AN: This is a big chapter…I think the quotation pretty much sums things up, although somewhat differently of course…
Many, many thanks to my wonderful reviewers – you really keep me enthused:
SmellyBelly69 (always fabulous), Nenya85 (I have really enjoyed you sharing your insights this week), Kaibasbigbluedragon (refreshment - lol), Tez (thanks for joining me and reviewing each chapter too!), Bella and Jackie (so glad you're still enjoying), Jane (cute indeed), Simply the Guest (I thought of this name too – lol, waited for you anxiously this week), Bill (more Pegasus for you both, btw - unfortunately - for Kaiba I think it's just Yami ;) lol) and Acirederf (just thanks!).
To all these and everyone else who is reading or following my story – the biggest of heartfelt thanks for your time, I hope you enjoy this instalment :)
"In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you."
Jane Austen, P&P.
Chapter Nine
Yami and Yugi had discussed the situation but were agreed, there was no way to avoid attending the dinner with Pegasus without causing offence, and thus problems for Tea. They would have to go - although with Yami's suspicions about the role held by Kaiba in dividing Joey and Mai, it promised to be an uncomfortable evening.
Yami was resigned to it and determined to give neither Kaiba nor Pegasus any opening to humiliate him. He still felt annoyed with himself when he thought of the malicious pleasure which had been clear to see. Pegasus had been alight with it and Yami knew he would have to guard against becoming the source of further idle amusement, the man was a menace!
Yugi and Tea were less bothered, Tea refused to believe that Pegasus had any ulterior motives for his 'kind' invitation and Yami was aware that Yugi had mixed feelings about Kaiba's possible behaviour, he had overheard a most unfortunate conversation after all. Both stubbornly continued to believe the best in people – unless forced to see otherwise.
Yami sighed to himself, it was usually an endearing and admirable quality but in this case he would have preferred a more prejudiced view…mentally he gave himself a shake – no, they were right to make the most honourable assessment unless positive proof existed.
Thus it was that all three again arrayed themselves for dinner a few days later (Yami donning his suit and black silk shirt with far less enthusiasm than he had felt previously). He felt ill-used by this whole business and as he strapped on his shoes was teased by Yugi for looking so sulky, this a least made him laugh but it would be too much to say that he looked forward to meeting Kaiba with anything other than displeasure.
There was to be even more joy than he had realised. As they entered Pegasus' penthouse, another familiar figure slouched around a corner and smirked knowingly at Yami. This time he was immaculately attired in a charcoal grey suit but the white hair was as tousled as ever, it was Bakura. Yami groaned inwardly, was there no end to the 'treats in store'.
Pegasus was as effusive as ever, "my dear friends, how looovely it is to see you again so soon, I believe you know Seto Kaiba." At this point he gave self-satisfied glances towards Yami and Kaiba, but both regarded him without expression and he made a moue of disappointment. He continued to play host however, his fulsome manner unabated. "Tea my dear, Serenity will be so happy to see you, welcome Yugi-boy and Yami…of course. Allow me to introduce Bakura, he's my head of acquisitions at Industrial Illusions and an absolute genius at meeting all my little requirements." He gave an affected giggle and glanced at Bakura who contented himself with nodding his head to the arrivals, his own look sardonic.
By the time they had all had been supplied with drinks, a distraction arrived in the form of Serenity and Pegasus was occupied for a period as he solicitously asked her how she was and became involved in conversation with her and Tea.
Kaiba had remained mute throughout the initial meetings, dressed in a well-cut, navy blue suit (which emphasised his eyes) and an open-necked white shirt; he too was aware of Pegasus' little games and despite feeling ashamed of his associate's behaviour was determined not to become the victim of this scenario.
Despite himself, he had felt a distinct jolt of pleasure upon seeing Yami again and this had annoyed him so much that his most forbidding expression descended upon his face and even Yugi took a few minutes to approach him (Yugi always wanted to be polite).
'What's wrong with me?' He thought savagely, even as his traitorous eyes followed the object of his interest, noting the way in which the fabric of his clothes clung briefly to his body as he bent to hear a comment from Yugi.
During the meal (again a delight for the palate), Kaiba and Pegasus became involved in a discussion of their joint venture into virtual gaming. Yugi was absorbed in a conversation with Tea and Serenity, however the seating arrangements prevented Yami from joining in without obvious rudeness; this left him confronting Bakura.
