Chapter 9: Iza to iu toki

Note: Iza to iu toki basically means "when it's important" but it has a more weighty emotional connotation. Like, when it really counts...or...when you really need someone...toka ;)

This one didn't take as long, huh? I was trying to push through to wind down the angst section (which I enjoy writing, but I'm not sure if you guys enjoy reading it as much...) but anyway, I sacrficed precious midterm-paper writing time to do this, so REVIEW to thank me! hahaha jk. But do please review if you can! Doumo!

I do not own Meitantei Conan.

ENJOY!


oOo

She had the truth about his identity, but she still had questions-what had she been waiting for all that time? She knew-thought she knew-the Shinichi she had grown up with, but who was the person with her now? He was split in two distinct personalities in her mind.

Over the last three years, she had grown to really love Conan-kun. In some ways, she loved him more than Shinichi-the small boy had never left. He was always there, dependable, brave, watching over her. She really, genuinely, saw him as her little brother, and to think that he was really Shinichi…

How could she sort out her feelings? Did she still love Shinichi as she had before? Or did she love him as a brother? With the sudden fusion of two-and, at the same time-death of the two separate boys she loved more than anything, her heart screamed at her to find out the truth. Her feelings for Araide-sensei were genuine, and she didn't want to hurt him, but she felt, undeniably, that her story with Shinichi wasn't over yet. He had just faded away to be replaced by someone else, this boy before her she only knew in parts (Shinichi or Conan, not both, which was who he really was). Where did that leave her? With years of floating, unanswered questions and fluctuating feelings? She needed to confirm it once and for all-how she felt about him.

Were they over? Could they finally finish this-cleanly-definitively-so that she could really, truly move on? Live on confidently? She was sick of dragging herself along, always wondering, always letting the unsolved mystery of Kudou Shinichi and his feelings and hers weigh on her mind. She was ready to be done with it all. These thoughts, circling in her mind to varying degrees for…how long? She wasn't sure-over a year, for sure…some of her doubts, however, had started long before…

Watching him collapse to the ground in an anguish which was absolutely foreign to her, a depth of feeling she had never seen from him, her feelings came to a head. She no longer knew who he was. But she was desperate to know. Even if she didn't love him that way anymore, she still loved him. She loved the little boy who had been by her side, and she treasured the memories she had of Shinichi. She couldn't lose him-this one being who had made all of those memories with her. She wanted to get to know him-to know where she stood with him, so their relationship-be it as friends, siblings, lovers-could grow.

It was with this conviction that she leaned down and gently pressed her lips to his.

The lips under hers tensed, but otherwise, there was no response.

Ran felt an odd, cold sensation on her cheek. With a little gasp, she pulled back. As she'd kissed him, a new stream of tears had started to roll down his cheek. She felt a slight pang in her heart and touched her hand to the wetness on her face. Never before had she seen Shinichi cry like this-tears of frustration, sure, but unchecked and pain-filled tears like these… It was just more proof of how little she now knew of the man she'd once loved. And also…


oOo

His feelings were so confused, at once terrified and impatient in his desire to reach Kaito, to save him…and somewhat bemused that suddenly the secret of Conan had come out to Ran…and at a time like this. And how little it mattered. Somewhat anticlimactic, he couldn't help but think.

So consumed was he with these thoughts, that he hadn't seen it coming. But the instant her lips touched his, he felt his heart begin to break all over again. An intense wave of guilt, and a fierce sense that he was betraying Kaito overwhelmed him. This kiss with Ran held nothing-but it hit him that that didn't surprise him at all. He was suddenly beyond caring what had happened in the past. All he knew was that his feelings had never been so clear. A sense of relief, of freedom, settled into his heart and a slight smile crept to his lips as he looked up to meet Ran's eyes, wide in a gentle, concerned curiosity.

When he smiled up at her, she knew, and she, too, felt a sense of understanding, of relief. Reaching forward, she clasped his hand in her own and smiled down at him. "I see now. You love someone else, don't you?" She asked softly, watching him.

Still holding her gaze in his own, a shadow of guilt passed his eyes. "Ran…" he said softly.

She smiled a little a shook her head. "I'm glad I was able to confirm this for myself, Shinichi."

