Author's Note: No clue for this chapter, just rated T for tissue warning. I don't have any story-related questions to ask but I do have a question for you still. How much do you know about the Tricou Teens, as far as their One True Hobby? Note, I do have the answers, and 2 of them will be made obviously clear in the next chapter, and will find out in 2 chapters after that, but I will drop subtle hints in as to the others what their hobbies are before they all find out what their OTH is.

Trusting, Judgment, and Forgiveness

"I'm sorry I pushed you, Joel," Kenneth apologized, "I thought you weren't going to do it that's why I did it."

"Don't think twice about it little bro, if you hadn't done that I wouldn't have found that basket and remembered, let alone remember to get the stuff out in it before I got out the window. Hey, if you hadn't had done that, we would have left it up there, by mistake, then what?"

Kenneth smiled a thank you, "Yeah, then what, is right."

Joel could see it, by the way he kept looking up at the sky, he could tell George was afraid, and he knew a storm was coming; a thunderstorm was approaching, so now was a good a time as any to try address it. "Man, is it ever windy out, it looks like a bad storm is coming, thunder lighting all that, gee, George, I really hope you're ready for it, but we're all here for you to help and hold you through it, all the loud, rumble, rumble, crack rumble, rumble, BOOM!"

"Aaah, don't do that!" Even though he had said it nice heck unlike him he wasn't even teasing, but it had startled, and scared him, badly enough, that it stopped him dead in his tracks, and made him, shudder-shiver-shake. He was not happy to say the least! Darn right that he was freaked out though, as he knew winds like this one usually preluded a thunderstorm, especially by the looks of those clouds; those were thunderheads formed and more of them very quickly forming for sure, as he shook his head. By the looks of the sky, and strong winds, it was going to be a bad one. He got a tight hug from Joel and just shook his head at him for scaring him, like he did, while smiling; especially when he tickled his belly making him squeal out in a sharp laugh, but George knew Joel would help him just like he had helped him, through his fear, if he needed it.

"Need a hug," he asked George nodded, "and maybe one of these too. You laugh like a girl, a makeup wearing, little girl, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha."

"Oh shut up, I'm gothic I'm sure a lot of other gothic and emo's wear makeup too."

"Well stop it, you're freaking out Rebecca," he joked around playfully pushing his brother and got a little push back and just missed getting grabbed by George for a noogie, as Joel quickly realized something. All this time was getting an, inkling, about the direction they were going, it was the wrong way, "Uhh, guys, we need to go this way, okay, look I don't know why, but we have to go this way," pointing in the other direction from where they were headed to."

"I thought we were headed to Gothier Green Lawns, it's that way, it's shorter to get there this way," Kenneth said, not seeing or realizing what Joel knew. "We are going there right?"

"Yeah, and I know it's shorter, but shortcuts doesn't always make it right or safer, this way."

"You can take the long way if you want, I'm going this way," Kenneth insisted, not wanting to get lost or sidetrack but what he didn't know his way was going to do just that.

Joel smiled and got an idea. "Fine by me we're leaving, come on let's leave little baby Kenneth all alone, in the woods, in the dark, all by, his lonesome, all alone. Maybe the Social Workers will find you, and…get you! Bye," with that all the others clued in and took off running a good distance away from the youngest, to discipline his foolishness out and rid him of his fear they hoped.

It did do just that, Kenneth panicked and teared over whimper whining and crying, "Guys, guys where are you?! Don't leave me! Don't leave me alone don't leave me alone like this!" He quickly remembered back to when he was a young newly transitioned toddler how he wandered off to follow after daddy to be picked up and hugged and played with, turns out daddy was off taking a nature break, but he had gotten himself lost somehow. He never felt so terrified in his life, he felt the lies, believed them, that he was unloved, and was just abandoned there; forgetting he himself had gotten himself into that situation, no one else. He just cried, and cried, mournfully, loudly, why, why was he abandoned, and forsaken, why!? He wasn't he felt in his heart someone saying you are never alone, and yes it was confirmed as he was soon found by daddy as well as Rebecca and Kathy and even Joel came running and tripped forgetting all about his skinned hand, minor booboo really it was, and hugged him tightly. George and Quincy too hugged him tightly, when he was brought back to their campground type home. Daddy had comforted him telling him that God is always here with them no matter what if he ever got lost or separated, that he had nothing to fear, that he is never ever truly alone. Kenneth had admittedly forgotten that, when daddy told him he loved him so much, and he would never leave him abandoned on purpose. Kenneth was soon calmed enough to think straight but was still panicked mostly just afraid because he didn't know for sure which way to go or where they were, to try to catch up with him. But peace filled up Kenneth's heart after remembering what daddy said that he wasn't ever alone; he could be alone but he was never really alone, he knew, God was is here, with him. Then just like that his fear was gone never to return, but then suddenly he herd snapping. He heard snapping and rustling and was grabbed from behind as he screamed out loudly, shocked and startled, but as he started screaming, his mouth was covered and his behind swatted once. The swat to the bottom had calmed him, so quickly, snapping him out of it, because there was no anger in that swat to his bottom only love, so that meant…

