((AN: ty to all teh commetters who gave me instructiv critism. i used ur ideas :))

This d'ark morning in space, I, Tali'Zorah D'arkness vas Neema, visited my friend Kathryn Niss. She was back alive because half-asaris can't die by space, and also she was back with Garrus because she is really pretty and the perfect woman for him no one else. But not as sexxi as me.

Kathryn Niss saw me, and her eyes lit up like sparkly fountains of angst and she screamed, "TALI! GOOD TO SEE YA, GURL!"

Then I was like "OMG how was your vacation on Omega?"

"Awesome! I bought awesome purses and awesome goffic leggings and awesome hello kitty barrettes! Also, I had sex with Garrus like a million times because he loves me and then he proposed!"

"OOOOOMMMMMMGGGGGGG!"

"I KNOW, RIGHT?!"

"GARRUS LEFT THE NORMANDY?!"

"YEAH AND THEN HE PROPOSED!"

"OMG!1!1!11!1!"

So then I went to the elevator to eat breakfast. Five... four... three... two... one... zero. And I was on the crew deck. I asked the chef dude to get me some quarian food and he was like, "Anything for you, babealicious," and he gave me some turian froot luips with Saren's blood instead of milk because he totally knows what I like because I am so hotniss.

So I ate my cereal in the medbay and Chakwas was there. I was so excited because Katy was getting married so I told her all about the wedding. Chakwas drank a lot but she sometimes listened and she said that Katy needed a dress! So we went to Thessia because there are lots of asar there, and asari are hot and Katy is half-asari and was born on Thessia. Also, they have really goffic d'ark dresses there and the asaris are totally non-preppish there, unlike on Omega.

Garrus didn't come with us because it's bad luck to see the bride before the wedding. (AN: das wat my mam sais) Also, Katy and I shopped for like a bunch of dresses, before we found the perfect one.

It glittered against the d'ark backdrop of space like a red giant star about to explode and kill millions, gorgeous, soothing and the picture image lol of gofficness. Katy literally cried after she laid eyes on it, and the asar helping us went blind due to the sheer beauty. Obviously, it would look much sexier on my hot quarian bod, but it was Katy's day, so I'd let her wear it. At least for her wedding.

Then, we went to the most fabulous quarian hairstylist in all of Rannoch, because I had already defeated the geth and was now queen of Rannoch. His name was Kal'Reegar, and he was not as sexxi as me, because I have beautiful feminine curves like the virgin Mary. Anyway, he did Katy's hair and it was totally awesome and pretty. She had all different colored streaks like red, purple, and blue, in her brown hair, and it was all curly and also it had glitter in it. She looked almost as scene as me. But not as sexxi.

After Katy got her hair done, she went to do makeup and choose tablecloths and stuff, but I left Kasumi in charge of that because I had to get ready for the wedding!

I raided SexyShepard's closet because she has the sexxiest wedding clothes. Duh. I was going to wear a bridesmaid's dress, but Katy said I was a super special maid of honor and could wear whatever I want. It was a hard decision because I couldn't decide what to wear on the most important day of Katy's life. And also I had to look way hotter than her, which isn't that hard, but I had to be sure.

I put on a gorgeous twisted steampunk ensemble, with a tight, whalebone corset, a wide, frilly skirt that cut off at the mid-thigh at the front and flowed down to the ground at the back, a black bat pocket-watch that I kept in my cleavage, leather stiletto boots that came up above my knees, a miniature mad-hat with a gothic spider design, floofy victorian sleeves with a lot of goffic, blood-red lace, a silk garter with bows and lace, leather, fingerless gloves, long, black 9-inch nails (AN: GEDDIT? cuz teh band), a nose-piercing with a dark gargoyle on it that reminded me of my past sins, a goffic n7 tattoo that reminded me never to repeat those sins, black eyeliner that runs down my cheeks like tears, dark red lipstick that glistens and will be extra sexy on the neck of a man or especially Shepard, long ripped fishnet stockings, a super sexy lace triple D bra that is see-through and gorgeous victoria's sexret underwear. Then I put my most sexiest suit on top, not to steal the show from my bestie.

I was almost ready to go, when I heard a super secret knock on Shepard's door. I sighed dramatically because someone was interrupting my wedding preparations, and I hate it when people interrupt me, so I cried a little. Then I flung open the door sexily and who was standing there...

HOT KAID'N ALENKO.

Not last night, I had fled dramatically away from him, and now he was running back into my arms! But he didn't look happy to see me, in fact he looked rather brooding and quite chagrin. He was robed in a sexy, clean cut, tight suit for the wedding because he was Garrus' best man. Which was a coincidence because I was the maid of honor.

