the only fuckin' thing I look forward to anymore." By that time he had shut his mouth quickly, feeling he had shared enough.
We sat in silence for a few moments, the air thick with the smog of the city and tension between my brother and I. Images of my brother being sexually overpowered by the dangerous commander flooded my mind, causing me to shift beside of him. I sensed his turmoil inside and understood the reasons why; he had betrayed his pack by withholding information, he was having sex with the 1st commander of Frieza's regime, and now it seemed like he might even have feelings for the alien man. It was completely against the mentality of a pack member to be so reclusive and secretive, and the sheer fact that a Saiyan was laying with the enemy was enough to make the King roll over in his grave. If Vegeta or Nappa ever found out, it would give them every incentive to cast him out or even worse—murder him.
"What can I do…?" I finally asked.
Raditz let out a loud, tired sigh and got to his feet, brushing off any dirt and debris that may have clung to his body suit. I stood up with him and jumped a little as he grabbed the back of my head, bringing me forward to press our foreheads together. The intimate gesture put me at ease, inhaling his scent greedily as I looked into his eyes. "Don't ever change, brother." He purred and rubbed his nose against mine, pulling away from me completely to turn and leave the roof.
I started after him but there was nothing more to be said. The least I could do was help carry some of his burden and be there to defend him if the truth ever got out. The second moon was high in the sky at this point and I could feel the heavy exhaustion of sleep dragging me down. If I hurried now, I could crawl back in bed with a passed out Vegeta for the next few hours and gain what little rest I possibly could. Even though he seemed to be turning on me, I couldn't bring myself to stay away from him during his most vulnerable times. A yawn finally wracked my body and I moved back into the building, finding my way to our living quarters and into Vegeta's room undetected.
Vegeta's body twitched and trembled as I crawled into the bed with him, seeming to be having one of his usual nightmares. I shushed and cooed at him, running my fingers through his hair to help ease him into a comfortable, safe feeling, treating him as I used to with Gohan was plagued with nightmares as a child. His tremors settled as he relaxed into me, my smooth touches doing the trick. I ran my fingers down his jaw and over his chin, touching his thin lips and stroking his cheek. He was breathtaking even in his sleep. My eyelids began to fall as I enclosed my arms around Vegeta, needing to feel him against my body. For all I knew this would be the last time I could do this.
I felt the faint buzzing of a voice in the back of my mind, hastily probing my subconscious to open up, but I didn't have the time or the energy to deal with such a fuss. I flicked away the annoyance in my mind and allowed sleep to grip me, desperate for the silence. It came not a moment too soon as things finally went dark.
King Kai was still going to have to wait.
It was just my sons and I together on this dark and dreary day, all of us nesting in the living room as rain poured down on the small home. Chichi was gone visiting family in a distant village so I had had the place to myself for a few days, but I was grateful for the company of my children. It was rare for Gohan to make an appearance these days as he had taken on a 2nd apprenticeship at a prestigious research university, making his mother proud over and over again with his scholarly achievements. He was highly involved in his only child's life, bending to every will that Pan could muster at him while he jumped at the commands of his wife. Meanwhile Goten's visits were just as sporadic, his curious and determined nature taking him all over the world as an explorer, only stopping by when his best friend was in town from business. He was a talented albeit controversial photographer, his images well known throughout the different countries under an alias. Each of my boys had stopped by for different reasons and now the storm had kept us all together longer than we had all planned.
"Got anything to drink in here?" Goten spoke up finally over the pounding rain. He was lounging on the couch with one of his feet hanging over the arm, staring up at the dome-like ceiling.
"I think your mom has some juice and stuff in the kitchen; and some fresh boar's milk from Ox King's farm. It's been a while since she's gone into the main village to do any shopping. I know we have water, too." I started, chomping at the bits to have any sort of conversation with one of them.
"He means alcohol, dad." Gohan piped up from over the newspaper he was reading, sitting by the window as if waiting for the first chance to spot the sun.
I watched as Goten frowned at Gohan. "At least it's something to do." My youngest groaned, rolling his eyes at his older brother.
"I have booze." I chimed in this time with a hopeful smile.
