Being around Tori has become exhausting. She's just inches away from cracking and I can feel it. Every sad look she throws my way puts me on edge. She's holding my secret and she can reveal it at any second. I plead to her with my eyes, silently begging for her not to say a word. And she never does.
I was terrified the first couple of days. I know that she's hurt and upset and if our positions were reversed, I wouldn't have done her any favors. I wouldn't have held back like she had and I would've taken any chance I could to completely humiliate her in front of the whole school.
But Tori isn't like that. Tori doesn't destroy people just because she can; she doesn't hold things against them for long; she gets hurt but won't lash out like I would. She's sweet. She's good. She's everything that I'm not and nothing that I am and I hate her for it. It would be so easy to hate her if she was a gank about it, but she's not. That's not her.
I know she's hurting. Even though Tori acts happy around our friends, whenever her eyes meet mine she'll fall quiet. She can't hold my gaze for more than a few seconds and will quickly turn away, acting as if nothing had happened. In those few seconds, I see how despondent she is. The brief flash of wordless emotions crashes down on me hard.
Honestly, I had never found Tori to be a phenomenal actress before. She was an accomplished singer and a breathtaking performer but her acting was a bit subpar. It threw me off completely when she switches from dejected to her normal peppy self within a matter of seconds. She has everybody fooled.
Maybe she's even fooling me.
Is she that good at hiding her pain or was she really completely fine with things how they are? Have I pushed her too far this time?
It wasn't unusual to wake up next to Tori but the lack of clothes was definitely something new. Her arm was draped over my waist and even the slightest movement caused her to pull me closer. It took a lot of effort to slip out of her hold without waking her, but once I was freed I quickly placed a pillow in my stead. I took a moment to watch admiringly as her body instantly curled around it and she burrowed her face into the silky cover.
I grabbed my shirt and threw it on unceremoniously, slipping into my underwear as well. I pick up Tori's top and bra and drape it over the side of my chair before heading down to make a cup of coffee.
Technically, I live with my father, but there are perks of him being a complete wazzbag. He was never home and didn't give a tiny rat's ass about what I did. Ever. The last time I had saw him was over a week ago when he stopped by between France and Hong Kong for business. Every time was the exact same routine. He would stop by to make sure his daughter was fed and watered, then would leave two days later with a few bills placed on the tabletop to keep me busy. Luckily, he also has never had a complaint when I racked up his credit card bill. Sure, it wasn't your typical father-daughter relationship but it wasn't entirely bad. In fact, I was lucky in a sense. I had never had to worry about other teenaged things like when Beck would stay the night. The odds were that he would never find out about Tori either.
Tori. Oh man, Victoria Vega. Her timid touches the previous night were so completely foreign to me. She took her time with every graze, kiss, and look, taking everything in and making sure I enjoyed every torturous second of it. From previous encounters, I had always thought that sex was a fast, careless act. In and out. Things were completely different than when I was with Beck. He was the complete opposite. He had never taken the time to just touch me so softly and once he was done, I had to be done; it was more of a race. But with Tori, she didn't even let me touch her, purely focusing on just me.
"Hey," I jolted a bit in my seat when I heard a familiar voice call me. I must've been running on autopilot because I was already sitting at the counter with my mug in hand. Tori's designated cup was also in front of the seat next to me.
The tanned girl had thrown one of my shirts on and it was haphazardly buttoned. It didn't do a very good job at hiding her whole chest but I was starting to think I liked it that way. Her hair was a mess and stuck out at odd angles from out of a sloppy ponytail, wavier than usual. She was ridiculously sexy, in a lazy way.
"'Morning." I answered after taking a moment to snap out of my thoughts, handing her her mug as well.
Delicate, soft, and now familiar hands brushed against mine for a moment as she took the cup from me and placed a small kiss on my cheek. My eyes instinctively closed and I took in a deep breath before she pulled away, trying to bask in her close presence as long as possible.
A brief silence settled between us, the only sounds were an occasional loud sip from the other girl.
