To the eternal surprise of Sam, when their 'sperm donor' as Crowley had so flippantly called him, heard about Dean's condition and how it was extremely unlikely he would ever wake he started looking for the nearest crossroads.
Bobby told Sam, who called Crowley and told him the situation. Crowley was all too happy to come and make a deal.
John didn't know where the demon had come from, considering he never summoned it, but he decided it was better not to ask.
"I cannot believe he actually made a deal to bring me back," said Dean.
"So did you met the resident reaper?"
"A chick named Tessa. Pretty hot too, from what I saw."
"You going to ask Mort to put in a good word for you?" asked Sam, noticing said reaper nearby.
"Are you nuts? Do I look like I enjoy necrophilia? Dating a reaper would be just weird," said Dean laughing.
He didn't see Mort's expression of relief at that announcement, but Sam did and he struggled not to laugh. Mort was probably well aware of Dean's...habits...when it came to relationships. Though Sam went over how Dean described dating a reaper and grinned anyway.
"You consider dating a reaper necrophilia?" said Sam.
"Dude. They reap souls and can't be seen unless your close to death and have you felt Mort's hand recently? It's so cold that it's like jumping in an icy lake," said Dean flatly.
"Does this have anything to do with...his...memories?"
"That too. Magical ghosts might not deteriorate like normal ones, but walking through one is never fun," said Dean.
"Didn't you once say that that there was a pervy ghost girl in that school?"
"Moaning Myrtle. She once said that if I died I was free to share her toilet," shuddered Dean.
"Either way, I'm just glad you're back up and about boy. I do have one question though... why did you bring the dog when you went to meet John?" asked Bobby.
"To prank him of course," said Dean as if it were obvious.
"Where the hell did you find a dog that farts whenever he eats Mexican?"
Dean sighed. He had told Sammy the basic gist, but he had never gone into any real details of how he had rescued Bear. Or his full ancestry.
"We might as well sit down with a beer if I'm going into details," said Dean.
Dean was at the table with Sam, Bobby and a very happy Bear eating a massive bone.
"I was in this no-name city that I didn't bother to remember the name of. I was looking for some quick action to pay for gas, and this guy takes one look at the Impala and asks me if I want in on this hot new thing where the cops don't go. Naturally I'm curious, so I paid him two hundred up front to get in. I get his address so far out there that there's no patrols or anything."
Dean paused and took a drink.
"The first I knew that I had stumbled into something that would leave a sour taste in my mouth was when I hear the dogs. All sorts of breeds and I could hear the snarling and cheering. Now I knew something was up, especially when they all but made me hand over my cell phone and checked me for a wire," said Dean.
"But your hunter phone is charmed not to be noticed in case you get pulled over by cops, so they missed it," said Sam.
"Which was a good thing. I get into the place, pay another hundred and the second I see the ring I knew what was going on," said Dean.
"You walked right into a dog fighting rink in the middle of nowhere? How the hell did you avoid getting arrested?" said Bobby.
"Easy. I'm the reason the assholes running it were busted. Now here I was in a betting rink and being watched like a hawk. So I carefully slipped my hand into my pocket and dialed 9-1-1 and then kept the phone. By the time the cops arrived I was the only one not arrested because they checked everyone's phones to see who called the emergency services. Turned out it was a group of dog fighting rinks and they needed help busting the ring-leader."
"Did they get him?"
"Oh yeah. He was there watching me and thanks to the fact I charmed my hunting phone to be invisible to non-magicals he had no idea I called the cops in. I stuck around to make sure the dogs were all rescued and that's when I overheard that one of them was too expensive to save... so I ponied up a fake credit card and paid off the vet myself. No way was I letting a dog die because the shelter couldn't afford to save him."
"So that's how you saved Bear?" said Sam. He was impressed.
"Oh, it gets even better. I took Bear to the first magical alley I could find to make sure he was safe from any nasties I might accidentally transfer...and it turns out he's not actually a full St. Bernard. He's only a third."
"What's the rest?" asked Bobby, who had been silent up till this point.