The two of them looked at me with surprised expressions as I stood up, disappearing into the kitchen and grabbing a bottle of Sake hidden in the back of the fridge. Chichi liked to indulged in the alcohol every once in a while when she was having a stressful day, but I'm sure she wouldn't mind if we did the same. Our relationship with our youngest was strained, his rebellious nature from substance abuse and perverse behaviors wedging a wall between his mother and me. At first both of us had been disapproving and upset at all of the poor choices he made from spending time with Trunks, but over time I had grown to accept and love him no matter what. Chichi on the other hand could not and would not support a son like Goten, cutting off contact with him and devoting all of her attention into our grandchild, Pan. Our son acted as though it didn't bother him, but I could tell he was struggling whenever he came around to visit me.
I came back into the living room with a few shot glasses, chuckling to myself to see how eager Goten was to participate with me. Gohan hadn't moved from the chair next to the window, giving both of us disapproving looks over the rim of his newspaper. His resemblance to his mother was almost eerie.
I ignored his scowl and poured Goten and I a full shot of Sake, lifting it and taking a moment to speak, "A toast to the both of you being here. It's not every day that I get to have both of my sons under the same roof anymore." I smiled encouragingly and brought the Sake to my lips when Goten nodded at me, taking a swing at the same time as him and swallowing down the refreshing, fermented liquid.
"You're always full of surprises, dad." Goten shook his head as he swiped the Sake bottle from me, pouring us another shot. We both raised our glasses and knocked them together, throwing back the alcohol with a single gulp.
"I'm chock full of surprises." I grinned cheekily, putting my glass down. My youngest poured us another one and I raised my brow this time, eyeing him.
"Just one more. Whose it gonna hurt?" He challenged me, lifting his glass one more time. I could hear Gohan sighing in the corner in irritation and it struck a nerve with me, my eyebrows knitting together. I snatched the shot from Goten and swallowed it quickly, looking back to my youngest son. "See, you're a natural drinker Dad, hehe." He chuckled and pushed the bottle away, finishing his own shot.
"What's the point of all this?" Gohan finally chimed in.
"Geez, lighten up Gohan! We're bonding." Goten smirked, spinning the shot glass on his finger.
"Drinking isn't exactly the first thing I would have gone to for bonding." My oldest scoffed.
"That's because you're a god damn square." My youngest rolled his eyes. "You know, if you would let loose every once in a while –like for example, have a drink- you would feel much better." Goten teased Gohan, referring to his persistent life choice to abstain from any sort of substances. He had even refused to drink the champagne at his wedding that Bulma had provided on her own dime. I, for one, didn't care if he wanted to be sober his whole life or not, but the abstinence was always a sore point between him and Goten.
"If I were to let loose the way that you do, I would be homeless and shamefully begging for money on the streets within weeks." Gohan finally took a stab at his younger brother. He was referring to his troubling behavior and the situations it always landed him in. If it weren't for his best friend Trunks constantly bailing him out of his endeavors financially, who knows where he would be today.
"I'll have you know I've never had to beg for money on the streets like some bum." Goten finally scowled at Gohan, raising his nose at him.
"You're right. Not on the streets. You just have to go and beg to Trunks and he'll whip out his checkbook." My oldest grinned finally with the raise of his eyebrow.
They began bickering at each other, falling into their same old routine that they always did these days. Gone were the days of them being attached at the hip. They had grown apart years ago in becoming two completely different kinds of men, and it tore me apart to see them act like this to one another. "You two use to get along so well…" I finally blurted out, the Sake starting to have its effect on me. I realized that both of their eyes were on me, unintentionally getting their attention with my statement. There was no point in trying to cover up what I had said, so I continued, "Sorry… It's just that you two used to be closer than I had ever seen anyone with their sibling and now you can barely stand to be in the same room together... I'm just wondering where all the happiness has gone." I finished, taking the Sake bottle and opening it up to pour myself another round of liquid encouragement. Both of them were silent, hopefully taking what I said as more of a reflection instead of criticism. I missed the days when we spent time hunting in our back woods and taking a long soak in the hot tub while we talked about it. I missed the days where we would all sneak off to do new training techniques together, helping them to grow their strength with every session. But it seemed like it was so long ago that there was any careless laughing or gallivanting around the homestead between the three of us. I hadn't realized how precious those moments were or how I would be holding on to them years later when the threads of the family were tearing apart. It's not like I had figured we would always be together, but now that things were bleak I was anxious for the return of normality and family security. I liked going off on my own for exploring and adventuring, but it didn't mean that I wanted to be alone forever.