"Not only is God here with you, but do you really think we would up and leave you, like that, especially in a time like this? Shame on you for thinking that way, we would never leave you. Now, come on, we're going this way, like it or lump it." Sniffling and shaking of the residual shock surprise he nodded and hugged Joel tightly as they caught up with the others, Kenneth was even thankful for the loving paddle to his bottom Kenneth knew the difference between a loving paddle to the bottom and an all-out angry beat down.

"I'm coming I'm coming, but why, why this way?"

"I don't know I just have a bad feeling if we kept going that way something bad would happen I don't know why or how to really explain it; I just feel something in my heart telling us to go this way."

"But, this way, is an open field, and well with the storm, it is kind of risky especially if we are spotted by a Social Worker, going that way. We're better to stick to the woods, and through them, to stay hid better, going to that open field and through it is crazy, we'll be exposed and spotted especially if anyone comes after us. Are you really sure?" His head was having a hard time processing this logic like most logical thinkers, who didn't think with their heart first.

"Look, just please trust me, I just have a good peaceful feeling in my heart, we should go this way, okay, we have to go this way."

Kenneth wasn't the only one who had doubts about the direction they were going in. "I don't like this, at all, I'm just saying this from, the perspective of, safety, only, during a storm; we shouldn't be out in the open like this especially with a thunderstorm approaching." Whining and whimpering, "Do you know how foolish this is? Being out in the open like this during a thunderstorm, is so risky, we could easily get struck down dead, by a bolt of lightning."

"Yeah I know it's dangerous but maybe it will strike a tree and catch on fire and kill us that way too the way we were going. Look, I have a peaceful feeling in my heart that we have to go this way; all I had was deep fear and dread the way we were headed in. Don't ask me why, I just do, did, had, have it. Look I can't explain it really, what I'm feeling. You'll just have to trust me."

George was absolutely freaked out as they entered the field and were nearly in the middle of it when the first flash of sheet lightning streaked across the sky! "Aaah we're all gonna die! Get down all of you!" Crouching down balled up in the safety squatting position George covered his ears and shuddered as the thunder rumbled off. Joel rushed to his side to try comfort George as he shook with terror but George pushed him off. "No! Spread out, you all have to spread out, and squat down, and ball up, like I'm doing, before you all get hit! But don't touch the ground or grass, but try to get down as close to the ground, without touching it, with your hands!"

Suddenly he got that inkling of danger was approaching like he had when they were going in the wrong direction before. "Uh yeah do what he says, he knows better about this, so spread out, and squat down," they all took off in separate directions and crouch squatted down in the field as a larger brighter flash illuminated the darkening night sky! The wind blew a bit stronger and the trees snapped, as old and half or dead branches broke off, as nature pruned the trees. A few seconds later one big crack was heard, and off in the distance, they saw a tree falling over where they were headed, but worse was what was coming out of the woods. "See; see that, a tree fell over, what did I tell you, we could have got hit by that!" With more flashes of lightning and loud rumbles of thunder, George was shaking very badly. "Don't worry we're all here for you, you're fine, just feel God's presence and His Love you're fine! George you're a genius, I didn't even know this is what you're supposed to do when it's thundering out and you're out in the open!" Joel shouted over the loud rumbles of thunder.

"Yeah, I didn't even know, we love you George, don't fear it, I think I get that peace and right direction Joel had now," Kenneth finally realized getting a deep peace and calm through the storm.

"Me too," the rest sounded off, they despite how dangerous it was, felt safe and secure this was exactly where they should be right now.

It wasn't very long before they all spotted much worse danger than the lightning as their worst nightmare came out of the words. "Oh crap! It's a Social Worker! It's the real evil one," meaning the one Joel had witnessed and filmed beating up Heath and the worst one out of the 3, thee, worst, most evilest, wicked, offender of them all for cruelty.

"Stay down," George was absolutely terrified but he felt that same feeling of peace Joel had had about the direction they were going in. He like the others all felt safe while going through this storm he fully understood it now, yes it was hard to explain it but he trusted it. "Say down, stay crouched down, don't move, cover your ears, and don't move!" As badly as he and all the others all wanted to run off right now, that was the worst thing they could have done, was to stand up, and to run, right now. The presence of Almighty God was here, and approaching, and dealing with the evil, that was approaching, so it was best to heed the warning, and stay close to the ground, as they were right now.