"How did you sleep?" I finally spoke up, realizing that she probably wouldn't say anything until I did.
"Like a log." She said with a small laugh, turning in the swivel chair to face me. Her smile is deathly contagious and I have to fight against myself not to let one completely overtake my face.
"Well, you snore like a lawnmower." I quickly fired back, somewhat playfully.
"I do not!" She nearly dropped her cup with her loud exclamation, the milky brew spewing over the top slightly. I cocked an eyebrow at her seriously for a few moments before letting out a small smile accompanied by a chuckle.
"Nah, you don't. But you were knocked out pretty cold."
I could feel her curious eyes follow me around as I got up to get a paper towel. They watched as I wiped up the spilt beverage and they followed me back to the trashcan. It was a bit unnerving but I knew why they were following me. They were waiting for an opportunity, any small gesture to let her know it was okay to talk about last night.
I did my best not to give it to her. The ten minutes before she came down wasn't enough time for me to process how I felt and I didn't know what everything that happened last night meant. I needed more time to figure things out. If what had happened was just a quick screw or just another step in our ever-changing "relationship." With her gentle peck this morning, I felt it was safe to assume that it meant more than just a friendly gesture for her.
I knew that the words were just on the tip of her tongue, her face morphing as she was in deep thought.
"Jade." I nearly cringed internally at her overly soft voice.
"What time do you need to be home by?" I quickly asked, changing the subject. I turned away to walk to the sink and quickly glanced at the clock. It was just past 11 so the day was still young. I would have to do a lot of stalling to get through the day without this "talk."
"Jade." Tori called out to me again, completely ignoring my question. I could hear the chair sliding out from under the table as she got up to walk toward me. My chest started pounding and I didn't know how to handle the situation. I jolted slightly when her arm touched mine softly.
"Relax," she told me in her soothing voice. "It's just me."
I nearly laughed but managed to keep it down. There is no such thing as "just Tori" anymore.
Thin arms wrap around my waist from behind and she leaned against my back. Her gentle hands covered my arms as she rested her chin on my shoulder, waiting for me calm down.
"Are you okay?" Her voice floated around the hollow kitchen, echoing in my ears. I knew she was only trying to be supportive but it only made me feel more pressured not to let her down. The only thing that I had sorted out was that I didn't want to hurt her.
"We shouldn't complicate things." I finally spoke up, turning around in her hold. My hand cupped her face and my thumb stroked her cheek softly. "Can we just, let it be?"
A swift look of hurt flashed in her eyes, just for a fleeting second; if I wasn't expecting it I'm sure I would've missed it.
"Yeah, yeah. Right. Sure, of course." Her over agreement told me clearly how much she disagreed with my decision but she plastered a smile on her face and moved to get away from my touch.
"No." I quickly caught hold of her wrist before she could completely slip away. "Don't pull away from me." My brain went into overdrive, trying to figure out how to explain the crazed thoughts that were overheating my mind. My eyes darted back and forth across her face as if they were physically looking for the words to say. "I just meant, we don't need put a label on anything. Just-"
She saved me from sounding like a bumbling idiot when she nodded her head in understanding. Still a bit apprehensive, she leaned into an awkward hug.
"Relax. It's just me." I repeated her words to her with mirth. "Things don't have to change from before."
Things did change, though. Drastically.
Our playful teasing and harassment could no longer been seen by each other as anything other than blatant flirting. Our friends had even stopped telling us to lay off and just got used to the whole routine. First base was not a rare occurrence and our kisses were hardly ever chaste. On top of that, we were no longer bounded to the safety of her house. My house, my car, the janitor's closet, the bathroom, empty hallways, and the like had all become fair game. There were no limitations anymore. If the two of us were alone, there was a 98.7% chance that I was touching her or vise versa.
"Jade, you have to cut it out." Tori's voice was filled with laughter after I tugged her out of the noisy hallway and into the janitor's closet. My lips in a smile instantly found her neck and placed feather light kisses along her sharp collarbone. I failed to pepper her neck when I couldn't stop grinning.
