Author's note: I'm sorry I missed you guys last night. See, life does get in the way.
Much love to you all.
Jane
Chapter 9
Regina helped Emma straighten up and walk towards the shed sheltering the car. Emma dug her frozen feet into the ice packed snow. "Where are we going?"
"Town." Regina's voice shook and Emma knew, even through the fog of panic how much the woman hated the thought of going into town, of doing anything there. It matched hers thoroughly.
"No. No, I'm not going. You can't take me there. No, no, no. I'm sorry, Regina, I'll give it all back, I promise, please, don't send me back!"
"Emma!" Regina stopped and turned Emma to her, nose to nose. "You're having a baby. You need to go into hospital where you can do so safely."
"I'm not having a baby."
Regina stopped short, disbelief and frustration coloring her features. "Emma!"
"I swear, I'm not having the baby now, please, don't…"
"Emma… I don't… Jesus, Emma… Look at you! You need to go and you need to go now!"
"I'll make it up to you, I swear. I'll work for you or whatever, I'll give it all back. I'll_" Regina held her up as another painful spasm gripped Emma and made her lose her breath. "Just don't. I know it's a lot to ask but trust me… Please."
"Emma…"
"I know you can't. Not after what I did but… If you take me there, they'll take Ripley from me. I'll never see him again…"
"You're right, Emma. I don't trust you right now. All I know is that you're a child and you're having a baby and I have absolutely no qualifications that allow me to help you deliver the baby safely and I've had enough death around me. I have enough blood on my hands and I have to live with it every day and I can't have any more."
"You won't have any more, I swear. I swear."
"You're working yourself up, Emma and that is just going to make it all take longer…"
"Good!"
"What do you mean?"
"Listen_" Emma panted through another contraction. This was not good. Not good at all.
"Give me a good reason, Emma. Why are you being this stubborn?"
"In the house. I'll tell you inside."
"You'll tell me in the car and I will do whatever I can to help you and your baby."
"You can't do anything to help us, Regina. Mr. Gold will simply get my baby from me. He's too powerful, knows too many people. He'll get my baby and send me to jail and I will never see my baby again."
"No, he won't. No one can do that."
"He can. He swore to it. And he never breaks a promise. Please! Please, Regina."
… … …
She had to be out of her mind. Absolutely out of her mind. What do you even know about delivering a baby? She asked herself. Nothing, she knew absolutely nothing. She'd always refused to watch child birth videos, to read birth scenes in books and she closed her eyes when it happened in movies. What was the point? She'd never have her own babies. It just was the kind of torture she'd never been willing to put herself through. She'd watched the birth of a horse once, on TV, and had been reduced to a puddle of tears and emotions she couldn't understand. What was she going to do now? The only reasonable course of action was to call a doctor. To call Dr Whale and… and what? Persuade him to come? Thank you for coming, Dr, this way please? He wouldn't. Not to her place. God forbid your life is ever in my hands, Mrs. Blanchard, he'd said all those years ago while he reset her shoulder. Her father had died already. Would that have been enough payment for his sensibilities? And would he be quiet about the birth? Everybody owed Mr. Gold, it seemed. Her father certainly had. God, Emma, what mess are you in?
And yet, here she was, walking Emma into the house, having not the first clue about what to do. Boil water. That's what they did in the old movies. And then do what with it? Dunk her head in it and drown, that's what.
"I don't know what to do. I don't know how to help you…"
"Google?" Emma laughed at her own solution, but it was a pained, tight smile.
"Oh, now you're laughing!"
"You're not taking me back. That's all I need. It's going to be okay, Regina, I promise. I'm not going to fuck this up, I swear to you."
"You really need to mind your language from now on, you know? Ripley will pick up on it. He'll think it's okay language…"
"I promise. Can we stop for a second?"
"Why?" The answer, though, was clear when Emma gritted her teeth and moaned.
"Here, just hold on to me. Google would be good now."