Spotting them like sitting ducks out in the field, they were easy targets, and like a lion ready to pounce, she ran after them, to beat them down, and take them back! Finally she realized just who they were, that they were indeed siblings, and just to whom they had belonged to! They had all belonged to unofficially (adopted in heart, or by the heart) by an unofficial adoption (by, or on, paper) to Jon Smith Tricou! So that meant one thing, they had to be destroyed like the rest, before they all figured out what really happened! "I got you now, now you're gonna get it you little bra-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ts," her voice had rattled out, as a bright flash arched though her evil body, as she hit the ground, all the Tricou teens fell flat to their backs just from the sheer force of the thunder's ear rattling boom as it ratted right through them, to throw them off balance, as awe struck fear put them all onto their backs! She had seconds to determine where she would spend her eternity in paradise or in punishment and she chose her fate! By God's grace she could have been saved, as she was warned, and even saw where her words were about to take her, but she chose not to heed the words of love and grace, even to try, to try save her soul, as much as she deserved to go there, God still gave her the chance to repent and to be saved.

"Oh God, is she dead," George shrieked out sharply asking what would be fairly obvious and as badly shaken up and terrified as he was, he was also genuinely concerned for her, after witnessing his worst fear come to life, lightning striking and hitting someone, to the point of death! Suddenly he felt peace, the Majesty of God in that, that awe struck godly fear, but at the same time, his fear, the fear of his fear relieved and taken away. He crouch crawl ran to her, "No, no please didn't die, oh please ask God to save you, or you'll go to Hell, please ask God to save you."

"God? I want nothing to do with Him, as far as I'm concerned there is no God, and if there is, I don't want to have anything to do with God." Stubbornly stonehearted unrepentant she didn't care, she was truly a heartless narcissistic reprobate spawn of the devil in all her ways and doings defying God to her very last breath.

"No, no you don't mean that, don't say that, please don't, oh please no, don't say that," George begged as he crouch crawled over to warn her but as another flash of sheet lightning flashed right above him it stopped him right in his tracks as he crouched back down and covering his ears taking the safety position. "Please repent," George spoke the words of his Savior who didn't want her to go to Hell! No as evil as she was He wanted her to be saved, just like He wants us all to repent and to receive grace to be saved! "Repent before it's too late, before you do go to Hell; repent before it's too late…"

"You can all got to Hell for all I care God I want nothing to do with God…and I'm going to kill you all, now that I know who you are, Tricou's you're all dead right na-a-a-a-a-a-a…o-w-w," with that last word there came another brighter flash of lightning!

His hair wasn't even standing on end, he was fully shielded; cozy; he felt cozy and safe, now he got it. George finally understood, Wrath of God, and lightning wasn't something he should be terrified of, in the fear sense he had, living in crippling fear, every day fearing it, looking for it, watching for it, the storms, which was stopping him from enjoying the outdoors that he loved so much. He now double enjoyed the beauty and majesty of nature, God created it for him to enjoy and love, to love God through nature, His Hand of Creation in nature. Now George had the right awestruck fear, and respect due to it as he saw that lightning, it all originated from God! Lightning was just the Hand of God! Yes not only did it all come from Him He also directed its course to where He wanted it to strike! Oh sure, yes, it is dangerous, oh there was no doubt about that in George's mind, but now he understood, that if God truly wanted to get him with that bolt of lightning He would, there was would be no escape from it, but at the same time he saw God's kind Grace that prevented him from such a harsh just punishment. Jesus took the preverbal lightning bolt he had deserved, so now he didn't have to fear it or in his case live in fear of it. Yes, just as easily as He could hit you with it, He could prevent it from ever striking near to you, or in this case, if the strike was very near, He can easily hold it back, or prevent it from actually causing, you any harm, to show you His Majesty and Glory, and also His Wrath, to the evil rebellious ones who are rightly deserving it! Shaking, and wobbly, a few seconds, in awe struck fear, George stood up after the rumble rumbled off and rolled away, he wasn't afraid anymore, just, extremely sad. Tears of deep awe and sadness started streaming down his young face his eyeliner mascara running and his makeup foundation coming off showing off his light cheek freckles, as he wiped away his tears, "I'm so sorry, I tried I really, really, did try, I tried, I really did try, I'm, so, sorry," he bawled out as the sadness turned to righteous anger, he remembered what she did to Heath, what he knew she did to Cindy, what she had done, how she lied, how she falsified, the agony to he and his siblings, not just them but to the countless others, not deserving such ill treatment. However, she wasn't alone on this, no way, just like her; there were others who did it too to other children. "You know what, I'm not sorry, you wanted nothing to do with God, then that's exactly what you'll get, an eternity of that, eternal separation from God, rotting in eternal suffering, in Hell," George spoke as the others saw it with him as the Grim Reaper showed up!