Squeezing his hand again, she continued. "Now I can really, finally, move on. Not knowing what had happened to you, I think I've just been clutching to this ideal…an image of you that I created-a mix between the old you and the person I assumed you had become. Since it wasn't real, and since we never honestly faced each other, I could never escape from that image. The idea of you was always hanging behind me, and I couldn't help wondering if we still could have worked."

Conan's eyes darkened for an instant. "Ran…I'm so sorry…I…thought I was protecting you and…I'm such an asshole."

"You're right about that last part." She laughed lightly before going on. "Look, Shinichi, I have my answer now. I love you. But I don't love you that way, anymore. Now I know for sure."

Conan's eyes widened as he looked at her. Her eyes were clear, and her smile was genuine. Slowly, she reached forward and gathered him to her chest, just holding him and laughing a little again. "I really do think you're a huge jerk for what you put me through, but I know you were trying to be noble, and besides…you did a lot for me as Conan. I just hope this new person can make you happy…" She smiled at the blush that was settling on his cheeks.

Suddenly, his fear returned and crushed into him with the force of a steam-roller. "Ran-neec-I mean, Ran! I need to get to the heist right now!"

Looking confused, Ran was like… "That's fine, Shinichi. It isn't like I can ground you, anymore…well, I guess I COULD, really, if I just don't tell dad about your identity (which, at least for now, is probably a good plan), but…" It suddenly hit her. How could she have been so blind? His shaking, his nightmares, how his odd behavior had started (well, gotten worse) after a KID heist, his flinching every time Kaitou Kid was mentioned…all of it, and that astonishing depth of feeling she'd seen earlier flashing in his eyes right now…it all pointed to one conclusion. "Shinichi…do you love…Kid?"

Conan turned to her, so shocked that his panicked expression washed away for the second. Suddenly, a new fire of determination rose up in his chest and, looking at Ran, said, "Yes, Ran. I'm certain, now, that I do." They just held each others' gazes, mutual understanding charging between them. "Now I have to go. I have to stop the reckless idiot before something bad happens."

"Be careful, Shinichi. That's my little brother's body you have there, after all!"

He chuckled lightly. "Ittekimasu."

With a last smile and a wave, Conan turned his gaze up to the sky, determination flaring up in his eyes. Whipping out his super-powered skateboard, he took off into the night.


oOo

"What is that idiot doing?" Nakamori-keibu muttered under his breath. Damn, it was just like that Conan brat had said. Kid was being beyond reckless tonight.

Conan's words had really struck a chord with the inspector. He knew that someone had been targeting Kid recently, and if Conan was right (as he was an oddly high percentage of the time), the one sniper in particular who seemed to target the thief mercilessly would be here tonight-the one who he'd been sure had shot Kid the other night...

*Flashback*

From where they were locked in the stairwell, attempting to get to the roof, they heard the horrible sound of a bullet ripping through flesh, as well as what was unmistakably Kid's anguished scream.

By the time they'd finally plowed down the door, there was no sign of Kid (or that Conan kid who was always chasing him), but there was a large pool of what looked like fresh blood on the rooftop. Nakamori-keibu's heart had dropped. "Search for Kid! After that sniper!"

Of course, they'd had no luck locating either, and Nakamori-keibu had been growing consistently more irritable when the next morning came and went with no word. When the next day, too, had passed, he found himself unable to concentrate on anything but where that damn thief might have gone to.

If he'd been thinking more rationally, it might have occurred to him that Kid didn't make a habit of contacting him with his whereabouts (or with news of his health) after heists, but this was different! He'd been shot! He had to get treated, or…and so Nakamori-keibu had spent the day visiting hospitals, pinching far too many patients' faces, eventually being asked none-too-politely by the hospital director to leave.

He didn't actually care about the thief, did he? No, that was impossible. He just wasn't going to let him slip through his grasp-he'd been chasing him for twenty years, dammit! It was his place and would be his reward for such astounding perseverance that he would be the one to unmask Kaitou Kid!

Part of him, however, knew there was more to it then that.

It wasn't just that he'd started to help the police force recently…each time making sure to avoid being caught himself after delivering the newest criminal, all wrapped-up to be taken to prison. The first day after that night's shooting that Kid had been sighted, Nakamori had felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from his heart, and he couldn't stop smiling. Aoko raised her eyebrow over dinner at her father's quickly changing moods, but decided to let it pass, instead smiling to herself as she speared the grilled salmon on her plate.