"What are you doing here?" I snapped in a vicious yet sexxy manner.

In a flash, he looked sheepish and his face went red. But then he was all manly and straightened up and rolled his eyes. "Nothing," he said casually yet soothingly. "What are you doing here?"

"I am getting changed," I replied nonchalantly and sexily.

Kaid'n blushed kawaiily again. "Well, I'll just go get ready for the wedding then."

In a flash, I realized what was happening as the wheels clicked in my smart science brain! My mind reeled and my quarian lips curled into a dazzling scowl. My complexion remained fair and beautiful, but I was angry on the inside. Truly, bubblingly angry like a cauldron of steam that wanted to burn Kaid'n's hot face.

"You... YOU FLAMING TROLLOP!" I screamed! I was so mad!

Kaid'n looked furtive and confused, yet soothing. His eyes dropped to the floor as he thought about my words, because he was confused because he is not as smart as me.

"OMG YOU PRAVERT! I HATE YOU SO MUCH!" I screamed, but this time I threw my sparkly diamond hairbrush at his face. He dodged it expertly because he was so manly, but I could barely see because tears of b'lood were forming in my emerald eyes. Kaid'n started to back away as I screamed some more at him and threw other precious jewels at his face and also razor blades because I hate him!

He left the room as fast as he could. I was going to follow him, crying, but I realized that I had ruined my mascara and I had to fix it because the wedding was only an hour away. I did my makeup really fast because I couldn't stand the thought of Shepard coming into her room and seeing me like this. Also, because I knew what she had done with Kaid'n and I started crying more, but luckily I had put on waterproof mascara.

I almost tore up my clothes because Shepard wore them, but I didn't because they looked too dazzling on my hot quarian bod. So instead, I stole all of Shepard's sexxiest dresses, and poured bright pink nail polish on the rest. Then I looked at myself one last time in Shepard's wrought-iron mirror. It was very poetic. I looked like a d'ark angel, risen up from the grave to avenge those who had hurt me so much. My tears were my strength. I tried to feel happy for Katy and Garrus, but my world was a d'ark abyss, and I couldn't find happiness anywhere, so I slit my wrists. Then I remembered how Kaid'n had called me his d'ark angel, and I cried some more. Then I went to the wedding.

I drove the M-44 Hammerhead to the wedding, because I am an awesome driver and way better at driving than Shepard. Diabolo came with me because she could see the pain in my heart and knew she could console me.

"Bromisizzle, it's alright," she said consolatorily.

I cried into her shoulder. "Diabolo, you are my only friend," I said, because Katy and Kasumi were too busy with the wedding. "I'm so glad I can count on you."

"I'm here for you, broskillet."

"TY," I replied.

Then we got to the wedding. There were lots of lights and flowers and pretty curtains and tablecloths and such, but they were all goffic. The color scheme was black and red, and all of the flowers had spiders on them and there was blood dripping from the tops of the curtains. There was a giant fountain of blood fondue in the middle of the hall. Saren's blood. Also, the chef dude was there greeting people at the door because he was going to give Katy away, because her real parents died in the war against the Reapers.

I ate a bunch of blood fondue as comfort food to calm the rage I felt toward Kaid'n, but luckily I didn't gain any weight because I have a great health, and I still looked super sexxi in my maid of honor dress. Then I went to meet the other bridesmaids, who were Diabolo and Kasumi and Samara because she's an asar and she has a great figure so she rounded out the wedding party. (AN: Because Diabolo is flat-chested and totally not sexy) The bridesmaids got into their dresses, which were blood red with lace and leather and also fur and corsets.

Before I walked up the aisle, I glanced at the audience, filled with family and friends and Normandy crew members. I knew I would see her, and there she was. Shepard. Looking as gorgeous as ever, sitting at the front of the hall, being happy for Garrus and Katy even though she was a traitor. I knew I could never be as good as her. I could never feel truly happy for Garrus and Katy when there was so much eating at my quarian soul. Shepard was so sexy and thoughtful... my idol.

Then the music started to play and I got to walk down the aisle first because I was such a babe and everyone wanted to look at me for as long as possible. I wiped a stray tear from my eye. I wasn't sure if it was happiness or depression or a mixture of both, because Katy was getting married but my life was crumbling before my beautiful sapphire eyes. The bridesmaids followed me after a short pause, then the groomsmen, who were Thane and Grunt and... Hot Kaid'n Alenko. My eyes were slits when he came in, and I glared at him viciously and madly. Then the groom walked up the aisle, because he is pretty charismatic and needs to have a moment too. Garrus was looking dashing in a turian suit made of real batarian leather, and his waist looked tiny and handsome and turian women gasped on either side and were jealous, because my BFF was with him.