"Your time is up, and your eternity begins," he roared out! "You defied God, you will see His face only once eternally burned into your mind, always before you, right before you do spend eternally without Him," the Reaper roared out as a sulfuric smell in an angry red cloud engulfed her body as her soul, spirit, and body, separated! Suddenly the evil Social Worker was hit with a deep, heart ripping, agonized look of tormenting fear, and endless agony of suffering without end when she saw the face of God, and then screamed in agonizing, terror, fear, wrath, and eternal torment, as she was swept up into the dark red cloud, and thrown down to abyss to eternal suffering!

"She's going to Hell," George bluntly stated. "I tried, I'm so sorry! Isn't there anything to do, we can do to…please," he begged. The Grim Reaper only sadly shook his hooded cloak.

"Don't feel bad, you did your best, in the end, she made her choice, she wanted nothing to do with God, so now she will have just that, an eternity of separation from the presence of God and eternal punishment for all her evil wickedness. She made families and worse yet children suffer, His children, suffer, I love children. So, I can't say that some small part of me isn't happy that she's gone to Hell for what she has done, because I'm happy she will be suffering for her evil ways, though the rest of me is very sad indeed that she is eternally separated from God. She started out well enough but she turned so rotten and corrupted and too far-gone engulfed in her pleasure of torturing families and kids and lives, to stop or to seek Salvation. She couldn't see what she was really doing, and where it was taking her. Her bloodlust and sadist ways were too strong too pleasurable to her to ever want give them up, that's why she never did, or understood what it was doing to her. In the end the Devil had too tight of a grip in her life, and she was even enjoying Satan's presence, rather than God's to ever want it, Salvation."

George felt peace and understood, "You, you're the Angel of Death aren't you? I thought like you were evil, or sorry, maybe not the right word, but like, bad or something, or, to be feared."

"It's okay a great many fear what they do not understand, but yes I am the Angel of Death, I am only doing the Lord's bidding taking souls to their eternal rest or in her case eternal punishment. Not to worry God is happy and very pleased you did your best to try to save her, your memory as well as your sisters and other brothers of her death will be a green one not a red one. Now, if you'll excuse me, I do have a soul to damn."

"Wait, can you, if it's allowed, if not, say so now, cause I don't know if it's okay to ask this of you, or to do it. But if it is okay, can you say hi to our daddy for us all, tell him we miss him and love him," George asked, wondering in his innocent ignorance if this was a bad thing or a good thing to do or ask. However he was glad he asked first as he got his answer, he was partly sure it wasn't, so in the end he was so glad he asked, and got the answer he did.

Joel piped in too, wanting to know his name, or at least say thanks, "Yeah and same with that other one who took us out of the orphanage, when we were little can you say…"

"No, it is not my job nor should I dare do so. I thank you for asking first, you were right to ask me if it's okay or not, but I tell you kindly in warning, it is a sinful thing that you ask me to do, so the answer is no. I am simply a servant of the Lord the Angel of Death to deal with the passing of souls to eternally, not the Mediator messenger boy carrier between death and life. Talking to the dead like you ask of me to do for you; is a sinful thing, and especially playing with such things. It can get you into a whole lot of trouble. However, if you want to do so, to ask that, or a give prayer of thanks, or to say goodbye to whomever, to deliver that, or a thank you message, to someone like that, you may do so by a prayer to the Mediator. He will deliver your message to them, whoever, and wherever they are. I am not Him; I am simply only His servant." The Grim Reaper explained the proper sinless alternative and with that left in the dark angry red sulfuric reeking cloud of death.

"Thanks for the warning we didn't know."

"Uh so who did you want to…?"

"Know how you had that déjà vu with the rope well there was this guy who took us all out of the orphanage through the window down in that basket. That's why the déjà vu, it did happen, I don't know his name and well I just wanted to tell him whoever he was, thanks, for not only calming my fear back when I was a baby, but recently, I could have sworn I saw him again, or I was hallucinating it, or see hearing what I wanted or rather needed at that moment. Whatever that was, an angel, or was just a fear induced hallucination, I just wanted to well say, thanks, to whoever he was. He was supposed to see us very soon, he said that, as well right before that phantom vision of him left, I don't get it."

