"Hey dumbass!" Hidan yelled from the kitchen.
"What?" Kakuzu replied, not bothering to leave the living room and find out what was wrong with Hidan this time.
"Where the hell's the mayo?"
"The what?"
"The mayo, dammit! It's supposed to be in the fucking fridge, but it's not! Where the hell did you put it?"
"If it's not in there, we're out," Kakuzu stated.
Hidan came into the room moments later, glaring. "Then go to the Jashin-damned grocery and get some, dumbass!"
"Why do I have to?!"
"Because I wanna make a fucking sandwich, I need fucking mayo to do that, and I'm too fucking lazy to get it myself! Now go buy the mayo, dammit!"
Before Kakuzu could even register what was going on, he was on the doorstep with a wallet in one hand and a piece of paper with the word 'MAYO!' written on it in the other. "Ok, I just got kicked out of my own house by my boyfriend because he wanted mayo at 11 o'clock at night, and I can't come back home until I get it. And now I'm talking to myself."
Kakuzu walked down the sidewalk in silence, wondering whether he should bash Hidan's skull in when he got home, or just ignore the zealot for a few days. He was so deep in thought that he didn't notice the men that were following him, until they were almost on top of him.
He turned to look at the group; six in all, and every last one of them was a teenager. A kid stepped forward, but in the darkness, Kakuzu couldn't tell who it was. "Hello, freak."
Aiden. That meant that the other five hovering around him were Aiden's cronies. "What do you want?" Kakuzu snapped, wishing he'd stopped walking in a more populated area.
Aiden smiled and walked towards the banker. "Revenge for what your little boyfriend did to me. I still have bruises from that, you know."
Despite his situation, Kakuzu couldn't resist smirking. "Yeah, I figured. Hidan punches pretty hard, especially when he gets ticked off."
"That won't be the case for much longer. He's next, after we get through with you." Kakuzu heard several soft clicks, and in the soft light of the streetlight he could see a switchblade knife in each of his attackers' hands.
He frowned. This was a problem.
RIIIIIIIIIIIIIING
RIIIIIIIIIIIIIING
"That had better be Kuzu asking me what kind of mayo I want," Hidan growled, picking up the phone. "Hello?"
"…"
"Hmm? Hey, is anyone there?"
"Hidan-"
"Hey dumbass, where the hell are you?"
"In an alley on Aiden's cell phone-"
"What the fuck?! Why are you on the bastard's phone?! Kakuzu, if you're-"
"Hidan, I am on his phone because I pulled it out of his pocket to call you, since I can't move to the pay phone."
Hidan's heart skipped a beat. "What?" he asked quietly.
"Aiden and his thugs thought it would be fun to cut me up, so I beat the hell out of them. They're all out like a light, I'm bleeding all over the place, and I'm pretty sure I'm gonna faint."
Hidan's pulse was rapid by now. "Where are you?" he demanded.
"A block from the grocery. I'm going to hang up and call the paramedics now, ok?" Hidan had already slammed the phone back down onto the receiver and bolted out the door.
By the time Hidan arrived at the scene, the medics were already there. "Kakuzu!" he called out, trying to find the miser. He rushed towards the police line, trying to see if his boyfriend had been loaded onto an ambulance or not.
"Whoa there!" an officer said, grabbing onto Hidan. "Hold up. You can't get any closer. This is a crime scene."
"No duh, asshole! My friend's one of the Jashin-damned victims!" The masochist suddenly saw a stretcher go past with the miser on it. "Shit, there he is!" He began struggling against the officer's iron grip. "Damn it to hell, let me go already!"
"Kid, only family members or spouses are allowed on ambulances with a person."
"Good luck finding any! That guy's bastard of a dad ran off years ago, and who knows what the fuck happened to his mom!"
The officer seemed to think for a moment before leaning down to whisper into Hidan's ear. "Now listen. Get on the ambulance and tell them you're there to identify the victim, give medical information, that kind of thing. Ok?"