Gohan was the first to speak up, which surprised even me. "Well it's not for lack of trying… We just don't have anything in common anymore." He asserted, crossing his arms over his chest and looking back out of the window at the dreary weather.
"That's bullshit…" Goten remarked and took the Sake bottle, pouring himself another shot. "We have plenty in common. Just because I didn't go to University doesn't mean anything." He threw back the shot and grunted, his cheeks turning pink. "Gohan doesn't like me anymore ever since I had that episode a couple years ago, remember?" At that statement, the silence in the room was deafening. Memories of that day came flooding into my mind and my stomach began twisting itself together in a new and unfamiliar sensation of anxiety. While it had been nearly two years ago since the incident, it was still as fresh in my mind as if it had happened just yesterday.
Bulma had been having one of her many extravagant parties and had graciously invited the entire gang to the festivities. It wasn't very often that all of us got together anymore due to how peaceful Earth had gotten, many of my friends finally finding other lives outside of constantly preparing for the end of the world, and all of us jumped at the chance to be honored guests at the Capsule Corp mansion. Food, fun and drink were had by all, Bulma celebrating another success with the Capsule business due to her son Trunks' management, impressing a multitude of clients while letting her old friends reap the benefits. Even Vegeta had made an appearance, wearing fancy human clothes tailored to fit his compact frame, making me stare too long at him at one point. The evening progressed and the mood was positive between everyone, old rivals and enemies mingling together with laughter and good times. I had even commented on the fact that it seemed so surreal to have everyone there and getting along when over a decade ago the world had nearly come to an end from Majin Buu—and now even he was there, working the crowd with his childlike nature and simple, bubbly conversations. I took my opportunity to spend some time with Vegeta during the party, sensing he was in an approachable mood and more at ease than he usually was. Dessert came out from the caterers and I brought him a plate of sweets as a peace offering, grinning happily when he accepted it and began to shove cake in his mouth. He seemed in surprisingly good spirits, making quips about the guests at the party and snickering at his own snarky remarks. The more he talked, the more he slurred and it was then that I realized he was drunk, deciding greedily to take advantage of his vulnerable state. He didn't tell me to go away once the sweets were gone and in fact acted as though he were enjoying my company, leaning against me at one point and using me as a brace to keep from staggering over. His loose, physical attention towards me boosted my confidence, daring to put my own arm around him and getting rewarded as he leaned more against me. My heart began to race and I felt warm from his contact and his surprisingly good mood, a new sensation stirring in me and causing my loins to tighten. We made eye contact and the urge to act on these new feelings was overwhelming, making my cheeks burn. Vegeta simply smirked at me, his face flushed from the alcohol, and we moved closer and closer to each other's faces. Just when I had found myself about to kiss the Prince of Saiyans, a flash of light filled the room in a blinding glow followed by a gust of wind that knocked all the catering tables over along with a few guests. Vegeta and I were both taken by surprise and had fallen over from the rush of energy, completely confused at what was going on. I heard a throaty scream from across the banquet hall as golden energy shot out and broke everything around it, causing all of the guests to panic. By the time Vegeta and I got our bearings together, my heart jumped at recognizing the assailant and seeing the scene before me when we rushed to intervene. My son Goten was Super Saiyan and was mercilessly pounding his fists into Majin Buu's face while Trunks was struggling to pull him off, yelling his name and telling him to stop. Goten ignored us when we called his name, his pupils totally dilated and baring his sharp teeth as his energy pulsed. I had never seen him this way before and I was frozen in my tracks, staring helplessly as Majin Buu cried out for help while my son's fists bashed harder and harder, blood and pink blubber flying everywhere. Trunks did his best to stop my son but he was thrown off just by Goten's sheer power, the shocking and brutal scene finally ending when Vegeta tackled Goten to the ground and pinned him down. The rest of the gang joined us and watched in mute shock as my youngest son screamed about Majin Buu being a hideous monster, struggling violently against Vegeta's iron grip and bashing his head against the ground, grandiose ideas of the end of the world also spewing from his mouth. All kinds of wild accusations were thrown at Buu and he refused to listen to reason or to the shouting in his ears