Hello,
Thank you ForeverDances, thesexychild, and AC for your kind words. CatalynMJ88, thank you for your detailed reviews and constructive criticism.
I'm sorry that it has been a little while. I've been sick and haven't been feeling up to posting.
I'm back though!
So, let's go!
"Charlotte, why did you leave me?"
"I had to Mother. You, of all people, should understand making sacrifices for the man you love."
"I'm not upset with you. I'm just hurt. We'll never see each other again."
"Of course, we will. Once I'm settled back in America, you'll come and visit."
"Dear, do you remember when we made the voyage originally to England? Do you recall how much I hated the ship? I don't trust them; it's just unnatural for something so large and heavy to float."
"I understand that, but you'll get back on one to see me. Right Mama?
"Oh, Charlie… I'd do anything to see you. Things are just too complicated for you to understand now. One day, all this will make sense to you when everything happens."
"When what happens?" My mother didn't answer; instead she put her face in her hands and cried. I raised my voice as I repeated myself, "When what happens? When what happens!" I was becoming frantic in my desperation.
When I awoke, my eyes darted directly to the edge of the foot of my bed. I was half expecting to see my mother still there where she had sat in my dream. Sadly, she was not there. Even more to my displeasure, she had not ever explained what she meant. My mind was still wondering and unsettled. I remained in bed staring at the ornate plastered ceiling following the swirling design with my eyes. These dreams and visions were so confusing. I could not figure out what they meant. I could only wonder if something had happened to my loving mother. Were these dreams premonitions, but I wasn't seeing the future necessarily; I could not wrap my mind around these strange occurrences.
I heard my named called meekly from the other side of the door, but I didn't respond. I was in a funk and being alone sounded nice. Lou repeated my name and knocked at the door. I sighed hoping that she would just be able to read my mind. Staring at the door, I watched the knob turn and Lou step into the room.
"Oh!" She gasped startled putting her little hand over her mouth. I suppose she had not been expecting her eyes to meet mine when she entered, especially, with not a stare so fierce and wicked. Probably, Lou was expecting me to apologize or reassure her that she was fine, but I was in a bad mood and just continued staring. She glanced about the room and fidgeted with her hands awkwardly. I watched her makeup in her mind to approach me. "Miss Charlotte, I thought I'd better warn ye that breakfast'll soon be finishin'. If ye were planning to eat, we need to get ye ready now."
I sighed, telling myself to get over my attitude. This girl was so caring and didn't really deserve to be treated rudely. "I think I'd rather eat in privacy this morning. Squeezing into a corset right now just seems daunting. So, do you think you could arrange for a breakfast spread to be brought into the sitting area for me?"
"Of course, Miss." She nodded her head waiting to be dismissed.
"Thank you, Lou. Just let me know when the food is ready."
"I certainly will." She spun around and hurried out. She was such a diligent worker.
"I'm sorry for being mean to you, my friend. It's Cal who deserves my rudeness." I whispered to myself, knowing Lou would not hear.
It seemed like Lou would never return with food, and I was beginning to grow bored of lying in bed. I rolled out of the covers and went to the window. Something about the vastness of the ocean all around me hypnotized me so that I could remain standing there captivated for hours on end. Cal kept trying to creep his way into my thoughts, but I refused. Instead, I preoccupied my time imagining how deep the water was and of the plethora of life just below the surface. I had once had a goldfish growing up. She had always amazed my younger self with the fact that she could breathe water. I remember trying to experiment with a small breath underwater once in a lake near our house. I had floundered my way to the bank coughing and sputtering causing my mother to get flustered in her worry. Eventually, I was able to explain myself and promptly reprimanded. I smiled remembering the look of panic on my mother's beautiful face.
"Miss Charlotte, the food is setup out here." Lou called to me from the door. Her voice didn't have its usual pep, and I blamed myself.
"Could you come here for a moment?"
"What is it?" She questioned as she made her way hesitantly towards me.
"I want to thank you for being more than just an employee. You have been great company and a wonderful friend these past couple of days." Her face softened at my words. I hugged her and beckoned for her to eat breakfast with me.
The spread of different types of food was more than I had expected. We nibbled on all types of different delicacies. My mood had brightened and so had Lou's. I played some music as we chit-chatted. She told me about her mother and father back in Ireland. We bonded over missing our mothers. Our conversation rolled on for ages until Lou looked at me sheepishly.
"Lou, what's that face about?" I laughed into my tea cup as I tilted it towards my mouth.
"It's just, well… I mean I understand my duties, but…" She looked around nervously avoiding eye-contact.
"Come on, speak!" I laughed some more, but was worried about what she had to say.
"Anderson is expecting me to meet him soon!" Lou blurted this out and then covered her mouth quickly.
"Oh Lou, you shouldn't worry. I completely understand." I shook my head and placed my hand on her shoulder. "I just need your help getting ready before you runoff."
"Yes, yes. Okay!" Lou's face washed over with relief and gained enthusiasm.