Hidan grinned and nodded. "Thanks. May Jashin smite your enemies!" With that being said, Hidan ran forward and hopped into the ambulance, praying that his friend would be all right.
Hidan was now sitting in the waiting room, waiting for word on Kakuzu. Just like he'd been doing for the last several hours.
Unfortunately, new thoughts kept popping into his head now and then. Were the other kids dead? Would Kakuzu have criminal charges pressed against him? And most importantly, how the hell were they going to pay for this?!
That last one was what really had the zealot worried. He knew Kakuzu was too cheap to pay for any kind of health insurance on them, so any medical bills were all out of pocket expenses. There was no way they had enough cash to cover something like this; maybe they could sell the house, or live off of ramen for the next few years…he shook his head and sighed. "Jashin help us," he muttered, closing his eyes and leaning his head back in the waiting room chair.
"Will I do?" a voice asked.
Hidan started and looked up into a familiar face. "What the hell are you doing here?!"
Hidan's father walked closer to the zealot and sat down beside his son. "If you want the Jashin-damned truth, your little stunt with the cop ended up on the fucking news. I recognized Kakuzu and got the hell over here."
"What do you want?" Hidan spat out.
"Is that any way to talk to your fucking father?"
"All things considered, hell yeah."
"Hidan, I'm here to help. I've already paid for Kakuzu's stitches and-"
"HELL NO!" Hidan screamed, jumping to his feet. "There's no way in hell we're taking charity from a motherfucking asshole like you!"
"Hidan, sit your ass down right now!"
"Make me!"
"Hidan," the man went on, trying to calm down, "I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. You may have been out of my house for a few Jashin-damned years, but that doesn't mean you're out of my fucking life."
"…" Hidan sat back down in his chair. "You've got my attention, asshole."
"Kakuzu's been calling me every few weeks-"
"That motherfu-"
"Just to tell me how the hell you're doing!" his dad interjected. "I'm sorry that we kept fighting until you fucking left, Hidan. Kakuzu knows that, so he just tells me what you guys are doing, when you're sick, that stuff."
"…Has he told you we're fucking?"
"No, but I kinda figured that. That guy's the only human outside the family you don't try to covert/kill whenever you see them, so I figured he was fucking special to you. That's why I paid the bill. Because he's precious to you, and you're precious to me."
"…This is the first time I've been in a Jashin-damned hospital since mom died," Hidan muttered quietly.
"That outta tell you something, dumbass," his dad stated.
A nurse walked into the room then, looking around until she spotted Hidan. She walked over to him, stopping a few feet away. "Sir, your friend is awake and asking to see you now." Hidan jumped to his feet and followed the nurse to the room Kakuzu was staying in.
Hidan's father smiled and rose to his feet, heading to the exit. "My work here is done."
Hidan's eyes widened as he entered the room and saw his friend. "Jashin dammit, what the hell did they do to you…"
Kakuzu was covered from head to toe in stitches, some even covering his cheeks. He shrugged at Hidan's response; at least the guy hadn't thrown up or fainted. "Aiden's little friends had switchblades. Need I say more?"
"No," Hidan replied, sitting on the edge of Kakuzu's bed.
The miser reached up and cupped Hidan's cheek in one hand. "You ok?"
"No I'm not!" Hidan snapped, the events of the past few hours finally catching up to him. "I fucking get a call from you at midnight saying that you're bleeding out in a fucking alley, I have to go inside a fucking hospital, you're fucking stitched up, I run into my old man, who tells me you two have fucking been talking about me behind my back, and, and…"
"And?" Kakuzu asked, wondering what else could have possibly gone wrong.
"I never got my fucking mayo!"
"Sorry about that," Kakuzu said, running his thumb over Hidan's cheek in a soothing manner.
"Don't be," Hidan grumbled, reaching up and placing his hand over Kakuzu's. "I guess I'm glad you're ok."
"Careful Hidan. You sounded sentimental right there."
"Shut the hell up, Kuzu, before I rip your stitches out."