"Weird, but yeah I think I do remember him too, now that you mention it. Oh so that's why that basket and rope seemed so familiar to me; I can remember a few things pretty far back, I guess mostly because it stuck out so much, to remember it. Yeah and I remember that he carried half of us to a safe spot, he helped get us out of the orphanage to our new home in the woods."

"Right exactly that was him; he took us out and helped take us to our temporary lodging in the woods before daddy took us to our more permanent one deeper in the woods. Do you want to know what the really weird part is, the order, it was the same, the order he took us out in that basket, is the same order, as we left, down the rope in. Talk about weird coincidental déjà vu."

"Weird," Kenneth says amazed, "but they do say history repeats itself. So uh…"

"Uh so uh, I guess he means Jesus, so uh. Here goes. I guess I must be getting better, I really like this, so uh Jesus just want to say heads up thanks for You know getting us out safely especially big thanks for getting me over my acrophobia helping me to remember, to be healed, and freed of that. We just want You to tell our adoptive daddy Jonathan, Jon Smith Tricou, thank you, thank you so much for making us a family, and being our daddy in the short time we did have with him, to show us no matter how strange it might be, to some, living out in the woods, what a real family was like, and for well, for giving that, to all of us. It was a gift we all cherish and never want to forget. Also, I don't know who he is, I'm sure You do know who he is, or I'm talk praying about, but that man who brought us out of the orphanage, through the window as well as the same one I saw a phantom like vision, maybe he's an angel, or maybe I was hallucinating, I don't know, what that was, and well, he got us out, and helped take us to the woods. Just to tell him, thanks so much, whoever he is, or, wherever, or for that matter, whatever, he is; angel or not, he was like an angel or You in human form, to say thanks so much. The Grim Reaper told us You're the One to deliver all these messages, so can you sign seal and deliver it to them please, and thank you from all of us, with hugs and kisses and love, and thank you to them, and a big double thank You, especially to You God, Jesus."

"Oh, Joel," Kathy cooed, "you can be the grumpiest kid at times and turn into the sincerest, and I say this in a good way, the sappiest mushy kid, I have the pleasure of calling my brother."

"Huh, thanks."

"Uh maybe anything else besides still keeping us safe and out of harm's way as far as anymore Social Workers and I'm sure George would appreciate lightning bolts," Kathy suggested. The severe thunderstorm that had seemed so vicious minutes ago, was still flashing and rumbling but had eased off quite a lot, as quickly as it had come, it seemed to leave, as it rolled and flashed and rumbled off in the distance, getting farther away.

"Oh I'm over my fear thank You very much God, very, very much, because now I can officially enjoy nature because You made it, and not be afraid of it, or at least not lightning bolts, coming at me, now that I see they come from You."

"George that's wonderful, I learned and am healed fully of my fear of being alone, I'm never alone, never truly alone, I always have God with me wherever I go, a home with God, no matter what."

"You know even when we were in the dark I wasn't afraid either, even when that something I was terrified of, did try to come after us. We have a Protector, I don't need to fear anything now, of something trying to come after me or us, I now know, He will be there to protect and see us through it, no matter what." Joel was overjoyed in all of this, but was hardly breathing having a hard time of it, to the point Quincy had to hit him on the back gently to get him to take a full deep breath. "Snap out of it and breathe, take a few deep breaths. It's not smart to cut off the circulation of life, bro, take a breath, you have to breathe."

Whimpering he choked and coughed a bit, quite emotional; times of stress, times of pain, times of fear, worry, anxiety, heck even anger, or injustice, even sadness, he tried to not let on about, that he should literally cry out or cy about, but until today had bottled up, and now even times of joy, he would always find himself holding his breath in, why? Usually on his own he would snap out of it and breathe deeply on his own and get over it but there were times like this he had literally forgot to breathe to have a hard time of it when he started. However each time he held his breath in no matter why or reason, he would hear a voice inside begging him to breathe, even if it was for a short 5 seconds or a very long 15 seconds, it would happen the voice. A voice inside his head and sometimes rang in his heart, called out and begged him, 'just take a breath, breathe, oh please, Joel, breathe, oh please, please breathe, live, oh please breathe, Joel, breathe, please breathe,' it would beg him, and it almost always sounded so terrified even to the point of death, as if he was somehow causing this concerned voice deep anguish or agony. Sometimes despite that reminder he would not do it, until his built in survival system kicked in and forced him to breathe and fortunately all those times he was with at least one of his siblings when he had had that none breathing moment hit. "Uhh-uh-uhh-unh-uh-uhh-mmm," and with a deep gasp Joel slowly settled back in to a normal breathing pattern.

