A/N: Thanks for the support and love for this sad little story. It means so unbelievably much to have you all on board, because it's not necessarily a walk in the parkt to write that story.

And all good things come to an end too - don't worry, it's not over yet.

There are two more chapters to come + an epilogue.

I wish I could answer all the reviews, but I'm having the headache from hell...but thanks to everyone who took the time to read and especially review...I'm so very thankful for all of you!

On with the story...enjoy.

Much love,

raven xo


MY HEART IS BROKEN

Chapter 7

Regina was getting ready to go to work, her mind set on the idea of going to try to talk to Emma in the evening when there was a thunderous knock on her door.

She answered it with an annoyed expression that disappeared as soon as she caught sight of an obviously distraught and heavily breathing David.

"Is she here?" he panted.

"Who?"

Regina was confused.

"Emma...she...she didn't come home last night and the kid's going crazy."

The brunette's face fell completely, "No...she was upset about...she ran off..."

"Regina, we already know that. She showed up at the diner, yelling at Ruby...but nobody has seen her since...and we thought...maybe she has come back...trying to find answers..." David explained carefully.

"No, I'm sorry. She's not here."

David nodded, "Okay. If you see her...tell her to come home..." He stopped at that because it sounded strange and Regina winced at the comment, but then he continued, "I mean tell her to come back to our place. Henry is worried sick."

He turned to leave, but Regina stopped him, "Wait, I'm coming with you."


By the time they had finally found Emma Regina had been close to breaking down.

Never would she have thought that she would be so worried about the blonde's well being ever again.

But here she was.

Emma had been leaning against the old well in the woods, a bottle of vodka in hand, soundly asleep.

And she had been covered in dirt, she must have fallen at least once on her way.

David had carried her to his truck and they had brought her to the Bed & Breakfast to let her sleep off her inebriety and to her own surprise Regina had not found it in her to leave.

Now that she was sitting in a chair next to the bed in which Emma was lying, passed out and unaware of her surroundings, she had time to study the blonde's face.

Emma was still as beautiful as she had always been, but she did not look as peaceful and innocent anymore. Not even in her sleep.

There was this sorrowful expression on Emma's face and Regina would even go so far to say that the blonde looked haunted.

And Regina was well aware what the reason for Emma's misery was, she knew the blonde quite well after all.

She had not been the only one with trust issues when she had gotten to know Emma.

The blonde had not been good at trusting either.

Emma had never been one to lean on another, had never been someone to ask for help if it was not really necessary, but she had settled in Storybrooke.

And she had made friends here, real friends.

Friends whom she had trusted, friends she had leaned on when things had been rough.

Ruby and Mary Margaret had betrayed that trust when she had tried to kill herself and they had not informed the blonde.

Emma must feel terrible and it was her fault.

Again.

Because in the end the two women in question had done it to protect her, maybe even both of them.

Protect them from each other.

It had been the right thing to do, but Regina was sure that Emma would see it differently.


When Emma finally woke up she was a bit disorientated at first.

But when she caught sight of Regina the events of the night before came rushing back and Emma wished she could magic herself away.

Of course she had no such luck and running off was out of the question, she was too nauseous to do that.

The headache from hell would not support such an action either.

"Maybe you want to take these."

Regina's voice had her out of her thoughts within a heartbeat. It also made Emma look at the brunette and she caught sight of the pills Regina was holding in one hand and the glass of water in the other.

"Thanks", she mumbled, grabbed the pills and the glass and swallowed what she hoped would dull the headache soon.

She also emptied the glass of water in one go, put said glass onto the nightstand and looked back at Regina, "What's the time?"

"It's almost three in the afternoon", the brunette replied after a glance to her phone.

"Oh God", Emma groaned and pulled her own cell phone out of her jeans, "I need to call Henry."

"I think that's a good idea, because he is worried sick."


Emma called Henry right away and told him to pack all their stuff and have David drive him over to the Bed & Breakfast.

Hearing that made Regina cringe, because it was proof that she had been right.

Emma felt nothing, but betrayed.

And that was never a good thing.

"Emma..."

