Chapter Nine

He finds his gaze drawn to her more and more these days.

He knows that he shouldn't be watching her in this way but still

Her smile draws him to her.

Her eyes make his search for her again and again.

So here he stands watching her while she talks to the other cadets, her eyes sparkling as she laughs, and he loses his heart to her all over again.

He knows he has to control his feelings, she's still his cadet and he's still her teacher, and there are quite a few months more until that situation changes.

But God, how he loves her. How he burns for her. How he spends every day waiting for the moment when he can finally express his feelings to her.

Then she turns around and looks at him self consciously, before lowering her gaze slightly, a hopeful smile hovering around her lips.

And he knows that whatever happens, no matter how hard he might try, he will never be able to stop loving her.

The only thing he can try to do is to keep his feelings under control until the day when

The day when

/

Dhiraj woke up, sweat pouring down his face, his entire body damp. Glancing at the clock by his bedside he saw it was only 4am, an hour before his alarm would normally go off. Dhiraj checked the other bed in the room but Samir was still sound asleep, muttering something that Dhiraj couldn't understand.

Rather than wake his friend up, Dhiraj takes his towel and clothes and enters the bathroom to get ready for the day ahead. Stepping under the warm water he tries to relax, tried to forget about the dream.

But the truth is that he dreamed of her increasingly often these days.

He doesn't know how but every time he wakes up from these dreams it is with such a powerful feeling of longing, that it takes all of his willpower not to walk up to her door and knock on it, no matter what the time of night.

Because just as in his dream he really does want her, long for her, burn for her.

And it makes absolutely no sense at all.

Dhiraj has never been the type to fall in love at first sight, in fact he's never been the type to fall in love at all. The girlfriends he's had in the past have complained that he always seems to be rather detached, as if reluctant to give himself wholly to the relationship and Dhiraj knows that they were right. There has always been something undefined that stops him from wanting to fully fall in love with anyone.

Could Samir be right? Could he really be in love with her?

It wasn't possible, Dhiraj knew that it wasn't. They barely knew each other, they hadn't even had that many conversations together.

And he wasn't the type of guy to fall in love like that, he really wasn't.

It was just a simple case of attraction, that was all, and Dhiraj could definitely control that.

He has to.

/

Hussein is scheduled to be on base for the next week but Asha and Amiya are heading out on a patrol.

"I know you'll miss us," Amiya tells him mischievously, "Face it, you don't have any other friends as interesting as we are, you'll be bored without us."

"Actually I was looking forward to some peace and quiet," Hussein replies, "When I can finally write as many love letters as I want without fear of you trying to find out who I'm writing to."

Amiya makes a face at him while Asha tries not to laugh.

"So who are you going to patrol with this time?" Hussein asks them, not having checked the lists since he knows that he isn't scheduled for any.

"With my new hero, Captain Kapoor." Amiya declares brightly, slyly looking in Asha's direction to see her reaction.

Sure enough, Asha starts choking on her coffee, and Hussein leans over and pats her on the back until she calms down.

"Since when has Captain Kapoor become your new hero?" she asks Amiya, looking slightly confused.

"Since he punched that idiot Rajesh in the face," Amiya answers, "That was the best thing I've seen in a long time. Why? Isn't he your hero? Even after stepping in to defend your honour?"

Asha turns slightly red, her mouth open. "I don't need anybody to defend my honour," she finally tells Amiya, "I can defend it just fine by myself."

"I bet you wouldn't have punched Rajesh in the nose though." Amiya points out and Asha can't help but start laughing.

"So the short answer to my question is that you're going on patrol with Captain Kapoor," Hussein says, noticing the man in question walk into the mess with Samir. Just as Hussein had expected the first thing he does is search for Asha, his eyes skipping across the room before finally finding and settling upon her.

The look on his face is one of such tortured longing that Hussein is suddenly glad that Asha hasn't looked up from her coffee cup because if she was to see him at this moment… then everything might be revealed far too soon.