by the Prince. Hercule had joined the scene and became inconsolable when he saw Buu's mangled face, adding to the drama and confusion. I approached Goten and when he saw me, he threw his head back and howled with hysterics. I tried to ask him what was going on and Gohan joined in, but the poor kid seemed stuck in a state of mania. Only after Vegeta finally cracked his fist against the back of Goten's head did he finally fall silent, knocking him unconscious and getting off of his limp body. No one got any answers about the sudden violent attack until hours later when the guests were gone and Goten had awoken, using Trunks as his speaker as he refused to be seen by anyone. According to Trunks, nothing out of the ordinary had happened all evening until dessert had come out, he and Goten going over to the candy table where Majin Buu happened to be as well. Goten had never been fully comfortable around the pink creature but he was always friendly to him, showing this hospitability during the party even. Majin Buu was happy for the conversation and had offered some of his candy to him, but Goten had declined since he wanted his own. He then watched as Majin Buu began shoveling handfuls of sweets into his gullet, saying how fascinating and disgusting it was at the same time. Trunks said that it was at this time that Goten became almost fixated in Buu's eating, especially when he chewed on long pieces of pink taffy. Buu then realized that Goten had been staring at him and it made him uncomfortable, so he made a comment to stop looking at him or that he would eat him again. Trunks had laughed at the comment and made light of it, but it struck an unsettling chord in Goten. When he pried for more information about the reference, Trunks teased his best friend about blocking out the absorption by Majin Buu when they were fused together. Goten was silent and Trunks disclosed to me that he saw the horror come across my son's face, as if he was reliving the event and feeling the raw fervor of the experience all over again. Once he saw Goten's pupils dilate, that's when he knew something was about to happen. In the blink of an eye, Goten had snapped and attacked our old, pink enemy wherein we knew the rest of the story. Majin Buu ended up turning out OK due to his regeneration abilities, but the dynamic of our group of warriors had changed in that moment, my son having reminded us all just how fragile and possibly fabricated that dynamic was. The next morning when Goten decided to reveal himself, he was distant and jumpy, acting as though everything around him was a threat. He was sorry for embarrassing Bulma, but he wasn't sorry for attacking Buu. I found that he was also angry with me, remembering how I had left him behind in Buu's mind and had instead saved Hercule and another version of the pink creature. When I had attempted to explain the reasons why, he would hear none of it, instead reacting with tearful anger, refusing to speak about it further. I figured all he needed was some space and the situation was never brought up again, the ripple finally steadying itself out over the group. But my son had changed and soon I realized I would never get back the carefree, outgoing boy that came into my life over 15 years ago. It wasn't long before I started hearing from Bulma the concerns that Trunks was having over Goten. He was becoming more aloof and agitated, disappearing for days on end only to be found alone and incoherent, the rumored whispers of drugs coming into conversation every once in a while. I refused to accept that my child was capable of such a lack of self-control, but only a couple months later I was proven wrong when I managed to track him down and found him unconscious in a shady hotel with an empty pill bottle near him. My first instinct was that he had taken too many sleep aids, but when I grabbed him he woke up in a stupor, unable to keep his head up and his eyes open, murmuring to me about wanting to forget. I took him to Bulma and she immediately went to work on getting him stable, having long forgiven him for causing such a scene weeks prior. After running some tests and blood work, she informed me that he had immense levels of opiates in his system and what I probably stumbled upon was his physical reaction to ingesting a large amount of painkillers. When he came to the next day, he was so embarrassed and ashamed and apologetic that we figured it had been a fluke of an incident—he had learned his lesson and knew better than to let it repeat. But it happened again weeks later when Gohan stopped by to go see a movie with him, and again when Trunks returned to Capsule Corp after being away on business across the world. Goten started having panic attacks that had been triggered when he saw Hercule in public with Majin Buu, and it added to his desire to be isolated. While I knew he was struggling, I was completely oblivious to the fact that he was starting to spiral out of control. Five months after the party, Krillin walked in on him stealing some tournament winnings and Master Roshi's medications, trembling with paranoia and ready to