But the blonde gestured for her to stop, "Don't. No apologies, no excuses...it's nothing, but lies anyway."

The hurt was evident in Emma's voice and it made Regina feel so unbelievably guilty.

Again.

"Emma, you have to understand that I thought that you'd never come back. That's why I saw no purpose in keeping you as my emergency contact...that's why nobody from the hospital called you in the first place", Regina stated dryly, aware that trying to make it sound "better" would be pointless.

The blonde remained silent for a while, but then she met the brunette's eyes once again, "When...when did it happen?"

Regina considered what to tell Emma, but decided that she would go with the truth after a few seconds, "About five months after you left...but Emma, you have to understand that I've been in a very dark place when it happened. Whale had told me that the...the abor...the abortion had done some damage...that I would not be able to...get pregnant again..."

A first tear made it down Regina's face, "Till that day I had that irrational hope...that...you'd come back one day...and we would be the family we've always wanted...but that day...killed that last sparkle of hope for me...and I got pretty drunk...and then I saw the divorce papers...and I...I just...I snapped...I wanted the pain to stop...definitely my low point...and I'm not proud of it believe me..."

She was crying now, but she did not care, because Regina felt relieved – kind of.

And Emma deserved the truth, would have deserved it all along.

"I shouldn't have left..."

It was barely a whisper and yet it was full of regret.

"Emma, it wasn't your fault. You left for a reason...nobody can blame you for leaving...you were hurt. I hurt you...it took me a very long time to come to terms with everything that has happened...but I got what I deserved", Regina commented sincerly.

"No! You didn't deserve this...we didn't deserve this...I should have stayed...we would have gotten over this together...we could be happy", Emma started to cry as well.

Regina laughed bitterly, "Do you really believe that? That we would be happy...that we could have gotten over me aborting our baby? Because I don't. We would have torn each other apart."

"Regina, I...I might have started over in New York when it comes to the job and I have Henry now...but I've never...not for one moment...stopped...to...to lo..." Emma wanted to continue, a sparkle of hope shining in her eyes, but the brunette interrupted immediately, "Please, Emma...don't. Don't make the situation more complicated than it already is...you've been so good to me in all our years together...you'll always have my heart...I hope you know that. But things have changed. You have changed...I mean look at you...you have a son now...and I have changed too...and as much as you mean to me...always will...I can't be in a relationship...not even with you."

Emma nodded slowly, "So I guess there's no way back for us then..."

And she sounded so very small, so utterly defeated and broken that Regina considered to forget everything that had happened in the last two years and pull Emma back into her arms and never let go again. Only for a second though, because she knew that neither could she do it nor would it work, "I'm afraid not, dear."

Right then the door burst open and Henry stormed into the room, followed by Balto, "Mom, are you alright?!" and Emma ducked her head in shame, "Yeah, sorry kid...I got a little carried away last night. It won't happen again...I promise."

He jumped onto the bed and hugged her close, "It's okay. But don't do it again...because you had me worried there."

Regina cleared her throat and stood, "That's my sign to leave..."

"Wait!" Henry exlaimed all of a sudden, "Thanks for staying with Emma...for finding her in the first place."

He pulled a single pink rose out of his sleeve, much to both women's surprise and handed it to Regina, "Thank you...for everything. I enjoyed our chats very much. And I'm sorry for lying to you...or not telling you the whole truth...but Emma was too scared...and I knew the two of you had to talk...I'm sorry for hurting you though. And I really appreciate the time you took to talk to me...to the both of us."

"Thank you, Henry. That's very sweet of you", Regina answered, her voice shaky, "And I'm not mad at you, don't worry, sweetheart. I know you wanted to help...and you even have. Emma and I...we talked. It was about time...I'll leave you to your evening now...make sure Emma stays in bed."

"Yes ma'am", Henry replied with a grin and Regina made her way to the door, petting Balto's head on her way out, "Have a nice evening, Henry. Emma..."

"Bye Regina".

The blonde on the other hand remained silent and once the door closed behind Regina she began to cry anew.

Yes, they had finally talked, but the way the conversation had turned out was not what she had expected.