"Why do you do that to yourself man, you're not swimming or breathing in any toxic fart gas, or anything nasty like that, so why do you do it, Joel, holding your breath in like you do?" Joel only shrugged his shoulders and shook his head, not knowing himself why he did it, obviously. Quincy, he, well, could only take a stabbing guess at what was really going on with his brother, "Are you sure that you don't like have asthma or something, like that? If you do, you really need to have that looked at, and get some inhalers or something."

Again Joel just shook his head, but sure that wasn't the problem, "I guess; I…forget to breathe sometimes. I've always done it. I breathe before I do pass out or anything like that. Some things just, trigger it, you know, like now, just happy and thinking how nice it was to remember my birth, as bad and traumatizing as it was, and be healed of it and to get rid of my acrophobia, knowing that's where it came from, that you George and Kenneth got over their fears, and we all learned something from it. I guess I got overjoyed I forgot again. But even though I'm so happy, part of me is always so sad, ohh I guess maybe a part of me is…sad I lost my mother not really knowing why. Always feeling it was my fault, maybe in the back of my mind, not knowing why she died, or really fully remembering, but you know, knowing still, and just not wanting to live, maybe because of it. Maybe it's simple as guilt that I don't deserve to live, why I do that. It might be anxiety too, who knows, but I'm not really nervous or anxious, but it seems like that the way I do hold my breath in at times. I know it's not asthma though, for sure. I think it's just guilt that I don't deserve to live, I didn't really, want to, a lot of the time, not until that breakthrough; and I still have that, holding it in, my breath, still now."

"Of course you deserve to live, I only said what I said, because I don't know, why, you were birthed to a teen mother, are you sure she was a teen?"

"Oh yeah, I didn't remember clearly at first but now I do, the memory of her face is etched in my mind, my eyes are hers I hear her whisper my name thanking God for me for making her a mother, and, well, that I was her gift from God, for letting her see her son's face before, seconds later," shaking his head again he stopped breathing and eventually choked out a sob. "How can I be a gift from God, when I killed my own mother, I feel like I'm an evil murder, or was her rape baby or was a mistake to begin with," gasping out he held in.

"Joel, breathe, come on, breathe, I only said what I did because that was the only conclusions that I could think of at the time, and I said you were no mistake regardless of your conception, how or why it happened, breathe. So don't beat yourself up over it, a lot of babies are born who aren't wanted, like me. Just because I'm a female, I was rejected so I was sent to the orphanage."

"Because of your gender, but why, that's so stupid, I mean girls get to give the gift of life, well aside from abductions to adult males, but that's beside the point, I mean how could they..."

"I could stay as angry as you are about it, but I forgave them a long time ago and frankly, I was never really theirs to begin with obviously. So for that very reason I don't want them, but I forgave the both of them. Obviously though with you though, she loved and wanted you, it sure sounds that way, from what you remember hearing. Did she look like she hated you at all?"

"No, but what if…"

"What if nothing, if you were, what does it matter? If you were her rape baby or not, you were loved and wanted, in the end, that's what matters not how it happened, that you're her child, she is your mother, it looks and especially sounds like to me, that she loved you she just couldn't take the birth, for whatever the reason."

"I don't even know who he is, I don't know if I should be angry or not," but as he looked deep inside himself his heart was not angry just saddened. Coughing out a phlegmy cough, "It's not worth it you're right it's not worth it, even if I was a mistake, or an accident, or well, you know, at least God wanted me. I can't honor her let alone her memory, and her giving me life, if I keep all this pain in me, regardless of how it happened."

"There you go, that's got to be the plain truth," Quincy agreed.

Joel knew what he had to do, in tears of pain and sadness he prayed and forgave. As hard as it was, he was given the grace, to fully forgive any wrongdoing, on his, or their, part. "I just…" there he goes again, holding his breath in, even if he was just doing it to try to force find the right words out, but they were already right there in his heart, he just had to open up his mouth breathe and say them, "don't know," he squeaked out, unsure, then shook his head, "I do know. Jesus, tell my mom this. Mom I'm sorry so sorry I didn't get much time to spend with you, I can only hope we can do that, together, up in Heaven one day. Please forgive me, if I killed or murdered you in any way, I'm so sorry, I know that I didn't mean to do it, but I just feel so guilty, that I did do it, that I killed you, that I was your reason for dying, or if I was your rape baby, if that was the case, if I caused you any pain that way, I'm sorry for that too. I want to try to honor you, or at least the memory, the little I have of it of you, that you chose to give me life, even in the end if did cost you your life." In an almost hiccup like gasp, "You must be saved and up in Heaven because I know only a self-sacrificing true mother would have done that for their child, like you did for me. So thank you mommy, for giving me that gift, the gift of life, even if it ended yours, or if I was the cause for that, please forgive me for it." Joel knew in that moment that his prayer had been taken up to his mother, that it was heard, and he got his forgiveness, the moment that the warm wind, blew right around his wet face, drying his tears, tickling him in a way, that he smiled, giggling a bit. He felt a deep peace about that that it wasn't his fault that it happened. He was feeling guilty for no reason. Apparently his mother knew and understood his reasons for that deep seeded guilt as well as anger and resentment he had harbored inside for many years. "She's here; she's still looking after me, I don't think she ever stopped."