*End Flashback*

"Seriously, that idiot! Is he really trying to get himself shot? He's sure making himself a good target."

Again remembering Conan's words, a chill washed over him. "Alright, men. Here's the mission. Cover KID! Don't let a shot get in, understand?"

At Nakamori-keibu's words, Kaito's heart dropped and he turned his head sharply to catch the inspector's eye, shaking his head firmly. Damn it, Keibu. What will have been the point of my trying to distract them all this time if you alert them to your numbers right away like that? I explained this in the note…

Nakamori continued to stare at Kid, his nerves obvious even from his perch 50 feet up-what's wrong with him? What happened to the confident, obnoxious Kid I'm so used to?

Then he saw it-a glint in the moonlight-A gun? It was…a sniper! The same one?

"KID! Watch out!" At Nakamori-keibu's voice, Kid managed to dodge the bullet that shot his way.

He smirked a little, but just as suddenly his heart went cold as he noticed another sniper, aiming straight for Nakamori.

"KEIBU! Look out!" And Kid dove, hang-glider-less to increase his speed, towards the wide-eyed inspector.

"KID-what?"

Kid opened his hang-glider at the last second, pushing Nakamori out of the way as a sharp pain hit him in the shoulder, causing him to spin out and crash into the side of a building. Ouch…I did not need that bump on the head to go with… Looking at his arm, he cringed a little. The bullet had taken a little chunk out of the side of his arm, and blood was staining his right sleeve dark red.

The pain of the wound hit him like a massive swing to the head. He swooned a little, but managed to whisk out the first aid package he carried with him, stopping the blood for the time being, at least.

"KID! Are you okay?" Nakamori was running up to Kaito, who looked a little worse for the wear, but managed a confident smirk nonetheless. "Why, keibu! Of course I am! I appreciate your concern, but rest assured, such a trifling thing like a bullet can't take…"

Another sniper was aiming at them…grabbing Nakamori, Kaito pulled the older man out of range, releasing him when they had reached sufficient cover.

"Dammit. What a bust. Keibu, these guys are too dangerous to be dealt with the normal way. The only way is to combine stealth with power, but we can't let them know how many officers we have, or we're just going to be sitting ducks!"

"Hey! Don't lecture me about how to do my job! You were being too damn reckless! It's just like that kid said…"

Kaito felt his heart skip a beat. "W-what did you say?"

"I got a call from that Conan-kun kid who always follows you around and he sounded all panicky, warning me to go and save you or some such nonsense…that you were probably half-planning on letting them get you tonight…and you know what? I think the boy has your number."

He couldn't believe it. There he was, thinking that Shinichi no longer wanted anything to do with him, had probably not spared a thought for him since that night…He'd felt sure, had convinced himself that that was the case, but if it were so, how had he known his plans so thoroughly? Maybe even more clearly than he, himself, had…had he really planned on dying tonight? He certainly hadn't done much to avoid it these last few days… a warm glow began to ignite somewhere in his chest…it was faint, but powerful. Could he dare to hope?

"Ummm Kid? KID?"

"O-oh, sorry keibu!" Kaito grinned at the detective who looked thoroughly confused by Kid's rapidly changing moods. "What were you saying?"

"I was wondering what you're planning on doing now. You can't go in, now. You're wounded. Why don't you go home and you can let the police handle it from here."

As Nakamori looked at Kid, it struck him for the first time that he seemed…young. But how could that be? He'd been chasing him for over twenty years! Could it be possible this wasn't the same one? For some reason, he felt like this prankster-thief was little more than a teenager-probably around his daughter's age…he reminded him so much of…

More shots rang out, and Kaito again pushed Nakamori behind him. "Listen, keibu. This is my party, I'M the one who arranged it, and I intend to maintain my "no-on-gets-hurt" policy as long as possible. So you need to promise me that you and your men will be careful."

"I'd like to say the same to you. Why do you get to be the hero, all of a sudden?" Nakamori give Kid a little smirk.