"You enjoy it." I whispered into her ear as I trapped her between the wall and my body, my hands taking the liberty to slip under the hem of her shirt. The noise from outside thinning out as everyone made their way to 6th period.
"Jade!" She half whined and half tried to sound serious but I didn't buy it for a second. Her laugh made her voice crack a bit and I pecked her lips.
"Tori," I called back in her Sweet Sally Peaches voice. With a roll of her eyes, she gave in and kissed me back.
The small banter of our lips continued back and forth until it turned out into a small make-out session. My hand no longer rested innocently on her stomach but started to creep up to cup her through her bra. As per usual, once we settled against each other's bodies her hands went straight to bury themselves in my hair.
"Jade, seriously." Her voice was quivering and I let out a muffled moan. There was a small thump when she threw her head back and tapped the wall behind her. I covered her mouth with my lips as my hand gave a sharp squeeze, swallowing any sounds she made to the best of my abilities.
"Please, like you're not enjoying this." I grinned against her lips. My teeth boldly take her bottom lip and give a nip earning me a strong tug at my hair. Taking my cue, I slipped my hand under the cup of her bra. I couldn't stop smiling at the frustrated grunt she gave once my fingers traced her areola.
"Hi, hi!" My head snapped to the side when I heard the high-pitched voice coming through the opening door. I yanked away as quickly as possible, leaving Tori's shirt hitched halfway up her body and her bra askew.
"Are we having a siesta in here?" Cat's ear piercing voice sounded extra shrill at the moment.
"I think you mean fiesta." Vega mindlessly corrected her, still a bit out of breath and her voice deep with lust.
I barely had time to get my bearings when Cat's eyes started to suspiciously dart between the two of us.
"Cat!" I called out loudly, trying to get the redhead to look at me instead of the Spanish-speaking expert. Tori's perky left breast was still not yet covered by her bra and was attracting too much attention. I wiped my lip, trying to fix my lipstick as much as possible while Tori straightened up her clothes.
"What are you doing here, Cat?" I asked, my voice loud and demanding.
"I thought I heard your voices and when I heard your names, I knew it had to be you guys!" She answered innocently and excitedly. Her smile slowly faded as she looked closer at me. "Ew. Jade, why are you wearing two shades of lipstick? And what's wrong with your hair?"
I glared at her harshly and quickly tried to flatten the tousled strands. God, I loved it when Tori would pull at my hair with pure want and need but it always made me look like a complete disaster. I worked quickly and got my tresses under control but that didn't stop Cat's small observations. My head snapped up as soon as I heard her loud gasp.
"NO!" She exclaimed in disbelief, looking so confused as her head swung back and forth between us. Soon, her finger joined her eyes as she pointed between the two of us. "You guys?!"
My eyes went wide, surprised that she was able to put it all together and so quickly too. "Cat, wait. No!" Panic washed over my body and I couldn't think of any way out of this mess. Cat started tossing back and forth, trying to get Tori and me in her sights at the same time so she can read our faces. With her constant movement, she dropped her bag and books.
"It's a game!" Tori blurted out. I could tell by the small quiver in her voice that she was just as panicked as I was but lost in her little freak-out, Cat didn't catch on.
"W-What?" Cat's breathing was still deep in panic mode but she started to calm down from her little attack. At least she stopped fidgeting.
"Yeah, Uh," I raise an eyebrow at the Latino, "totally. We're playing a game."
I honestly had no idea where she was trying to take this so I hoped it wasn't as dumb as it sounded.
"Yeah!" Tori finally found confidence in her voice as she thought of an idea. "Every time we're alone and Jade says my name, I have to kiss her. And, every time she says mine … " her voice trailed off, leaving the end of the sentence empty so she could fill in the blank.
"She kisses you!" Tori gave a proud-mama smile to Cat's answer.