"Hello again," said Bakura, seemingly unaffected by the circumstances of their previous meetings. Yami eyed him frostily, wondering if this might be some ploy of Pegasus' making. He glanced up the table but the two executives were still immersed in business and oblivious to all else.
"Do I detect animosity?" Bakura continued, "Peeved that your boyfriend spent a torrid week with me? Or is it 'the outraged brother' I'm currently facing?" He raised an eyebrow enquiringly, clearly unperturbed either way and the sheer audacity of it suddenly struck Yami as funny. He chuckled reluctantly and an answering gleam lit the dark eyes opposite, "I'm quite prepared to admit I behaved abominably that evening," he continued with a mocking smile which somehow betrayed a hint of self-loathing. "It's a habit of mine I'm afraid, but I usually avoid 'innocent little lambs' they're not really my style…perhaps I had too much to drink…"
Yami found his candour appealing and his own manner thawed slightly, "Your…attentions to my brother struck me as inappropriate I must admit, the rest is none of my business," he finished meaningfully.
"Ah," Bakura raised his glass in a silent toast, "The honours go to you there then. I confess my initial intent that second evening was to punish your interference but I got caught out despite myself - Devlin was just too alluring." He continued obliquely, "Such a shame the personality failed to match up, I'm nobody's fool you know and won't be used as a route to other things." Here he glanced towards Pegasus, "It was disappointing I will admit, but I had lots of fun in the discovery."
Yami felt saddened by this insight into Duke's behaviour, it showed a lack of principles which reflected badly upon him. However, he could understand the desperation which (he felt sure) had driven Duke to pursue such an unsavoury course of action and pitied rather than despised him. "As I said," he reiterated, "none of my business."
The tension between them considerably abated by this frank exchange, the discussion shifted inevitably to Duel Monsters, Bakura too was aware of the Kaiba duel and the two debated a number of possible outcomes had the time limit not been in place. Yami was surprised, he found Bakura an intelligent and entertaining companion – something he would not have thought possible a half-hour previously.
Unbeknownst to Yami, at the other end of the table, Kaiba (to his own exasperation) was not so intent on business as usual. He was conscious of the evident interest which both Yami and Bakura felt in their conversation and tried to eavesdrop as much as possible (which was not much). From the corner of his eye he watched the play of emotions on Yami's face and heard his deep chuckle at some witticism of Bakura's, inwardly he growled, 'what did that smug bastard have to say that was so damned witty?' Unable to prevent a betraying frown from crossing his face, he was then obliged to bear some 'needling' from Pegasus who had (of course) noted the frequency of his looks at the other diners.
"Oooh, jealous Kaiba-boy," said that soft voice infuriatingly, "surely not thinking of slumming-it? Consider your reputation," he finished mockingly.
"The only thing I'm considering is your inability to accept the details of this proposal…," Kaiba ground out - determinedly lying to both parties in the conversation.
'All-in-all,' thought Yami next morning, the evening had been much easier than he had expected. He mused over various recollections thoughtfully. Pegasus had been far less of a problem than he had feared, there had been a few pointed jibes – true, but the presence of Kaiba had actually been a bonus as it had absorbed most of their host's attention. Here a slight snort of laughter escaped him, it hadn't seemed as though Kaiba enjoyed that role much, he had worn a thunderous expression for much of the time, whilst Pegasus had appeared amused and complacent. As far as Yami was concerned that had been a win-win situation, they had largely occupied each other, leaving him free from the attentions of either (or so he believed) and Kaiba had been displeased.
Remembering Duke's comments from months before about Serenity, Yami pondered over them. He didn't know what Pegasus might have in mind but he certainly hadn't observed any sign of a potential involvement between her and Kaiba…Vivian would be pleased.
Thinking of Duke sobered him as he considered the disclosures Bakura had made, they were disappointing (if understandable) and Yami felt relieved he had not become embroiled in the situation. He felt a tiny 'pang' when he considered the implications of the 'torrid week' Bakura had mentioned but overwhelming this was the sensation of having had a near escape from it all. The light shed on Duke's character left him feeling glad he had not become emotionally involved. 'Well,' he thought, 'now I'm free from all of them.'
So he initially believed but this proved not to be the case.
Yami still had a week remaining of his visit with Yugi and Tea and over the next several days seemed destined to encounter either Kaiba or Bakura wherever he went, it was infuriating. At least - the encounters with Bakura were innocuous and despite their initial meeting having been so unpromising, Yami was surprised to find that he rather liked Bakura and was starting to consider him a friend of sorts.
