Chapter Nine: Mistakes and Regrets
"Why, dammit, WHY!"
The outburst was followed quickly by a lamp shattering against the wall. In the middle of the room stood Leroy Jethro Gibbs, his hands oozing blood from where he had punched a wall and his face glittering with sweat and tears. The crime scene recovery was supposed to be quick and simple, his team was supposed to be in and out. They were only there to take photos and bag and tag. This wasn't supposed to happen!
The doctors at Bethesda said that he would recover and that Gibbs should take it easy for a few days, but that wasn't likely to happen. One of his own had been seriously injured, almost died on en route to the hospital, and they expected to him to take it easy? Maybe in the vaguest term of the word if he had been on good terms with his teammate when it happened, but they had been fighting practically since New Year's and it was damn near the end of June. The scene just kept playing out in his mind over and over again, never letting the former Marine drift off to sleep without some form of nightmare…
Flashback:
The day had actually been bright and cheery, despite the tension amongst the MCRT under Gibbs' command. It was nearing the weekend, but they had one more crime scene to process. Gibbs shot a glare at his youngest agent, who sent him a rebellious stare in return. McGee had come in late with DiNozzo this morning and, while he did Gibbs slap Tony, Tim took the brunt of his anger. Maybe it was because the man had been late nearly every day this week, though the older agent couldn't blame him. The boy's son was just beginning to recover from a bout with the stomach flu and McGee wasn't looking too well today either. But Gibbs knew, deep in his heart, it was jealousy that had him fighting with the younger man.
Every time he looked at Tim and Harry, all he could think about was Kelly and him. He was kept wide awake at nights, wondering what McGee had done to have his son survive, while his daughter had been killed. Jealousy would overtake him every time he saw Tim and Harry together and he had come to avoid them at all costs. Harry hadn't noticed the disappearance, as the man rarely came to visit before he made the decision to avoid them like the plague, but Tim did. Every day the young man came into work Gibbs caught him burning holes into him, not even trying to deny the fact when Gibbs returned the fierce glare.
This went on for about a week. Then, on the third day of the New Year, Tim confronted him. Gibbs had been tempted to drop the act of solitude, especially when Tim admitted that Harry had had a nightmare about Gibbs disappearing forever, but the pain in his heart hadn't disappeared. Tim still had his son and Gibbs still didn't have his daughter. So he had screamed at the younger man, telling him in no uncertain terms that he didn't care, though part of him did. He didn't want to lose the two of them like he had lost Shannon and Kelly, but he was still grieving after all these years. He wasn't ready to love again. At least, that's what he told himself.
The next six months had passed in a whirlwind of emotions and solitude. Every day he got into some argument with his junior field agent, whether it about a case or about Harry it didn't matter. Then he'd spend the rest of the day sulking, snapping at everyone on his team. Once he dismissed them for the day, he would head home and work on his boat. This relaxed him before Harry came and his relationship with McGee went downhill, but now it gave him too much time to think. All that was on his mind were two green-eyed males, one looking at him with sad eyes, begging him to come home, the other looking at him with disgust, but he could see the pain that lurked behind them. He had looked up to Gibbs like the man was his father and he had just abandoned him. Just like his birth father.
The day that had quickly spun out of control had been no different. He had argued with McGee, then snapped on Tony and Ziva, who had stopped talking and visiting him two months prior. He couldn't blame them, Tim never yelled at them, always giving them the option to stay out his private affairs, but they refused to leave. They were Tim's anchor, along with Abby, Ducky, Jimmy, and Vince. Gibbs had taken to talking to Director Vance, who had spent a good portion of the morning drilling sense back into the older man's head. Gibbs hadn't paid attention until the younger man had threatened to pull everyone off his team and replace them with people he wouldn't fight with. That was when Gibbs made up his mind. That was when Gibbs realized that he was wrong and needed to apologize to his agent. No, more than apologize, he needed to gain the man's trust back. He needed to get his family back.
That was probably why he was the first person to notice that McGee had gone missing at the crime scene. Gibbs had sent the man to check a dumpster out back for a murder weapon, which shouldn't have taken more than ten minutes since the dumpster had been emptied the day before yesterday. When a half-an-hour went by with no word for the computer-savvy agent, Gibbs had gone out back to investigate. Then his heart had practically stopped.
About ten feet from the door was Tim. He was on the ground, backed up against the brick wall, a pistol pointed at his head. The man who was holding the pistol was partially obstructed from Gibbs' view, but he did see a tuff of dull blonde hair and one dark brown eye, combined with a smile that would have sent the devil running back to Hell with his tail tucked in between his legs. Almost automatically Gibbs pulled out his gun, shouting "NCIS! Drop your weapon!"