"Right, Jade?" Tori asked and looked at me with her chest metaphorically (and still slightly literally) out high. It took me a while to catch on, not believing that this conversation was actually happening.
"Right." My voice was loud and clear and I grinned a toothy smile back at her. Her faced dropped in terror as took a step closer. I grabbed her chin and tilted her face up so she would look at me.
"What are you doing?" She whispered to me in an alarmed voice, her eyes almost budging out of their sockets.
"You said my name." I grinned cheekily as my lips touched hers.
Tori was beyond terrified to kiss me in front of Cat and her body was as stiff as a board. I tried my best to coax her lips to move against mine but it was useless. I was eventually forced to resign and take a step back.
"I wanna play!" Cat's voice wiped the smirk off of my face completely.
"What? No, wait. Cat, you -" Tori tried to object but at the sound of her name, Cat lunged forward to place a wet one on her lips, successfully cutting the other girl off. It was short and sweet and over before I fully understood what was going on.
"Good one, Tori." I rolled my eyes and let out an exasperated sigh.
"You said her name," she looked at me excitedly and swiftly turned to face Tori with a small bounce. "She said your name!"
Cat jumped up and down excitedly in her spot with a wide, amused smile. She trying to look at the both of at the same time, her hair whipped back and forth. She apparently enjoyed watching this game as much as she did playing it. "You have to kiss her now!"
Tori's lips rose in a small smile and she gently leaned into me. "See, this isn't all that bad, is it?" She whispered softly against my lips.
"I love this game!" Cat squealed with excitement as she reverted back to her bouncy self after witnessing the small kiss. "Don't you, Tori?"
Tori rolled her eyes and pecked the energetic girl on the lips, complying with our new game's rules. The two of them seemed to find this little act funny and entertaining. I wanted to leave.
"Jadeee?" Cat asked in a singsong voice. The smaller girl's eyes looked at me expectantly and I shook my head.
"No. No way. Absolutely not." I looked to Tori, wordlessly begging her to get me out of it.
"She said your name." She smiled at me with a nonchalant shrug. I took memo to get her back for getting me into this predicament.
"One kiss. Just one. And, if you ever, I mean ever say my name again, I'll make sure you won't have any lips to kiss with." I threatened through gritted teeth.
I had planned for the kiss to be a small peck on her lips, but after watching the exchanges between Tori and me, she must've thought it was unfair. Her tongue brushed my lip and I pushed her away harshly.
"Cat!" I asserted, trying to get her to stop. She tried to kiss me again but I grabbed her ear so she couldn't bring her lips to mine.
"Jade!" Tori's voice came, chiding me.
"Vega." I growled back at her.
"Tori!" Cat cried for help as she tried to scramble away, wanting sanctuary.
"Cat, come here." Tori responded, pulling her close. Cat leaned up to peck her lips, still not giving up on the game.
"VALENTINE." I growled, warning her not to kiss the other girl. Cat happily and absentmindedly had the nerve to try to kiss me again.
"NO." I howled loudly and put her at arms length. "GO TO CLASS." I bark out loudly even though all three of us are more than 10 minutes late by now.
Cat shrank into herself and hid behind Tori. I rolled my eyes and just left the two of them there in that room.
Tori and I had successfully gone through the whole week without getting caught, I should've assumed that someone would've noticed eventually. We were lucky that it was just Cat, though. If it had been anyone else, it would've been a much bigger mess to deal with. Sweet, naïve little kitty Cat was happy with the absurd little excuse that Tori had thought up right on the spot. Although, I did have to watch her kiss the lips I had numerously claimed as mine a number of times and had to have her lips placed on mine. I guess that was the price I had to pay.
I had thought it was a great plan at first to stay under the radar. Cat understood that it was a "secret game" and that we only played when we were alone, but I still had to watch her kiss Tori before school, between classes, after school, and even doing rehearsals. Tori and I hardly got any time alone in the closet after that as well. Always eager to play our little "game," Cat was attached at Tori's side most of the day.