"Well half his parentage is St. Bernard... but the rest is, and you won't believe this... a magical Foo dog and Hell Hound mix. According to the records, one of Bear's grandparents was a sacred temple dog that wandered off while in heat and got knocked up by a hell hound. The monks sent the litter away, and one of them knocked up a pure breed St. Bernard. Bear's the only one of his litter who survived," said Dean amused.
"Let me get this straight. You have a St. Bernard, temple dog and hell hound mix? Do you have any idea how rare that kind of mixture is? Foo dogs alone are nearly impossible to get out of the monasteries!" said Bobby incredulous.
"I know. Best part? Bear's signature registers him as my own familiar."
"Lucky," said Sam.
Dean always wanted a familiar, but none of the ones he looked at appealed to him. So finding one that suited his nature really was a lucky find...especially one as awesome as Bear.
Bear woofed in response to that statement, causing Dean to laugh.
"How long did it take for you to find out Bear couldn't eat Mexican before he turned into a ticking time bomb?" asked Bobby.
"About two days. I had half a burrito left on the table in this crappy motel which was owned by this bitchy old lady who kept giving me these creepy looks. I was getting out of the shower and starting to put my stuff in the car when Bear ate the burrito on the table and five minutes later let loose this god awful fart. I had already paid and was heading back to get him when it happened, so I grabbed Bear, closed the door and got the hell out of there. I read an article in the paper the next morning saying that someone let off a nasty stink bomb that made the room uninhabitable..."
Sam grinned and started snickering.
"Best part was that snoopy old lady was the first person to walk into the room and she passed out!" said Dean outright grinning. Sam broke into outright laughter when Dean brought out the article in question, complete with a picture of the old lady ranting to the cops.
"I hate clowns, but I love that dog," said Sam flatly a few days later.
They were forced to take an alternate car from Bobby's lot that couldn't be traced back to them, and Bear had whined when he got a good whiff of the interior.
And it was Bear who distracted the thing they were after long enough for Dean to kill it.
"There's a reason why Bear is our mascot," said Dean grinning.
It really amused Dean that his dog was officially considered the Harvelle brother's mascot. If they had the dog, then other hunters knew who they were without being told.
Bear barked in agreement and wagged his tail when Dean scratched his ear. He had so earned another large bone for his help.
"So how are you holding up since John's death?" asked Sam.
"Sammy, he was dead to me the second I found out about Adam. The fact he actually made a deal to bring me back still leaves me surprised," said Dean flatly.
Dean was not happy until he had the Impala up and running again. Even if it did take him far too long to fix the damage (even with magic to straighten out the frame) and find parts for his car. Once it was drivable again, the first thing Dean did was turn his car into a veritable tank. No way was he having a repeat of what happened with the semi.
It had so many runes on the thing that Dean was surprised that the electrical didn't die on it. And Sam managed to even convince his brother to put in an iPod jack so they could listen to something other than 'mullet rock' as Sam called it.
However Dean allowed it only as long as Sam never played anything chick worthy. If he caught his brother listening to something like Alanis Morrisette or god forbid Avril Lavigne in his car, he wouldn't hesitate to shoot his brother in the ass.
(Bear apparently agreed with this sentiment, because the one time there was an Avril Lavigne song in the car he started howling like the damned and wouldn't shut up until one of them changed the station. He was definitely Dean's dog through and through.)
For their first case since getting the Impala back running again, Bobby sent them on a vampire hunt.
However what they ran into there had Dean growling.
He really, really didn't like the hunter known as Gordon.
"Well, well. If it isn't little Dean. Haven't seen you since we went on that hunt when you were seventeen," said Gordon.
"Hello Gordon. Still using your partners as bait for the covens?" said Dean.
"Haven't had a partner in months."
"I wonder why," said Dean sarcastically.
Gordon's obsession with killing vampires had nearly gotten Dean killed when the bastard used him as bait for the coven, and then didn't think to back him up when one was about to bite him. It was only because Ellen had called Bobby that Dean had gotten out of there alive at all.