A twinge of shame hit Emma then. No phones, no internet. And she'd unplugged those. She started walking towards the house when the pain subsided. "Regina, I… I unplugged the phones. They've been working for a while now. I'm so sorry."
Regina adjusted her hold around Emma. "I know."
"I'm sorry."
"I know that too."
… … …
They made it into the house after one more stop. Regina kicked the kitchen door shut with a kick and helped Emma into the sofa. Then, she went frantic. She plugged in the phone and got her computer. No power meant no modem, she reasoned. She wanted to bang her head against the wall.
No power, no modem.
Dial up. There was always dial up. Old school, but it should work. Should. She hoped. She only hoped the laptop would have any battery left for this.
The first few moments were of horrifying fiddling with the settings of the internet which she was no expert at. Mostly just trial and error while she prayed for the battery to hold on. When she finally got a patchy, slow connection, she huffed in relief.
Then she hit a mental blank wall. "What do I Google? Emma? What do I Google?"
Emma was busy with another contraction. "Fucking contractions?" She huffed when got her breath back.
"Birth? Childbirth?"
"Sure…"
Regina hit the keys nearly banging them out of the laptop. "Should this be so fast, so intense right from the beginning?"
"No. I don't know. What do I know, Regina? I'm seventeen. Fuck, Regina, I'm seventeen and I'm having a baby and I don't even know what I'm doing…"
Regina scrambled to Emma and pulled her into a hug. "You're almost eighteen. It's going to be okay. You'll do this and then you'll be a wonderful mom."
"Yeah?"
"I'm absolutely sure."
The results page took an astonishing minute to cough up a few million results. Why would this be easy? Regina scrolled through the page mentally eliminating ads and sponsored links. She concentrated on hospitals and birth clubs. People actually had birth clubs… She looked at Emma and considered the price of admission. "Stages of labor?"
"Yeah… with pictures, please."
"Are you sure about that?"
"It helps me concentrate."
Regina tried the first link that promised a video. Whatever it was, took so long to load the first few frames that Emma was again gripping the sofa through another contraction. Screw it! Regina thought and went to a site that looked a lot more scientific. A lot of text too, so less pictures. She considered her options: the laptop had about 30 minutes worth of battery. Which mean she had thirty minutes in which to learn all she could about birth and how to keep a mother and premature baby alive on her own. She carved her nails into her palms and tried her hardest not to panic. She read through the first entry, the stages of labor and the then went through each detailed explanation of the different stages, the signs of labor and delivery. Care for a new born. It all felt like a blur that she couldn't hold onto because Emma was moaning intermittently and all she wanted to do was to let go and sit with her, comfort her. How could a child go through this?
The battery warning came on screen and blinked. She ignored it and read more and more. Keep calm, it said. In an emergency, keep calm. Easy for them to say. Keep the baby warm. Go to a hospital as soon as possible.
And pray, she added to herself, because if any of the horrendous complicated deliveries was what Emma was looking at, a breach birth or wrapped cord or any of that, Regina was quite sure they would all die here.
Keep calm.
Keep calm.
Breathe.
Keep calm. Okay.
The computer died and then all she could do was face the music and dance.
"So… do we boil water now or later?" Emma asked with a smile braver than her voice.
"What?" Regina took a moment to panic. She hadn't seen anything about boiling water anywhere. "What's the boiling water for?"
"Joking!"
"Emma! Don't joke. Please don't. I'm a nervous wreck!" Emma looked anything but contrite. "Do you think you'd like to go upstairs? To bed?"
"Yeah… I'd like that. My back hurts."
"Okay… Alright. One step at a time."
… …. ….
Emma got into a shower that was only lukewarm. Regina ran to the boiler in the kitchen and added wood by the armful. Okay. This was good. This was doing.
Then she climbed the stairs again and made the bed fresh, because it felt like the appropriate thing to do. The farmer on the TV documentary had laid out fresh hay for the foal to be born in. She could do that. Which was good.
She checked on Emma. Warm water was good. Slowed down the pain. Regina tried hard to remember what she'd read but this was like a bad dream where you wake up during finals without having studied a line.