Moments later Tony came running, while the unknown man pulled McGee up and proceeded to use him as a human shield. Gibbs growled at the gunman, knowing that one wrong move could not only make him short one agent, but make a little boy an orphan. He could only imagine what would have happened if this had been how things had played out with Shannon and Kelly. "Drop the weapon and surrender." Gibbs ordered his voice cold.
The man with the gun laughed. It sent shivers up Gibbs' spine and it was quite obvious that it made the rest of his agents feel the same way. "Why should I?" he asked, "Wouldn't his brains look pretty on the wall? I think that they would."
Gibbs met his trapped agent's eyes for a moment and saw the fear and panic. But there was something else. Was that… regret? What the hell would McGee regret? Then Gibbs remembered that, right before he was called to the Director's office, Tim had been walking out. Vance had probably told him the same things to Tim. The glares this morning had just been left over hurt from this morning's argument. Now that Gibbs thought about it, the glares hadn't actually been as strong this morning. Tim had also tried to start a civil conversation while in the van, which Gibbs had ignored.
The next few seconds passed by in a whirl of chaos. Gibbs raised his gun and aimed. Three gunshots rang out from three different guns and Tim had fallen to the ground with his captor. He didn't move.
End Flashback:
Gibbs shivered as he remembered screaming out his agent's name. His bullet had hit the man holding his agent hostage in the head. The second gunshot had come from the shooter, who had been spooked by something and had lowered his gun seconds before pulling the trigger and being hit by the first bullet. By some miracle the bullet had missed both Tim's head and neck, imbedding itself in Tim's shoulder. The third bullet had come from Ziva, who had noticed the commotion and snuck up behind her co-worker's captor. That bullet also hit the man in the head, as she had realized that any other place could risk hitting Tim too. She had pushed the dead man off his McGee and held Tim's head in her lap, crying over her friend. Tony had rushed over to them, but not before kicking the man who had shot Tim, knowing that he wouldn't feel it but making him feel better in the long run.
Soon Tim was in the hospital being rushed to the emergency room and Gibbs was getting ahold of Vincent while Tony and Ziva retrieved Harry from Abby. They arrived before the Mage-in-Chief, so Gibbs had watched as the little boy cried and begged for his father. Tony and Ziva had held him close, listening to the tyke's heartbreaking pleas for them to let him see his daddy and for his daddy not to go to heaven like his mommy and his step-daddy.
Vincent had arrived five minutes later, immediately grilling the older man for information about his best friend. Gibbs had told him all he knew before asking the man to take Harry home so he wouldn't have to see Tim in his condition. Vincent had nodded and grabbed the tyke, but not before giving Gibbs some news about how the Dursley case was going. Apparently, both Dursleys had been convicted of child abuse and the son was now in foster care, as the boy's father had ratted out his sister as well. Vincent was still working out how Harry had been allowed to be placed there, but he did have the Potter's will. He had told Gibbs that, if Tim didn't make it, he wanted Gibbs to be at the reading in his place, as Vincent wouldn't be able to attend. Gibbs had dutifully nodded before adding, "Probably not going to happen."
When Vincent had asked why, Gibbs had given a sad smile and replied, "McGee doesn't have my permission to die."
Gibbs stared at his clock. 08:23. Gibbs shook off the confusion. He must have fallen asleep at some point of time. He realized that the hospital would be taking visitors by now. Grabbing his coat and his keys, he rushed out to his car. He needed to see that his agent was okay. He needed to see that the man was going to recover. He needed to let the man know that he was sorry.
The car ride to the hospital was short. Gibbs surely had broken all the speed limits on the way there. Before he knew it, he was being led to a back room by a nurse with shockingly bright green hair. He wanted so badly to bolt and never show his face again, but he knew he had to see McGee. He needed all the support he could get at the moment. When he pointed out that she was heading the wrong way, she had explained to him that Tim had been moved to St. Francis in the middle of the night, as requested by a Mister Vincent Smith.
It hadn't surprised Gibbs too much. It would make sense for Tim to go to a hospital where they had magic and knew how to deal with it than at Bethesda. But the thought of magic made him wonder why Tim hadn't used it to get out of danger. There had to be an explanation for it, especially since it would have saved McGee's life.
The nurse opened a rustic wardrobe and motioned for him to stand in front of it. He had been momentarily confused before she pushed Gibbs into it. Suddenly he was free falling through space before he came tumbling out of another wardrobe a few moments later. The room smelled like the hospital he had just left, but was much more bright and cheery. The pictures on the wall moved and laughed, almost giving Gibbs a heart attack.
Across the room was a tall, dark man who was obviously a guard. Gibbs reached into his coat pocket and pulled out his badge before the man pulled out his wand. "I'm Special Agent Gibbs," he said, "and the woman from Bethesda said that my agent was moved here last night. His name is Timothy McGee."
