A/N: Standard disclaimers apply. I do not own Grey's Anatomy or any of it's related entities.

Oh, another attempt at angst! Will it work? Let me know! :)


Right about the time that Callie was tossing her garbage out in the cafeteria and hobbling towards her next surgery, Erica was approaching the door to the Chief's office with her thoughts racing. What was she going to tell the Chief? What kind of story could she concoct about a 'change in friendship' as Callie had put it? Patricia greeted Erica and opened the door for her before she could settle on any kind of story. Callie was right, the lying was a lot to handle. Erica suddenly thought to herself that she didn't want to be known as a liar.

The Chief stood and shook Erica's hand and they both sat down. If he noticed the preoccupied look on Erica's face, he didn't show it. Instead, he got right down to business.

"I just wanted to let you know, in person, that Walter Tapley is coming back." The Chief said.

"Tapley's coming back?" Erica started to panic, but wouldn't let the Chief see it. She hadn't wanted to perform that surgery. It was too risky and she didn't want to become known as the surgeon who killed the father of cardio-thoracic surgery.

Despite how well Erica was doing to conceal her panic, the Chief knew her well enough to see that his single phrase was starting to turn the wheels in Erica's head. "She's probably worried about a leaky valve" the Chief thought. "Yes, he needs another post-op check up, Erica. And as the surgeon who performed so brilliantly to save his life, I'm asking you to do it." The Chief was grinning.

"Wait, so there's nothing wrong with him?" Erica asked.

"Not so far as I know. Says he feels great. He'd like to go back to work soon, from what he tells me."

Despite her best efforts to keep a poker face, Erica was visibly relieved.

"He also told me something else Erica, and that's the real reason why I asked you in here today. He wants you on his staff over at Mercy. He's been hinting at it every time I've spoken to him since he was discharged."

Six months ago, Erica would have jumped up, shook the Chief's hand and thanked him for the nice time she'd had slicing open hearts on his operating table as she flew out the door towards Mercy Hospital. But that was six months ago. Six months ago she hadn't gotten to know Callie. Six months ago she hadn't a clue as to what would await her here. Six months ago, her career was all that mattered to her. Now things were different.

The Chief interrupted her thoughts. "I know it sounds tempting to take a position with him, but I'm asking you to stay here. You can believe me when I tell you that while Walter Tapley is the father of cardio-thoracic surgery, he's not exactly the easiest man to work for. And you would be working for him. I'd like to think that here, you're in charge of cardio and, with one minor exception, you're doing quite well handling it."

Erica knew what the one minor exception was. Yang. Cristina Yang was another reason for her to consider taking the position with Tapley over at Mercy, but she quickly pushed the thought out of her head because the Chief was still talking.

"Of course, if you'd like to go, you'd get a glowing recommendation from me. And I don't need to know right away what you plan to do. Tapley hasn't even officially asked you yet so you've got plenty of time to make up your mind. He's coming in next Wednesday at ten o'clock, so please make sure your schedule is clear." With that, the Chief stood up and walked Erica out the door. She hadn't said a word, and she was suddenly more confused than she had been when she started out the day.

Erica had no surgeries scheduled that afternoon, and barring any traumas that came in, she was free to do as she pleased. Being the best in her field meant that Erica spent a great deal of time doing research and paperwork in addition to surgery and regular patient care. Normally she'd just head over to her office and get started on some of the more mundane parts of her job. However, at this point she felt like doing none of that. Instead, she sat in the gallery above a vacant OR and tried to sort through the hundreds of thoughts floating around in her head. Erica never knew it was possible to be elated and devastated at the same time.

"Tapley wants me to work with him. Not Burke, he wants me." Erica said out loud to no one in particular. Erica Hahn hated Preston Burke more than she hated anything else on this Earth. She also had a grudging respect for the man, but that respect was continually diminished every time she read another article about him in JAMA. As much as Erica disliked Cristina Yang and her persistent brown-nosing, she could tell that Yang was gifted and worked hard. The fact that Burke left her at the alter and completely forgot about the help Cristina had given him in his time of need was not lost on Erica. Erica disliked people who could forget the help of others so quickly. Taking this position with Walter Tapley could be the best thing that ever happened to her. It would be the ultimate kick in Preston Burke's ass. The thought of it made Erica smile.

And speaking of Yang, she'd no longer have to teach her. Not that she had been teaching her, really, but she wouldn't have to start. Erica had long ago admitted to herself that she hated Cristina Yang simply due to her association with Preston Burke. Erica knew this was wrong, but she had so many other demons to fight at the time, so she did what came naturally to her when it came to Yang. She just froze her out, like she froze out everyone else. Freezing out Yang let Erica concentrate on Callie and the feelings that kept bubbling up inside of her everytime she thought of the brunette. Erica had tried to freeze her out too, until she realized that she'd be missing out on a terrific friendship if she did. Erica smiled at how easily Callie had been able to thaw her way through to Erica. Erica realized that even if she had continued trying to distance herself from Callie, Callie would have still made her way into her heart. Just thinking of Callie warmed Erica.