fight in case it came to that. Not wanting to take any risks, Krillin simply let him go and told him there was nothing to worry about. Instead, my Buddhist friend came to me in private and expressed how worried he was, claiming to know what kind of trouble my son was in and how I needed to intervene quickly. While it was troubling news to hear, I took it with a grain of salt and thanked Krillin for not whooping his ass, promising to pay back whatever amount Goten had stolen. It wasn't until Vegeta came to me nine months after the party that I realized how dire the situation had gotten. I came to a demolished landscape that he and I used frequently when we had one of our many sparring sessions, my invitation coming from the Prince for once and not me, anxiously waiting with baited breath. When he arrived I was eager to get started, but something in his demeanor said that this meeting was not about flexing our strength. I asked him if everything was OK, but he seemed conflicted on how to speak to me. After a few tense moments, he tossed a paper bag at my feet and looked away from me, immediately sparking my curiosity. I opened the bag and noted what was inside: a metal spoon, scraps of aluminum foil, and a dirty syringe. I had no idea what to make of the contents or the reason for why Vegeta was giving it to me, but I'm sure my expression showed that because the Prince growled at me. He told me it had slipped out of Goten's coat when he came to visit Capsule Corp and the last thing that needed to happen was for Bulma to find it. I still didn't know what it was, but when Vegeta angrily fumed that it was going to kill him, it dawned on me that I hadn't been taking any of this very seriously. I refused to lose my son and agreed to do something about it. The confrontation started poorly as Goten denied my claims of there being anything wrong, then it escalated as he vehemently refused to acknowledge the accusations of theft or drug addiction. It ended just as poorly as he proudly confessed to what he had been doing and challenging me as to why I cared so much, telling me to go fuck myself. I didn't know what else to do, so I threw him over my shoulder and hauled him all the way to Dende's lookout while he spat and screamed. He was going to have to face up with the trouble he was causing and deal with the past the way that we all did—head on. While it may not have been the best decision, it was the only one that made sense to me. Having coordinated it ahead of time, I locked Goten in the Hyperbolic Time Chamber with Piccolo to go through intensive training and therapy, hoping that by the end of it all there would be some kind of break through or closure. The longest two hours of my life passed by, having foolishly anticipated only needing to wait for five minutes, and they both finally emerged after spending over 30 days inside the chamber. Without medication, Goten had taken almost two weeks just to withdrawal from the substance he had been shooting into his body. After that, it had taken an entire week just to get him to come around and do what Piccolo wanted. My Namekian friend told me that after going through this with Goten, it was the last favor he was going to do for me when it came to helping me with my children. While Goten came out of the chamber sober and having a better understanding of empathy for Majin Buu, things would never be the same again.
And now here we all were a year later, sitting around the coffee table in the living room as the sound of rumbling thunder filled our ears. I watched as Goten scratched at his arms and then his neck, knowing he was getting anxious and feeling guilty that there wasn't anything I could do to help him. Gohan gave a heavy sigh and finally put the newspaper down, coming over to the couch to join us. He reached over and took Goten's hand, stopping him from scratching at himself and getting his younger brother's attention.
"Goten… I don't 'not like you'… You're my brother and I love you." They stared at each other and I was left in awe at Gohan's sudden kindness. "I just… Don't agree with the things that you've done and… what you continue to do…" My oldest looked down and stroked Goten's hand. "And I'm sorry if it has ever come across as anything different…" He looked back at his brother and finally smiled at him.
Goten shifted in his position, looking as if he wanted to jump out of the nearest window, but he stayed put and let his brother hold his hand. What Gohan had brought to the table was heavy to take in, and it even made me feel anxious. At least he had finally made an effort to reach out to his younger brother, so I was grateful for that. My youngest finally let out a shaky sigh and wiped away any escaping tears that had welled in his eyes, glancing at me briefly before turning his attention back to Gohan. "You're a shitty brother…" He mumbled and took his hand away.
"Well, I'm willing to work on that if you are…" Gohan continued to coax his brother, his stoic demeanor controlling the mood of the room. He was always so good at keeping a handle on any situation; I greatly admired him for that.