The guard nodded before sending a mist like creature out of his wand and into the hospital. Gibbs was temporarily confused before he remembered that the creature was called a Patronus. Tim and Tony used them often during a snowstorm in January that had knocked the power while the team was separated at a crime scene. They had kept up on each other's condition until Tim and Ziva managed to dig themselves out of the basement before coming to rescue Tony and him from the partially collapsed kitchen.
A man with bright red hair and brown eyes came into the room moments later. He smiled at Gibbs. "So your Timothy's boss." He said, "It's great to finally meet the legendary Gibbs."
At Gibbs' blank stare the doctor laughed. "You must be so confused!" he said, "My name is Doctor Arnold Gris; I was a friend of Tim's in school. We've kept in contact all these years, though not as well as we should have. I've heard many great things about you."
"Nothing bad?"
"Tim has said nothing but praise for you, even though he admitted that the two of you had reached a rough patch recently. Told me that he rather I appraise you on that then to hear his biased opinion of you these past few months."
Gibbs nodded, though he was somewhat touched. The moment that Doctor Gris said that he was a friend of Timothy he had expected the man to hex him. To hear that his agent hadn't tried to spread their bad blood to others had amazed him.
As he stood, his earlier question came to the front of his mind again. "Why didn't he use magic doc?"
Doctor Gris gave him a confused look, so the older man clarified. "When that crazy guy had Tim had gun point, why didn't he use magic to protect himself? I know what Tim's capable of, I've seen him dual Tony enough for that, but he didn't even go to get his wand. Why?"
The doctor sighed and rubbed his temples. "SecNav has a very high fear of magic." Arnold explained. "They are so afraid of it that all personal that have the ability to wield magic are told to leave their wands at home and to not use magic on the job. Well, that and the Statue of Secrecy. Most pureblood wizards have a fear of using magic in front of any muggle and Tim is no exception."
To hear that SecNav was so afraid of his agents' abilities that they rather them die in the field than use magic to save themselves made Gibbs pissed. Maybe, if they hadn't passed that damn rule, Kate would still be alive, along with Jenny and so many other people who died senseless deaths.
A few minutes later, Gibbs was standing in McGee's room, both doctor and guard long gone. He was alone with his agent. His agent that looked like death warmed over.
The man was pale, but his cheeks were a cherry red. Doctor Gris had explained to him that Tim had developed an infection, though it was expected to break soon anyway. Tim had a bright white bandage wrapped around his shoulder that was stained with a slight amount of blood. There were not machines, but bright orbs of light that seemed to work similar to their muggle counterparts. There were more moving pictures in the room, all who looked sadly at the man lying in the bed. They seemed almost as sad as Gibbs was.
Gibbs took a seat in the chair next to Tim's bed and sighed. If he didn't do it now, he knew he would never truly apologize. So he took a deep breath and began to explain to Tim why he had acted that way towards Harry and him, hoping that the younger man could hear him. He explained Sharron and Kelly and how he was so damn sad that he had lost them and how looking at him and Harry brought back those unwanted memories and what-ifs. He explained that he was sorry and that he didn't know how to handle the situation. Most of all, he explained that Tim and Harry were his family and if he lost them that he would be lost.
He must have sat there for nearly three hours just telling Tim everything. Three hours of getting everything off his chest and out into the open, of trying to fix six months' worth of hurt and anger. And he prayed that Tim would hear him.
When he was done, he noticed that he was crying. Gibbs stubbornly wiped them away. He might have been apologizing, but that wasn't a reason to go completely around the bend. He stood to leave and go back to his boat when he heard something. Looking around, he saw the pictures cheering and pointing at the bed. Looking back at the bed, Gibbs noticed that there were two bright green eyes staring at him. Eyes that were no longer disgusted, but happy and relieved and very obviously tired. "I didn't think you cared." Tim croaked.
"Tim, you're stupid if you actually believed that. I'm stupid for believing that."
Tim smiled and laughed. "Didn't think you could actually admit you were wrong Boss."
"Don't get used to it." Gibbs noticed a worried look overtake his agent's face. "Harry's with Vincent," he said, "and they're both fine. Vince told me that Harry's relatives were convicted and that he has the Potter's will. Anytime you want to hear it, he'll be more than happy to read it to you."
"Thanks Boss." Tim said, "I'm sorry too. I should have acted that way towards you."
"You did right kid. Harry comes first, then the team."
Tim nodded before slipping back into sleep. Gibbs smiled involuntarily as he watched his agent drift off towards the land of dreams. Everything was going to be okay. They weren't going to be perfect, but they would be okay in the end.
