Authors Note: Ah another chapter! I know in the show that when Winn saw his mother he was very upset with her and angry, but I figure in this context he see's some similarties between what he did and what she did. Although he's upset he's trying to be understanding at the same time. So hopefully it makes sense!
Thanks for reading! Y'all are great.
He could feel the anger rolling through him, looking at the woman who left him years ago. The woman who walked out when he was nine after getting in a car accident. The woman who left him with his father, always leaving him wondering if she had stayed if he wouldn't have gone crazy, if she had stayed he would still have a family. He felt himself turn back into that angry nine year old boy who hated her for walking out on him. Making him feel like he wasn't enough.
"Why are you here?" Winn asked without giving her a chance to talk. "How did you even know I was staying here?"
"You can find almost anything if you follow Broadway blogs enough." She replied as he spoke. "I wanted to see you, we need to talk."
His shoulders went back as he straightened himself, trying to get himself to get the words out. He was so angry, upset. "You had twenty years to talk to me." He said under his breath, "I'm not interested in anything you have to say." He wanted to walk away, to leave, but he knew that she would just call after him. He couldn't risk his real name getting out, not here, not now.
"Please Winn. " Her words were almost broken, and he almost felt bad for her. Because it took him a moment to realize that he wasn't any better than her. He ran away, he left everyone he loved without so much as a goodbye. All he left was a damn note that was supposed to make everything better.
Shaking his head he almost groaned. "Fine. Five minutes, but not here. In my room."
Upon reaching his room, Winn opened the door and didn't even bother looking behind him as his mother entered. Tugging off his suit jacket, Winn threw it on his bed as he sat against the head board. "You wanted to talk, so start talking." He threwhis hand into the air as he waited for her to start.
"I know you are mad at me, and you have every right to be-"
"Yes I know. Thank you for your permission." Winn interjected.
"But you have to understand that I didn't want to leave you. There's not a day that goes by that I didn't miss you."
Winn shook his head in disbelief, at the moment he didn't care if it made him a hypocrite, because all he could feel was the anger and hurt that she had left him. The countless nights that he would be sitting up wondering why she would leave him. What he had done wrong to make his mother not want him anymore.
"Leaving you, it gutted me. I have had to carry that with me every single day of my life. But Winn, your father-"
"Oh let me guess, he threatened your life."
"No. He threatened yours." It took a moment for those words to rush through his mind, for him to fully understand what they meant. It took another moment for him to decide if he actually believed her. But she said them with such genuine, he almost believed her. Almost. "He told me that if I went near you, ever. He would kill you."
"I don't believe you." The words were rough, dark as he tried to keep his head on straight. He wanted to throw up, to leave the conversation, but now he couldn't get himself to leave. He had to know, he had to know it was real. Because despite the fact that he was still angry with her, at least now he was getting some sort of answer, some reason as to why she would walk away from him. "What I'm hearing is an excuse 20 years in the making."
He wanted to keep going, to keep getting angry about everything she had done to him. But he couldn't, because inside he knew that he had to give her that chance. Because Kara had given it to him, and he wanted the same thing from James. He wanted for them to come back into his life after he had left them. Hurt them. Instead he paused, looking at the features on her face as she started to speak again.
"Do you remember when you were nine and we were going to Disneyland?"
"Of course I do. We left late at night because you had to get there right when it opened. We ran off the road into a ditch. You had to call Dad to come get us, we never actually went to Disneyland."
"Oh no we were never going there. We were going to a domestic abuse shelter. Your father ran us off the road that night, and you sat dazed in the back seat with a concussion. That was the night he threatened to kill you, his only son, just to hurt me." She paused, taking a breath as she thought back to the night that her husband threatened to kill her son. The thing she loved the most. "I had to leave, I wasn't going to let him hurt you."
It was a shock really, words that he couldn't get out of his head. He knew that his father was crazy, that he was insane. But he never thought he would actually hurt him, that he would even threaten something like that. He was always a possesion to him, like a perfect toy that he had created. But he also knew that his father was willing to do whatever it took to make someone hurt, to make them pay.
"Then why are you here now? If I'm in so much danger why did you decide to show up now?"
"Because I saw your show, and I knew that if you weren't here anymore, if you weren't even Winn anymore, maybe we were safe. That you wouldn't be near him, there's no way for him to find out if you don't even live in National City anymore. I just wanted you to know that I'm so proud of you, of what you're doing. You're amazing on that stage Winn, and I had to tell you. You came out from the darkness and you forged an incredible life for yourself."
He paused at her words, she had seen his show. She watched him on the stage and he hadn't even known it. He looked down at his hands as he thought for a moment. "I don't know what you want me to say mom, this doesn't suddenly make everything better. All the years of hurt and anger that were brought from you leaving me. That's half the reason I changed my name and went to New York."
"I know and I wish that I could go back and change it, but I had to keep you safe. And even now I'm wondering if he's going to find out I'm here. If he's going to come after you."
"Don't worry about him, he wouldn't even know where to find me. I doubt he even knows about the show."
"Just promise me you'll be careful."
"I'm always careful." He said with a soft smile, biting his lip as he tried his best to take in the moment. He wasn't as angry as before, but he could still feel it inside, the hurt. He knew he needed time to think this all through, to work through it.
He wanted to scream and just kick her out, to tell her to leave and just let him be angry. And for the first time since he left he knew what it felt like for Kara, for James, for Alex, for all of them when he walked out on them. It wasn't 20 years but it was still abandonment, he still left them and he wanted to throw up. Because he hurt them the same way he had been hurting for al those years. He had to at least try and forgive his mother, he had to if he wanted it from anyone else.
"Here, just give me your email and when I'm ready to talk, I'll let you know. I need time to process everything and this is just too much." Reaching for a pen and paper, Winn waited for her to write it down before he stood. "Let me walk you out?" He asked with a soft smile as he grabbed his room key and shoved it back in his pocket.
The two stood from the bed, walking towards the door. They had made it to the hallway and just outside the elevator before Winn heard a squeal behind them. "You're Owen Lucian."
Quickly turning on his heel, his showman smile proudly on his face Winn looked at the teenager behind them. "That would be me."
"I'm a huge fan, I saw Newsies last week and you were breathtaking." He smiled again at the compliment letting the feeling wash over him. Every single time someone complimented his preformance he couldn't help but feel just a little better inside, it helped him feel as if he made the right choice. "I really hope it isn't asking too much but can we take a few pictures?"
"Of course, I would love to - I'm sorry I didn't catch your name."
"Anabelle." She said with a smile as she pulled out her phone. "Maybe a selfie and then could you take one of the two of us?" She asked leaning around to ask his mother, of course she quickly agreed and Winn almost wanted to shake her head.
Looking at the camera, he smiled as she snapped the picture before stepping to the side as his mother held the phone in front of them. His arm was behind her as she put her arm behind him, smiling as the photo was captured. "Thank you so much. "
"Of course, it was nice to meet you Anabelle." He said with a smile as she squealed once again and walked back down the hall.
"Looks like you have quite the fanbase." His mother smiled, causing Winn to shrug. "I just do what I love, and I mean if it makes them happy it is worth it."
"I'm proud of you." She said as the doors to the elevator slid open. "Don't forget that."
Instead of replying, Winn just nodded before watching the doors close between them. He had a lot to think about.