Well, she was not sure what she had expected in the first place, but not this.

Never this.

Deep down she had hoped and prayed for another chance since she had seen Regina at the harbour, because she had become well aware in New York that life without Regina was pointless. Kind of.

No matter what had happened before she had left two years ago, she loved this woman more than anything, but Regina had made it clear that she had no interest whatsoever in giving them another chance.

It was over and it hurt.

It hurt so much that she thought she would lose her mind.

All the pain she had stuffed down when she had left Storybrooke came crushing down on her and hit her with full force, mercilessly drowning her and Emma realized that she had not even started to heal after her arrival in New York.

Yes, she had found Henry and she had "moved on", but she had never taken the time to heal, to work through the disaster her life had become once she had returned from that conference.

Now that she was back in Storybrooke, now that she had to face the truth Emma was not sure how she should handle it.

Especially since there was no one to turn to. Her friends had betrayed her and Regina...well, she could not turn to her either.

Not anymore.

That chance was gone.

"Mom, what's going on? Why are you crying?"

But Emma did not dare to say a word, she did not dare to tell Henry the truth.

Because saying it out loud would make it final and she was not ready for that yet.

Henry being the smart kid that he was had figured it out on his own anyway, "We are going back home, aren't we?"


It had taken Emma a while to calm down, but in the end she nodded, "Yes, Henry...we are going back to New York tomorrow."

She could not bring herself to say home, because New York would never be home, not to her.

"Okay."

He let his shoulders slump, clearly he had hoped for a different turn of events too.

"I'm sorry, kid. I wish things would be different, but..."

"I know, mom. I know. It's alright."


David had shown up with their bags half an hour later, an apology on his lips, but Emma had sent him away before he could have said a word.

There was no point.

The kid had ordered pizza for dinner and Emma had insisted that they would go to bed early, because there was a bit of a drive ahead of them.

Henry had indeed fallen asleep shortly after dinner, but Emma had been awake all night.

Her aching heart had made it impossible for her to shut her eyes and her mind had been on a roller coaster ride of its own.


Neither Granny nor Ruby were at the Bed and Breakfast in the morning and Emma sighed.

She had to pay for their room and had hoped to do it here, eager to avoid going back to the diner, but she was left with no choice.

After the car was packed they drove right over and Henry convinced her to be the responsible parent she usually was – which meant breakfast.

Ruby's eyes grew wide as soon as she caught sight of the blonde, but Emma did not even bother to greet her.

Henry sensed the icy atmosphere and ordered them their usual, ignoring the growing tension in the diner as much as possible.

Breakfast was a quiet affair altogether and once Emma was finished she stood up to pay their bill, because she needed to get out of there.

Out of the diner and out of town.


"It's on the house", Ruby stated when she saw Emma heading towards the counter, but the blonde shook her head and put the room key in front of the leggy waitress, together with a onehundred dollar note, "I don't need your charity. Keep the change."

Ruby's eyes grew even wider when she saw the key, "Em, what are you doing?"

"Not that it's any of your business...but we're going back to New York. What else would we be doing?"

"But...but I thought..."

Emma glared at her, "You thought what?! That Regina and I would get back together? Well, I have news for you...we won't. Some things can't be fixed..."

And the expression on the blonde's face made it very clear that she was not only talking about Regina.

"Well, if you really wanted to..." Ruby started, but Emma cut her off, "If I really wanted to?! If I wanted to...you mean if Regina really wanted to...because I wanted to...I really, really wanted to..."

The waitress shook her head in confusion, "This makes no sense."

"If you think about it...it acutally does. And now excuse me...we have a bit of a drive ahead of us..."

"What about the baby?" Ruby was reaching for straws now and she knew it.

"What about Mary Margaret's baby? Why would I care when you did not even care to inform me that my...that Regina tried to..." she took a deep breath, "That she tried to kill herself. And was close to dying..."

"Em..." Ruby tried, but was cut off again.

"Don't! You were my friends and I trusted you...hell, I considered you my family. I will never forgive you for that. Good bye, Ruby."