God, if only she could think. Calm. Keep calm. Calm is essential during the birth. Emma seemed calm enough now that they were not going anywhere. She might as well follow that lead. Keep calm. She changed her clothes too. She'd been outside and all but rolled about in those clothes. She needed to get clean.
Emma came out of the bathroom, wrapped in a towel. Regina hunted around for appropriate clothes to give birth in. She settled for a light, oversized sweater, a keepsake from her Daniel days when she'd gone to games and sports events and cheered on him.
She helped Emma into it, expecting the old familiar sadness that used to wrap itself around her like a hug, but was surprised with the single thought at the sight of it: Emma looked so small in it.
"So… this is really happening, huh?"
"So it seems, Emma."
"Are you scared?"
"I'm terrified."
"Yeah… me too. I'm sorry, you know? About the money and the jewels. The card. I'm really sorry."
"Why did you…" She opened the bed and Emma climbed in, laying on her side. Regina sat behind her and rubbed the small of her back. It elicited a moan of relief from Emma.
"You were talking to the Sheriff…"
"I didn't tell him anything."
"I was scared. I needed money to get out of here."
"I would have given it to you. I would have taken you myself. If only you'd tell me what you're so afraid of."
"You're too scared to leave this place. Your dead have you by the chain on your feet."
"Why do you want to leave? Who's after you?"
"Regina…"
"Please, Emma. You asked me trust you. I am. Here we are. But..."
"What did the Sheriff tell you?"
"That your parents are looking for you."
"No parents, remember?" She was interrupted by another contraction. She held her breath and tried to wait it out. Regina pulled her hand away as if she'd been burnt. "Please, don't stop, Regina, that helps. Please…"
Regina nodded until she remembered that Emma couldn't see her. "Okay." She got back to massaging Emma's back. "Okay. But… I think you have to breathe. Don't hold your breath. Just breathe through it."
"Easy for you to say…"
"I know…"
"Sorry… being a bitch now. Sorry. I'll breathe, I promise."
"Yeah… It said to relax. To work with it. Not against it."
"What does that mean?"
"I don't know… But it seems slower now, huh?"
"Yeah… is that good?"
"Does it hurt less?"
"No. It hurts less often…"
"Let's hope it's good…" Regina waited for a beat, hoping Emma would continue. "So…" She prompted when Emma didn't. "Who's looking for you then? Is Mr. Gold not your father?"
"Fuck no! Do you know him?"
"I told you that Daddy gambled… He gambled a lot with money we didn't have. With money that we couldn't afford."
"And still he played?"
"And still he played."
"Shit…"
"Quite."
"Who did he owe?"
"Storybrooke is a small place…"
"Is that how you know Mr. Gold?"
"Of him. I know of him. I know that he's not a man to be trifled with. So please, Emma, please tell me what kind of deal you have with him." The urgency of the words was somewhat soothed by the circles in Emma's back.
This time she could feel the onset of a contraction and she searched for Regina's hand.
"Breathe… breathe, Emma."
With Regina's coaching, it was easy to remember, easier to breathe. Less scary too, with their fingers clasped tightly. She knew she was squeezing painfully hard, but Regina just let her hold on.
"No deal." Emma panted. "No deal at all. I was just really stupid." Emma touched her belly gingerly, afraid it might hurt just to touch. When it felt relatively safe, she spread her hand and smoothed the skin with gentle fingers. "No regrets. I always thought there was no point to regrets. Can't change anything. Like huh… indigestion of the soul… Shit just repeats on you, you know? And I don't regret anything that gave me Ripley. But I regret coming to Storybrooke. I regret coming to find Neal. I wanted to come here and show him what his love felt like…"
"Emma… I… just tell me that you don't have any deal with Gold. I don't need anything else. I trust you."
"I don't have any deal with Gold. I had one with his son, though. Neal."
"Ripley's dad is Gold's son?"
"He's not the kid's dad. I told you that. He's the back seat of a car… that's all. But it took me a while to catch up… too long. And now, Gold thinks that he's entitled."
