A/N: That's what I like to see! More reviews. Thank you for them all. They are truly appreciated. As promised here is another swift update: the last of the chapters set on Halloween. I hope you all have a great Halloween, whatever you do, and enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it.

This one is dedicated to SomethingBorrowed, my faithful number one fan!

A big thank you to Megan for putting up with my craziness!

We return to Lily's perspective. The night draws on and still there are no signs of James and Sirius. Will Lily confide to Remus all that has been worrying her?

It had been two hours since Remus and Lily had decided that they had waited long enough and had eaten the meal that Remus had prepared. He had apologised for what he had described as a mediocre dinner, and Lily had assured him that it was just as nice as anything she would have cooked. The washing up had been done and the clean crockery put away. James and Sirius' meals were left warm in the oven. Together they had re-set the table for the Halloween ritual: the three candles, the silver dish suspended on a chain over what was to be a blue-flamed fire, the set of short, grey glasses carved with runes, the silver pitcher. They had sat down on the sofa side by side and talked. Now it was half past ten and the second bottle of wine had been opened. It had grown darker and Remus had pulled the blinds. It had grown colder and the fire had been lit. At first Lily had felt uptight, nervously eyeing the clock, growing apprehensive as more time elapsed and there was no sign of Sirius or James. But as the evening had gone on she had found it impossible not to relax. The heat of the fire, the mellowness of the wine, the softness of the music were all comforting; cradling her glass Lily allowed herself to rest back.

Remus had been quiet for some time but Lily did not find this silence uncomfortable. He was thinking she realised, turning her head slightly to observe him better. His amber eyes were fixed on no-where in particular; he was lost deep in thought and Lily appreciated the opportunity to watch him freely. However, after a few moments he seemed to feel her gaze upon him and he turned his attention towards her. Neither of them spoke and Lily watched the way he struggled to smile. Without thinking Lily placed her hand upon Remus' where it rested on the sofa beside her and, giving it a reassuring squeeze, she said, "We all have our secrets, Remus."

"Some more than others," Remus said, not moving his hand away.

"Are you talking about your lycanthropy?" Lily asked.

"No, no." Remus shook his head and a small smile crept across his face. "I'm no longer ashamed of that as much as I once was. It's a part of me Lily, as you pointed out so many years ago. I can't deny that." Remus paused before continuing, "I was just thinking that perhaps if there were fewer secrets between us all then maybe Sirius and James would have been home long ago."

Lily nodded, unable to deny this and, staring into the fire, she withdrew her hand from Remus'. "Sometimes," she began slowly, quietly. "Sometimes it is hard to share things we would rather conceal from those who mean so much to us…"

Something about Lily's tone made Remus concerned and he twisted round to face her as he asked, "What do you have to conceal?"

Lily felt unable to look away from Remus' eyes as she confessed in a voice barely above a whisper, "That I'm not a good person."

For a moment it looked as though Remus was going to laugh. "What makes you say that? Of course you're a good person…"

"Perhaps. But perhaps I'm not the person that I once thought I was."

"Tell me what's on your mind," Remus pleaded.

Lily laughed and shook her head, placing her empty wine glass down on the floor. "I sometimes feel," Lily began after her laughter had subsided, "I sometimes feel as though I have forgotten myself: that I'm simply the wife of James Potter…Lily Potter. I'm not sure I even remember who Lily Evans was anymore…

But I can't forget. Lily Evans was ever so slightly different to who I am now. There were others; that's why things have changed. There were other men before James." She saw Remus' gaze waver, sensed his slight discomfort, but she was too tipsy now to check herself and she continued on regardless. "There still are…"

"But you do love James, Lily," Remus stressed. "I know you do."

"Of course I love him. I shall love him until the day I die. I meant the vows I made on my wedding day. But…" Lily trailed off.

"But?" Remus questioned tentatively.

"Is it enough?" Lily asked seriously. Remus' face was solemn, his eyes were dark as he was silently processing all that Lily was saying, struggling to find the words to reassure her. "There are things that haunt me, Remus. If things had been different…"

"But they're not. You can't torture yourself with things that might have been."

Lily could feel the tears springing to her eyes and she tried to restrain them as she continued with an emphatic shake of the head, "But I could have helped him. I know I could have. He would have listened to me."

She hadn't meant to confide these things to Remus, but now she was speaking she was glad that she was. Remus was intuitive and perceptive and she knew he would know of whom they were speaking. He moved closer to her on the sofa and taking both her hands into his he squeezed them tightly before saying, somewhat desperately, "It wasn't your place to save him, Lily."

Lily nodded, recognising the truth of what Remus was saying, but unable to stop herself from crying nonetheless. It was the alcohol. She cursed herself for drinking too much; it left her feeling vulnerable and exposed. She stared fixedly down at her hand pressed between Remus', and her eyes followed Remus' hand as he raised it and pressed it to her cheek. Under that pressure Lily's eye fluttered closed. After taking a deep breath to calm herself she reopened them, feeling the tender touch of Remus' thumb as he wiped her tears away.

