Disclaimer: I certainly do not own Harry Potter or anything else. Though I do own the slang "Vagina Cabinet." Go ahead, you can use it. I give you permission.


November 12, 1991

Some people are as dumb as shit.

November 20

Seamus, Dean, and Neville are a lovely bunch. Even if I hit Dean too hard with a pillow, and he threatened to shoot me. What lovely friends.

November 28

I have nothing to write about.

December 5

Do you think I can get Parvati and Padma Patil to do a sister tag team? Wink Wink.

Later...

Apparently not.

December 9

McGonagall took down names to see who was staying at Hogwarts for Christmas. Draco made fun of me.

I countered with, "At least I know my parents love me."

Wound up with a black eye but hey, good comeback.

December 15

I bet Quirrell is used to getting balls to his head, cause he's a DICK HEAD.

December 21

Hagrid made a big deal of us watching him set up the Christmas trees. I was just trying to figure out what spell to use to take his pants off to show Hermione.

No news on Nicholas Female.

Later...

LULZ just noticed my spelling mistake!

December 25

It's Christmas time bitches. The time of year where girls have to much to drink and take their clothes off. Praying it's not McGonagall.

Got a 50 pence piece from aunt and uncle. Sent it back with " That's how much you're worth Vernon. Save it up to buy a real woman." Also sent a catalog full of blow up dolls.

Good news! Got an invisibility cloak! Used it to get in the girls shower rooms. Man, Angelina Johnson has big honkers.

Later...

Holy shit. Just saw Mum and Dad in a mirror. I swear I only had one bottle of Firewhiskey!

December 26

Ron and I went to the mirror again. He saw himself. I think there's more in those brownies than chocolate...

December 27

Encountered Dumbledore at the mirror. He talked some shit about it, but I wasn't paying attention, cause I could see his desire in the mirror. It was a naked Snape.

GROSS!

Later...

I think I have a bigger penis than Snape.


Authouress' Note: New chapppy, Potterheads. Doing a chapter for every chapter in the book, or if two chapters on same day, one big one. Thanks for all the reviews. Obviously this story is not canon. Like at all.

Shout out to Dark Onyx for his awesome review! Thanks!

Cheers darlings!

FiercePhoenix