"What was the deal? With Neal, I mean…"
"Honor among thieves."
"As in, there's none?"
"I'm seventeen. Do you think that excuses stupidity? I trusted him. We were in this together. Bonnie and Clyde, you know? It was great. I had everything I could ever wish for. We got the car. We slept in nice hotels, ate good food. But the deal was, we trust each other completely. No one else. We were the only two peas in the pod.
"We had this perfect life going on… everything was turning out roses. But nothing good lasts. I got pregnant. He freaked out. We couldn't take care of a kid. We were always on the road, we couldn't take care of a kid. So, you know, 'maybe we should stay in a place for a while', I told him."
She had to stop for another contraction. Regina was there again reminding her to breathe, breathing in and out with her, moping the sweat from her brow.
"It really hurts…"
Emma's voice was so small it made Regina's chest hurt. "How can I help?"
"Don't leave me…"
"I won't. I'm right here…" This time it took longer for Emma to catch her breath. "I think I've figured it out..."
"What part of this mess?"
The attempt at brave front broke Regina's heart. "Why this is so fast… That back pain… you've had for about two days now."
"Yeah… Hurts like a bitch, too."
"You've been in labor for two days, Emma." Emma's sole reply was to pull Regina's hand to her hot forehead. "So… maybe that's good news. It can't take long now…"
"Hope so. Because I'm really not loving this part."
"Oh, Emma…"
"Yeah… It's going to be okay, though. Just a little longer, right?"
"Right… So what happened with settling down with Neal?"
"Neal… Neal was the guy with the angle. He always had a scheme, an angle. And he had me, you know, only a kid, no one suspects a white little girl that looks like an angel… so, he had these watches and he needed someone to go and fetch them for him. So I did. Because look at me… Who on earth would suspect me? Put a nice school uniform and a scared rabbit kind of look and grandmothers stop to buy me candy. Easy. So I went to get the watches. Shit was, police had eyes on 'em.
"They got me 'cause not everybody is stupid enough to trust me, and when they gave me my one phone call, I called him. Told him I was in trouble and needed him. I thought he was gonna be mad, 'cause I was no beginner and I should have spotted the eyes on the watches, but he just said I love you baby and this is for the best. We can't have a kid on the road. I love you, Emms. No matter what happens, you gotta believe that. 'Cause, you know, prison is a cozy place. He told me I wouldn't go to proper jail being a minor and all, but turns out, I did.
"You were in jail?"
Emma only nodded. Regina wasn't sure if the blush she saw on Emma's cheeks was shame or the onset of another contraction. Emma gripped her hand and squeezed through the pain. Regina felt her hand bent at an awkward shape but didn't pull back. There wasn't much more she could give by way of comfort.
Maybe they should time the contractions. Not that they had anywhere they had to be or a doctor they had to report to but it wouldn't hurt. And it would keep her mind occupied. She looked at the alarm clock next to the bed and started timing them.
"Yeah…" Emma continued still out of breath. "And lemme tell you, I was lucky. Cushy place… good cell mate, no one too desperate to make me their bitch, one or two nice guards. Believe me, that's the same as winning the big lottery jackpot. But the only thing I wanted was to get Neal to explain to me why I was going to have a baby in jail. I called him every week for four months and he never picked up. So I made friends with this girl who had a couple shifts in the laundry. That was no Fort Knox. So one day, I just got tired of waiting for Neal to call, for Neal to come and rescue me and I decided to rescue myself. I got out. Used the laundry girl connection and left. If I'd waited, this would be happing in jail. And they wouldn't let me keep him. You tell me, Regina, what kind of father does that to his kid?"
Regina offered what little comfort she could. She ran her fingers down Emma's sweaty hair. "It took me a few weeks but I found him. I find shit easy, you know? Kind of a skill I have... I found him here and I came after him. I swear, the only thing I wanted was to punch him in the balls. Give him an easy prophylactic. But then, he ghosted and Gold got interested."