He clearly had a dark side to his nature - things he said, hinted occasionally at a troubled past, but he was amusing and urbane with a sardonic wit and clearly had no illusions about himself or anyone else. Bakura's view of others tended to be cynical and Yami was saddened by his own speculations – something in the past had obviously caused this damage. A casual question about family on one occasion had been rebuffed with a reference to a fire. Bakura now had no family and since the subject was obviously painful, Yami had not pursued it. He thought Bakura was defensive but lonely and was glad to have come to know him somewhat better. He was also (for obvious reasons) well-informed about the latest advances in duelling technology and they had several interesting discussions on this subject over coffee.
Kaiba, on the other hand, he would rather have avoided – yet kept 'bumping into.' First, he encountered him in a gaming shop and was reluctantly engaged in a brief conversation.
"Still trying to power-up that spellcaster deck?" The snide comment came from close behind Yami and he jumped slightly, turning to meet an unwelcome blue stare.
"Just browsing…," he replied reluctantly, not wanting to prolong the conversation, but Kaiba continued to look at him with surprising intensity. "Worried you might not be able to handle me if I improved my deck even further?" Yami challenged, hoping to drive him away.
"Oh I think I'm quite capable of handling you," was the reply, and Yami jumped slightly, there had been an odd note to that reply – almost a double-entendre. He scanned the face before him, but the expression was set in the same imperturbable lines as ever, handsome but aloof. The penetrating eyes turned mocking beneath the chestnut fringe, and the lips smirked. "What…nothing to say, how quickly you demonstrate my point."
"You delude yourself as ever Kaiba," Yami retorted, a slight flush of annoyance mounting his cheeks. "You tried to beat me once already…and failed. I think I've shown I can take anything you've got to give."
"An interesting challenge," Kaiba murmured, "perhaps we'll find out sometime."
"I'm not afraid of you Kaiba, you won't intimidate me," his rival replied, undaunted and purple gaze unwavering (again Kaiba felt that secret and infuriating thrill at the defiance).
"We'll see…," was all he said aloud however, then he brushed past, the swirl of his trench coat (navy today) causing a waft of cologne to linger behind him. Patchouli and cedar - despite himself Yami's nose twitched in appreciation, well at least the bastard smelled good.
This was not their only meeting. Twice more Yami had 'run into' his nemesis, both apparently by chance. There had been further verbal sparring on each occasion though nothing else of substance, it was maddening. If he hadn't known better, Yami would have been sure Kaiba was contriving these encounters…
He had been of course. Having been unable to forget about him, Kaiba had convinced himself that the way to expunge Yami's disturbing presence from the corners of his mind was to expose himself more to his presence. Surely (Kaiba told himself), the deficiencies of his nature would manifest if given the opportunity, coming from that family he must bear contamination. All that was needed was sufficient time in Yami's presence and his true self must become apparent.
Kaiba was afraid he was getting obsessed…and he hated it. Whatever he was doing or thinking of, some errant reflection would bring that face to mind, it was like a perpetual ghostly presence – and he couldn't seem to exorcise it however he tried.
Unfortunately, all his carefully manufactured exchanges had failed in their object. He had actually become more besotted and much as he despised himself for it, he decided that enough was enough, something must be done. Perhaps if he briefly gave into this temptation, he could finally purge it from his system, once and for all.
When Yami mentioned his encounters with Bakura and Kaiba to Yugi and Tea, they were equally surprised. Both had met Bakura several more times due to his current business with Pegasus (and both had found him unexpectedly entertaining) but they were at a loss to account for Kaiba's continued presence. Tea had overheard Pegasus in conversation with Bakura - the current negotiations had been complete for some days and all three speculated upon Kaiba's reasons for remaining.
"Perhaps he just can't resist your presence Yami," Yugi joked, "it's your devastating charms that keep him here – he just can't stay away." He chortled, causing Tea to collapse with laughter and Yami threw a cushion at him in retaliation.
At that moment the doorbell rang, causing an abrupt end to their merriment.
"Are we expecting anyone?" Yugi asked the others. Both shook their heads and he went to answer the door. He was startled to find Bakura leaning against the wall outside, but invited him in – concealing his amazement.
"Hi Bakura, can I get you a coffee or anything?" He asked, ushering the unexpected guest into the others.
