No Regrets

Kakashi looked down at the sleeping face from Sasuke. The boy laid curled up on the sofa, while his head rested of Kakashi´s lap. He listen to the child´s calm breathe as he recalled today events in his head over and over again. He thought that Sasuke was ready for the academy. He had hoped so much that this would disstract the boy and help him to move forward. But now, he asked himself if it was still to early. On the other hand, Sasuke needs to go back to the academy. He was still a child and needed a lot to learn and can´t miss to much lessons, or otherwise the boy wouldn´t be able to catch up with his peers.

He sighed. After Sasuke ran away from him, earlier today, the boy had exhausted himself so much that he almost fainted. As Kakashi found him, the little one hadn´t made any protest as he had picked him up and carried him home.

The silverhaired Jonin hadn´t even the chance to talk with Sasuke again, because as they arrived home, the Uchiha was almost asleep. Kakashi sat down with the boy on the sofa in the livingroom. He had stroked Sasuke´s back in a calming manner and after some minutes, the Uchiha was soundly asleep.

This was a good thing, the child´s mind needed rest. The Jonin observed Sasuke a long time. He was worried. It was expected that it would be difficult for Sasuke, to go back to normal but he never expected that the boy was still traumatized in such extent.

His thoughts were suddenly interrupted, as he heard the bell ring on the frontdoor. He wondered who would visit them. He was glad that Sasuke didn´t woke up from that sound. He removed the boy´s head carefully from his lap, before he stood up an went straight to the frontdoor.

He was surprised that Iruka stand before his door.

"Iruka?"

"May I come in?" The academy teacher asked politely.

Kakashi stepped aside as he gave the other man a nod. "Sure."

He led Iruka into his kitchen, because he didn´t want to interrupt Sasuke´s sleep. The Jonin gave the brunette a sign to sit down, while he asked; "May I offer you something to drink?"

Iruka shook his head. "No thanks. I only want to speak with you for a moment."

"I´m sure you´re here for Sasuke, are you?" He asked, while he sat down on the chair next to Iruka.

"Yes I´m. Did Sasuke tell you what happened at the academy? I mean, why did he ran off alll of the sudden?" Iruka´s voice was full with real concern and somehow Kakashi was glad that the man showed genuine interest in Sasuke´s wellbeing.

"I haven´t talked about the reason with him yet. He was too overhelmed and emotional for a talk." The silverhaired Jonin answered. " He is asleep now, and I hope that a good sleep will help him to calm down."

Iruka sighed deeply. "Naruto told me that he and the others mentioned the massacre."

Kakashi closed his eye for a moment. He had already thought so, but he could understand that Sasuke couldn´t handle this well. Of course it´s a while now, since the tragedy but he shouldn´t forget that the Uchiha was only sevenyears old. It was still more difficullt for Sasuke, as for an older person. And even if he had expected that the first day back in school would be hard for Sasuke, he hadn´t thought that a simple remark would hit the child that hard. Today was only prove of Sasuke´s still unstable condition.

"I knew it would be difficullt but it´s way harder than I´ve thought it would be." Kakashi admited openly. "I don´t know what I can do. I´ve thought he is better but in the end he is still suffering."

"Don´t give up now Kakashi!" Iruka said and bent forward and placed his hand on Kakashi´s shoulder. "He is a lot better now but maybe we simple expect to much. After everything what happened... We can´t expect that everything will be fine all of the sudden."

"I don´t expect that." Kakashi shook his head. "It´s just that I was hoping so much that he is better. I thought that he could handle the academy. I only want to help him but in the end I can´t even appreciate for what he is ready and for what not."

Now it was Iruka´s turn to shake his head. "Don´t say something like that Kakashi. I can see that you give everything for this child. You care for him more as for everyone else since your team passed away. You can understand Sasuke´s pain better than everyone, even me. I agree with you, that this is a difficullt situation, but you did great until now. You need a lot of patience and Sasuke needs time. So much time."

"I give him all the time he needs. But I´m worried that he´ll be never able to go back to normal. That he is broken too much..."

Iruka offered him a small smile. "I think you shouldn´t be to desperate about todays events. Maybe it was still a little bit to early. Let´s give him some days rest now and then we´ll try again. Next time you can stay with him in class. I believe, he´ll be more comfortable with you on his side. What do you think?"

Kakashi nodded. "Yes, this is a good idea. But I guess... I should talk with him tomorrow properly. I´ll let you know when he is ready."

"That´s fine." Iruka said and stood up. "I´ll take my leave now. I´ve left Naruto at home by himself."