In truth, Regina could not imagine Gold with a grandchild. The man had the permanent frown of someone whose life is utter misery. Certainly, what she knew of him was of a man without a compassionate bone in his body. Someone terrifying.
"His son left me in jail to rot. And then daddy dearest comes along thinking I'm a cow just so that his son can prove how macho he is. He wants my baby, Regina, because they're kin. He wants to replace his son, or to get a second chance, I don't know, maybe a do over. Neal told me enough shit that I'd believe that even from that lying sack of shit. But he wants that second chance with my kid because his stallion son planted a seed in me and he thinks he's entitled to harvest. No matter what. Neal doesn't give a shit, he's off in the wind and I am so dumb I came here looking for him and falling into the hands of his family. I'm still waiting for the chance to show Neal what his love feels like." The last few words were slurred through gritted teeth, in the throes of a contraction.
Regina looked at the clock. It seemed to her they were getting closer. Three minutes. She waited for the pattern, for the repetition. Maybe there was still time to get to Storybrooke. If the roads were not so glazed in black ice, she'd have insisted more firmly, that was for sure, because seeing Emma in agony was torture. She wanted to do something, anything that would alleviate the pain and she had nothing, not even words.
"You're thinking again. I can hear it from here. What are you thinking about?"
"You're not going to like it…"
Emma smiled. "You want to take me to a hospital." Regina nodded. "Because you're scared."
"I am, yes."
"Don't worry. I'm not going to fuck it up, I swear."
"Emma…"
"Don't worry so much. Women have been doing this forever."
"That's very abstract. Neither you nor I have ever done this before. The potential for_"
"Don't say it. Don't bring bad vibes. It's going to be okay. Just hold the thought."
"Hold the thought, she says…"
"Yeah. Besides, you said it yourself: It can't take much longer."
"Your contractions are about 3 minutes apart. They should be coming one on top of the other before it's time to... you know… push."
"Jeez, sugarcoat it, will you? You mean it's gonna get worse."
Regina was quiet for second. "Faster. It's going to get faster."
"Did I tell you you're really pretty when you get frustrated at me?"
"No…"
"Well… you are. Really pretty."
Regina harrumphed. How did Emma do this to her? This flustering and blushing? "It's just a matter of time. Before you know it, they will be coming one on top of the other and then it's going to be time to push."
"Did you read that?"
"I did."
"That's good. We can do this. We just need time to pass quick, right?"
"We do, yes."
"Tell me a story."
"I beg your pardon?"
"Help time go faster. Tit for tat? I told you my story. Will you tell me yours? I showed you my tat now you show me your_" But she didn't finish.
"Breathe…" And again Regina breathed in and out with her, ostensibly demonstrating, and still holding her hand.
"It was stupid anyway, right? My mouth always gets me in trouble."
Two minutes.
Two minutes. They were approaching crunch time and Regina's hands were frozen with fear.
"I like that about you. I think. Most of the times."
"You like to see me getting in trouble?"
Regina nodded. "I do."
"The tit for tat thing?"
"I've told you all my stories, Emma, all my sins. Quite frankly, I'm shocked you stayed all this time knowing all those stories."
"As opposed to run screaming for the hills? You're my angel, Regina."
"I'm no angel, Emma. My hands are covered in blood. Daniel's, Daddy's. Leopold's. No use pretending."
"Daniel's?"
"Someone messed with the brakes. No one ever proved anything but…"
"Did you do it?"
"No!"
"Chill, I know that. But you take the blame for every other person so… Why do you have his blood on your hands?"
"The car was not that old, Emma."
Emma nodded sagely. "But you haven't told me everything."
"I haven't?"
"No."
"What else would you like to know?"
"Why don't you go into town?"
"I do."
"That's where you were coming from the day we met?"
"It was."
"It was nine. In the morning. You had your car loaded with groceries. What time were you there? Five am?"
"Eight. The shop opens at eight."
