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Sorry about Tommy (again!) But it kinda had to go that way, so hope this chapter will make up for it!...

Chapter 9

Sam wrapped his arms around her, tightly, never wanting to let go. Not now not ever.

How had he ever been so stupid, when this felt so right?

If it were under different circumstances he would relish in the feeling, probably just self combust at the sheer happiness he was feeling right now, but it was only out of her need for comfort that they were in this position. But that didn't mean he wasn't going to enjoy the feeling of having her wrapped up in his arms.

Andy's tears wet his shirt as they dripped down, but he didn't care, he didn't mind. Her arms snaked out wrapping around his waist as she still shook and trembled, letting her broken heart leak the signs of sorrow in the form of tears.

Sam let her stand and cry, never letting his hold on her waiver or become less, instead he just tightened it, holding her in place until she was ready to step out of his embrace.

But she stood still, leaning into him, making no attempt to pull back or put any space between them. She sort of clung to him a little tighter when his embrace tightened, as though she thought he would back away.

When her sobs calmed to mere sniveling, Sam put his hands on her arms and pushed her back before looking at her and whispering "let's get you home" to which Andy nodded before he wrapped her under his arm and pulled her towards the doors.

She kept her gaze focused out the window the whole drive home, occasionally moving one of her hands up to swipe a stray tear away. The silence engulfing them, as each snuck away into their own thoughts.

Sam sneaking glances over at her ever so often, as his thoughts mainly revolved around her, and hers he knew were memories and images of her and Tommy's lives.

Sam stopped in front of Tommy Mcnally's house and killed the engine before putting a hand gently on Andy's arm to pull her from her daze, causing her to jump slightly from the unexpected contact, and from the heat of it as Sam's fingers just brushed her skin before pulling away.

She turned to him and tried to find a smile, but failed before turning her eyes to the house before they widened and misted over again.

That was all that Sam needed to start the truck up again before backing out the driveway and taking a left turn.

Andy didn't want to be there, and probably shouldn't be there alone, so Sam took her home.

That sounded so good in his head, the words Andy and home in the same sentence.

"Sam...I can...". Andy mumbled as she looked down at her hands before Sam just let out a sigh. A really loud sigh.

Causing Andy to look up at him, her lip trembling again.

"Its okay, Mcnally, I can take you anywhere you wanna go right now, to Nash's, a motel wherever, it doesn't matter".

Didn't she get that he knew her well enough to know that they didn't need words to have a conversation.

"Sorry, I ...I...".

"Andy don't apologize, I get it, you don't wanna be there right now, so I was gonna take you home and let you get some sleep, nothing else".

"I know". Andy said before adding "thanks" slightly under her breath.

Sam stood watching Andy sip the coffee on the couch, her unaware of his presence. She looked so broken and fragile and venerable sitting there. So lost.

She sat staring off into space, lost in some kind of memory or daydream or daze.

She was curled up, retreating into whatever she was remembering, but also like she was trying to momenterily hide from the world.

Although Sam had noticed that she came back stronger when he saw her at the Peck wedding, she was far from that sight now. She looked like the Andy she had been when he first met her, just without the defiance written on her face.

"Andy, you should get some sleep". She looked so tired too.

Damn Callaghan for working her so damn hard she looked like she was about to break.

"Yeah, I will. Thanks Sam, for...everything. You can head to bed, I'm just gonna sit here a while".

Her voice carried out softly, as though she thought a loud tone would cause more of her crumbling world to fall down around her, and she didn't look back at him either, probably unwilling to show him her tear stained cheeks that she probably thought would make him think her weak.

Sam pulled off the doorframe and moved to sit next to her, wrapping one arm around her, pulling the blanket he gave her when they arrived up under her chin, without uttering another word. Any contact with her was welcome, but comforting her when her father just died made Sam want to curse the universe for hurting something so...perfect.

Sam sat cursing himself after that thought crossed his mind, knowing he had done exactly that, and done the things he promised not to do, and didn't do the things he promised he would.

Like fight for it if things got tough, instead he walked away. Everytime since then, when she had been within his reach, he had stepped back and let her go, never reaching out or trying to keep hold of her, or them.

Maybe it was time he did.

The thought caused a small smile to tug on his lips, as he looked down to find Andy's eyes closed, her head leaning on his shoulder as she breathed softly.