Callie. Oh Callie. How easy would it be to go over to Mercy and not hide her relationship with Callie? They'd spend less time worrying about their secret coming out because they wouldn't have to face their coworkers and deal with the questions, the misconceptions and the rumors. When their secret finally did come out, Erica would be less likely to worry about her reputation if she was working for the greatest cardio-thoracic surgeon of all time. No one could touch her if she was working with him. Her new colleagues would just think she'd always been in love with another woman.

But that wasn't fair, was it? Callie would still be here. And she'd be here alone. At least together, when they made their relationship public, they'd have each other to rely on. Erica wasn't the optimist that Callie was. She knew there'd be taunts, threats, and snide remarks. Erica also knew that Callie was a grown woman who could stand up for herself... but the thought of leaving Callie to fend for herself while she got away virtually scott-free was completely unbearable. It wouldn't be fair to Callie, and Erica couldn't bring herself to do that to her, no matter how easy the transition would be for her.

Thoughts of leaving circled through Erica's head for close to an hour. For every reason not to leave, Erica thought of at least two that made her want to go. Walter Tapley wanted her. This was her chance to become the surgeon she always wanted to be. Walter Tapley was no spring chicken, and she knew that fixing his heart this time around was like placing a patch on the titanic. Sooner or later, Walter Tapley was going to retire. If she became his right hand, that would mean that she, Erica Hahn, could become the mother of cardio-thoracic surgery. The respect and prestige that a position like that could offer her was so tempting. Too tempting. Despite what the Chief had said about Walter Tapley not being easy to work for, she knew she could hold her own with him.

Then again, Walter Tapley was a devout Catholic. He went in to surgery wearing a gold crucifix around his neck. Erica had removed it prior to the surgery, snapping at the nurses that it was unsanitary to allow him into the operating theater while he was wearing it. The nurses protested weakly that it was Walter Tapley and he had insisted. Erica had been angry at Walter not so much because he should have known better, but because she had a hard time dealing with devoutly religious people. There was no way that Erica was going to stare at a crucifix while thoughts of Callie raced through her head. Erica was not religious. She believed in science and medicine. But she didn't need any omens and she needed to concentrate. She told herself that she wore Callie around her neck the way Walter wore his crucifix, and when she removed the crucifix she removed Callie from her thoughts for the time being. She replaced the charm after the surgery was done, and she was pretty sure that Walter was none the wiser. Erica felt empty after that because she didn't like not thinking about Callie. She lived Callie, breathed Callie and, after last two nights, slept wrapped in Callie's arms. How could she consider going to work for a man with a predisposed religious intolerance of her and what she'd become over the past few days? There was no way that she could come out while working for Walter Tapley. She'd been stupid to consider it. That would mean she'd have to keep Callie a secret, something she'd promised Callie she would not do.

Erica wished she'd never done the surgery. She hadn't wanted to do it to begin with and she was uncharacteristically surprised when Tapley had survived it. The happy ending was over though. Walter Tapley's surgery was coming back to haunt her. Now either her career or her reputation were somehow at stake.

Callie's words during their argument floated through her head, and they still stung as much as they did the day they argued. "Who cares about your reputation, Erica? Your work speaks for itself. If anyone ever holds our love against you, then they're not worth your time and their opinion is also worthless." Callie had been right when she said that, but Erica knew, she knew, that in the big boys club of cardio-thoracic surgery, her relationship with Callie was going to hurt her in the end. She'd already spent years fighting through barriers put up by her male colleagues. She'd broken through the glass ceiling just to have prestigious awards that she was more than qualified for go to people like Preston Burke. She'd been overlooked for cushy jobs at major hospitals on the east coast because she was a woman. There had been times, early in her career, that Erica Hahn had actually regretted not having a penis. The thought of that regret now made Erica laugh. She never wanted to be a man, but it still seemed to have its perks when it came to the world of cardio-thoracic surgery.

Erica recalled the time that she'd been called a lesbian by a pissed-off doctor who had been unable to contain his jealousy over her skills. That was a knee-jerk reaction for many men who'd been intimidated by Erica's proficiency in the operating room, whether they were her colleagues, her enemies, or even some of her jilted boyfriends. Sooner or later, she was going to have to prove them right about that assumption even though it hadn't been true at the time.

Suddenly a voice in the back of Erica's head told her something she hadn't been expecting to hear. It told her that nothing in the world mattered as much as Callie Torres mattered to her her now. And if her career suffered for it, so be it. She could almost hear Callie telling her that she's at the top of her game and she need not worry about what others thought of her. Six months ago Erica Hahn would have laughed at someone telling her that. Now she was sure it was true, but somehow it didn't completely quell the sense of loss Erica was feeling. Erica she was shaking with fear over what it would cost her to publicly profess her love for Callie. Erica admitted to herself that while Callie had suddenly taken over the number one spot in her life's priorities, her career was still a close second and it was fighting like mad to regain it's former position at the top.

Erica looked down at her watch. Callie's surgery was scheduled to be finished in another 15 minutes. Erica decided to go and watch her from the gallery, her mind made up.