"TORI!" Cat jumped up and down as the two of us walked down the hallway from math. Tori was waiting next to my locker for her ride and since I had to promised to give Cat a ride home as well, we both had to wait for her to get out of tutoring. The three of us had been spending an unbearable amount of time alone together. It was slowly eating me alive.
"Mother freaking skunk bag." I narrowed my gaze at Cat as she pecked Tori's lips with a smile. I swear each kiss lingered longer and longer. I got a small sympathetic sigh from Tori when she glanced my way. When we were at school, Cat's lips were on hers a lot more often than mine were and it was starting to wazz me off.
"Cat, no more." I declared in a no bullshit manner, finally getting sick of this stupid charade. Cat being Cat of course, laughed and kissed me.
"ENOUGH." I pushed her harshly away.
Tori's forehead scrunched up and looked at me in fear. She was terrified that I was going to let the cat out of the bag, so to speak.
"Cat, leave Jade alone." She cooed to the tiny girl and opened her arms to her. Just as the other girl's bold red lips were about to land on Tori's once again, I yanked her back by her collar.
"I said that's enough." I snapped. I instantly cooled when I turned to face Tori. I couldn't tear my eyes away of her terrified ones and I pushed Cat slightly to the side. I didn't fight the urge to feel her lips on mine any longer. I closed my eyes and leaned into her.
Apprehensive at first, Tori's lips were motionless but once my hand moved up to cup her cheek she gave in.
Our eyes fluttered closed and there was peace for a few seconds. After the innocent kiss, there was an eerie silence that no one wanted to break.
"It's not a game." Tori finally admitted with an exasperated sigh. She was the first to speak up, shattering the awkward atmosphere and turned to face Cat. When I was finally freed from my stupor, I shook my head a bit and took a step back.
"You're not allowed to kiss her anymore." I proclaimed, turning to Cat but staying in position between the two girls. Cat's look of confusion was plain to see on her face.
"But why do you get to kiss her?" She asked boldly.
Tori looked sideways at me and gave me a weak smile. It was a question that neither of us could answer. The question that we had put off for the last two and half weeks and left in the corner, hoping it would shrivel up and die with time.
"Don't ask stupid questions" was the best answer I could think of. I didn't want to have to discuss this topic at all, let alone in front of the other girl.
"Cat," Tori's melodic voice was so soothing, trying to confront the girl in a comforting approach. Completely contrary to myself, she knew how to deal with people on an emotional and sympathetic level. "Jade is just special, okay?"
I hated how sweet Tori sounded, as if she were talking to a child. I knew it had to be done though. We had to approach her delicately if we didn't want her to freak out.
"Are you guys, like, dating?" She asked genuinely curious with not a trace of distaste in her voice, much to my surprise.
"It's not like that." I spat out quickly. Judging by Tori's reaction, it was much too quickly for her liking. "Look, you're just not allowed to kiss her anymore, got it?" I stated firmly. "Or me."
"And please, don't tell anyone?" Tori's voice was soft and gentle in stark comparison to mine. I always feel like a brute whenever we're together.
"'Kay 'kay…" Cat's voice trailed off dejectedly. "Can I still get a ride home?"
"Of course." Tori answered in my stead with a smile and a hug. I must've had a lapse of sanity because as I stomped out of the building, I grabbed Vega's hand in mine. Without resistance or a single complaint, she followed dutifully and intertwined our fingers, giving my hand a small squeeze. I couldn't help but grin to myself.
Once at the car, I opened the passenger's door first, letting Tori in while Cat compliantly and wordlessly jumped into the back. She must've been a bit shell-shocked because she was silent the whole way to her house, only to mumble a meek "bye" when she jumped out.
"Jade." Tori's voice finally broke the silence when we pulled up into her driveway. "Can we talk?"
I couldn't believe I actually thought that things could've just gone on exactly how they were before Cat found out. Things were so quintessential then. I hadn't been that carefree since before I could remember and now I have to deal with all this bullshit.