That right there was probably the defining moment in their relationship for Sam as he sat watching her sleep. The most peaceful, calm, content expression playing over her face, as her hair sprayed out over his shoulder. The heartbreak she was undoubtebly feeling, seemed to drift away for a while as sleep took over and drew her away from the harshness of reality.

This was what he wanted, what he missed and what he was going to get back. The timing was off again with them, but when was it ever right?

Andy woke up to the soft movement of something under her hand, jumping she stared at Sam who had the stupidest grin on his face as she snatched her hand back from its resting place on his chest, next to the area she had obviously used as a pillow.

"Hi". She mumbled out as she felt a soft blush creep over her face before daunting thoughts and memories crept into her mind.

Sam watched as the memories turned her face from the momentarily happy, embarrassed expression to the one of returning sorrow as she remembered, her blush seeping away to be replaced by the paling look she wore last night.

"I'm so sorry" Sam whispered into her ear as he pulled her closer. And he meant it. He was truly sorry for Tommy but he was even more sorry for every wrong thing he had ever done to her, but mostly for breaking her heart so knowingly.

"Let's get some food in you, and I'll take you home". Sam said pulling away. If he didn't now, the words would come out, and now was the wrong time. It would be a while before she left with everything she had to sort out, and he would extend his leave, he was hell bent on having a talk before she made the decision to leave again.

He knew if she left now, she was never coming back.

Not this time.

But this time, he was not willing to let her go!

Sam made them omelets, neither really eating, and coffee before taking Andy back to Tommy's. Walking up to the door with her, Sam was fighting the urge to lean in and kiss her as she looked up at him with sad brown eyes.

"Call me if you need anything". Sam said when she swung the door open before turning and leaving.

Oliver got a call from Frank a little after 6am telling him that Tommy Mcnally had died after suffering a massive stroke, and that Callaghan somehow managed to get Sam over to the hospital.

Although it was sad news, the smile that tugged on his lips, showed his happy, blissful feeling that Sam and Andy just might be able to find some kind of common ground to stand on together, although it was marred by sadness, but that was what pulled them apart in the first place.

If Sam was willing to go over there after all their history (which Oliver just knew he would be, I mean this is Sam and Andy), and Andy would let him in just for a little while, especially now that her guard would be down, things would get better.

They had to.

Oliver being the true romantic he is, had never seen two more stubborn people than those two when it came to their feelings.

He found it so frustrating sometimes, that he wanted to lock them up in an interview room, turn off the lights, and leave them in there until they got over themselves. Or eachother, whatever way it went.

Mcnally was young, and sometimes naïve, but she had a good heart, and when she gave it away, or allowed it to be stolen, she let all of it go. There were no pieces that she would hang on to, she just loved wholeheartedly, she just needed to learn to BE loved the same way.

That was the one thing she needed to let go of and get over, she needed to let Sam in, and let him love her.

The thought of Sam, caused Oliver to sigh out loudly as he mulled over his broken friend.

Sam was a good guy, one of the most upstanding, guys he'd ever met, but he was also the most stubborn and hard-assed. Sam had all his morals in the right place, and usually his responsibilities, but when it came to Mcnally, everything just turned Sam upside down, including Sam himself.

Oliver had tried to warn Mcnally, he had tried to guide her in the direction she needed to go to meet Sam halfway, but she just kept back or side stepping where she needed to go in order to fix things.

He had tried to get her to understand more about why Sam was, well, Sam, but she just took off running instead. She was just too blind to see that Sam was so consumed by her, that the fear of actually having his feelings returned unconditionally, caused him to push her away and shut her down when she got too close.

Sam had dated in the past, but not ridiculously, he had just never met his match until she stumbled into his life. Never met the one that could or would ultimately tame him. She was in many ways his equal, she had the same passion about a line of work that could very well cost you you're life, she had the same caring nature for people, anyone she came into contact with, but she also had the same scared tendencies Sam had, they were both scared to be loved.

And scarred by their pasts.

Oliver wasn't quite sure they were ready when they tried giving a go at the whole 'together' thing years ago, but maybe now, they would be able to make it work.

Mcnally had grown up, a lot in the three and a half years she was gone. But she hadn't changed much, except for the fact that she now seemed a little harder than she was back then, maybe a little wiser.

Sam, mmm...Sam had let go of the hurt and anger that drove the wedge between them, he had accepted too.

Accepted that Jerry's death was just a way of life.