I drank my last bit of tea, and then we proceeded back to my room. I walked a bit sluggishly wishing I could stay in my comfortable nightgown all day. I told Lou to surprise me with what dress that I would wear that day. She chose a very nautical inspired white and navy vertical-striped day dress with a high lacy collar. Pearl buttons ran in a line down the front from my neck to my waist where a wide, navy-satin ribbon cinched my middle. The elbow length sleeves were loose, and I found that the dress flattered me nicely. The collar highlighted my long, thin neck which I felt made me look very regal. I spun around in a circle as I often did when pleased with my appearance and thanked Lou for her choice. She quickly pulled my curly hair back from my face lower than usual and secured it with large clips.
When she reached for the rouge, I assured her I could handle my makeup myself and urged her to hurry along to Anderson. She blushed, smiled, and gave me a quick hug before scurrying out after her beau. I watched her go and looked around the big room. I was completely alone yet again during this trip. I had definitely imagined this voyage going much differently when Cal had first approached me with the notion of traveling on the Titanic. Nothing seemed to be as I would have wished except the lovely ship herself. I sighed knowing that I was used to disappointment throughout my life. This was nothing new. I slowly dawdled with my makeup thinking about Cal and the incident at dinner the night before. His comments had really stung, but I still wanted to go find him. I desired for him to explain himself and his unbelievable behavior.
I rose from the vanity only slightly pleased with my work, usually I did much better, but today I just hadn't had much focus available for the menial task of doing my makeup. There was a more important and daunting mission on my mind this morning. I decided that I was going to find Cal and have a nice, little chat with him about his recent behaviors. Even so, another part of me wondered how things had went between Cal and Rose after the Jack Dawson fiasco last night. I made my plan-of-action and tried to figure out where I would find Cal now that breakfast was over. I gave myself an internal pep talk and began my short walk to his cabin.
I entered the hall to see Lovejoy standing in the hall outside Cal's door. His back was towards me, so I took a moment and paused. I debated in my head if I should just turn and go back or if I should actually approach this Mr. Lovejoy. He was an intimidating figure whom I had heard was once part of the Scotland Yard. He was tall, but his eyes were really what got me. Anytime I had been in the vicinity of him, I could never find a trace of emotion in his eyes; he was a rock. He turned, and any hopes I had of quietly withdrawing disappeared.
"Hello, Ms. Carter." His voice was gruff and had a slight mocking tone to it that I did not appreciate.
"Mr. Lovejoy…" I nodded my head and continued past him towards Cal's door. I felt his hand clasp around my arm, and I stopped.
"Where do you think you're going?" He had lowered his voice and his grip tightened.
"I need to speak with Cal." I struggled to free my arm. "Now, unhand me this instance!"
"I'm afraid that Mr. Hockley is busy at the moment." He motioned for me to return back to my room.
"If I can't go in, then you go tell Cal that I want to talk to him. I'm sure he will want to see me." I said as I crossed my arms defiantly.
"I think not. Maybe it's best for you to stay in your cabin…"
"But… But… No, I…" I stammered, but Lovejoy just shook his head and pointed to my door. Broken, I turned looking at the floor as I returned to my suite. Upon entering, the luxury of the room seemed ironic to me. It once made me feel important to be staying in such a room, but now I only felt like a discarded toy.
I paced the sitting room; the more I thought about my situation, the angrier I became. If Cal loved me, then why would he have Lovejoy stationed to keep me away? I was Caledon's lover for god's sakes. I had every right to be able to speak with him when I pleased. Fuming, I made my mind up that I would speak to Cal and would not be kept away. Lovejoy would not stop me. If it came down to it, I would scream and push till I made it through. I could only imagine Cal right next door cuddling up the Rose. I wanted to scream. I needed to let Cal know that this agreement was not working.
I marched to the hall once again. This time Lovejoy was on alert. He saw me exit my door, and in a matter of seconds, he had stormed down the hall and was hurriedly pushing me back inside my cabin. I tried to scream, but his hand came over my mouth. He was moving inhumanly fast; his strength overpowering. He shoved me into my room and snickered, "Now, just be a good little mistress and stay in the shadows." With that, he shut my door and left me standing dumbfounded.
I stood there blinking for quite awhile. I could not understand what had just taken place. Mr. Lovejoy's comment had stung quite a bit. I wondered if I should indeed remain in my room out of the public's eye for the remainder of the voyage. It wasn't fair of him to treat me as a worthless, dirty mistress even if that's what I technically was. After all, I had been in the picture first, before Rose. This was all too much to take. As my eyesight became blurred, I reasoned that I had to confront Cal and let him know it was over. I had to try to get to Cal one last time.
I threw open my door. Instead of standing guard in front Cal's door, Lovejoy was standing right in front of me. He rushed in.
"I knew you wouldn't take no for an answer."
"Please! I just want to let Cal know things are over between him and I."
"I can't let you go and upset my employer like that, can I?" He dragged me across the room and pulled out shiny handcuffs. "Now, you'll be much easier to keep track of." No matter how I struggled I could not escape. He clasped the cuffs closed, and I begged to be let go. He gave an evil laugh and left me alone, locked up, and in tears.
Okay, I wanted to give you all a good bit of action to make up for taking forever to update.
I'm staying the weekend in a beautiful cabin in the mountains, so I'm definitely going to try to get some writing done.
Review and let me know what you think.
:) Believe :)
Sincerely,
Courtney Daisy