"It's either in my house or here in the car." She spoke up when I gave no response. With a loud grumble, I killed the engine and hopped out. I stayed a few steps behind the uncharacteristically somber girl and clenched my fists. My fingers ached to be between hers again.
"Were you jealous?" She asked quietly, shutting the door behind us and leaning against it. I looked around the familiar house and, surprise surprise, no one was home.
"What are you talking about?" I asked incredulously with a snarl.
"Cut the bullshit, Jade." She answered sharply but without malice. I was slightly taken aback by her word choice. "You know exactly what I'm talking about. With Cat. Were you jealous?"
Her eyes looked at me expectantly. I'm not sure which answer she was expecting, but I knew I wasn't leaving until I gave her one.
"What do you think?" I asked, deadpanned. I couldn't help but narrow my eyes at her. I hated how unconcerned she seemed as she just leaned up against the door. This isn't how we work. I'm the apathetic one and she's the one that squirms under my gaze.
"Why?" She asked, still not moving from her position.
"What?" I shot back. What the hell kind of question is that?
"Why were you jealous?"
I gave her an are-you-seriously-asking-me-this-ridiculous-question look. "She was kissing you…?"
"And why does that bother you?"
"You've got to be kidding me." I scoffed and pushed my hair back out of my face. I wanted to make my way out of the door and suddenly understood why she hasn't moved from her spot. "I don't have time for this." I tried to push my way back outside but she was relentless.
"Jade, what does it matter to you about whom I kiss?" She asked. This girl really wasn't going to let this go.
"You can't just go around kissing random people, alright?" I snapped, viciously. If she wanted answers, she had to be prepared for them.
"Jade," Tori tried to calm me, taking my hand in hers. I yanked it as hard as I could out of her grasp but she held on tightly. She placed a gentle kiss on the bridge of my knuckles as if I didn't just blow up in her face. "I won't kiss other people."
"What?" I asked nonplussed. I must've heard wrong because there is no way she would just listen to my demands.
"I said, I won't kiss anyone but you." She clarified.
"But," she continued. I let out a loud and over exaggerated groan. I knew there had to be a catch. "Do we still have to keep everything a secret?"
"Things are fine the way they were, why do we have to change it?" I argued.
"Clearly they weren't." She shook her head at me. "If we just told our friends, we wouldn't have to deal with another fiasco like we did with Cat."
"Things don't have change." My voice comes out firmly.
"I want things to change."
"Things aren't going to change." I protested.
"Things are going to change." She challenged back.
"Why?!"
"Because I want more than this!"
Tori's voice cracked and she looked at me with wide eyes. The expression on her face told me that she hadn't planned on revealing that last bit of information. "Jade, I don't just want to be your secret…"
I'm stunned, not able to find the words to respond.
"Jade?" Her gentle voice waivered as she called out to me. Her hand reached over and took mine in hers. "It won't be that bad, I promise."
I snapped out of my thoughts by the idea of our friends' reactions, of Beck's reaction, of the school's reaction.
"No." I state, making sure that my voice and conviction are crystal clear. "It's this or nothing."
I left no room for argument. Tori looked at me sadly and, to my surprise, shook her head.
"You should probably go." She said as she took a step away from the door. She didn't move far, making the decision to leave or stay that much harder.
After what seemed like an eternity of silence, I stepped away. "I'll see you at school."
I look around the Asphalt Café, looking for our friends. Vega is sitting at our usual table but it's missing the other four members.
"Where is everyone?" I ask, dropping my tray down on the table, earning a small gasp of surprise.
"Andre is working on a song and Cat and Robbie said they had a mission. Where's Beck?" She answered, not glancing at me once.
"He said that he needed to talk to Lane about something for his college applications." I answer sourly. I already regretted my decision to sit down.
Silence engulfs the two of us and even the noise from the tables around us doesn't seem to reach our table. I can't bring myself to eat and even Vega stopped halfway through her salad.
"You know what, I'll just go." I shuffle to my feet, throwing my bag back over my shoulder.