"No thanks, I'm on my way out of town and can't stay long." Was the rejoinder, Bakura looked across at Yami and seemed to come to a decision.
"I wanted to speak to you before I left; I've been considering this for the past few days and decided to tell you something. Despite how things started between us, you've never been anything but straight with me Yami and I've come to respect you – I amaze myself actually." He concluded somewhat irrelevantly. The others looked at him in confusion, taken aback by this strange beginning.
"What is it that you want to tell me Bakura?" Yami asked, he was less surprised than Bakura himself at this candour, having come to feel that a twisted sense of honour existed behind the façade of sarcasm and hidden lack of self-worth.
"I know about the situation with your brother," was the surprising response, "I think you have the right to know the facts."
"Go on…"
"Having come to know your character better this week, I don't believe what I heard about your family anymore," Bakura went on. "It just doesn't fit, if it was true – why would you be so different to what I expected."
Yami stiffened, the beginnings of outrage stirring within him. He had known it!
"I heard it all being discussed it with Pegasus weeks ago. I don't know what the background is but Kaiba convinced Mai she was being used. She has a history with that kind of thing…none of my business, but she bought it – I've seen her and she's a mess." He waited warily for Yami's response and was taken aback by it.
"Thank you," Yami got up and gripped Bakura's arm to emphasise how much he meant this, "You have shown yourself a friend by your actions and I appreciate it."
Bakura backed away; he was gratified, but as usual – guarded and not about to reveal his feelings. "I just thought you should be told the truth," was all he said. "I'd better get going."
Yami saw him out, the parting far different to what either would have expected from their previous relationship. He then returned to discuss what they had heard with a shocked Yugi and Tea, understandably the conversation was not complimentary towards Kaiba.
An hour or two later, Yugi and Tea had to go out - Tea was involved in some rehearsals and they planned to eat at a restaurant afterwards. The couple urged Yami to accompany them but he declined, wanting to think further on Bakura's disclosures, and so he remained in the apartment alone.
Having a great deal to consider, Yami was aggravated to hear the doorbell ring again. Muttering to himself in irritation, he opened it and was astounded to see the object of his fury standing before him, features shadowed in the now dim hallway.
"What do you want Kaiba?" He managed to ask.
"We might want to discuss it in private," was the unexpected response, "can I come in?"
Whilst the question was uttered somewhat perfunctorily, Yami reluctantly stood back to let him enter. Whatever was about to pass between them, it was probably best that it was not overheard by the neighbours. Entering the living room behind the object of his wrath, Yami opened his mouth to give vent to his feelings but he was forestalled. Kaiba, swinging around to face him was already speaking…
"In vain I have struggled, it will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. I have come here to tell you how much I respect and desire you."
Yami's astonishment was beyond expression. He stared at Kaiba, his face paling and for a moment was incapable of speech. He was so staggered by what he had heard, (particularly in the light of Kaiba's actions towards Joey, so recently confirmed) that he could barely believe his ears and he stared mutely at him in disbelief.
Kaiba considered this sufficient encouragement, oblivious - as he often was to anything outside his own concerns. The declaration of all that he thought, and had long felt for Yami, immediately followed. He spoke honestly about the passion he had for his rival but held nothing back of how little he wanted to feel this way. He was devastatingly clear about his views and was more eloquent on the subject of his reluctance and mistrust than of his longing.
His sense of its being a degradation – of the disgraceful family Yami was part of – the things which had made him fight his desires. All his objections were dwelt on with an emphasis which was due to the beliefs which he fought and the inner-judgements he was wrestling. If he had thought beyond his own wants and the denial of his emotions, he would surely have realised that his words were very unlikely to gain him his object. Perhaps that was the problem? At every level, Kaiba still fought the yearnings within him.
They stared at each other.
Yami was so shocked that he needed a second to frame his reply.
He didn't get that moment. One long stride in a blur before him and a pair of demanding lips descended on his own in a searing kiss. Dimly – frozen in shock, through the red haze of his fury Yami heard a soft moan escape Kaiba then he raised his arms and with one fierce shove he thrust him away.
Blue-eyes narrowed and panting slightly, Kaiba faced him, "What kind of game are you playing?"
"You think this is a game!" Yami almost sputtered in rage, "How sick are you? Is everything about competing to you? How dare you touch me!"