The Jonin stood up as well, as he brought the man to the door. "Iruka thank you very much for your concern and understanding."

"No need to thank me for that. Sasuke is my student of course I´m concerned with his wellbeing. If you two need something, then let me know."

"Anyway, thank you."

"You´re welcome." Iruka said and bid a good evening, before he left.

Kakashi closed the door and a deep sigh escaped his throat. It was a long day today and he was exhausted himself. But his mind couldn´t rest now. He was worried and disappointed. He had put so much hopes in that day! On the other hand, Iruka was right. He should have expected hindrances on the way. Even if Sasuke was better now, there will be always things which pull the boy down again. This is normal after everything what happened. It was...

Suddenly a loud scream resounded through the walls of their apartment. Kakashi´s body twitched. The noise hit him by surprise, but he knew who was screaming. He hurried into the livingroom at once. His visible eye widened on the sight.

Sasuke was still sleeping! He fought with his arms and kicked his legs, while he screamed! The boy suffered a terrible nightmare! Without a second thought, Kakashi moved forward and grabbed the child by the shoulders.

"Sasuke wake up!" He called, as he shook the poor boy.

Seconds later, Sasuke´s black eyes went wide open. He needed a moment to realize his surroundings. The child´s breathe was heavy and Kakashi could see how scared the boy was.

"It´s alright." Kakashi said in a soothing voice and tried to hide his own tumult. He was full with panic and concern as he had heard the scream. He observed the poor boy´s face, while he was still holding his shoulders.

The Uchiha´s eyes were filled with unshed tears and his cheeks wore a red flush. Sasuke bit his lip and breathed in and out. Then he looked down and tears began to ran down his cheeks. Kakashi followed the boy´s glance. He noticed why the boy began to cry, as he saw the boy´s soaked trousers and the patch on the sofa. During the nightmare, Sasuke had wet himself.

Before he could say something, Sasuke pushed his arms from his shoulders and stormed off. The Jonin heard how the door from the bathroom slamed close. He could understand that Sasuke needed some privatcy now. It was understandable that the child was embarrassed.

Kakashi´s own heart throbbed painful. He had a good guess what about Sasuke´s dream was and he felt the familiar rage inside growing. How could Itachi do this to his own little brother? He would never be able to understand this.

He went into Sasuke´s room and took a fresh pyjama from the dresser. He could hear Sasuke´s loud sobbing as he approached the bathroomdoor.

"Sasuke! Please open the door. There is nothing you need to be ashamed of. I´m not angry." He called, as he knocked on the door. "I bring you fresh clothes.."

"Go away!" Sasuke called from inside. His voice was hoarse from all the crying.

"Sasuke please, I want to help you." Kakashi pleaded.

But Sasuke´s only reply was that he should go away. Maybe Sasuke needed some more time for himself.

"Okay Sasuke, I´ll leave you alone for now. I put the clothes before the door, but I´ll go away. I promise." He said as he moved with away, with mixed feelings.

He sighed as he began to clean up the mess on the sofa. It wasn´t a big deal, even if he hadn´t expected to handle something like that. But after all Sasuke was still a very young child. But he could understand how scared the boy was and he was sure that the young Uchiha had dreamed about the slaughter on his family. In this moment, he hadn´t any doubt that Sasuke had watched the massacre. Otherwise he couldn´t be so broken like he was.

Recently he had thought that Sasuke was alot better, but know he realized that nothing had really changed. The boy was still full with grief, fear and pain.

The silverhaired shinobi tried to block out this terrible thoughts, as he continued to clean up the mess. But his mind was running amok and he couldn´t calm down.

"I´m sorry...:"

Kakashi turned around as he heard Sasuke´s soft and muffled voice from behind. The poor boy stood in the door, changed in the fresh pyjama, which he had placed before the bathroom door.

"I... I didn´t want it..." Sasuke sobbed as still tears were running down his face.

The Jonin shook his head as his eye softened. He stood up and stepped to the boy. He kneeled down before him. "Don´t worry. It´s okay. I´m not angry."

Sasuke squeezed his eyes shut and used his fists to clean the tears away. "I... I..."

"You was scared. I can understand that." The Jonin´s voice was soft and understanding and before he knew Sasuke, he hadn´t thought that he could show such a soft side.

"I thought... That he killed them again..." And the the boy burst out into tears.

Kakashi did the only right thing he could do in that moment, he pulled Sasuke into a firm embrace. He picked the boy up and Sasuke clung his fingers into his shirt. He stroked the dark hair, as he went slowly up and down.