"Must be crowded at that time…" Emma waited for a beat, expecting Regina to fill in the blanks. The wait was cut short by another contraction that left her panting. "Make it a good story, Regina, please, make it a really good story…"
Regina felt the knot in her throat tighten and her breathing becoming painful. This time, she held on to Emma's hand. "I'm not welcome in Storybrooke. Mary Margaret believes that I am evil incarnate. And maybe she's right. I killed her father. I let it happen in front of me. I killed my father too. And Daniel. So I've decided that eight am is a good time for me to go to the store. The only resident around is the storekeeper and he doesn't make much of a fuss. I guess my money is as good as any…"
"So they ran you out of town."
"No… I mean…"
Emma just gave her a pained look that brokered no argument. "What about the Sheriff? I heard his voice. His tone. That guy would take you under his wing fast enough… What's the story with him?"
Emma moved uncomfortably on the bed and groaned, a sound from deep in her chest. Had it been two minutes already?
"I don't think I can do this, Regina… I'm sorry… I just… I can't…" Tears sprang from her eyes, big and furious. "Shit… I'm sorry…" But the more she tried to stop, the more the tears free flowed down her face. Lost for what to do, Regina lay down behind Emma, slid her arm under Emma's neck and the other over Emma's chest, letting her hands meet over Emma's heart.
"It's alright, let's take a minute. A minute to be scared, okay?"
"Yeah… I'm sorry… I think I lied. I told you I wasn't gonna fuck it up, but I already did, didn't I?"
"No. You're doing great. You're amazing and everything is going to be okay. You promised. And I believe you. I believe you, alright?"
"Are you scared too?"
"I am. I'm terrified. But in a minute we'll be brave again."
"Okay…" Emma sniffled and then the sniffles became dry sobs and then her body convulsed again. Regina felt the ripple of the muscles under her arm and just held tighter. "Breathe…"
Emma took big lungfuls of air until her body settled down. "Graham… what's the story?"
"There's no story…"
"And I'm a bald monkey!"
Regina sighed deeply. "I told you I'm no angel. But you just want proof… and you won't stop until I disgust you so much that_"
"I know you. Regina, I know you. Just tell me the story…"
"He was Daniel's friend… when we hung out, he tagged along. When we made plans to marry, he was going to throw the best bachelor party. And then, it was all over. That was not my life any more. None of us went to college… Daniel died, I got married, Graham stayed around. I don't think he wanted to go anywhere without Daniel. He started helping at the Sheriff's station, then he got his Deputy badge. And when the old Sheriff retired, he nominated Graham. Leopold didn't have an issue with that. Graham had loose ends, you know? His mother, his brother… Leopold liked people with loose ends… like me. Easier to… control…"
She felt another contraction through her arms around Emma. She stopped but Emma asked her through gritted teeth to carry on. "And then Mary Margaret went to some summer camp and Leopold got meaner and then he left marks. Mother was dead and so I just got dressed one day and went to the police station. I asked to speak to Graham and I showed him the marks. Not all of them. There were things my husband did that I couldn't… I couldn't stand the thought that someone might touch me again… But I think he knew. I thought I was hiding everything perfectly well but… I think he knew. He brought me a cup of coffee and he took a statement from me. And then Leopold's aid came in and pulled Graham to the side and then took me by the arm and took me home."
"Let me guess: the statement never became a report…"
"No, it didn't. Leopold apologized and Graham sought me out to apologize too. Said he couldn't, because his mother and his brother something or other. I thought that it would get better, because Leopold apologized. But it didn't. And every time it happened, Graham came with a cup of coffee and sat with me and told me everything was going to be okay. But it wasn't, you know. I just thought that if I believed him it was better than not believing anything at all. So he kept on buying cups of coffee. So many cups of coffee." Emma squeezed her hand tight and that time it had nothing to do with labor. It was just Emma offering her comfort.