My youngest kept quiet and looked as though he didn't know how to answer, slowly moving his hand up and scratching at his forearms again. Gohan let out another heavy sigh and looked around the room, trying to think of something else. I noticed as something caught his eye and he smiled, reaching over to grab the Sake bottle from beside me and twisting the cap. He grabbed my glass and poured the milky liquid into it, then another for Goten, and raised his glass.
"Are you serious…?" Goten's eyebrow arched up, his older brother finally peaking his interest.
Gohan gave Goten a challenging smile, putting the glass to his lips. I watched as Goten smirked and took his glass too, the two of them making eye contact one last time before throwing back the shot. My youngest licked his lips and put the glass down with ease while my oldest looked as though he was about to vomit, slamming his glass down with a rough cough. Goten started to laugh from his brother's reaction and it proved to be infectious, making me chuckle as well at the sight of my mighty son choking from having a shot of alcohol. Once he managed to cough it out, Gohan joined us in the laughter, his face red in embarrassment but he seemed happy to have pleased his brother. The two of them looked to one another during the laughter and finally smiled in a genuine manner, reaching back out to take each other by the hands, their knuckles brushing together. I had never seen the gesture before and it intrigued me, wondering if it was part of their secret language they always had growing up.
As if on cue, the two of them turned to look at me like they just remembered I was still in the room. Not wanting to make moment turn sour or awkward, I took the bottle from them and brought the whole thing to my lips, finishing off the last of the Sake. When I set it down, they both were giving me curious looks, waiting for me to say something. "Well, I think we are going to need more Sake." I nodded and smiled at them, both of my sons agreeing with me.
I stood and left the room, knowing there was another bottle hidden away in the back of the cabinets. Before I went into the kitchen, I turned back and peeked in the living room to get another look at my boys. They were having light conversation and smiling, forgetting about the past for just a few moments to enjoy the peace, acting the way they did when they were younger. Goten wasn't scratching at his arms or neck, and Gohan wasn't busy immersing himself in a distraction. There was genuineness in their body language after many, many months of tension and hostility, giving me hopes that things would eventually work themselves out. Change wouldn't just happen over night, but at least they were heading in the right direction. For a brief, nagging moment, I felt envious of their relationship and wondered what my life would have been like if I had gotten to know my own brother, Raditz, a little better. Maybe things would have wound up differently all those years ago, maybe I would have all of my questions answered without being met with anger, and maybe I wouldn't feel such a sense of longing for an understanding companion. It got me thinking about meeting him and talking to him, even if it were just for an hour to pick his brain. Then again, Kami knows that an hour would never be long enough, so it would have to be something longer and worth our while.
Then I had a fleeting thought that had crossed my mind a couple times, wondering how life would have been if I had rejoined my brother instead of settling down and having a family. Would I have still met Vegeta? Would Raditz and I become comrades, or would we still be enemies? Just what was it like to be a Saiyan under Frieza's regime? Could I even handle such a different lifestyle?
I guess with the resources I had at my disposal, there were ways to find out…
I woke up to the sounds of tapping against glass, the irritating noise pulling me from my light slumber. When I opened my eyes, I began to get my senses about me slowly and realized that I was alone in the bed. The tapping noise didn't stop as I sat up and stretched my body, cracking my muscles and letting out a loud yawn. I looked over my shoulder to see the source of the irritation, finding Vegeta nude and hunched over his desk in the corner, sitting in a single chair and tap-tap-tapping away at something on a piece of glass on his desk. "What time is it…?" I asked and looked over at the window, unable to tell the time as all one could see was outer space.
"Late... Raditz and Nappa are already out..." The Prince mumbled at me, staying focused on his own task.
"Why didn't you get me up?" I rubbed my eyes and threw the covers off of myself, swinging my legs over to get off the bed.
"Because those assholes can pull their fucking weight around in this pack for once." Vegeta grunted.
I stood up and made my way over to him, making sure to stay on my guard just in case he was in one of his sour, paranoid moods. When I reached him, I finally saw what it was that he had been tapping away at. The Prince set aside his scouter lens and revealed 3 pristine lines of blue powder on his desk surface, wasting no time in leaning down and sucking up one of the lines into his nose with ease. I winced from watching him do such a thing, imaging how painful it must have felt to have things go into your body like that. "How long have you been up…?" I asked him, sensing he was as approachable as he was ever going to be.
