When I finally pulled myself together and had groomed enough to be somewhat presentable I left the clearing. I didn't know quite where I was going. I didn't want to talk to anyone because I was afraid I'd say too much, but I couldn't bare being alone. I wandered around the junkyard, greeting those who greeted me, but never staying for conversation. Most everyone I encountered brought up the events of the night, and I must confess all the attention did feel good, but as I said I didn't dare engage anyone in further conversation.
The hardest part of the ordeal was figuring out how I felt about Tugger. On the one hand, I loved him. On the other, the feelings weren't mutual. But he had been the one to kiss me and there was something in that kiss, something I couldn't quite explain, that made me believe that it meant something to him too. On the other hand, he ran away without a word. After letting these thoughts wage war within my head I decided I had to know. I had to hear it from him. Whatever it was, I had to know the answer. Did he have feelings for me or didn't he?
I made my way across the junkyard towards his den. As I drew nearer I found my answer. At first I thought something was wrong because I heard what sounded like someone getting a serious beating, but moments later I heard Bombalurina screaming his name. He was mating with her, and violently too. When I'd first told him that we could hear the two of them I'd been exaggerating, but this time everyone within 30 yards of the den could hear them clearly. I should have known that's what I'd hear. I should have known that whatever had happened between us was nothing more than a mistake, and yet I had still clung to that tiny morsel of hope, that last ray of light. He wasn't like me. Sure he'd said that his relationship with Bombi was almost purely physical now, but that's the kind of tom he was. He wasn't the sort to settle down, and certainly not with a tom. I'd let myself give in to my feelings for him and now I was paying the price.
I spent the rest of the day alone. I only had one thing on my mind and I had no intention of making it public knowledge. I went back to the clearing to practice my magic, in the hope that I could at least give myself something else to focus on, something that would keep me from thinking of him, but it was hopeless. I'd be in the middle of levitating one thing or teleporting another when somehow he'd work his way into my mind again and I'd get caught up in the riptide of emotion and I'd wind up causing whatever I was practicing on to explode in a shower of sparks. Eventually the noises drew the attention of someone because I was joined in the clearing by Munkustrap. I didn't notice him enter the clearing so I don't know quite how long he was there before he spoke.
"Something wrong Quaxo? Or is it Mistoffelees now?" His presence startled me as much as his brother's had, and yielded a very similar reaction. Thankfully though he not only shared his brother's ability to sneak up on people, but his agility as well. "Woah! Not sure I deserved that…"
"Sorry Munk. That always seems to happen when people sneak up on me while I'm practicing." The projectile had toppled over most of the junk he'd been leaning against, and he was now walking towards me.
"It's alright," he said with a calming smile. "But you didn't answer my question even though, judging by the amount of destroyed cans, I think I know the answer." He put his hand on my shoulder gently and gave me a reassuring look. "Want to talk about it?"
"I'm fine, really. There's nothing to talk about." I couldn't look at him as I lied. It was hard not to tell him, but I couldn't.
"No Quaxo. We're not doing this. This isn't nothing. I know nothing, and this certainly isn't nothing. Tell me what's going on." He used his free hand to gently raise my head to look him in the eye. "This doesn't have anything to do with last night does it?"
"No, no it doesn't. I'll be ok Munk. I appreciate your concern, though."
"You're not getting of that easy. I know you normally go to my brother when you've got stuff on your mind, but he's… indisposed… at the moment." I could see him flush a bit as he spoke. "Then again, when isn't he?" I could tell from his forced chuckle that he was trying to lighten the mood a bit.
"I can't exactly talk to him about this particular thing," I said, turning away again before Munkustrap could see me holding back tears. When I finally looked back at him there was a strange look on his face. I hadn't told him anything, but he looked like he knew everything. "Why are you looking at me like that?"
He sighed deeply before responding. "I've had this conversation with quite a few, but out of everyone I never would've expected to have it with you." He took another deep breath before continuing. "You're in love with my brother aren't you?"