"No, don't be ridiculous." Her voice stops me in my tracks and she finally has the courage to look up. "It's fine. We're completely fine."
My bag slides back off my shoulder and onto the chair and I follow it back into my seat. I pick up my fork and knife and unenthusiastically start to cut my pizza into bite-sized pieces. I take my time with each bite but Vega doesn't start eating again. She pushes the plate out in front of her and drops the utensils on her leftovers.
"How are you and Beck?" She finally voices when I get halfway through my pizza. Of course she wanted to bring him up.
"The make up sex was great." I half snort out at her, wanting to rile her up.
It was a white lie. I haven't touched Beck since we got back together and I'm sure as hell not going to let him touch me. He'll have to do something hell of a lot more impressive than ask me out if he ever wants to get that physical again.
I watch as Tori grits her teeth. Her face becomes rigid and her knuckles white as she tries to keep calm.
"I had almost forgotten what it was like." I lie through my teeth with a half-smile.
I push. I don't even know why, but I push and I push, trying to get her to react.
"Yeah?" She asks, her eyes now boring into mine. Strong and chilling, she locks her gaze on me.
"Did you get wet at the sound of his voice?" Her questions come at me slow and intimidating. "Did you cry his name as you came? Did he enjoy your whines when it felt so good it hurt?"
A flash of surprise gets quickly masked as I try to keep a calm composure. I didn't think she would be bold enough to say anything in response. She usually just took the punches and never fought back.
A quiet moment surrounds us. I need to shut her down. She has to back off of this already.
"More than you can ever imagine." I smirk with a wink.
The final straw that breaks the camel's back, Tori whips her head so swiftly that her hair swings over her shoulder. Grabbing her bag in one hand and her tray in the other, she stormed away. I knew that I wouldn't be seeing her soon.
"Your place. Now." I storm towards Beck's locker, completely frustrated. He looks at me confused but follows my lead with zero resistance. The drive is quick and before I know it, I'm pinned up against the aluminum door of his trailer.
His grip is too harsh. I struggle to loosen my wrists from his grasp as his lips dominantly cover mine.
His face is too rough. I do my best to ignore the stubble that brushes against my lips causing a rash.
His hands are too demanding. I wince when he squeezes my breast sharply without any notice.
His body is too brawny. I feel no warmth or comfort as he presses his whole body against mine.
He's moving too fast. I close my eyes as he fumbles with his pants; it hasn't even been five minutes since we arrived.
I close my eyes and I can see her. I imagine the light, friendly kisses we shared at school. Her laughs as I nibble at her neck. Her bright smiles when she sees me. I hadn't noticed how dim school has become or how cold the night seems to be. I didn't notice how happy we were.
Oh, god. I love her. I love her and I let her go.
I hear the light breathing of Beck as he dozes next to me. The ceiling is completely dark and my heart feels empty again. The years it took to build something with Tori had disappeared in an instant.
I see her when I close my eyes.
A/N: LOOK IT'S AN UPDATE! Love me? Love me now? Yeah you do! Come on, give Courtney a squeeze!
Anywayssss, well, I'm terribly sorry for the late update. We got a lot of support from the last chapter with 11 reviews and a couple more followers! [And yes, I say "we" because "we're all in this together duh, duh… lyrics I don't know…" No, but seriously. I only continue this because of your support and I feel like we're all enjoying the ride at the same time. As lame as that sounds.] I messaged most of you back but I want to say thanks to the guests that reviewed as well. You guys are the best.
Also, I tried cleaning up the other chapters. I tried to fill it out a bit more, but it's nothing major. You don't have to read it again, but you can if you want. :3
I hope Tori didn't throw you off at the end. I didn't want to make her a pushover that just let Jade do as she pleased since she's not really like that. I wanted to show her pain and anger and I wanted to have her fight back. I really hope it didn't seem OOC.
Let's try to get more reviews for this chapter! Tell me what you liked, what you hated, how you felt about it, anything you want to say. Thanks for the love!