Suddenly, the bride walked in, linking arms with the chef dude. Katy looked dazzling and pretty and goffic. Her dress seemed to shine with d'ark brightness. It was a giant black ballgown, with rhinestones all down the skirt in bat and spider patterns. Her hair was streaked in neon colors, and she had a steampunk fascinator with a veil in her scene hairdo. The chef dude looked exceptionally ugly next to her beauty.

Katy walked up to Garrus and looked him in the eyes. I saw the true love in her eyes that was reflected in Garrus' and I couldn't help but tear up. Then, I thought about how my life had been ruined by so many traitors, and I started to cry, silently and sexily. They had hired a vorcha priest from Omega and he started talking in his raspy vorcha voice, but I couldn't pay attention to his words through my veil of sadness. Everyone else looked so happy and smiling, even Kaid'n and Shepard, who was looking very attractive in her tight goffic dress. I couldn't hold back the tears anymore, and my hatred burned inside of my like a flame of d'arkness. Garrus opened his mouth and looked like he was going to say something, but I couldn't tell through the tears veiling my quarian eyes...

"HOW COULD YOU?!" I yelled.

Everyone stopped talking and looked at me. Which was okay, because I was so hot.

My thoughts were string. I couldn't hold on any longer. My mind reeled and suddenly, I was flashing back to another time... another place. I was on a beach... On Rannoch. My vision blurred and I opened my mouth, chanting the memory like Thane...

"I was there watching on the beaches of the cataclysm and life where these fish who I once thought weresucidal were throwing themselves upon the sand. My master saw my confusion and guided me with words that humanity would not deserve, "Be careful not to step on those creatures, they have an important legacy to start." -Azuron 6th Guardion of Hydrax. Sometimes I wish I had stepped on just one, could have wiped out a line of these parasites. "Parasites" that's the word... You take and take but never give back, you are guests on this world and one day you will have overstepped your bounds and be expelled. If only...there would be Void, the everlasting peace," I said sexily.

Everyone was still staring at me. Even Katy and Garrus.

Suddenly, my tears burst and I cried and ran down the aisle and out of the hall and on to the real beaches of Rannoch, where the wedding was being held. The sun was setting and the quiet of twilight (AN: I luv dose buks) was all around me. My feet pattered on the sand as I kicked off my thigh-length stiletto boots.

I heard footsteps behind me. Someone was chasing me... someone cared. The footsteps gave me a distant hope. And then... more footsteps, after the first. They were running, and I ran too, and they couldn't catch me because they were so... far... from... the... beach.

I fell, tripping over my own feet, my own tears, my own bloody quarian heart. My hands caught the sand, and my black-streaked hair fell into my eyes suicidally. I almost lost hope, but then someone touched my shoulder gently, soothingly.

"Why are you crying, Tali-hime?"

"Don't touch me... You... Prep!" I tried to scream, but it came out as a sexy murmur of depressingness.

"Don't touch her, you synthetic demon!" yelled another deep, manly, charismatic, marble yet soothing voice.

I turned around and saw them.

My angels. My saviors. My beacons. My d'ark princes. On the right, his red lense staring at me consolitorily, the deep, sensitive synthetic who stole my heart only weeks ago in Omega and bravely brought our child into existence. On the left, gorgeous goffic tattoes glowing in the moonlight, the strong, muscular, masculine biotic who stood by me in the hardest of times, my rock. I was so angry, so sexily pissed off, and yet, deep inside me, I yearned. I yearned not for one or the other, but for both.

The passion grew inside me like a wildfire, ripping the air out of my lungs, paralyzing my every limb. I stared deeply into both of their eyes, sexy sexual desires rippling beneath the cool rubies in my skull. I batted my long, slender, feminine eyelashes five times. Five... Four... Three... Two... One... Zero. And then I was overcome with lust for the both of them, ripping the clothing off my back (AN: it's ok becuz ronack is relly clean) and flinging my body at them.

It seems that they, too were experiencing the same feelings, as they let themselves be swept away by the tidal wave of desire. We made sweet, passionate, sensual, sexxy love under the starlit sky of Rannoch. A Geth, a Human and a hot Quarian interlocked in sweet goffic sex. It was fantastic, we explored every realm of the others body, and became comfortable with each other, while still unleashing our pent up emotions - rage, jealousy, shame... and the most sexxy of sensual desire. They took turns with me, and each other. Bleed'gion hit my G-String! We all imaxed at the same time, and, exhausted, they both fell into a deep sleep. The only thing that could have made this moment better was if Shepard had been here.

Before I dozed off, I glanced up at the starry sky. I could still hear the wedding in the background, but now, I feel happier than ever before. I fell asleep a perfect, hot quarian