"Not long." He motioned for me to come closer with the wave of his hand and I eagerly accepted his invitation. The Prince put his arm around my waist and skimmed his fingers along my hip, giving me goose bumps and causing my morning bulge to twitch.
"You should have woke me… I don't like to waste the day away in bed." I watched as he snorted up another line of the bomba, his hand never leaving my hip.
"That's the biggest line of crap I've ever heard…" Vegeta snickered and rubbed his nose, looking to me with a mischievous grin.
When I started to try and defend myself, he moved closer towards my waist and started to kiss my skin. His tongue poked out to skim across the line of kisses he was giving me, making me shiver. I realized what he meant and chuckled, cautiously reaching over to stroke his hair. Lately he hadn't been one for any form of physical touch or attention from me, so when he returned my touch by grabbing my hips with both of his hands and kissing my waistline more, I nearly whimpered. "W-Well… I should at least be out helping the others…" I managed to get out as Vegeta hooked his thumbs under my boxers and pulled them down. I blushed when they fell to my ankles and I stood before him completely naked, his fingernails digging into my hips.
"Shut up, Kakarot." He growled against my skin hotly and pressed his face against my groin, inhaling my scent before putting his mouth around me.
I moaned in surprise and staggered slightly to lean my weight against his desk, my entire face flushing at the wet sensation around my cock. My knees went weak as he moved his head all the way forward, sucking me down until I could feel the back of his tight throat. He held onto my hips and moved back and forth on my dick, pleasuring me to the point where I couldn't keep my voice down. My hands tightened in his hair as he sucked sloppily on me, my eyes rolling into the back of my head as I enjoyed the wonderful sensations of Vegeta's tongue. "Vegeta…" I gasped and looked down to watch him, the sight alone exciting me nearly to the point of climaxing.
He pulled back and slurped around the head of my cock, his large dilated eyes locking with mine. I was completely breathless, my heart slamming in my chest while my loins were about to burst, shivering with need as my Prince continued to please me. Briefly Vegeta let my cock slide out of his mouth completely only to lick his lips with a smirk, moving one of his hands from my hips to grasp my erection. He gave it a little squeeze and I whined with pleasure, biting my lower lip in anticipation at what he was going to do next. I moaned his name again when he started to stroke my cock, putting his mouth back around the head to double the sensations I was feeling. I didn't know how much more I could take of his torture, loudly voicing my appreciation and fisting his hair in my hands as he moved up and down on my cock. After my head hit the back of the Prince's throat again, it was all I could do not to cry out in pleasure as my body convulsed and I released my essence into his mouth. I gasped when I felt him pumping harder on my cock, swallowing down all of my cum in an almost greedy manner. He pulled back with a loud pop of his mouth and smirked at me, licking away any escaped essence on his lips.
"Oh V-Vegeta… I lo-… that was… incredible…" I panted heavily and wiped some sweat from my brow, my body still having small spasms from the intense orgasm that I had just had. My mind was clouded with lust and amazement, completely taken by surprise at his intimate actions and feeling myself falling for him even more.
The clouds cleared up immediately at the sounds of Vegeta snorting up his last line of bomba, no longer holding onto me like he had been before. I opened my eyes and looked down to watch him rub his teeth and then his nose, feeling sad at the loss of his attention. It was agonizing to me to watch him drug himself up so much and I couldn't help but feel like part of it was my fault, once again ignoring the warning signs of someone I cared about in order to indulge in my own selfish behavior. Once again it seemed like I couldn't do anything right, pushing away Vegeta unintentionally in this universe and in mine because of my sheer idiocy or blatant disregard of anything important. There had to be a way to fix things, anything to bring back the fantasy I had in my head.
"I love you." I blurted out in desperation, regretting it the moment the damning words slipped past my lips.
Vegeta finally looked at me, my statement definitely taking him by surprise as much as it did me. He seemed a little shocked and confused, but the corners of his lips were pulled up in amusement. "What?" He asked, arching an eyebrow.
"I-I…" I stuttered, drawing a complete blank on what to do or say. Never in my life had I done anything like this before –not even with Chichi- and to go through it with Vegeta of all people was starting to make my head spin. He stared at me, waiting for an answer, and at this point I had no choice but to give in. "I love you…" I confessed, this time with a little less confidence.