He got chewed out good and proper by his dad, but at least Dean knew that Gordon wasn't the best person to partner with, which he considered worth nearly being bitten by a vampire.
"Stay out of our way and I won't have Bear attack you," said Dean.
Then they left. Dean wanted nothing to do with Gordon and there was no way in hell he was letting his brother get near the bastard.
A few hours later they were reviewing the signs of a vampire coven, and what they found had both brothers groaning.
"You don't think this is another one of those damn Cullen Covens do you?" asked Dean.
"Sure as looks like it," grimaced Sam.
A Cullen Coven was considered a total joke by magical hunters. It was a more polite way of calling the coven a vegetarian one who was likely an avid fan of the Twilight series which had caused an upshoot in people being turned. Damn Stephenie Meyer and those stupid books... They were called Cullens because of the main vegetarian vamps in the Twilight saga, and it was annoying to run into them on a hunt.
Unfortunately for them, hunters like Gordon never distinguished between a harmless (if highly irritating) Cullen vampire and a regular one.
Which meant they might have to help the coven relocate. That was always a total pain in the ass.
"Toss you for it," said Dean.
"Heads," said Sam. Dean flipped a quarter and it came up tails. Sam cursed.
"You can take Bear with you," offered Dean.
"Then who's going to be your back-up?"
"Hello? Wandless?" said Dean rolling his eyes. He could get off an ankle-hanging spell so long as he knew the general direction his attackers were in. It was one of the few silent and wandless spells he had in his arsenal.
Besides, if worst came to worst he could always pull a Stitch and roll out of there. He had that transformation down so well he could do it in three seconds flat. And Stitch was bullet proof to boot.
"Just be careful," said Sam.
"Sammy, this is me we're talking about," said Dean.
"That's what worries me," Sam shot back.
It took Sam two hours to find the general location... and by that he would mean they caught him first and brought Bear with them just in case.
Once he had the gag out of his mouth and saw Bear, he rolled his eyes at the vampire chick.
"You could have just come up and told me you were with the damn coven. You didn't need to gag me," he said annoyed.
"You're a hunter. We had to be careful."
"And you're a Cullen. Look, how many of this coven is left so we can get you guys relocated to a new area? The sooner we get that paperwork done the sooner we can all leave?" asked Sam bluntly.
"What did you call me?" she said offended. She hated Twilight. So insulting.
"A Cullen Vampire. It's the general term used for covens who go 'vegetarian' rather than hunt humans," said Sam, before he had to add "It was less insulting than calling you a hippie vamp."
"Oh. How could you tell?" she asked. Being called a 'Cullen' was less insulting.
"Cattle mutilations. You're not the only coven who practices the no-humans policy out there, but the paperwork to relocate you is a bitch and a half."
Bear barked in agreement.
"What's with that dog? He didn't even react to us."
"Bear? Consider him our mascot."
"Bear the... You're a Harvelle aren't you?" she said.
"Sam Harvelle. My brother's keeping Gordon out of your hair until we can remove you from the area. Hopefully he doesn't get shot for it," said Sam.
The vampire girl untied him. The Harvelles were known to leave any creatures that didn't hunt humans alone, but exterminated those that did with extreme prejudice, unless it was accidental.
Sam took out his 'hunter' phone and dialed a well-known number.
"Hello, this is the Department of Creature and Non-Human resources. How may I help you this evening?" asked a voice on the other end. Sam had it on speaker for the vampire's benefit.
"I have a Cullen coven and there's a known extremist hunter after them. I need a relocation team for..."
"Eight," she supplied.
"Eight vampires. How soon can you get out here?"
"One moment sir... There's an extraction and relocation team available by midnight. They should arrive at the location within two hours, please have the entire coven ready to move by then."
"Thank you," said Sam. Two hours and they would be out of his hair and they could leave that jerk Gordon in their dust.
The girl vampire went to get the other members of her coven and explained what was going on. They knew about the relocation teams, but it was rare that someone called the team in for them.
Three hours later Sam was back on the road with Dean, Bear with his head in his paws snoring away. Gordon would spend three days of searching before he realized that the coven was long gone.
