So What? Pt. 9

Marissa was standing outside of Sadie's door. She had been debating whether or not to knock on the door for some time now.

The guilt that she had been feeling since starting her tryst with the dark haired beauty had intensified ten fold. Marissa knew that logic would tell her that her guilt over cheating on Alex should be taken away since it turned out Alex had also cheated on her, with her best friend to top it off.

That's what hurt Marissa the most, that her best friend was involved in betraying her. Of course what had really confused her was that even Alex cheating on her with Summer could be blamed on Marissa herself.

Had Marissa not lied to Alex about being with her mom, Alex wouldn't have had time to be around Summer alone.

Then her anger turned toward somebody different; Seth. Had Seth not been such an insensitive boyfriend, Summer could have gone home with them, thus keeping Alex and Summer away from each other.

Marissa suddenly found a third party to blame fro her and Alex's failed relationship, Julie Cooper. Had Julie not been such a bitch Friday night then she could've gone home with Alex, assuring that her and Summer didn't have much alone time. Also, had Julie not insisted her being home that night then Marissa could have avoided spending extra time with Sadie. Finally Marissa's thoughts made a full circle and she once again blamed herself.

That night, when they went to drop off Sadie, Sadie accidentally locked herself out of her home. Since it was late and nobody really felt like breaking into the house, Marissa offered to let Sadie sleep over at her house, after all with the Cohen's home Ryan couldn't take her in for the night. Once at Marissa's they got to talking, really talking. It didn't take long for Marissa to see exactly why Ryan was so smitten with her. Sadie was of course gorgeous; Marissa was shocked with her attraction to the other girl, since up until this point she felt as though the only other girl she would ever be attracted to was the blonde bombshell, Alex. Sadie was also smart; when she spoke elegance was emanated through her words, even when they spoke of ridiculous things like the brilliance of the Fairly Odd Parents cartoon. Marissa couldn't fight the butterflies that fluttered in her stomach when the girls crawled into bed together, she couldn't explain why she felt the way she felt, but she liked it and that's what scared her the most.

Marissa couldn't explain why she lied to Alex about where she would be the next day. Her only guess was that somewhere in her mind she knew that she didn't have only friendly intentions with Sadie.

Saturday had been mostly friendly, that was until they were taking a walk on the beach. No other people were on the beach making it feel like only Marissa and Sadie existed. Thought of Alex would sometimes enter Marissa's mind, but she always managed to push them away.

While they were on the beach, something changed for Marissa. Under the moonlight she realized that she needed to have Sadie. Whether it was now or later, she knew that eventually her need would be too great and she would have to have Sadie, eventually she would have to feel Sadie's lips pressed against her own; she would need to feel Sadie's body press against her own. Marissa and Sadie had kissed that night and despite Sadie's concern about hurting Ryan the darker girl decided to throw caution to the wind and have her way with Marissa. They made their way to Sadie's home and…made love? No, Marissa shook her head, she didn't love Sadie. They had simply had sex. It wasn't rough, but it definitely wasn't making love, it just was. Marissa had gone with it and though there was a lot of passion and need, Marissa knew that she and Sadie likely wouldn't make a good couple.

After the confrontation on Summer's front porch, Marissa went to the spot where Alex and her had shared their first kiss. Marissa often went there to do her thinking, she felt as though it was her safe spot. Whenever she was there she felt at peace, she could almost feel Alex's arms wrap around her.

Tonight the brunette realized that Alex and Summer could not be together. Alex and Marissa had the monopoly on lesbian relationships within their circle of friends. Summer was supposed to be with Seth forever. Then again, up until a few months ago, Marissa thought that she and Ryan were supposed to be together forever.

Marissa came to the conclusion that she needed Alex back. She refused to just roll over and let Summer have Alex.

Marissa knew that her plan to get Alex back couldn't be put into action any time soon. Right now she was still angry with Alex and with herself. Plus she knew that Summer would be hanging around Alex and Marissa couldn't take that. She wasn't sure that her and Summer would ever be alright again. Deep down she knew that her and Summer's relationship was not strong enough to take this kind of blow.

For now Marissa would find comfort with Sadie. Yes, Marissa knew that this was not fair to her or Sadie, but she had a feeling that both would know that they were using each other.

Suddenly Marissa was snapped out of her thoughts by a car door slamming shut behind her. She was too lost in her thoughts to hear it pull up. When she looked up she met the eyes of her betrayed friend. Marissa had truly never felt so low in her entire life. Ryan stood before her looking broken, sad and confused. Marissa truly felt remorseful in that moment, she felt bad for dragging him into her little soap opera. She felt a tear escape down the side of her face before Sadie stepped out of her house to face Ryan with her. Yes, Marissa knew that they would both be trying to find comfort in each other; they would both be trying to find a solace from their broken hearts. Marissa chocked on her tears as she realized that she had, and would likely continue to, hurt the only man that had stood by her throughout everything that she did wrong.

She wasn't given enough time to fully explore where these thoughts would lead because a pair of headlights and the killing of a car engine brought her back to the moment. Quickly the doors opened and Alex and Summer stepped out. Seeing her former lover and her former friend being so solid together broke something inside of Marissa and she knew nothing would ever be truly carefree anymore.

A/N- I don't ant Marissa to be seen as the bad guy and Alex and Summer to be seen as the heroes. They all did something wrong and they have to deal with it and accept it.

Yeah, but this series is just getting started; hopefully people will wanna come along with me for the ride.

Oh, yeah…just to make sure EVERYONE knows, yes Alex is a girl. Hmm…I guess for the people who don't watch the O.C., but yeah….just clarifying.