Kaiba glared at him clearly stunned, "But…"
"But nothing…YOU decided, YOU assumed, what? That if you could bring yourself to admit you want me I would automatically fall into your arms in delight? Awestruck - that the great Seto Kaiba would demean himself? You're deluded Kaiba! You seem to think I would feel grateful for your attentions – I am not - I have never desired your good opinion, and you have certainly bestowed it unwillingly. You have told me all the reasons which prevented you from wishing to desire me, I am sure they will soon cure you of it."
Kaiba's complexion became pale with anger; he was obviously struggling for the appearance of composure, and would not open his lips till he believed himself to have attained it.
Eventually, he forced out, "Is that all you have to say?"
"You say you desire me…then proceed to offend and insult me – tell me your longings are against your will, against your reason and against your character. Is that what you think love is? Think what you've just said to me about my family, I hate to think what you would have said if you were trying to hurt me."
As Yami spoke, Kaiba changed colour; but he listened without attempting to interrupt him as he continued…
"I have other reasons for feeling this way, even if I did not dislike you. If I was indifferent or even wanted you, do you think that anything would tempt me to be with the man who has been the means of ruining, perhaps for ever, the happiness of my brother?"
Yami paused, and saw with indignation that Kaiba was listening with an expression showing no hint of remorse; in fact he had assumed a sneer of incredulity.
"Do you deny it?" He asked.
In a chilly tone Kaiba replied, "I have no reason to deny it, certainly I tried to separate Mai from being taken in by your brother, I treated her better than myself it seems."
Yami continued, his righteous anger fuelled further. "On top of that, I have other evidence for my disgust at your character. I knew what you were, months ago when I heard about the dishonourable way you behaved to Duke Devlin. Have you got any means of defending yourself? Any 'inaccurately overheard' or 'imaginary motives' - which could excuse your conduct there?"
"Yes, you've always taken an eager interest in him haven't you," Kaiba spat.
"Anyone who heard about his hardships would do so."
Kaiba laughed sardonically, "Oh yes, his hardships have been great indeed."
"They were caused by you Kaiba!" Yami accused, his look disdainful. "You deceived him and reduced him to comparative poverty, and yet you talk about him with contempt."
Kaiba paced across the room, "This is your opinion of me. My thanks for being so clear, I must say - I wonder though…if I hadn't hurt your pride with my honesty would you have felt the same? Your opinion might have been better if I had flattered you and hidden my doubts but I am not ashamed of them, they are fair. Did you expect me to rejoice in the inferiority of your connections, that I would be happy to associate with such people?"
Yami seemed almost to swell with anger and his face was very pale as he replied, "That's enough Kaiba! You deceive yourself if you think that there is anything you could have said to tempt me to want you."
Kaiba looked disbelieving and mortified, but Yami went on…
"From the first time I met you - your behaviour and manners demonstrated your arrogance and selfish disregard for the feelings of others. Since then your conduct has only increased my disgust. You look for the worst motives in people, you trust no-one and you clearly can't accept yourself for who you are - let alone anyone else; nothing would cause me to want you."
At this point Kaiba finally interrupted him, "You have said enough, you have made it quite clear what you think of me. I was a fool for feeling the way I did, I should have known better - but I'm sure I'll get over it quickly. Thanks for opening my eyes, I needed to wake up."
With those final words he hastily left and Yami sank into a chair, the violence of his emotions overwhelming. His mind was in turmoil, he was stunned by what he had heard, and what had occurred. The more he considered the more amazed he became. That Kaiba should desire him enough to say that he wanted him! That he had felt this way for such a long time and to the extent that he would push aside all the objections he had listed – it was incredible!
As his anger cooled, Yami had to inwardly admit that it was flattering to provoke such passion (however unconsciously). However, he then considered Kaiba's haughty pride, the way he had spoken of the family, his actions regarding Joey and his attitude towards Duke. He had denied nothing and these recollections soon overcame any momentary gratification.
Yami continued dwell on his agitated thoughts for some time; going to his room when he heard Tea and Yugi coming in…he couldn't face anyone for the moment, and needed some time alone.
AN: So… 'pride' (?) has taken 'a fall'…another big chapter next Friday as 'prejudice' receives a rather stunning e-mail…I hope you will return and that you enjoyed chapter nine :)
Please continue to review – loving to read all your comments.
Now writing chapter thirteen – oh…that lake scene… (which btw is not P&P canon but I cannot bear to omit ;) so weekly updates will continue.