"Shhht. It´s okay. I´m here little one. You don´t need to be scared anymore."

He repeated the soothing words over and over again. Until the loud sobbing went down to quiet sniffles. The boy didn´t let go of Kakashi´s shirt and he hid his face in Kakashi´s neck. As the boy calmed finally down, he brought Sasuke into his own bedroom. It was clear, that Sasuke wouldn´t be able to sleep in his own room today and so Kakashi placed the child on the empty bedside.

Sasuke curled himself up to a ball again and Kakashi wrapped his arm around the tiny figure, after he tucked the boy in.

"I can´t sleep now." Sasuke muttered.

"Don´t worry I´m here. You should relax a little."

"But... I don´t want to dream again. I don´t want to see this pictures anymore." The ravenhaired boy placed his hand over his eye in order to block the image out.

"Do you want to talk about your dream?" Kakashi asked carefully.

Sasuke shook his head and closed his eyes. "I only want forget everything."

"It´s alright Sasuke. But if you want to talk, you know that you can come to me with everything."

The boy nodded slowly. "My head hurt..." He muttered quietly.

Kakashi raised his eyebrows. Maybe the stress from today was to much for the boy, but as he placed his palm on Sasuke´s forehead he noticed that he felt really hot.

"You´re burning." Kakashi said more to himself. He had no experience with an ill child, but even he could tell that Sasuke had a fever.

"I don´t feel so well either." The little Uchiha responded.

He started to panic again. He had made a lot of preparations for his new role as a guardian, but in the end he hadn´t thought what he should do, when Sasuke would get sick. He couldn´t handle this! He couldn´t even distinguish if a simple fever was dangerous or not!

The Jonin felt the boys forehead again and he was sure that the boy wasn´t alright. But what was he supposed to do in such situation? In the past weeks, he had learned to comfort and care for the boy. But he couldn´t handle a sick child.

He sat slowly up as he thought what he was supposed to do. Maybe this wasn´t dangerous at all, even he knew that children got sick, sometimes. But what if this was something serious?

He would rather made sure that there was nothing to worry.

"I´m back in no time." Kakashi said to the boy, as he stood up and left the room. A second later he came back with a jacket and Sasuke´s shoes in his arms.

He helped Sasuke into a sitting position and put him the shoes on after that he placed the jacket over the child´s shoulders.

"Where are we going?" Sasuke asked and he fought to keep his eyes open.

"To the hospital. A medic should´ve a look at you immediately." Kakashi answered and offered the boy a smile. Even if he was worried, stressed and exhausted.

Sasuke´s eyes widened at his guardians remark. "Hospital? But why?"

The last time Sasuke was in the hospital, were the days directly after the massacre. So, Kakashi could understand that the child wasn´t looking forward for it. But he had no other choice. It was obvious that something was wrong with Sasuke, maybe only the stress but he wanted to make sure that nothing serious was wrong with the Uchiha.

"You´re burning with fever all of the sudden. I want to make sure that this isn´t something serious."

"But I feel fine!" The boy protested. His voice still hoarse from his outburst earlier.

"You told me yourself that you´ve a headache." Kakashi remembered. "And you don´t look fine either."

"I don´t want to go there!" Sasuke snapped and regreted it immediatly as his head stung and he placed his hand against his forehead. "Ow..." He whimmered.

"You see, you´re not fine."

"But you´ll leave me there..."

The Jonin smiled behind his mask. He could understand well that the hospital was the last place where Sasuke wanted to be now, but Kakashi was worried, very worried. Maybe the events on the academy, the nightmare, all the grief once again were to much and began to affect the Uchiha´s health. That´s why he wanted the child examined as quick as possible.

"I won´t leave you there. I´m only worried because it seems you become sick. A medic will check on you and then we´ll go back home. Okay?" He explained in his usually gentle voice, which he had reserved for Sasuke.

Sasuke hesitated a long time before he finally nodded. He didn´t say anything as Kakashi picked him up once again and carried him the whole way. The child was tired and uncomfortable and maybe this was the reason why he didn´t protest any further. The boy laid his head on Kakashi´s shoulder, while the Jonin holded him protectively in his arms.

As they entered the hospital, Kakashi wasted no time and went straight to the reception desk. A young woman sat there and looked concerned at the little boy in his arms.

Kakashi explained everything and the woman advised him to follow her. She brought them to the surgercy and a moment later Shizune entered the room.