"I thought it was about time for a change," Kaito chuckled a little. "But maybe you're right-there might not be much we can do this time. Cover's already blown and all, so I suppose we could recoup and prepare better for next time."

"Why the sudden change of heart?"

"Oh, something you said just made me think…maybe I do have a reason to be careful…"

Nakamori just stared. What had he said to cause this change in Kid?

More shots range out, and they flinched. Suddenly, a horrible foreboding sense washed over Kaito… "Keibu! Did Conan-kun say he was coming?" Reaching over and clutching Nakamori's shoulders, he was suddenly full of panic.

"Uh, well…he seemed interested in coming, but I told him to leave it to the police."

Releasing Nakamori, Kaito started to back up before turning around and racing back to where they'd come from-towards where the gunshot had just sounded.

"Kid! What's wrong? Do you think it's Conan?"

"Don't worry, keibu! I'll take care of everything!" He yelled back as he bolted forward, his world spinning in absolute fear. His feet were touching the ground, but he felt as if he were flying-the shots had finally gone silent. Kaito found the silence even worse, the air heavy and threatening.

He ran like a zombie around…please…please…wait for me, Shinichi! WAIT FOR ME!

He couldn't even see where he was going, tears clouding his vision, but his legs seemed to move automatically. The pain in his heart was tugging him along. There. Against the wall where he had been thrown earlier, was a small body.

He barreled forward as his spinning world crashed down around him, diving onto the boy whose eyes were closed, a bullet wound in each his leg, arm and chest…

Kaito collapsed on top of him, gathering him to him, kissing every inch of his face, crying… "Shinichi…" he said softly, but the boy didn't respond. "Shinichi! You can't… you can't!" Tears doubling over and running through Conan's hair, Kaito stood cradling him, frantically thinking that he had to get him away from this horrible place. Clutching him to his chest for dear life, he ran as he'd never run before, ignoring the curious eyes of the policeman around, hardly aware of where he was going.

A few minutes later, he gently set him down on the grassy floor of their secret grove. The moon was shining down on him, and though his eyes were still shut, his skin still looked so warm, so completely…fine. Bending down again to stroke the beautiful too-young face, removing the glasses and placing them to the side, he noticed-he was still completely warm. Was he…?

In a flurry, Kaito had ripped open the lower buttons of the little shirt to listen for his heart. There! It was still…he was alive? What had he been doing wasting all this time, then? It was just like before…but… looking back at Conan, he thought-but the spell's gone, he said…

Without hesitating for another instant, Kaito crawled on top of him, careful not to put any weight down, and stared at his face. "I love you so much, Shinichi. Please, come back to me. You have no idea how much I need you…" And he bent down and pressed his lips on Conan's. He held them together until he couldn't any longer, but pressed on further anyway, letting tears roll from his eyes to settle on Conan's cheeks.

Pulling back, he looked at the face. It now looked like Conan had been crying, he mused, gently stroking a finger across the detective's soft cheek, wiping up the tears. Placing his hand down again, he came up with more tears…had he cried that much? He gasped.

A little stream of water was flowing from Conan's eyes.

"Sh-shinichi?" Softly, he bent over, willing him with everything he had to please wake up. Please. Softly, he kissed the eyes which had been crying, trying to urge them on-cry some more-show another sign of life. Under his lips, he felt a flutter-he pulled back in shock to see a pair of beautiful, intelligent blue eyes staring up at him.

"K-Kaito? You... were okay, then…" He sighed, softly, and began to close his eyes again.

"Shinichi? Wait! Don't! Don't go to sleep-what if you.." he couldn't go on, but his crying began again, once again gathering the detective close, nuzzling his face in the boy's hair, beginning his onslaught of kisses anew. "Please, please be okay. Please don't leave me."

A gentle hand squeezed his. "Kaito." Turning him around to face him, Kaito stared at the slight smile creeping onto Conan's face. "I'm sorry, Kaito, for being so stupid."

Kaito just shook his head, feeling so thankful that he-that they-were alive, he could hardly believe it. "You have nothing to apologize for, Shinichi. I shouldn't have pushed you, and…"

He was silenced by Conan's hand placed over his lips. "Listen to me, Kaito. I don't care if I was under a spell or what. I know for sure now. I love you-I love you more than I have ever loved anybody, and I need you..."