They had all lost friends along the way, but Sam had never lost someone that close to him, besides the few times that he and Sarah were split up in foster care, but she always came back, where as Jerry never would, because death was final.

Sam just didn't know how to deal with that, so he pushed Mcnally away so hard that she took off running before she hit the ground.

He knew a lot of what had happened between Sam & Mcnally back then, minor details from pieces of drunken ramblings when Sam drowned his sorrow after she first left. He just never let on how much he pieced together by his awesome cop skills.

He just didn't know how way over his head Sam was until his little rant at the Peck and Collins wedding. He also didn't know that some things never changed, although he had always suspected that Sam would never fall out of love or stop loving Mcnally, or love another soul as much as he loved her. He had the feeling that it was the same for her too.

Trying to explain that to Mcnally, and about why Sam is the way he is, coz he knew that Sam himself wouldn't, was hard. He couldn't find the right words to string together to phrase what he wanted to say, so instead back then, he told her some of Sam's story hoping she'd understand that Sam needed her, that she was good for Sam despite the fact the they were sort of at that moment in time breaking eachother.

After loosing Jerry, there was no way he was gonna stand around and loose Sam too. So he had his friends back, by trying to get through to Mcnally, to break Sam's resolve, coz truthfuly, she was and would always be Sam's only true weakness. He had honestly tried to talk to Sam and help him see that as long as Mcnally was breathing there would always be the chance that she would come home and they would work things out, but Sam couldn't seem to forgive himself for the words and actions that he let destroy what they had. Even though Oliver stressed the point that despite anything, Mcnally had to come home, coz THIS was her only home to come to.

But Sam just wouldn't let it go.

He wouldn't forgive himself and let it go.

Oliver was sure it was because Sam knew Andy hadn't forgiven him for it yet.

Even though they both seemed to be in a better place now, Oliver thought back to the day Sam bought his date to Zoe's 40th, and let out a low grumble.

Deep down he knew Mcnally only ever wanted Sam to put up a fight for her, coz that was the one thing she never had anybody ever do, fight for her, to keep her. He knew Mcnally needed that to get where she had to be to work things out with Sam, but that day, the look on her face had told him that she thought that Sam had finally let her go totally and completely, and that was just Sam's failed attempt at trying to get over her, on display for her to unfortunately see at the wrong time, not that she would stick around long enough to find that out later.

If she had, they would have saved themselves both years of misery.

Coz the fact of the matter remained twisted in their fate, their destiny was intertwined together, they just had to stop fighting it and accept that no amount of time or force of nature, or even any human entity would ever stop their paths from crossing, or their lives from being wrapped up in eachother's.

Over the next few days, Andy sorted out Tommy's funeral, and started tying up his affairs. It was a painstaking thing to do, but she was the only one that could do it.

She spent hours in the dark thinking over the hours she spent with Sam, why he came to the hospital and took her home. She contemplated calling and asking him straight out, but didn't want a huge explosion in her ear.

She was still mad at him for his lack of self contol at Gail and Nick's wedding, and for him blaming Luke for her leaving. Didn't he get that HE was the reason she left?

She was kinda mad at Luke for calling Sam too, when it was no longer his job to be there when she needed someone. He should have called Traci, so why he chose to call Sam was just beyond her right now.

But Sam came and that just confused the crap out of her. Why he would willingly sit in a hospital for her, for however many hours he had been there, when he so detested them, was just something she couldn't wrap her mind around, especially since they were no where near being the friends he had once so casually mumbled they should be.

Sam even took her home without her even having to voice her fear of going back into her dad's house alone, where he had the stroke that claimed his life mere hours before. Did he really still know her that well? Well enough that one look at her, and he would know without words what she was feeling?

But still missing the feelings that she really felt towards him?

Andy moaned! Her mind was on hyperdrive and running away with itself again.

She thought about how she felt about him being there, and felt the sadness creep in knowing it was all she ever wanted, but it only happened because of circumstances. She missed him, and cursed herself for uttering the stupid lie she had, instead of asking him to wait. That was after all where it all started.

She didn't want to set herself up for a repeat of getting her heart broken by Sam, coz that was one thing that she already never got over, having it done again, well there was no way she would ever come back from going through that again.

She was sure he would have waited for her back then, if only she had asked.