But Amiya, looking towards the two men, has noticed and her expression has changed to one of nervousness as if unsure how to handle the situation. She exchanges a glance with Samir, who nudges Dhiraj and they move to find a table on the opposite side of the hall.

Any crisis averted, Amiya breathes a sigh of relief, causing Asha to look up.

"What is it?" Asha asks her.

"Nothing, nothing at all." Amiya tells her, but the truth is that she is slightly scared by the depths of feeling she senses from their superior officer for her friend. Such reactions aren't natural after such a short acquaintance, and while she's more than willing to tease Asha about it she also worries about what the outcome might be. Because if there is one person in the world that she is protective of, then it is Asha, and she would never want her to come to any harm.

/

"You were staring again," Samir tells Dhiraj quietly as they sit down for their breakfast. This time Dhiraj doesn't even deny it, just looks across at his friend tiredly. "Are you going to be okay on this patrol? I mean will you…"

"I won't be tripping over any tree roots if that's what you want to ask." Dhiraj tells him, trying to make a joke out of it.

"That's not funny, Dhiraj," Samir replies with a frown, "I'm honestly worried about you, I've never seen you act this way before."

"I can handle it." Dhiraj says, "I'm a professional, and nothing will ever distract me from my duty."

Samir hopes that he's right, because Dhiraj has begun looking across the room again, and Samir doubts whether he would notice an entire tree if it was in his way right now.

/

Asha and Amiya, along with another lieutenant named Akshay meet Dhiraj at the time for departure, and true to his words, his eyes don't linger upon Asha overly long, and neither does he greet her specially.

"Is everyone ready?" he asks them, and they move out, taking a jeep until the point where their patrol will begin and then heading off on foot.

Remembering his promise to Samir, Dhiraj behaves professionally for the rest of the day, not speaking to Asha more than any of the others and keeping his mind on the task. It is only after they are finished for the day and have set up camp that he allows himself to relax, taking glances at her occasionally as they sit around eating their dinner and chatting.

Asha is scheduled to take first watch of the night and although Dhiraj knows that he should just get into his sleeping bag and go to sleep, even as he sees the other two young officers doing the same, he looks for excuses to stay awake, to sit with her, to talk to her. He rearranges his gear until he really is sure that the other two are asleep and then comes to sit with her.

Asha isn't really surprised, in fact Dhiraj could swear that she's actually been waiting for him to do so.

"I'm sorry about the day before yesterday," he tells her, "It wasn't my business and I shouldn't have interfered, I hope I haven't created any problems for you."

Asha shakes her head, "Not at all," she tells him, "With any luck Rajesh won't have the guts to come back and bother me again, at least not for the next month."

"Well at least I could do that much for you…" Dhiraj remarks, "It's just that when I heard him talking like that, something snapped inside me. I can't stand that type of attitude."

"Neither can I," Asha tells him, "But it's the attitude that I've grown up with, that women are destined for a particular role in life and they shouldn't step outside of it. I wish that my family members were more modern in their attitudes but they're not."

"Sometimes I'm almost glad I don't have a family," Dhiraj remarks suddenly, "Nobody's expectations to live up to, nobody to disappoint, nobody to…" he had been about to say 'betray you', but stopped himself at the last moment, realising how bitter that statement would sound.

"Oh I do love my family." Asha tells him, "It can just be a bit frustrating at times. I had to fight to get this far and now they're trying to convince me to leave my career and marry somebody I can't stand."

"Don't do it." Dhiraj tells her suddenly, a dark tone in his voice, before he catches himself and lightens the tone, "Don't ever let anybody make you do something that you don't want to."

"I won't, thank you, Sir." Asha tells him, "And I did appreciate you stepping in for me the other day… it was nice."

Nodding, Dhiraj realises that he really has no excuse to remain awake, so he heads back to his sleeping bag, giving one last long glance at Asha before he closes his eyes.

/

It is three days later and they are almost ready to return to the base. It's been raining steadily since the night before, and they are all watching their steps carefully, not wanting to injure themselves on the slippery ground. Asha turns back to give Amiya a hand over a particularly slippery patch, grabbing hold of a nearby tree branch to support herself.