Kaito just stared at Conan, arms shaking slightly as he still held him in his arms.

"You…do?" He said dumbly.

Without answering, Conan gripped the collar of Kaito's shirt and pulled his face down to eye level, looking through him with his piercing eyes before finding his lips with his own, wrapping his little arms around Kaito's neck as he continued to kiss him. All of the doubts, the fears, the sadness, the loneliness, the emptiness, the nightmares, the pain…in this one kiss, they all seemed to vanish into nothing.

The difference in size of their bodies meant nothing. They were two beings who needed each other, who loved each other fiercely. They both knew it, and there was nothing to be done about it. As they continued to hold each other, even the physical pain of their injuries seemed to melt into nothing. Gripping each other more tightly, they explored each other's mouths more fully than they had before, their hands moving everywhere-Kaito rubbing his hands gently over Conan's small frame, tracing his hands around his shoulders, down his arms, over his chest and under his shirt before settling in his hair…

Conan moved down to kiss Kaito's neck, moving his arms to wrap as far as they could reach around his back, then rubbing his cheek into this shirt. "I missed you…" he said.

At this, Kaito wrapped his arms even more tightly around him, staring into his eyes in wonder. "Oh, Shin-chan…you have no idea how I've missed you…"

"I think I have a pretty good idea," Conan smirked at him. "I am a detective, after all."

"Haha, that's true. I suppose I've learned my lesson a few times, underestimating your odd breed."

Conan gave him a little playful scowl before kissing him once more. Gently, Kaito settled his back on the tree, Conan leaning back on his chest, the magician thief's arms wrapped snugly around his stomach.

"Why did you bring me here?"

"It just felt like the right thing to do," Kaito responded. "I don't know…I guess because I was hoping for a miracle when I saw you lying there…like that…" he gulped. "Now I really know what fear is," he added softly.

Slowly turning, Conan looked softly up into his eyes, tracing his finger over Kaito's face. "I'm sorry for worrying you, but you worried me, too, you know. I was so sure I was too late…"

Kaito smiled back down at him and shook his head. "…I'm sorry...Honestly, if you hadn't come, it just might have been." Gazing fixedly at him, he continued. "I'm not sure when it happened, Shin-chan, but I'll tell you something I know for sure, now...I really can't live without you."

Conan ran his fingers over Kaito's lips and then said, "Same here, Kaito."

They just continued to gaze at each other, content to simply be together, holding each other, losing themselves in the deep pools of the other's eyes… "Shin-chan, how are your injuries?"

"Come to think of it, they don't hurt anymore."

Curiously, Kaito ripped open Conan's shirt to look at the gun wound in his chest. Where the angry, open wound had been not long before now looked like an old scar. Checking the others, they were fine, too…and so was Kaito's arm…

"What does this…" with a sudden pang, Kaito couldn't help but let his uncertainty get the best of him. "Shin-chan. You don't think you're still under that spell, then, do you?"

Conan looked up at him seriously. "Kaito, I've been thinking about this non-stop this past week and I will tell you. Even if I am still under a spell, my feelings are genuine-they aren't some fake, unnaturally-produced thing. Thinking I was under a spell, I convinced myself that that had to be all it was-that my feelings were fabricated. I can promise you that that is not the case. I love you, Kaito, and even if we hear, again, that I was magicked into it at first...that will not change. I genuinely love you. No magic could produce feelings like these. Infatuation, lust, I can believe. Love? Hm. Not like this..."

Kaito felt his heart stop before it began to start again in fluttery, ecstatic starts. "So you mean…we can be… together?" He asked hesitantly.

Conan laughed at how innocent Kaito sounded, particularly funny considering their respective appearances, currently.

"Yes, I'd say we can definitely be together."


Yay, finally! Those two get some well-deserved happiness again! :D CUTECUTECUTE couple. hahaha. Okay, I'm done.

Thanks for reading-please, please let me know what you think! yoroshiku onegaishimasu~!

p.s. Here is my song for the happy part of this chapter: Debussy's "L'isle Joyeuse."

Especially the last 1:30 seconds...if I can be so bold-I"m not suggesting my WRITING can be equated to this fabulous piece-it just reflects the two's longish-awaited happiness!

Anyway... please continue to read!

tess4aria