"One day, my husband pushed me against a wall to see for himself that I had a lover. He… he checked thoroughly. Mary Margaret saw me having coffee with Graham and… Of course she went to daddy… And h hurt me... He hurt me so much… He hurt me and the locked me in the house for a while. Said that if I couldn't behave in public, I should not go out until I learned to behave like a wife. He let me out because people were talking… I went straight to Graham. I followed him to his place and I went in. I don't think he thought of me like that… I was the Mayor's wife and before that I was Daniel's girl, but I just stood there, naked and I asked him to please, please make love to me. So from that afternoon, yes, I did have a lover. So every time that Leopold asked me and I denied, every time he pressed me against a wall and put his fingers on me to check, I felt like I was fighting him back. It made me feel like I stood a chance of surviving him…"
"Did you love him? Did you love Graham?"
"At the time, I did. Not like a woman loves a man, I think, but like a bird loves the sky. He was my sky. He was nice to me. He let me come to him and pretend that I was just like all the other girls. He let me pretend to be in love and I think he may have pretended too, for my sake."
"But when he was here… It didn't…"
"I don't know what I expected… But when Leopold… when he died… I needed Graham to believe me. I needed him to… even though I did let him die, I needed him to believe me. I needed his blind faith. But the EMTs saw my shoulder. They saw my face and they called it. Gave it a name… Loud and clear. Which gave me motive. And then Mary Margaret came into the house and saw Graham sitting with me and her precious, precious father was dead and she jumped to next logical thing: I pushed her daddy down the stairs and Graham was my accomplice.
"I didn't push him. I sat there and I watched him die for hours, but I didn't push him. It's the same… but I didn't push him down the stairs. I swear…"
Another contraction racked through Emma and she screamed because she was distracted, unprepared. She wanted to tell Regina so much, about how she believed her, how she would have done the same. How she would have truly pushed him and stomped on his neck just to make sure, but the pain was rolling in waves through her and it was just taking too long, it wasn't giving her the break she needed.
And then it all moved. Her body took over and her legs opened, a need to push too impossible to resist. The only thing she could do was to hold onto Regina and cry because it was like being split in the middle and she was not at all sure she would ever be put back together. She had a sudden terrifying thought that she had nothing to offer the kid and what the hell was she even doing. That she should have taken the choice when they gave it to her at the prison of terminating.
But then Regina pilled pillows behind her and held her hand and she regained a modicum of strength, of purpose. Regina's voice was all she could hear through the strength rapidly seeping out of her. Push, Emma. Regina's voice was coming from a different place, a different planet, nothing but a distant echo, but she did as Regina told her simply because nothing bad could ever happen if she did as Regina said.
And then there was blessed relief and a baby's cry and the world picked up speed and sound and presence again. And it all sounded like triumph. Regina lifted a semi-bloodied, noisy, pink thing and laid it on Emma's chest. Emma looked at the thing on top of her and for some reason, the weight on her chest settled the panic down and the thing became her son.
"It's a boy…" Regina told her cleaning her eyes and her nose with the back of her arm. "It's a boy."
Emma laughed because she was on the other side and she was not dead. "Told you…"
"Yes, you did." Regina spoke from somewhere over her, hovering above her. Like a dark angel. "Hi, baby… Welcome." Emma placed a tentative hand on the baby's back. "He does not look like a Ripley…"
"He doesn't?"
"I don't want to name him after a movie… no matter how cool." She grabbed Regina's hand. "Give him a name. Regina. Something real. Something meaningful…"
"Emma… I don't…"
"I wanted to ask you something else. Please." Regina's reply was to sooth Emma's hair and wipe her forehead of sweat. "If something happens… like, if something happens to me… he'll be on his own. I know you don't really know me but… If he needs you, will you take him in?"
Regina looked at her hands and considered the blood on them, willing and unwilling blood. How could she care for a child? How could she even promise to care for a child?
Emma raised her body from the pillows and gave Regina the scissors. "Cut the cord, Regina."
With trembling hands, Regina did so. In a daze, she placed the scissors on the bed. Emma transferred the baby into Regina's arms. "Give him a good man's name."
Regina half kneeled next to Emma holding a new born baby in her arms thinking that life was, indeed the strangest, most heart-breaking thing and how she had no right to this.
"Henry? Henry is a good man's name."