Dhiraj turns back to check their progress, and calls out to them, "Everything alright, Lieutenants?" he asks them, pausing for a moment with Akshay slightly behind him.

"Of course Sir," Amiya replies as she reaches the next safe part, "Just attempting not to fall down and ruin my clothes in the mud. I'm wearing my best fatigues you know."

A smile breaks out on Dhiraj's face, and he can see Akshay grinning beside him too. Asha tries not to laugh and letting go of the branch abruptly takes a step forward. But she hasn't been paying attention and steps onto a patch of unstable ground which gives out beneath her feet sending her tumbling down the hill with a surprised cry.

Amiya turns in shock when she hears her, and her shocked cry of "Asha!" is followed by Dhiraj's shout of "Lieutenant Dutt!" as he runs to the edge of the path to try and see where she's fallen to.

"Stay here both of you," he tells them sternly, a look of panic in his eyes, and then begins to make his way down the slope as quickly as possible, stumbling slightly.

And she had fallenand he had run after her fearing the worstand there had been mud, he remembered that much. The mud andher laughter.

Dhiraj shakes his head as if to clear it of the thoughts that have appeared unbidden, and continues down the slope, "Lieutenant Dutt!" he calls out, and then slightly more desperately "Asha!".

"I'm fine, Sir!" he finally hears a reply and sees her unsteadily getting to her feet a few metres away, covered with dirt, mud, leaves and twigs, scratches over her face and her hands. Covering the space between them in a few steps, Dhiraj looks her quickly up and down as if searching for injuries before grabbing both her arms, inspecting the hands for wounds. Asha is shocked when he reaches up to rub the mud off her face with his hand before turning her head to either side so that he can better inspect the scratches.

The intensity of his gaze on her as he checks her for injuries, the heaviness of his breath on her neck as he leans over to check one of the deeper scratches that is bleeding, make her feel terribly unsettled, nervous, wishing that he won't let go of the hand that he is still holding, that he will keep his other hand exactly where it is currently supporting her chin.

"Are you sure you're fine?" he finally asks her, "No serious injuries? You can make it up to the top of the slope again?"

Asha nods, "No broken or sprained limbs, luckily I remembered my basic training and was able to protect my body quite well."

"Good," he tells with a note of finality in his voice, and then without letting go of her hand begins leading her back up the hill. He grasps her hand firmly, helping her up the difficult bits, and Asha doesn't even think about protesting that she can make her way by herself.

She's shaking and she's not sure whether it's from the shock of the sudden fall, or from…

Grabbing hold of a tree trunk, Dhiraj pulls them both up to the path before dropping her hand, and Amiya hurries over to Asha worriedly and looking slightly guilty.

"You're alright, aren't you?" she asks, "I swear I'm never making another joke while on patrol again."

"It's okay, Amiya," Asha reassures her, "No harm done, it might've happened anyway, I should've been paying more attention to where I was placing my feet."

"But still…" Amiya begins to say before Dhiraj interrupts her.

"Lieutenant Chatterjee, there's no need to blame yourself for this," he tells her, "But we've all learned that we need to be alert at every moment, whether it's for the enemy or particularly slippery sections of path."

/

They arrive back to base by evening, and as soon as they've entered the grounds, Dhiraj dismisses them.

"Lieutenant Dutt, you need to go to the infirmary to be checked out and have those scratches cleaned properly." He tells her and Asha nods. Amiya stands at a short distance watching them.

"I'll head there now, Sir." She tells him and Dhiraj nods, for a moment it seems as if he's about to leave, but then as if he's lost control of his hand of its own accord it rises, and he wipes yet another bit of mud off Asha's cheek that she had missed previously. His fingers don't linger, and yet the gesture is still startlingly intimate.

As if shocked by his own action, Dhiraj turns and abruptly walks away, in the direction of his own quarters.

He breathes heavily.

He clenches and unclenches his fists.

It's just an attraction, nothing more, and definitely… he will not dream of her again tonight.

And Dhiraj knows that he's always been a damn poor liar.