That said she turned around, gestured towards Henry that they were leaving and rushed out of the diner, because she felt she could not breathe anymore.


Regina was about to enter city hall when she recognized Emma's yellow bug, which was parked only a few feet away.

Her phone started to ring and caused her to jump, but before she could pick up she bumped into Henry, who came running towards her, Balto in tow.

"Sweetheart, is everything alright?"

"Uh yeah...I just came to...to say good bye", Henry replied with a sad smile.

"Good bye?" Regina was hoping that she had heard wrong.

Henry shrugged, "Emma and I are going back to New York."

"Oh."

Her heart dropped and a wave of pain hit her unexpectantly, but Regina recovered quickly, "Well, you have school...of course you have to go back home."

God, how much it stung to call another place than Storybrooke home, but that was the thing.

This was not Emma's home anymore.

"When are you leaving?"

"Any minute now", the boy replied, "Emma should be here in a sec."

Regina felt dizzy.

They would leave right now?

"I wish things would be different...you know..." Henry admitted, "I wish you and Emma would be okay...but things can't be forced. I'm aware of that. We would have made an awesome family though...I'll really miss you, Regina."

That said he hugged her and Regina was too surprised to do or say anything at all.

Henry had thought about them being a family?

"Henry, are you ready?"

Emma's voice pulled Regina out of her thoughts and the brunette turned around just to meet the blonde's gaze.

"Regina..."

"Uh...I'll wait in the car...good bye, Regina", Henry said, hugged the brunette once again and headed for the car, the dog right next to him.

Both women stood in silence for a while before Regina broke it, "So, you are going back to New York, huh?"

"Yes. Yes we are", Emma replied weakly, "I've realized that...there's nothing here for me anymore. And I think it wouldn't be helpful if we stayed...and you and I...if we would bump into each other all the time. I know I couldn't...handle it."

"Emma, I'm sorry...you don't have to leave because of me. If you want to stay...I'm sure we can...we can work something out", Regina suggested, but was aware how stupid of an idea that was.

The blonde shook her head, "I really appreciate the offer, Regina...but it would never work. I'm sure you know that...that would be like being stuck in purgatory...we can't go back, but can't go forward either. It would only damage us further."

"I know", Regina dropped her gaze, "What are you going to do back in New York? Henry mentioned something about your boss moving to Europe..."

Emma shrugged, "Well, I guess I'll go back to bounty hunting..."

The brunette cringed.

She had never liked Emma's job, had always worried for the blonde's safety. And even if their ways would part for good now she did not like it.

"Hey, it's what I'm acutally good at. And it pays the bills. I'll be more careful because of the kid anyway..." Emma tried to sound convincing, but was not sure about her success by the worried expression on Regina's face.

"It was good seeing you, Emma. And it was good that we talked...maybe that will allow us to move on now...because I want for you to be happy", Regina stated sincerely.

"I want you to be happy too...I hope you know that. I wish I would be the one to make you happy..." Emma replied and wiped a tear off her cheek.

"The time we had together has been the happiest of my life...don't blame yourself, Emma. This is not about you...this is about me. You've always been enough...I am the problem here...I can barely keep my life together as it is...I could never take on the responsibility for another person...or a family...all I hope is that you can find it in your heart to forgive me...one day. For everything."

Emma managed a small smile, "I've forgiven you long ago...but I only realized that recently. I think the problem is that you have to forgive yourself."

"I don't know that I can..." Regina answered sadly.

"You have to try. Good bye, Regina."

"Good bye, Emma."

The blonde hesitated for a moment, debated whether she should hug the brunette one last time, but came to the conclusion that she would never leave if she did.

And so she nodded, turned around and got into her car.

"Can we come back some day?" Henry wanted to know before Emma could start the engine, "I don't think so, kid. And if...then clearly not anytime soon."


As they drove off Emma took a last look into the rearview mirror and watched as Ruby ran towards Regina, pulling the brunette into her arms as soon as she reached her.

Watched as Regina clung to Ruby as if she would be her lifeline.

It was that moment that Emma knew that Regina would be okay.

She also knew that she should have come back earlier.

She had waited too long.