Shizune was a wellknown person in Konoha. She was an really skilled Medic Nin and a talented Kunoichi and she was specialisted with poision. Besides Kakashi had worked with her together on several missions.

"Kakashi what happened?" Shizune asked and her look wandered to the boy in his arms.

"He don´t feel well. I think he had fever..."

"Sat him down over there." She pointed to the examinationstable and Kakashi complied.

The little Uchiha fought with all his willpower to stay awake. Sasuke was tensed because Shizune was a stranger to him.

Shizune approached Sasuke and said. "Tell me what´s wrong little One."

Thr boy gave Kakashi a questioned look, but Kakashi smiled and nodded, in order to show him that this was alright and that Shizune wouldn´t harm him in any way.

The woman gave the boy a soft smile and Sasuke seemed to relax a little . No wonder, she was a really kind woman.

"My head hurts." He answered finally.

"Oh poor baby. Let´s have a look." She began to focus her Chakra in her palm and placed it gentle against Sasuke´s forhead. "If this hurt or you´re uncomfortable then tell me, understood?"

The Uchiha nodded and closed his eyes. The Jonin knew that the boy was exhausted and wanted to be at home but he was grateful that Sasuke had complied without any trouble. The little Uchiha was such an sweet child and it was so terrible that he suffered so much.

Shizune was one of this medics, whom could examinane and treat people only with her chakra. Only very talented Shinobi were capable of this skills and Kakashi knew the boy was in the best hands now.

After she controlled Sasuke´s heartbeat and his lungfunction, she turned to Kakashi. "It´s nothing serious. I think he is coming down with a simple cold or something like that."

Kakashi let out a sigh of relieve.

"But his temperature is a little bit to high and I think it´s the best if he stays overnight." She continued.

The Jonin saw how Sasuke´s eyes widened at that remark and his tiny body went stiff, once again.

"You said you wouldn´t leave me here!" The little Uchiha protested.

"And I´ll stand true to my word." Kakashi said as he stepped at Sasuke´s side. He stroke softly through the boy´s dark hair. "We´ll stay here together, okay?"

Sasuke replied nothing, he closed his eyes and leaned his head against Kakashi´s chest. The child was completly exhausted and needed rest. Kakashi was aware, that the boy wanted to be at home, rather than staying here. But that he would stay with him, seems to enough to let the boy relax a little bit. The Jonin felt the boy´s forehead and cheeks and had to admit that he was still burning with fever.

"Didn´t he need some medicine, or something?" Kakashi asked with raised eybrows.

"The fever is a natural reaction from his body. Mostly the fever will vanish from alone. But I would rather observe him for this night." Shizune smiled at them. "Let´s go, I´ll bring you two to the infirmary."

"But it´s only for one night." The little Uchiha said, as Kakashi picked him up, for the fourth time this day and carried him.

"It´s only for observation. I´m sure tomorrow you can leave again Sweetie." Shizune smiled kindly to the little boy in his arms, but Sasuke buried his face in Kakashi´s chest and didn´t reply.

The woman brought they both to a room with two beds inside, but Kakashi wouldn´t sleep anyway. He sat the Uchiha down on one of the beds and began to remove the boy´s shoes.

"I´ll come back later. Try to catch some sleep." She advised Sasuke, before she left the room.

Kakashi put the shoes to the side and sat down on the edge from the bed. "Time to sleep."

"I´m sorry, I cause you so much trouble." Sasuke blurted out."The entire day... I haven´t done anything but annoying you."

What is this boy thinking`? Kakashi thought. He hadn´t done anything wrong. I feel sorry for him, because I haven´t seen how much he still suffered and I shouldn´t left him alone at the academy. It hurts me, so see him in so much pain and I wish I could take all this grief away from him. I was worried as he became sick all of the sudden. I had no plan what I should do. But in the end I won´t leave him alone again. It pains me, that you think you´re a burden for me, than this isn´t true.

The Jonin shook his head as he placed his hand gentle under Sasuke´s chin. "Sasuke look at me." He ordered softly and the boy did so. "You´ll never be a burden for me. Never. I´m really happy to have you in my life now. And I want to help you. I can understand how hard this is for you."

Sasuke nodded. "I... I couldn´t handle the academy today... I know you´re disappointed."

"No I´m not. It was my fault, because I should have known that your are not ready yet. Let´s forget today. Tomorrow will be another day." He said and helped the boy to lie down. "And try to sleep now. Your fever will vanish faster when you´re rested." He tucked the little ravenhaired boy in and patted him gentle on the head.