"Well, Kakarot…" He started but nothing came out, unsure how to react even in his drugged state.
"Do you love me?" I directed it at him now, part of me wanting to get the attention off of me while another part honestly wanted to know.
"What?" He asked again, his drug-induced state making him infuriatingly difficult to work with at times.
"Do you love me?" I asserted again, this time truly wanting to know what his feelings were for me. After all of this time together, with all of the sex and drugs and shared experiences, he had to feel at least something for me aside from envy and the occasional paranoia. I've held him when he cried and listened to his secrets, I've touched him in ways that no one else ever has, and I've saved him from near death on several occasions. By Kami, there had to be something. When I searched his eyes, I saw nothing but dull blackness caused by the bomba, unable to read his expression or get any idea on how he was feeling now.
Then he laughed.
The biting sting of rejection was unlike any pain I had ever experienced, my face growing hot and my stomach churning with shame and embarrassment, feeling like I needed to vomit. The Prince was known to be a bit of a jackass, but this was just downright cruel. My eyes burned and I blinked quickly, refusing to give the drugged Saiyan any of my tears.
"Kakarot, I don't even know what that means." He shook his head and chuckled to himself, standing up from his chair to face me now.
Now it was my turn to ask, "What?"
"What do you mean when you say you love me? I am your Prince, so of course you love me. Those other worthless assholes love me too, and who could blame them? In fact, they fucking better." He grumbled and rolled his eyes, walking back over to the bed.
Then it dawned on me that this Vegeta probably had no idea what it meant to be in love with someone, or to even have them love you. His flippant remarks and casual handling of the situation said it all, and for some reason it crushed me even more. Was Vegeta even capable of loving someone? Had he never once experienced it and it's resulted in the emotion never developing? Rejection was an emotion that I could eventually work through and handle, but this felt like ultimate failure. My mind began to swarm with destructive thoughts, kicking myself over and over again for my idiocy. "I'm sorry…" It was all I managed to get out, feeling more and more defeated with each minute that passed.
"Don't apologize… Come here." Vegeta called out to me, snapping me out of my destructive thoughts. I looked up to see that he was laying on his back on the bed, his erection in his hand and stroking himself with a smirk over his face. It was quite the enticing sight and it caught me off guard, my mouth going slightly agape. He moved his hand up and down slowly, lazily circling the head of his cock with his finger, sticky pre-cum getting onto his fingers. While it wasn't quite the reaction I was expecting from the Prince of Saiyans, I was still thankful he wasn't mocking me for my confession. "Come here and show your Prince how much you love him…" He growled and moved his hips up, making the invitation even more obvious.
I was stuck in my tracks, having no idea what to do next. How could I possibly continue to remain intimate with Vegeta if there was no chance of any requited feelings in the future? What was the point of giving myself to him if nothing would come of it? But then again, why would I want to punish the Prince for something that was out of his control? It wouldn't be fair to him to take out my frustrations by denying him what I've always given. Things suddenly seemed so much more complicated than I was prepared for, and I found myself longing for home.
"Kakarot…" Vegeta finally whined and it got my full attention.
The smell of the room was intoxicating and the sight of him pleasuring himself was nearly too much to bear, my knees going weak once again. Why, oh why, did I have to fall in love with the Prince of Saiyans? And what goddamn irony I was experiencing through all of this- to want the unattainable and only ever getting a taste no matter what universe I was in. Maybe this was my punishment for all of my selfish, indulgent behavior I've had all this time. By now the gods were laughing at me, all of them enjoying their hilarious joke against the low-class, Earth-raised Saiyan. I couldn't help myself as I walked over to the bed and crawled my way up to the Prince, succumbing once again to him. It was ok that he didn't love me for now. If anything maybe it was for the best.
At least that's what I tried to tell myself.
TBC.
Author's Note: PTSD is a bitch. Also, I can't stress it enough to inform you readers that this story is full of drug references and actual usage. If you don't like it, move along to something that will appeal to your more overly sensitive nature; Swahili Translations: bomba= cocaine, nge= scorpion (acid), majani= grass (weed)