"But I could have lov…" Lily had begun to say but at that moment they were interrupted by a loud thudding on Remus' front door. Lily's first instinct had to been to jump away from Remus, feeling guiltier for the things she had confided to him than the reassurance she had discerned from his touch. But Remus had prevented her; he had slowly withdrawn his hand and, reaching inside his pocket, produced a handkerchief for her to take.

"It will be them," Remus said as he stood. Lily wiped her eyes. "Are you ready?" With that question Lily knew that Remus would not reveal to anyone what they had spoken about that night: that it would remain between them. Lily nodded and she watched as Remus crossed the room and opened the door.

Sirius burst in, surprisingly unsupported by James who followed, closing the door behind them. "I'm sorry we're so late," James said, directing this more to Lily than to Remus.

"Do you want something to eat?" Remus asked tensely, watching as Sirius stumbled over to the table and, on plonking himself down on the first seat he came to, announced with a wave of a hand, "Never mind all that now, Moony. Let's just get it over with!"

"Perhaps you should have something to drink?" Remus asked.

"Yeah, that's not a bad idea!" James said as he sat down at the table beside his friend. "Something to sober you up, Padfoot?"

"Look, just stop bloody mothering me!" Lily joined them at the table and Sirius' intense grey eyes met hers and she looked away uncomfortably as he said, "I'm old enough to look after myself!"

After turning out all the lights in the flat Remus finally sat down; James had lit the three candles and Sirius, after trying and failing twice to perform such complicated magic whilst intoxicated, had eventually managed to light the blue fire beneath the suspended silver plate. Lily looked from face to face of those gathered around the table, bathed in eerie blue light. Remus began to pass around the grey glasses, one to each person before placing the silver pitcher before Lily.

"Would you do the honours?" Remus asked.

Lily nodded and placing her hands around the pitcher she very carefully began to recite the Samhain spell. The words came out as a whisper and with that hush of breath the flames of the candles that had been lit flickered and died. The tendrils of grey smoke floated upwards momentarily before joining and plummeting downwards, pooling into the silver dish. As the incantation ended Lily watched as the silver pitcher, which had been previously been empty, fill with a silvery-blue liquid that cast iridescent shadows across the ceiling. She nodded to Remus when she had finished and he reached across the table to fill everyone's glass from the pitcher. Silence descended.

"Well," Remus said. "Who would like to go first?"

"I'll go," James said without hesitation and rising to his feet with his glass in one hand he cleared his throat before beginning, "To mum and dad!" he toasted with a smile to the ceiling. "Until we meet again!" and as he said this he leant across the table and poured the contents of his glass into the dish. There was a hiss as the liquid heated. Smoke rose and slowly cleared to reveal the faces of James' parents, smiling and waving, before the images disappeared gently into the air.

Remus didn't wait for further volunteers and he stood with his glass and said softly, "To my mother and father; may they rest in peace. I am honoured to have ever known them." He reached across the table and emptied the contents of the glass into the dish. Again there was a cloud of smoke and Lily saw Remus' parents sitting in a garden, smiling and pointing to where Remus had just sat down.

Lily looked to where James was sitting and saw that he was watching her, waiting for her to stand. After hesitating for a moment she took the glass and moved to stand but was interrupted by Sirius who suddenly stood up with such speed he knocked the chair over behind him.

"Careful Padfoot," James chided, reaching down to straighten the chair. But Sirius was not listening, his glass was clenched tightly in his fist and his eyes were fixed on the space where the faces would appear as he spat venomously, "To the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black! To the blood traitors, the bastards, the murders and conspirators. To my father, Orion Black: revered my none and despised by many. To my darling little brother, Regulus, who made his parents so proud by persecuting and torturing all those not fit to breathe the same air as they did. And now…" Sirius paused in his speech, pouring the liquid into the dish and regarding with distain the twisted shapes of his relatives that appeared within the smoke. "They breathe no more."

He collapsed back into his chair, his face wretched, twisted by the wavering blue light. Remus sat staring at Sirius, trying to catch his hair but Sirius simply sat staring bitterly down at the table, his shoulders rising and falling as he struggled to remain composed. James looked to Lily again and, taking this as her cue, she slowly rose to her feet.

"To my mother, who I loved very dearly and lost not long ago." Her voice seemed so small compared to Sirius' and this startling contrast made him look up from the table and watch the woman before him. "To….to my father, who I lost when I was too young and who I have missed very much." Lily's voice had wavered but she refused to meet James' eyes as she ended, "And to all those we have lost in our fight against Voldemort. You were our comrades, our colleagues and friends. We drink to you all." The silver liquid hit the dish and smoke rose and all that were gathered could make out the faces of members of the Order they had lost. Lily saw her mother standing at the sink in their house in the red-bricked terrace; saw her father sitting at the kitchen table reading a paper. He looked up and smiled and, calling to her mother, Lily watched as she turned and smiled too. Then the smoke gave its last exhalation and faded; the blue-flamed fire was extinguished, leaving all of them sitting in the dark.

Happy Halloween everybody! Let me know what you think :)