The little Uchiha closed his eyes but after a moment he opened them again and looked up at his guardians face. "Kakashi... The dream earlier... I´ve saw them... I mean my parents..."

"You don´t need to talk about that."

"But I want. I know I need to move forward... I ´ve understood that... It´s just... everytime when I think it´s getting better... "

"I know this feelings very well Sasuke. I believe I can understand you better than anyone else."

"So... you´re not angry?" The darkhaired boy muttered.

"Of course not. It was my fault, because I should have thought more carefully about your conditon. And I´m glad that you speak openly with me. After all we are a family now and it´s importent that we trust eachother, right?"

Sasuke didn´t answer. Even if he was on his limits and his little body was screaming for sleep, there was still one thing which bothered the child terrible. It seems he wasn´t entirely sure if he should share this "thing" with Kakashi too.

But Kakashi seems to notice that there were more in his mind. "What´s wrong? "

The resolve from the little Uchiha melted slowly away. He knew he could be open with Kakashi and he began to trust him every day a little bit more. "I... I was wondering, why I´m still alive... I mean, I know I´m weak but why couldn´t I die with my Mama and Papa?"

This was the most honest and painful reply he got from the child, since the boy was placed in his care. It was a good thing, that Sasuke began to talk to him about everything, but on the other hand, his words were so painful and it was difficullt to bear them.

Why I´m still alive? Sasuke asked. Kakashi had asked himself the same question, many times. He still remembered his talk with Itachi. How he begged him to take care of his younger brother. On this day he had never imaged that Itachi would kill his entire family. Only Sasuke was left alone.

Why couldn´t I die with my Mama and Papa? Sasuke asked and Kakashi wondered if maybe something happened between Itachi and the Clan, something that he and the rest of the village doesn´t know. But even if this was the case, it couldn´t be a apolegize for the massacre, only a explation.

But this were his thoughts. Thoughts he couldn´t and wouldn´t share with Sasuke. Not with this little boy, who lost his family in one night. Killed by his own older brother.

How could he explain this to Sasuke? The questions from the boy were reasonable. He would asked himself the same questions if he were on Sasuke´s place. How would Sasuke´s parents feel and how did he feel himself? Kakashi thought carefully before he gave the boy an answer. It would been an easy task for Itachi to kill his little brother, together with the rest of the clan. So why he didn´t?

Kakashi doesn´t know it and this time he decided that he would ask his heart. And his heart told him clearly that he was happy that Sasuke was alive. That he couldn´t bear the thought that the boy could be dead and that he didn´t want to think about that. The little Uchiha was here with him and he was gratful for that. Even if he had now so much things to worry and even if the task to care for such young an traumatized child was sometimes more as he could handle, he was glad nevertheless.

"Your parents wouldn´t want you to be dead Sasuke, neither I want this. They´ve loved you and they want you to be happy. They want you to be protected and to be safe. You´re their child and I believe that they are grateful that you´re still here. And I think the same. I´m glad that you´re with me and I would never regret my desicion to support you on your way. We are a family now and I can´t give you answers to all your questions. But someday, maybe we´ll find together the answers you were looking for." He remembered that he had told Sasuke similar words some weeks ago. But he would repeat them so often Sasuke needed to hear them.

A small smile appeared on Sasuke´s face. "Thank you."He mumbled. ,,I think I´ll try it with the academy again."

The Jonin smiled. "But only when you´re ready."

"Mmmh." He was to tired to say something else. Sasuke had hardly closed his eyes, as he falled into a deep sleep. Finally his mind could rest.

Somehow the talk between them had helped Sasuke. He had learned that he didn´t need to shoulder his burden alone and that Kakashi was there to help him to bear with everything. Kakashi felt relieved. He could tell, even it would always be a long and difficullt way, he was sure someday everything would be alright.

Sasuke needed him so much and he hoped he could always fullfill his promise to support the boy on his way. He wished with all his heart, that someday the Uchiha would learn to smile again. He could feel the connection between him and Sasuke and now, this child was his family. After all this years of solitude, Sasuke came in his life and changed everything to the better. And Kakashi hoped that he could help Sasuke to be better soon.

No matter how hard it was in the past weeks and no matter how hard it would be in the coming weeks, Kakashi knew there were no regrets. Even if he had still a lot to learn about children, he would do his best always and was optimistic that someday he and Sasuke would be able to leave all this pain behind.

Please be aware that english isn´t my language :) I hope the chapter is okay, nevertheless.

Thanks for the review and I hope you´ll let me know what you think.

:)