Sniffling; "Of course not, not even in death you don't really, I believe, can you really end any of your parental duties, not completely, but I think for that part, that you're going to be fine now," Kathy smiled. "Now what about your biological dad, I think you…"

"I know. As for my biological father whoever or wherever he is, I don't know if he's alive or dead." Joel knew this was going to be much harder to do, both in the fact he didn't know him, let alone knew if he ever did, maybe he was, there, but he wasn't sure, let alone if he ever got to see him. Or for that matter, if given the chance to, if he wanted to meet him, if, he did do it what he thought he did. Or for that matter, if that somehow, wasn't the case, why he wasn't dad around? If he or they were simply fooling around, and made an oopsie mistake, anyone could make, why he wasn't at least around for the birth, or man up, and raise him after his mother died. In that last thought he found something, good, if it wasn't for that he would have never had his daddy Jon Smith Tricou nor brothers and sisters, maybe this was all God's doing, bidding, it must be, he wouldn't be saved, now, if the events were different in his life, maybe he would have never been saved, at all, if the events in his life at all were different than they were now, or for that matter his siblings as well. So part of him knew that he was one of the many threads weaving something wonderful in the big tapestry of life. Of course, the bigger thought came; maybe he would be dead or rather never born for that matter. The latter of course was much true, as it takes two after all. Still, it was still so very hard to do, to forgive, when he didn't have all the answers, as to why, so he knew what to forgive. He wanted to know if it was rape, or was he was not wanted, maybe he was dead, maybe he just wasn't being a man, and owning up for this, or whatever the case, that was the harder part, to try to forgive, something, he didn't know what to try to forgive. He again was doing it, holding his breath, again, those same words came loudly, 'Joel, breathe' it begged him to breathe, again, it was for the last 10 or so years of his life, that same voice, the same begging type of voice, begging him, to breathe, to let it go, in, and out, breathe, let it go. Maybe that phantom image he saw was the image of his father, his biological one, wanting to maybe make it right, to at least give him a chance at life. But no, that man whoever or whatever he was, never told him to breathe, nor did his voice sound anything like the one that begged him right now to breathe, no. "Oh I don't know who you are, I just know whoever you are and wherever you are, that you're my biological father. Why did you do it, leave me, or for that matter, why did you do that to mother, why, if you did do it," he whispered out, a bit bitterly a bit angrily, just wanting answers to the longing questions in his heart, begging for it, for them, as much as the voice begged him to breathe, again he was holding it in. It was a game now, game on, I'll hold in as long as you don't answer me, give me a sign or an answer! Stupid foolishness it all was, his mind would only give him the answers he wanted to hear, not the truth, not what his heart wanted and needed to hear. Regardless he was going to do it he had years of practice and could hold for well over 40 seconds and even over a full minute depending on how calm he was. Like a stubborn tantrum throwing child, this was his way of getting what he wanted, answers. Within a few seconds all his siblings could see what he was doing and needed. All of them took it upon themselves to loving in concern and out of the need to discipline him, swatted his backend, heck, even the big bright flash of sheet lightning flashed overhead and booming thunder startled him into gasping out as he fell to his butt from the startle and the swats to his bottom and started hyperventilating breathing for a short while.

"You fool what do you think you're doing," Rebecca scolded.

"Do you want kill yourself?" Kathy justly angrily scolded him as he sat there on his slightly hurting behind.

He wasn't even startled or sacred this time, but he was upset, and rightly angry, "You're gonna get brain damage if you keep doing that, if you haven't already."

"What are you thinking," Kenneth had to ask.

"You can't keep doing this to yourself; you're only hurting yourself by doing that, you're not accomplishing anything by holding your breath in."

"I just want some answers," he sobbed out throwing his sunglasses off and covering his face as he cried loudly.

"This is not the way to go about getting them if that's what you want," Quincy just shook his head not understanding his brother, how someone who is older could be so stupid or foolish.