Especially considering he had told her that day that he loved her. Although she wasn't sure he didn't say it out of fear that she was about to die, before she read his letter anyway. But she knew that Sam was not someone to say something like that, just throwing them around or dropping them in conversation. If he said them, he meant them. That had been the one thing that had been holding her back, but now, knowing that she had been wrong, and that she had given up the best thing in her life, that caused a little selfloathing and some major regret to run through her.

Had he really meant what he had written? Or was that how he was feeling, still caught up in the high of finally getting the one thing he wanted then- her?

Tommy's funeral was arranged to be kept small, only a handful of people being told the details, including Sam, who received a text from Andy with the time and place.

He wasn't sure how to feel about the personal invitation when he saw how small she had decided to keep it, with mostly her friends, a few of Tommy's co-workers and his sponsor being there. Oliver and Frank were there too, having worked with Tommy, but Sam just wanted to think that he was there because she wanted him there.

Throughout the service Sam watched Andy wanting to hug her like he had the night in the hospital in the hallway and later on his couch.

Block out the pain that life was again letting sweep over something that was just so undeserving of it.

Her friends swooped down on her, keeping her closely comforted, but Sam felt the need to replace them. He kept himself at a distance, knowing that part of the reason her friends were so tightly bound around her was the fact that he was here. Once again they were trying to shield her from the possibility that he might just screw it up again. Although this time around, he actually got a smile from Peck...wait, its Collins now, and Nash, as if they saw what happened at the wedding as his way of atoning for his sins.

Over the next few days Sam thought about going over to see Andy, but kept his distance, letting her work through her grief. He took three days to go see Sarah before coming home and arranging to meet Oliver at the Penny, somewhere he hadn't been in what felt like forever.

It had been eleven days since Tommy's funeral and Sam was fighting the temptation to go see Andy even more than before. The urge to go over there and have the talk that was plauging his dreams and consuming his waking minutes, just barely seemed to be kept under his control.

Oliver arrived late, claiming a late booking as the reason as he slid into the chair beside Sam.

"So how's things?". Sam asked handing Oliver a room temperature beer.

"Good, you?". Oliver smirked knowing the answer would not be what Sam was wanting him to say.

"Fine".

"So is this a goodbye drink, coz you're leaving again?".

Sam raised an eyebrow at Oliver's question.

"Nope, why would you think that?".

"Coz Mcnally's planning on running, she put the house up for sale, so I though you...". Sam didn't wait for Oliver's words to finish before he was out the door.

Oliver's words echoing through his mind again and again on the drive over to the Mcnally house.

He could not let her leave, not this time, it was time to put up that fight now or loose her forever.

Walking across the lawn, Sam pulled the estate agents for sale sign out the grass before walking over to the door and banging on it with enough force that it surprised him it didn't fly of the hinges.

Andy pulled the door open and visibly paled at the sight of Sam holding the for sale sign in his hands, standing on the deck with his face a mix between panic and anger.

"Care to explain this?". Sam said waiving the sign in front of Andy's face before she stepped back and Sam stepped into the house, tossing the sign on the couch and slamming the door.

His eyes swayed around the room to find almost everything gone, a few boxes scattering the floor in the lounge, only heavy furniture still remained.

"Sam...I was gonna tell you, say goodbye...this time..."

"When, after you left? Were you gonna send me a postcard?". Sam's hand flew to his face as he pinched his eyes closed and ran his hand over them, letting the anger flow out of him before he screwed this up, again.

"Sam, I...". Andy couldn't find words, how was she supposed to say this?

Why was he even here?

He was there when she needed him, but right now there was no need for him to be here, nope, that was now sort of catagorized under wanting him here, but not wanting him here, coz that just complicated things and made them harder.

"Talk to me Andy, tell me why".

"Sam its not as easy as you think okay".

"Then explain it to me, coz right now I don't get it".

"I can't stay here Sam, I've got nothing left to stay for".

Andy whispered the words, her voice cracking as she looked away.

"Not even for me?". Sam was gonna get the truth out of her, no matter what it was, it was coming out, here, tonight, like this. He would give her nothing but the truth too.

"What?".

"I said...".

"I heard what you said Sam...I...just don't get it?".

"Would you stay for me? If I asked you too?".

***** Hope that made up for Tommy!

Hope you also liked Oliver's thoughts, and see a little more as to how I came up with the storyline going this way!

Hope you'll all leave another one of you're awesome reviews!

Thanks for reading!

Jelly Bean Jenna©