"After the cops raid the place we can go in and get your files all our files, at least it will be a start. I had the chance, I could have taken them too along with Cindy's and Heath's, but I didn't even think of that."

"What good would it do me?"

"It might have the names of your biological parents on it, wouldn't that be at least something, at least a name or names."

"I could care less about that. I want to know why he wasn't there, why he hurt my mother like that, if he did do that, or if it was just a stupid horny teenager hormones got the better of me, oopsie," he almost chuckles, "why wasn't he around, why wasn't he there at my birth to stop that awful doctor, oh why, why, I don't understand why."

"That's the point I was making, I mean if your dad is alive you can try looking for him, to find out the reasons why he left, or wasn't there, or if he did do that awful thing, or not, why."

Gasp crying he was sharply crying; in a baby like cry, only this time the voice drove him mad. "Stop it, stop it, stop tell me to breathe, I'll d-do it w-when I'm ready to, so stop telling me to breathe," he gasped out, choke holding it back a few seconds then breathed out, as he continued to sob. Getting up and running off a few paces he fell to his knees, and hands, wanting to run away from it now, it was starting to bother him not helping him. "I want to go home I want to go home, now!" Again the voice told him to breathe begged him to breathe, "Stop, telling me to breathe," he mostly mouthed out. "Why do you do this, who are you," he whispered.

"Joel," Quincy asked putting his arm around him, "what is it?"

"Since I can remember I, I hear this voice begging me to breathe, it's always the same," he just squeaked out. "It's usually always the same, Joel breathe, please breathe, this time it drove me crazy, I just wanted to get away from it."

"Is it possible maybe it's your dad telling you to breathe, you know maybe you had a hard time with it, especially the way you came into the world?" George figured.

"For the past 10 or so years it has been the same voice, before it was…higher…higher pitched."

"Like a teenager's voice, not an adult's voice yet," Quincy asked.

Joel had his hands on his ears and slowly moved them up and off, something flashed a moment in his mind, he heard it for a moment a panicked voice begging him to breathe, a second flash and Joel saw brown eyes and a part of a face, then it was gone, "Y-yeah I t-think y-yeah y-you're right it w-was, oh maybe he was there." Shaking his head, "Why would I hear that or know that, if the change took place, why would I suddenly know or even notice it, h-he's never really been a part of my life, so why would I even know? Besides, it was so long, not like a few years it was well over 7 years before it the big voice change to a lower, voice, and besides why would I even have that in me, or have it period."

Quincy shrugged, "Maybe it's a gift."

"A gift, why, what, a gift, what kind of gift is that, that makes no sense."

"If you had breathing problems like you do whatever the cause or reason for it, wouldn't it be nice to hear a voice telling you, begging you to breathe; otherwise, you would be dead. If it wasn't the voice of your biological dad, it was or has to be the Voice of God or God through your biological one," Kenneth reasoned, finally getting it, hearing through his heart, and learning what that was all about now as he grew spiritually a little. "Maybe he is alive maybe he's looking for you."

"No why would he even bother looking for me now! If he was so concerned, why did he let me go in the first place? That makes absolutely no sense to me. Even if all this was remotely, true, why? In a way I guess I should be thankful to him, and I guess I am, if it didn't happen this way I would have never had you all as my brothers and sisters, who I adore and love so much, well, in that sense, perhaps even that we received salvation, maybe not directly but indirectly was the cause for it. Stretching it, as that might be, I'm just looking for something, redeeming, here. Even if he ugh, did rape my mother, I guess I can be just as thankful that he gave that part of himself and, ugh, as naughty bad sinful or what have you call it to make me. So in any regards," fully full heartedly wholeheartedly, "I do forgive him I really do; I don't know why, I don't know if he was there or not I really don't I don't know why. I do however forgive him for any sort of wrongdoing on my, or my mother's part, and well I do pray that he gets saved, if, he isn't, I would love to meet him, one day. So uh, yeah tell him I forgive him, and send him some peace. If this voice I hear is a gift, tell him I thank him for it, it is good, I c-could b-be dead. Tell him I also forgive him for not taking care of me, or letting me go, sniff, I wouldn't have had all my wonderful family I do now, if that didn't happen. Tell him I…," Joel paused and smiled, yes he did, he did, "I love him, whoever he is, Amen. W-we better g-go, before the other Social Workers d-do come, we shouldn't keep M-Mortimer waiting any longer." Joel chuckled as Kathy handed him his wet and mudded up sunglasses, he could stand a good washing himself, "Oh thanks," he didn't even make an attempt to try to clean them.